Friday, 30 October 2009

10 things I did/places I went/people I saw in October

I went to London baby on the 8th to meet the very lovely Scrappy Sue and Mr Scrappy on their silver wedding anniversary tour. if you click on the link you can read about it and see what I think is the most flattering photo taken of me ever. It may be known to some of you that travel/driving/getting where I need to go is something of a challenege for me. That trip to London was immensely challenging, the Bakerloo line was closed and they asked us to use an altenative route, auntie no know an alternative route, auntie gets to the tube station to find it closed due to overcrowding, auntie has no feckin clue what bus to get, auntie spends the time waiting for the tube station to re open reading tube map, auntie ended up on several tubes and eventually arrives in the Ace Motorbike Cafe where she had exactly 1 hour before she had to do it all in reverse. This time it's much easier, Sue's sister is also with us and she lives in London, she gets us on the train as we can go some of the way together, she puts me on the tube to get to St Pancras so I can get the train back to auntiegwens house, but she puts me on the wrong tube. I would be stone mad if I had to live in London and do that daily.

The very next day October 9th I spent 7 hours and all of my Friday evening driving to Glasgow. The M6 is a bitch as usual, the children are asleep in minutes as usual and I feel so much better when I cross the border as usual. We went to see Billy Connolly on the Saturday evening and had a blast. It was a very Glasgow orientated show and he said how he felt this visceral pull about his home city and I know only too well what he means. No matter where I live and how long I stay away, this is where I belong.

My gadget mad dad having exhausted every possibility of gadget purchase has extended his repetoire, gadget purchasing for others. He wants to buy my mum a laptop for Christmas. My mother would want a laptop like I would want a subscription to The Guardian or the Daily Mail. She is getting a Sony Vaaio in pink. I am now the proud owner of a Tomtom XL Classic sat nav and my children now have a Wii. My dad has been poorly, I worry, my dad smokes like a chimney and it's now caught up with him. I worry, a lot.

After having a week to recover the following Thursday the 15th finds me back on the train to London to accompany NB to see Echo and The Bunnymen at the Camden Roundhouse, no, he has no idea why either. And he bought 4 tickets. Strangely enough no one wanted to come with us. The first thing he said as he met me off the train was "You look grumpy" that's what travelling in London does to me, makes me look like the wrath of God. The gig was packed, I mean absolutely rammed, I had no clue there were that many Bunny fans. However, himself and I agreed twas a poor gig. Never mind, we still have McIntyre and Ross to look forward to.

I get a homecooked meal from my lovely friend Sixy. I only get homecooked meals if other people do them. I agree with her that it might be slightly churlish of me to report my mother to social services for neglecting me in that department. I had a lovely evening with her and her bidey in, I heart them all and not just because they feed me. They listen to my "I'm so crap at dates it's amusing" stories too. No, I don't know what they get out of being friends with me either.

Matthew chief matey boy who belongs to the Eldest Beautiful Daughter came home from uni for a weekend. He is living in halls, EBD went to visit but refused to stay, there was a doughnut in the shower (jam, I asked too) and cereal down the toilet. This makes her worried, she now realises she will find it difficult to live with others. So he has to come see us. He'd missed us, we'd missed him. Muchly.

I went to Brighton with Eldest Beautiful Daughter, it is now officially where I want to live. I loved the shops, the pubs, the restaurants and most of all I loved the sea and the walking along beside it. Even in the rain. I loved it.

I was wooed fairly seriously this month, posh chocs, red roses and when I said I was uncomfortable with expensive gift giving every date, he gave me a home cooked meal (where he baked his own bread) and after dinner took me into the garden where he gave me fireworks (the kind you have on November 5th, the regular kind, the terms fireworks is not a euphanism, just clearing that up for you) This makes him the nicest man I am reluctant to have a relationship with this year.

