Tuesday, 28 June 2011

In which I am a big fail, again

If you looked inside my brain it would be a great big list of stuff to worry/fret/ agitate over like...

I have overbooked the villa by a night. This is not good, you don't go on holiday and then expect to share your bed with a stranger unless there has been a bit flirting and some alcohol involved. You tend not to be amenable to the idea because your landlady is an arse. Your landlady should always check and double check she has selected the correct date from the drop down menu. Your landlady will never have same day turnarounds again, I will work on a strict system of leaving on a Tuesday? next guest can only arrive on a Wednesday. It will be much better for everyone. I am gutted that I have done this and believe me I am trying everything to get it sorted out. I am a technophobic arse who now feels the sweat of doom tricking down her back when she hears or reads 17th August.

EBD student finance application - I can't support her application until I find the 2 P60's I lost when doing my tax return for the 2nd time because I am a form filling numpty arse and cocked it up the first time. I also need council tax statemnts, child benefit statements and tax credit letters. I have no idea where I put them to keep them safe . I hate forms with a passion and will procrastinate till the end. This is now the end.

In addition to the lost stuff above I cannot find The Beautiful Son's bankbook, this is annoying him as he wants to pay some birthday money in and take some out to buy a new bike and understandably he wants it now, his exams are finished and he wants to be off with his mates. I am an "I'll put it in a safe place" arse

I bumped into someone's car and I have got to fill in an insurance claim again. I have had 3 bumps in 20 years, 2 of them have been in the last 7 months. I am an arse who can't judge distance.

I should have sent a letter registered post, I didn't and I am now worried it's gone astray. A "should have been more organised" arse.

I can't remember the last time I cooked a meal for my children from scratch.

I seem to spend my life saying to the children "can't you see I'm working?" ever such a lot.

My lovely teaching parenting skills, aka kissing squishing babies work, the group I set up 10 years ago is closing. The place I rent my room from is closing down and I haven't the energy or impetus to find new premises with a multi sensory room attached for the babies. I used to do it 3 times a week, now down to a Tuesday morning only, I would be sad about it if I could find the spare brain space.

This is in addition to the usual worries of

my weight
my wrinkles and grey hair
my "I'm not an expert at work" yet
my "I don't earn enough money to keep them in Jack Wills"
my Dad and my sister's health
my " oh my God, how much have I damaged them with the divorce"

Again I am running on empty, I am utterly exhausted. Thank you for listening

27 comments:

Mud said...

Gin? (sending hugs)

auntiegwen said...

Mud - I'm shamed truly, when I think what you are doing it makes my moans and groans seem terribly self absorbed, as, indeed they are, when you are back in the UK, I will buy you the gin and give you the biggest hug, I can't tell you how much I admire you xx

Sandi said...

BREATHE.........in....out.....in.....out. Life sends lemons hey and you feel like you are at the bottom of the pile with the sour juice in your eyes and mouth, don't despair, it will soon turn to a sweet tasting liquor. My gosh I have felt like this too often lately, sick of not being able to afford anything much other then the usual food etc and my naughty stash of yarn. Haven't been on a holiday for 8 years, I would probably just sleep it away.
One foot in front of the other, ease up on yourself girl, you ain't an 'arse' you are human.
:) xx Sandi

Betty said...

I have a similar brain, it is smaller so doesn't hold as much as yours and as a result stuff falls out a lot - I forget important things, fail to be organised and also worry a lot about the things that fit into that small space. My current worries are 'will I have a crash/breakdown, will my 12 year old be having encounters with the police soon? will I be grey by the end of the year, will I get on the next sign language course, will I ever pay for the holiday I booked, will there be any more disasters this week after the leaking ceiling, broken garage door and busted microwave of last week? there is more but it fell out so there is no memory of it, thank God! Betty

Nota Bene said...

Oh shit.
x

Looking for Blue Sky said...

I think you need a duvet day ((hugs))

Gigi said...

Lots of hugs! I know exactly how you feel-it's all just so overwhelming at times; isn't it? I just keep telling myself *today* will be better. And one of these todays it actually will be.

slommler said...

Mojito...big hugs and a cabana boy! that ought to fix you up!! At least you won't care!! Ha!!
Hugging you
SueAnn

auntiegwen said...

Sandi - the worst part is upsetting the people who've booked the villa, you just don't want the hassle do you?xxx

Betty - you know the 3rd verse and the chorus to my song too, huh? xx

NB - indeedy x

LFBS - it's the holiday people I'm so upset about, if I hide under the duvet I will just have to face it again tomorrow xx

Gigi - indeed we will get to have one of those days xx

SueAnn - bless you, you are always so kind to me xx

Rare Lesser Spotted said...

