Friday, 9 November 2012

In which I am temporarily deranged

Last week I was complaining about my mother and then almost to illustrate the point that I am turning into her, I completely lose the plot. Do you need a middle aged woman alert? thought not, that's what you expect now really.

I could cite you several examples of my losing what few marbles I have, I could regale you of how I am so unenamoured of my new smart phone (cue hoots of derisory and slightly maniacal laughter from your auntie) and how my handbag (Cath Kidston large canvas tote, greyey bluey with polka dots, what? I know some of you were wondering) seems to keep accessing the interwebs upon it, resulting in 02 texting me to tell me I have used up all my data allowance. This has resulting in me keeping my phone switched off and I now switch it on once a day to check if anyone has texted or rang me. So, to recap I have a fancy phone that I chose so I could tweet and bookface and blog and email and chat and text etc etc all the time, so I could be part of the digital revolution and I now keep it switched off and check once per day. It is driving the beautiful children wild, all that technology going to waste. I am only feeling slightly superior to my mother in that I can actually text on it, albeit at arms length and with very wild spelling (the keys are very small and it's a qwerty keyboard, c'mon it's dead easy to hit the key next to the one you were aiming for.)Plus, I do keep it with me at all times just in case I need it, it's not in the kitchen drawer with the tea towels like my mother's.

I could recount the middle aged lady noises I made when I received a work email and in the signature at the bottom, not only was there the person's name and job title, there was also a photograph. A sultry pouty pose peering over one shoulder with a startling heavy blusher application to confirm that indeed the 12 year old child sending me the email was indeed a (and I quote) human resources executive.

We will brush over the fact that in the middle of the new James Bond film, I got overly excited and at a moment of much action upon the screen (I think the lady with the curly hair was kicking someone/something - I had eaten myself into a sugar coma at this stage) I exclaimed, in a not as quiet as it should have been, voice "Those are the Jimmy Choo's I want, they're called Lace" I don't think all the James Bond fans who were appreciating the film needed my fashion interjection.

And finally, in a shamefaced, fess it all up fashion. I completely lost the plot and spent £210 on madly expensive goop for my face. And as if we needed any more proof of how mental/old I am, I couldn't even read the damned instructions on how to apply it (even at arm's length), for all I know it could say " Ha ha ha, we have your money old woman, you are old and now £210 poorer, you don't need instructions, you will still be old even with the £210 cream, it matters not a jot in what order you apply them, in what way, use liberally and come back and buy more, sucker"

I still feel queasy when I think of what that money would buy, I have tried all the justification maths but I can't justify spending it at all, in any way, shape or form. This is nice lady things gone mad. I could give you my top 3 excuses as to why I succumbed to the hype

I am old, I would say I am middle aged but unless I live to 92 I would be lying

My skin tone would be scary to the general public if I went out with a naked face

My daughters are in that lovely youthful bloom stage and I just look awful by comparison (maybe I should make friends with some 80 year olds? then I would look better)

I just want to look like the best version of me I can, I am getting older, I don't look as good as I did 5 years ago and I'm doing all the right stuff, I run, I drink water, I eat healthily, I don't drink much now at all, I sleep well and usually 8 hours a night but I still look old. I have to accept the inevitibilty of ageing but I don't want to yet.

Thank God I don't have the money for plastic surgery, you wouldn't recognise me.

25 comments:

Nota Bene said...

Yep mad as a box of frogs...you can switch the data off rather than the whole phone...surely the younger versions of you should have told you that? I shall never understand women and shoes.

SueAnn Lommler said...

Ha!! I think you have technocosis. Fear of technoolgy taking over your life and guess what...your running from it has caused it to take over your life!! Ha!
Turn on your phone dear one and get unlimited text and data coverage. You will be glad you did.
Good luck!
As for the creams and lotions...Olive Oil and Preparation H are wonderful facial treatments.
Prep H shrinks up the lines around the mouth and eyes. It really works.
Hugs
SueAnn

auntiegwen said...

