Wednesday, 31 January 2007


I am the most technophobic person in the world. For the last few days I've been unable to access my email and my blog due to my sheer incompetence, I'm very pleased that I have now resolved this problem. Like any self respecting technophobe, I bribed a teenager to fix it for me.

I've always had problems like this, I find it difficult to programme the video, I can't reset the clock in my car when the clocks change, so I just add on an hour, only in the last few months have I been able to text with punctuation ( and thats a bit hit and miss) and I really struggle with the computer, eldest beautiful daughter helps me find files and even types and prints work things for me. When I left my lights on in my car and drained the battery, the radio didn't come back on so now I only listen to cd's because I can't tune the radio and that happened in October !

When I was a student nurse I had to do a work placement in an intensive care unit, looking after patients on ventilators and other life support equipment. My nearest and dearest thought this worrying as they had witnessed my attempts to master the video recorder, but I am happy to say that I managed not to kill anyone ( not that wasn't on their way out anyway )

If anyone knows how I can overcome this fear, write me a letter as I might not be able to get my email !

Saturday, 27 January 2007

losing things/forgetfulness

This week in our house we have lost collectively

I pair of rugby shorts
2 gumshields
1 pair of rugby socks
(all lost on different days as rugby practice is now 3 days per week)

1 pair of swimming goggles
1 school lunchbox

1 mothers sanity

My beautiful boy has been so forgetful, the ammount of kit I am replacing is unbelievable. He even forgot me this week !!

Every time he has rugby after school he reminds me to go and collect him, even though it's at school and he walks to and from school every day there's no rugby, he still gets me to pick him up. Even though he comes out so unbelievably muddy, I mean like a baby hippo, and completely covers my car seats in mud, I still go pick him up. Even though I could be at home with a cup of tea and a hobnob, I still go because I love him.

So I'm sat in my car waiting, that's not too unusual, he's often the last one out, I'm quite happy, I've found a packet of polo's and I have full choice of whats on the cd cos I'm on my own, when I realise he's not usually this late. I ring home and ask beautiful baby daughter if they've heard from him just as he walks in the front door, he's forgotten me and walked home with his mates. Even though I always collect him and he always says before he leaves in the morning " don't forget to collect me after rugby ". Even though that very morning he told me, he forgot and walked home.

When I got home he's very pleased with himself, he's managed to put his truly filthy rugby kit in the washing machine. He's left a trail of muddy footprints from the front door all the way upstairs to his bedroom and back down again, all over the kitchen floor and placed his kit in the washing machine ON TOP OF A NEWLY WASHED LOAD OF WHITE LAUNDRY, but he's pleased he's done what I always ask him to do after rugby, all on his own without being asked.

Before I could say anything he said to me as he always does (it's his get out of jail free card) " But you love me" and I do.

Wednesday, 24 January 2007


After complaining about having no snow on my last post , I woke up this morning and found a beautiful covering of snow, just the right ammount and everything looks great. If I complain about having no money today, will I win the lottery between now and my next post ? Here's hoping !

Friday, 19 January 2007

Missing home.

Feeling ever so slightly slightly jealous today. Just read a few Scottish blogs and saw the photos of the snow, it's sunny here today and since living in England haven't seen much snow at all. Got me thinking about what I miss about living in Scotland. Also been watching the box set of Chewin the Fat, feeling ever so nostalgic, ooh the glasgae banter !! translating for the children who don't always get it having spend a lot of their lives down south and getting more homesick by the week.

What I miss

Empire biscuits

Just can't buy them, I really like the ones with glace cherries on top, although they are so sweet they hurt my teeth.

People talking to you

You know like at bus stops, in shops etc strangers telling you all sorts and passing the time of day with you, being funny sometimes without trying or meaning to, no one does that in England well not in the bit I live in.

Scottish Newspapers

No matter what happens in Scotland it doesn't really make the papers in a big way, so quite often I don't really know what's going on.

I really just miss Scotland, it's people, the culture, the history and the scenery so if you're lucky enough to be there please take a minute to look and appreciate what you've got around you and know that you're in the place I love the most.

Monday, 15 January 2007

Feeling very pleased with myself

Ran for 7 km this am, God it was hard as I have spent most of the festive season prone on my sofa. Usually eating and drinking something. Had a nice weekend with my kids, pizza hut for lunch and then on to Borders bookshop followed by Starbucks and home to watch the Harry Potter film on tv, ate and drank far too much (lattes, no wine)
Visited my friend yest afternoon, drank too much coffee and compiled our fantasy famous men list. No cross overs which is helpful as if George Clooney ever ventures into my local Starbucks I will leave the field free for her, nice aren't I?
Beautiful son and his friend have devised a new game which is dementing eldest beautiful daughter, sung to the tune of "F*ck a mod" by the Exploited or for the non punks amongst you Jingle Bells you go up behind a goth and sing" Prod the Goth, prod the goth, prod the goth today, oh what fun it is to prod the goth until it's dead" whilst simultaneously prodding the goth. There are loads of them hanging around near here, all being different together bless! beautiful son and his mad mate aren't brave enough to do it to unknown goths so are specifically targetting eldest beautiful daughter and her mates, who in the interests of clarification should be said are emo's and not goths. It's nice to live in a happy home isn't it !! I look at E.B.D and remember when she had pigtails and lollipops and now she looks like Bride of Dracula, my mum says she looks just like me when I was 15, I'm so proud ........... even if the rest of the world thinks she looks weird I'm glad she doesn't take any notice and keeps with her own unique style.