I am a poorly girl. I have a cold, if I was male I'd have man flu. I am wide awake and it's the middle of the night. I will find it extremely difficult to be dynamic at work tomorrow. Yes, actually, your auntie is dynamic at work on a daily, nay hourly basis, thank you very much

I finally, finally did my feckin tax return. How come I work so hard and am so tired but I only earned fourpence and a caramel?

Monday, 26 October 2009

10 things I really hate about the way I look

My height - I so wish I was taller. It is so hard to be authorative to your children when you have to look up to do so.

My hair - I now have grey and I can't always be arsed to colour it.

My teeth - not straight and yes Mother I do regret not wearing my braces now just like you told me I would.

My wrinkle - oh I have a fair few but I have 1 that is on my left hand side of my mouth that really bothers me.

My not being a size 8 anymore - I am too small to carry off any other size

My boobs - I cannot carry off sophisticated chic when I am this curvy and men do talk to them, a lot.

My freckles - I have tons of them in the summer

My legs - runners legs, best kept hidden

My body hair - I hate the faff of keeping legs, eyebrows, Hollywood in shape but I have been brainwashed into thinking hair is unpleasant.

My lack of youthful glow - if you can buy some in a bottle please let me know from where.

Ranty auntie has left the building, normal middle aged Pollyanna service will resume tomorrow. I blame it on the back to work after being on holiday and still not doing that feckin tax return personally.

Thursday, 22 October 2009

10 things I liked and disliked in October

Me Likeys

Afternoon naps, God, they're good, I've had a few this week as I've been on holiday.

Not having to get up early, me likey muchly, I don't think I've been dressed before lunchtime. Again due to being on holiday.

Reading, I have read soooooooooooooooooooo much, currently completely re reading Joanna Trollope and enjoying all over again. Is there a "I've got time cos I'm on holiday" theme emerging

Cake, twas the Beautiful Baby Daughters birthday so I made the 44th chocolate birthday cake and enjoyed eating it too.

Writing, I have managed to do some both here and on Mad Manic Mamas This means I feel much less guilty and I like that.

Me No Likeys

I am getting fat. This is entirely my own fault. I have stopped running but not stopped eating, I am a stupid woman who is becoming enormous.

I still haven't done that feckin tax return, procratination thy name is auntiegwen.

My house is still not completely clean and I have been on holiday, I have been reading and having afternoon naps, my excuse for having a messy house is usually work, that is acceptable to my slightly Presbyterian soul, being on holiday and not cleaning is just slatternly and not acceptable.

I still haven't ran this week and it's Thursday, see above for the I've been too busy at work excuse and how that doesn't hold up with the fact I'm on holiday.

Ucas forms, EBD and decisions, not the best combination. Should you wish to hear the full 3 verses and the disco chorus of that one, it's on the MMM site And before any of my slightly less tactful friends wade in, yes I do know where she gets it from.

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

10 things I heart about my baby teen

Today the Beautiful Baby Daughter becomes a teenager. She is the most complex of my children and is the one that we have the most fireworks with. But our puss cat makes us our family.

She is always busy, she never complains of being bored, she will just find herself doing something, very rarely does she just relax.

She is hugely creative, she can paint, draw, design and make things.

She is scared of no one and nothing. If you piss off the puss cat, she'll not be long in letting you know.

She is the incredibly capable and self contained, she is the most domestic of us all, quite able to look after herself and us. She could actually leave home tomorrow and be fine, unlike her sister who will be at least 36 before she is a fully functioning human.

She has her own taste and won't be swayed. She lives with a house full of indie rock n roll afficionados and she likes Take That and Girls Aloud. And cares not a jot when she's mocked.

She will write you little notes and give you certificates telling you how good you are at things. These are priceless. Ditto my "Tokens of Glory" - every year on Mothers Day, she makes me a beautiful box and inside I get some tokens, I get a "cup of coffee on demand" sometimes a "tidy up with no moaning" and my very favourite is an "end an argument with Lucy" one. If you knew her, you would know how good that one is. She is a shit hot arguer, top barristers practice their debating skills with her.