NB - as always, thanks for the support, the younger versions of me find it far too entertaining to watch me struggle, as for the shoes - did you not see them?

SueAnn - is preparation H not for your haemorrhoids? I suppose it would be worth a try as long as you got first go of the tube...

Kelloggs Ville said...

I wasn't going to go to see the film but if the shoes are good I may reconsider. Lace are nice but a tad high for my back.

After a quick read, prep h is possible but it's more of a need a quick fix temporary thing than a daily thing. It is worth you attacking the ageing now and feeding your skin well. In another 20 years time the difference will show. Don't forget your neck and collar bone area. My older friend says she wishes she'd remembered her neck.

Social media is a time drainer, keep the phone turned off!

auntiegwen said...

Keloggs Ville - It's a bit shooty bang crash for my tastes and I appear to be in the minority of middle aged women by not fancying Daniel Craig but it's by all informed accounts a good Bond film. As for the shoes, swooon swoon be still my beating heart, if I include my neck and collarbone in the fancy creaming I will NEVER be able to afford Choo's !!!

Mac n' Janet said...

I too broke down and bought an iphone because I wanted all the bells and whistles. It now lives in the bottom of my backpack/purse and I guess poor Siri has to talk to herself.

Mac n' Janet said...

I too broke down and bought an iphone because I wanted all the bells and whistles. It now lives in the bottom of my backpack/purse and I guess poor Siri has to talk to herself.

Mac n' Janet said...

I broke down and bought an Apple iphone because I wanted all the bells and whistles, but except for using it when we travel it lives forlornly in the bottom of my backpack/purse turned off. I guess Siri talks to herself.

Looking for Blue Sky said...

I love my budget smartphone and Smiley's iPad and my laptop and all of it! My son even called me a geek the other day. I was shocked. But I turn off data when out and about unless I actually have time to sit and surf, mostly t'phone is used for texts and photos :) Don't know what to say about the skin, I'm a few years ahead of you and things do change, but the good news is that I really don't care that much anymore :)

Mrs Worthington said...

Like so many other things we have in common I'm afraid I'm with you on this too although have to say I'm better on technology front. Love the fact that Janet Mac comment is duplicated as if to illustrate by example. Must dash have middle age potions and lotions to rub in

Andy said...

If you were prepared to pay £210 for face goop, you may be interested in these beans I have for sale. They're magic you know....

Working Mum said...

I'm so glad you're back, you've really cheered me up. Just as long as I don't think about the fact that this will be my life fairly soon!

mannanan said...

What? £210 for face cream......yes I think you were temporarily deranged. I've heard that Preparation H, a cream to cure piles, works wonders on the face and at less than a fiver a tube it's got to be worth a go....So glad you are back....Your ranting makes me smile.

devlin cooper said...

Oh man! That face cream robbed you off. A face cream for £210. I can't believe it. That's preposterous.
Eagan Fitness Center

Helena said...

lol...you're still young at heart, Gwen, and that's something you can't squeeze out of a tube! I wish you could - coz there are some I'd lather the stuff on - pricey or not!

Taz said...

Everything you've written about your relationship with your Mother..... you could have been inside my head :/

Trish @ Mums Gone To... said...

£210 for face cream. Bloody hell, woman! I see even your spam commenter is aghast!

(just catching up on your posts. Hope things progressing with your mum and she's maybe been persuaded to get some help?)

Curry Queen said...

I was lusting after some pricey face goop but my kids told me it was a waste of time and money and the thing I needed was some Creme de la Mare. :-(

auntiegwen said...

M & J - I'm with you, who needs to talk to Siri?