To leave you with

Auntie Gwens Fantasy Famous List (No order of preference)

Dougie Henshall - Scottish actor, a bit gingery but has the most gorgeous voice

Dougray Scott - Scottish actor although you wouldn't feckin know it if you've only come across him in Desperate Housewives, he now has the most appalling posh English accent to borrow a phrase from a good friend "whit's that aw aboot? " his real voice is lovely and I'm so pissed off about this

Jack Davenport - oow yum he appears on my good friend Susan's list as well and I really really love Susan so that would be a dilemma.

The other 2 are women, does that make me weird ?

Friday, 12 January 2007

Room 101

Why can't I get my photo on my profile? Is it God's way of protecting an unsuspecting public? As I sit here feeling like a bad ninth rate version of Carrie Bradshaw, I'm more like No Sex in Surburbia than Sex In the City. I am feeling pretty pleased that I've got the opportunity to unleash my sometimes ill informed opinions and views on the world.

Being on the pc is a minor miracle in my life, sharing with 3 kids who are rationed to 2 hours screen time per day, doesn't allow for much time for me. Although it would benefit me hugely if I decide on a career change and then go in for international peace keeping, I would be way better than Kofi Annan.

Eldest beautiful daughter's pc vice is msn, myspace, bebo et al, I find myself turning into my own mother(never a good thing I fear) and saying go and see your friends they only live round the corner, why is she hanging around my dining room leaving trails of crisps, biscuit crumbs etc when she could be hanging about street corners like I was at 15.

My beautiful son's pc vice is Runescape, an online fantasy quest type game. He has a friend he plays this with in America, she's a grown up who is married to a marine, so why is she playing with my 11 year old son ? It's too disturbing to think about what Mrs Maz could really be. Incidentally Jackman709 really is an 11 year old schoolboy so don't be fooled.

Beautiful baby daughter's pc vice is her webpage which is on her school website, which won best educational site of the year 2005 they beat NASA !!! She spends ages getting pictures of dolls and baby animals for it. She gets over giddy with delight when the deputy head picks her page as a hot hit.

I love esp the forums, I've had my eyes opened I can tell you and I also try to read my friends blogs.

Going to leave you with a list

Auntie Gwen's Room 101

Clarks Shoe Shop

Anything from the week before to the day before a new term starts, these shops are transformed into the 7th circle of hell. You arrive and take a ticket and wait for your number to be called, this can take anything up to an hour. Meanwhile the place is full of pissed off parents and bored, fidgety and sometimes screaming children. Eventually your turn comes and your child is taken to the machine to have their feet measured. When the assistant asks your child which shoes they would like you resist the urge to throw back your head and cackle like a maniac, as you know from bitter experience that at best they will only have 1 pair of shoes in the whole feckin shop which will fit your childs feet. Sod's law dictates that your child will hate the only shoes they have and will strunt, strop and sometimes cry, you will feel like doing likewise. Because I am an unorganised Mummy I have left it to the day before term starts and know that my child will have to have these shoes as bare feet at the start of term will involve social services, so cajole and bribe child to accept their fate. Repeat this experience for each child you posess (3 in my case) and the highlight of the day will be when you get to hand over usually over £100 in my case but still feel like a cheapskate when you don't buy the polish, protector and fur lined box to store them in.I get to do this 4 times per year, this is why it is no 1

Swimming Lessons

The years of my life I have wasted sitting at the side of an overchlorinated overheated pool whilst waiting for 1 of my offspring to reach level bloody 12. You also have the delights of chit chatting to another Mummy waiting for her child and the only thing you will have in common will be your childs abilty or lack of in the swimming department. Other mummies are often weird.You can substiute any kind of lesson for this , I have done several over the years ballet,tap,football,rugby,gymnastics,athletics,rainbows,brownies,beavers and cubs to name but a few. My childs interest in new activities/clubs etc is directly proportionate to how long I take to buy all the kit and write the cheque for the term of lessons. As soon as that is done so is their interest, mine are ferocious joiners but have no staying power. I will fess up that I met my good friend Jo in circumstances as scathingly described before but will say in 15 years of parenting 3 kids through a myriad of extra curricular activites I have only made 1 friend.

People who attempt to mimic my accent

I have been blessed and was born Scottish, I love the accent. I hate hate hate when people who on hearing me speak for the first time feel compelled to say something like och aye the noo or some other such drivel. This makes me want to physically hurt them and after living in England for 7 years I am now incredibly bored with this and I will retaliate, you have been warned.

Guardian readers

Never ever met 1 I liked. Especially ones with non useful degrees and who always eat organic food. Enough said

Thursday, 11 January 2007

My First Post

Well look at me, my very own blog !!! I won't begin by complaining how difficult I've found it trying to put my photo on, but will confess to being technologically inept and challenged to say the least, but here it is, I feel like doing a lap of honour as I am a sad old bag.
Like I said in my profile, mother of 3, ad ed teacher,posess own teeth, hair and great friends.
Overly fond of lists and categorising things so to start off easy a list.
Favourite Places
Olu Deniz beach
Originally Scottish, have crossed over to the dark side and now live in England but hoping to move home, ever so slightly parochial and have become more patriotic than when I lived there !
Am addicted to Starbucks and spend way too much time and money there, my local is attached to a Borders bookstore and neatly combines my venti skinny latte habit nicely with my obsessive reading. I'm a member of a book group and find myself reverting to the rebellious teenager I once was during meetings, bossy opinionated women (when it's not me) make me feel like this. Current book group reading "To kill a mockingbird" current for pleasure reading "The Optimist " by Andrew Miller.