She is very smart, focused and will work for what she wants. She really just goes for it. This is refreshing after the other 2 laid back work shy articles I've reared.

She is an incredibly beautiful child, delicate and graceful. She moves like a dancer, has amazing bone structure and the crowning glory of that titian hair. Photo's never do her justice, she would have painters reaching for their brush to capture her colouring.

She is loving, sweet and kind. Even though she lives with us and we are a challenge for her on a daily basis, she remains loving, sweet and kind.

She still looks like a baby when she's asleep, the thumb still remains very firmly in the rosebud mouth and the cheek still has that babyish curve.

Happy Birthday to my baby, a teenager today, you are precious beyond words but you are mo chridhe, my heart.

Friday, 16 October 2009

10 things I really have to do in October

Have a weeks holiday, I am exhausted, my new job has tired me out. I have worked for 13 weeks straight, I am unused to this as I have done term time only since the year 2000. Yes, I know, welcome to the real world with no teachers holidays, thank you I am now one of the regular people. Stop laughing or I'll put you on the naughty step.

My tax return. It is due on October 30 th and no I can't do it online for the Jan deadline as I have to do a paper return because of foreign income.

Clean my house, it is truly filthy, I am a lazy article. It's shameful.

Go out of my house to let my ex parents in law come to visit their grandchildren. This is why the house will be cleaned. My Eldest Beautiful Daughter will not go to her dad's house where they are staying. If I go out they will be able to see her. I don't think that my presence would enhance their enjoyment of their visit somehow.

I need to finish shopping for Beautiful Baby Daughter's birthday on the 20 th, on that day I will become the mother of 3 teenagers.

Remember my niece's birthday on October 26th, my sister gets very shirty with me when I forget, will someone remind me ?

Run, my trainers haven't been on at all this month. Consequently I am getting lardy, last night I told my friend I had no wobbly bits at all. I lied.

Write a post for Madmanicmammas I am a piss poor contributor, I am so sorry Saz and Fhina, you work so hard at it and I am not doing my share.

Actually read this months book for book group, I have been a very bad book group member and I have not read the last 3 books I've been set.

That's only 9 I know, I have time for mischief now ! aw it's a happy wee auntie I am this lovely day. Wherever you are I hope you are as happy as I am right now.

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

10 things I've been asked to give you.

I have been given a lovely "Honest Scrap" manly award from Matthew. Again my computer says no, it is a corrupt image (like the lovely Rachels) I fear I need a new computer. If you haven't read Matthew go forthwith, he writes with elegance and pace and poise. As part of the award I have to give you 10 unknown facts about me. As I am a great big fat show off I fear there is nothing left but as I am a great spouter of too much infomation, here goes

If I was a boy I would have been called John.

My parents got married the day JFK was assassinated, kinda put a dampner on their day.

I am shit scared of mice.

The smell of eggs (especially scrambled) makes me gag, I have on several occassions thrown up, most notably when trying to feed an elderly patient the hated scrambled eggs.

My ringtone is "For reasons unknown" by The Killers

I have had 3 completely natural (yep that's right, no pain killers AT ALL) childbirths. No stitches either and I was in labour for a collective total of a smidge over 6 hours. My dad said I am a peasant, I could give birth and be back at work in the fields an hour later.

I have a mole at the top of my left thigh and another right of centre on my tummy.

I am not remotely ticklish, anywhere.

I have been in love 4 times.

My neck and my back are ridiculously sensitive, ridiculously.

I am meant to give the award to 10 people and they then have to do the tag. As I cannot pass on the award can I still tag 10 of you? Please feel free to do the tag nick the award picture from Matthews blog and tell him auntiegwen sent you.

Thursday, 8 October 2009

10 things I will never do again

Wear leggings and I'm sure we all understand why. And are probably grateful too.

Date a Virgo (eventually I have learned, took me long enough but hey) They are no good with Leo's like me.