LFBS - I wish I could be a geek

Mrs W - I've seen photos of you, you look amazing and not in any need of my industrial strength cream

Andy - save them for your new house, you'll need them

WM - I'm sure not, you're way younger than me

mannaman - I know, completely bonkers moment but looking really old at the moment, - I would put hashtag desperation bt I couldn't find the wee hashtag thingy on my laptop so had to type the whole word, therefore provong my point of my ageing

devlin - the going rate for that cream apparently

Lena - I bloomin wish, I;m a pensioner at heart

taz - that seemd to strike a cord with a few of us, is it your turn to have her for Xmas? I will pray for no snow to keep herw ith you xx

Trish - went temporarily bonkers but tis a measure of my desperation, not a hope of my mother getting help, I will be still writing about her refusal to accept for years yet

CQ - ah the famous horse lotion, gotta love those fresh faced kids and their sense of humour, but one day they will also be old, mwa ha ha ha

Anonymous said...

Have you been wondering about producing use of the knowledge of a single individual from the neighborhood automobile crash lawyers? Inside of this create-up we are heading to talk about about numerous hurt statements that usually will need respectable permit. Look at working with Yogurt: Yogurt may be the outstanding residence solution to eradicate bacterial vaginosis within reduced time. It is finest to consume yogurt specifically or use this within of the contaminated vaginal site by making use of yogurt on tampons and putting in your unique vagina then and there. However, you ought to use simple yogurt and hardly ever flavored yogurt.

It can be pretty quite possibly legitimate at periods automobile crash lawyers use a harmful wrap. They make some of your craziest commercials on tv established after which they be expecting you to acquire on them significantly. There are a lot of straightforward kinds on the market possessing said that and [url=http://www.uggsbootscheapsale.co.uk]ugg boots uk[/url] if you have different kinds of accidents you could just have to have to have their assistance. Let us now go on to talk about a very few personal harm states that typically call for lawful assist.


Whiplash. Whiplash is pretty much definitely a person of the most most recurrent mishaps that transpires in the course of a car or truck or truck wreck. When your neck is rapidly jerked round like to the spine and to [url=http://www.uggsbootscheaper.co.uk]UGG Boots sale[/url] the entrance or for the facet and then one other feature you could essentially surely obtain you going through whiplash. When ever you get whiplash your bones are moving to commonly be marginally out of web site. This hurt might not get there in your awareness next your crash as well as the agony could in point pick out months to arrive back into data. You may possibly find on your own checked for whiplash by scheduling to some chiropractor.

Damaged Bones. If you may have a damaged bone then you could be able of procuring some very good compensation. This truly is also suitable if your weakened bone keeps you from endeavor your perform and fees you money in salaries. Douching the vagina with boric acid and acetic acid: A assortment of douches are particularly very very good to acidify pH inside of your vagina. Boric acid and acetic acid get spot remaining fantastic destroyers of undesirable microorganisms as a end result allowing to restore only the beneficial microorganisms.

Centered on Medilexico clinical compendium Vitamin An is "one. Any 946-ionone by-product, other than provitamin A carotenoids, possessing qualitatively the biologic pastime of retinol deficiency meddles utilizing the production and resynthesis of rhodopsin, so triggering night time time blindness, and produces a keratinizing metaplasia of epithelial cells that may possibly guide to xerophthalmia, keratosis, susceptibility to bacterial infections, and retarded enlargement two.

Scarring Accidents. Scarring is some element that you are in a position to not get rid of. Legal professionals are heading to be ready to figure out the amount of cash you are likely to become able to have out of the scarring. If it seriously is a enormous and recognizable scar it could be a reasonably sizable sum that [url=http://www.uggsbootscheapsale.co.uk]Cheap UGG Boots[/url] you just locate you gathering. When compressed, the stun baton actions thirteen inches only, which permits relieve in dealing with. When stretched out, its metallic portion is totally electrified and it is likely to evaluate 21 one/a few of inches lengthy, in extra of sufficient to stave absent from any authorized innovations.

When you have to have added facts and info just comply with this :

&write-up_id=63639

Anonymous said...