Glad you've got it all out...
Sandi is quite correct, you are not an 'arse', you are a loving mother who has to juggle a million things because everyone looks to you for their support. Mistakes happen, things go astray, it happens to us all. I have a phobia (almost) about filling forms and doing student finance in particular, which I have just completed hopefull for the last time. I think one night, you should put it aside to re-organise all the forms, letters, P60s etc etc and put them in large envelopes CLEARLY marked; this works, I had the same problem as you last year, but this year - I found it all in an instant. You're in my healing box - head up girl. xx

auntiegwen said...

Steve - you always know what to say to me, you just get it, thanks xxx ps I did actually buy a vry nice expanding Emma Bridgewater polka dot file at the cost of TEN WHOLE POUNDS to keep all such important things in sadly I didn't actually put the important things in it, which I now see is the major flaw in my plan xx

jonstorey said...

Compared to The Children's Mother you are a vision of organisational efficiency!

But even she managed to get the forms in, so chin up!

Mind you, I haven't put my last two Tax Returns in yet..

Sorry, must dash :(

auntiegwen said...

Jon - oh dear I hope the tax man is kind and the late payment fees don't kill you, you have a long student career to fund!!!!

Kelloggsville said...

Losing stuff really muddles up my brain, I can't think straight until I find it. It all sounds like a horrid muddle. I would have to write them all down on a lust and work my way through it methodically. What a crap about the villa. That is a tuffy. Hope one of the bookees bends for you. Forget the weight, hair and wrinkles. You have a tan. All 3 disappear to everyone else's vision when you have a tan :) failing that gin soaked glasses will have to do :)

what happened ?how did i get HERE? said...

Big hugs from a fellow traveller xxx

Mrs Worthington said...

Auntie G - What feckin doodly doo you have got yourself in. face the music and fess up to the villa peoples and offer to put them up in a hotel for 1 night. I mean it is only 1 night.
As for the rest I have a number of safe places and have to pointedly make and effort to put them in said safe places cos my divorce and old age have completely scrambled my brains. That and the gin

auntiegwen said...

S - that's what I need, a lust :)

Mae - good to hear from ye hen, I've missed you

Mrs W - that's exactly what I offered plus a refund of their first nights accomodation and they have been so lovely and gracious about my mistake, I can breathe again

Lena said...

Oh, Gwen - a 'form filling numpty arse'....lol...brilliant! I hate the thought of ANY forms to fill in. I have a stack of them on the mantle that I always do 'tomorrow'. Hope things work out okay. I hate pens or keys, too!!

auntiegwen said...

Lena - never found a form I liked :)

Trish @ Mum's Gone to... said...

You will cope because you have retained your wonderful sense of humour. As long as you can call yourself a 'numpty arse' then life is manageable. You've sorted the villa mix-up, the other things will follow x

libby said...

You are not a big fail. You are human like the rest of us... a mix of good and bad and grumpy and happy and sometimes great fun and sometimes not so...we are all allowed just be what we are sometimes...all doing our best..x

Troy said...

I didn't realise it just took a bit of flirting and some alcohol. I really must try Turkey one day.

diney said...

makes my shit time I've had recently sound on a par, and I've found, and don't dismiss this, exercise to have been my saviour in the form of gym, walking dogs and Zumba. I've made time for it 'cos I just feel so much better and can cope with all those stressful situations with a clearer mind.And that's me with a bad back, a hip replacement and one to come, aged 56 but feeling 40!

Muddling Along said...

No wonder you are swamped with a list that long - you need a break and a stiff drink

Sending virtual hugs and wondering if you might have caught up the bank book in a pile of bills and stuff (its where I found our missing one)

Persephone! said...

I am completely with you on this one, my life lately has been one huge form, no sooner do I complete one another appears! Even if you can't put the stuff you need in a folder all neat and tidy, just designate a drawer in the kitchen and shove it all in there, then you will only have one place to look. Well done with the visitors at the Villa, I would have offered the same as you, and given that offer I would have accepted, mistakes do happen, don't beat yourself up so much. You are doing a great job.

Taz said...

Now then what would you say if one of us posting that 'fail' list? Would you remind us that we are busy working Mum's with so many balls up in the air that if some of them fall it's to be expected.
Would you let us berate ourselves or would you tell us that we were doing our best.
I know I do this to myself all the time, list all the bad stuff that I'm failing to do, get done or even achieve and I am the Queen of safe places. I expect one day to fine a huge treasure trove of things I've put there.
So I'm going to give you a great big Tazzy ((((((hug)))))) and have a mahoosive gin ready for you to start the weekend ;)

Anonymous said...

Substitute widowed for divorced and I totally empathise with all you say! You seem to cope very well with it all, have more gin!

Love Christine