Ditto management or IT consultants (I know, I'm crap and I pick the same type over and over again) And we're not going to mention the BMW drivers either. No more will you (unkind friends) be able to call me the executive shag.

Be as horrid to my boyfriends, mea culpa, I have been a crap girlfriend. Please, ex boyfriends if you still read me, accept the apology but don't feel the need to enlighten the other readers, they still like me.

Get divorced, I don't even want to begin my divorce maths (if I didn't get divorced and have to spend ten grand I could buy...) it's a feckin lot of Louboutins or Choos or Prada bags or even a new car, or a round the world trip, feck it's so depressing, just wasted money. The last time I spent anything like that I got a new frock, a party and a fortnight in the sunshine.

Be financially dependant on anyone.

Be complacent about my career, I have shocked myself at how ambitious I am becoming, truly, it's late blooming but ferocious.

Worry about how clean and tidy my house is. It will never be as clean and tidy as it used to be but I'm not the woman I was and I don't like the me I was then, so fair play.

Worry generally, it's a bit of a waste of effort, que sera sera.

Not appreciate how extremely lucky I am and what a fantastic life I have.

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

10 Things I always lie about

Last October I posted a whole bunch of 10 themed posts. I kinda liked it so here we go again for 2009.

How many times it took me to get my maths 'O' level. And the grade.

How many attempts it took to pass my driving test. I can't actually remember the truth now.

How many sexual partners I have had. (incidentally I add some on to make me sound less boring) Currently if asked I fess up to 7,012.

I often tell people, with a very straight face that I am Lorraine Kelly's cousin, Rik my ex head of department believed that for months, he even went home and told his wife.

How much I earn. Someone once told me you should earn your age, I am very young still, in that sense only.

What weight I am. I have an official weight, like the Queen has an official birthday, sure where's the harm?, I can eat as many fruit and nut toblerones as I like then.

How many shoes and handbags I own. The total makes me sound shallow and obsessed.

How tall I am, I tell people I am taller, I always wear heels and lie .

How many classic books I have read. If I try and pass off Ulysses, War and Peace and that Salman Rushdie yoke, don't believe me. Ditto "The Alchemist"

What time I left home, I am perpetually late and always blame it on traffic, always.

Any other liars out there or am I on my own?

Sunday, 4 October 2009


Aren't they lovely? I mean really so, so beautiful. The shoes of beauty if you will.

I just wanted to let you know that I had an amazing Saturday night, there was red wine, sneaky smoking, copious amounts of flirting and the sexy new shoes. And I didn't even have to leave the conservatory, I heart staying in on a Saturday night.

And this is why I look like I do this morning.

But it was worth it :) x

Friday, 2 October 2009

My lovely weekend by auntiegwen age 43 and a bit

This weekend I could have been

a - in Amsterdam at a bloggy meet up seeing The Bitch who is Dutch and Penelope.

b - In Cambridge with an ex who is being very flirty.

c - Visiting another friend who lives far ish away for a weekend of gossip, giggling and wine.

This weekend I will be

a - having a 2 for 1 pub meal with my friend Eileen tonight, still nice but not quite Amsterdam.

b - unable to visit anyone unless they live within walking distance or on bus or train routes.

c - completely on my own. This never ever happens.

This is beacause

a - I am getting divorced and the ex mrauntiegwen is becoming mightily sniffy about my "extravagant lifestyle" yep, he actually did say that. Best not to pop off to Amsterdam this weekend then.

b - due to my own goldfish memory and the fact I am stupidly busy at work, I remembered on the 1st of October that my road tax runs out on the 30th September. So instead of walking to the post office and buying a disc, I thought "oh before I forget, I'll do it online, it'll be quicker"
completely forgetting it would have to be posted to me and now I can't feckin drive till it arrives.

c - and I am as cross as a bag of cats because this is the first time on 2 months on a Saturday night I will have no children and could get up to mischief.

oh yes it's a glum auntiegwen this weekend.