For previous a long time, these boots made of sheepskin in Australia has established a boot mad all above the community. And it is [url=http://www.uggbootsinuksalecheap.co.uk]ugg boots sale[/url] somewhat interesting but accurate the every last year, specially in winter, the demand of UGG boots generally outstrip the supply. Even so, it is also real that most folks choose for climbing boots, going for walks footwear as perfectly as wellies, but points are shifting on a swift rate as even more consumers now favor to UGG boots

UGG boots go nicely with most outfit from your closet. Nonetheless, the very best match up will need to be jeans, skirts and leggings. Putting on these sneakers in excess of trousers is extremely popular amid both women of all ages and gentlemen. This is simply because it can make the feeling of trim and slender legs. One more [url=http://www.uggbootsinuksalecheap.co.uk]ugg boots uk[/url] reward of sporting these sheepskin boots with trousers tucked in is that you will not permit your trousers drag along the ground and get the wet. For adult females [url=http://www.uggsbootscheapersale.co.uk]UGG Boots uk[/url] who to add a female touch to their seem, carrying these boots with brief skirts and thick leggings for a trendy glimpse.

A huge additionally when sporting UGG boots, is that this sort of sheepskin footwear are rather expressive and functional. Straightforward and pure, these sheepskin boots can gown up any outfit. It is even additional appealing to pick out a pair of ugg boots in the shade that matches your disposition as there is a rainbow of prospects for ugg colour decisions. Nevertheless, in my individual view, the cartoon-like look of rounded toes, enormous shafts and flat soles will are certainly to stand out when show up and this is truly a massive cause for its large reputation.

Let's start the ball rolling by conversing about the Selling price. Legitimate "UGG Australia" sheepskin boots are really high priced. I would not mention any figures, given that charges change and switch from time to time. But here is what I Counsel you can do to "root out" clear fakes: if there are a few outlets presenting UGGs in your community, check out just about every and everyone's prices. If they"re all bunched with each other within a small variety, that signifies 1.) Either they are all offering authentic UGGs, which is beneficial or 2.) They are all marketing fakes, which is way too bad. My point is, if an individual keep offers a value that is substantially substantially, considerably reduced than the other folks, then, in any language, that is a giveaway that that retail store is advertising phony UGGs.

Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye.

Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye.

Anonymous said...

锘緽rowsing for UGG boots in Sydney? If you are, its ironic, simply because as you might or may perhaps not know, the global sensation of UGG boots will come from Australia. Does this imbue us with a great feeling of national delight? Probably not, but what it should necessarily mean is that you must be ready to pick up the legitimate write-up alternatively simpler than somewhere else in the world. Im not convinced if thats even genuine.

So what is an UGG boot? Strangely, if you are visiting, you may feel that ordering the brand title, UGG in Sydney would be the perfect matter to do. Possibly as a gift. This isnt the case. Australians do not have a tendency to see the brand UGG as a notably beneficial just one. Most consumers would glance for a little something from a tannery or skinner when looking for UGG boots in Sydney.

So if you can locate a market offering regional wollen goods, this would be your perfect guess. Regretably, getting UGG boots in Sydney can be fraught with variable costs. You can pay back up to $AU400 for a pair that will be no superior, or in some situations even worse than a pair that price tag $AU100 or less. You have a finances, and you will be in a position to obtain a shoe to match that as very well as your foot.

If you completely ought to have the brand UGG, then you might desire to [url=http://www.uggbootssalecheapuk.co.uk]ugg boots uk[/url] appear at some out of city outlet merchants, as these will without doubt be the most effective bargains. Supplied that the [url=http://www.uggbootssalecheapuk.co.uk]ugg boots uk[/url] manufacturer is now owned by an American business, you will discover that its much and absent much less expensive to supply UGGs in the US than hunting for UGG boots in Sydney.

That explained, the phrase is at present in a legitimate gray spot, and the original Ugg boot is a generic time period for that style of shoe. This becoming the situation, you will come across a variety of considerably more effective Ugg boots in Sydney than you might possibly in, [url=http://www.uggsbootsuksalecheap.co.uk]ugg boots uk[/url] say Minnesota. It truly is price noting that these are seasonal sneakers, so really don't expect to discover them in summer season. Certainly, you are in the inappropriate location at the completely wrong time if you want the UGG brand name and youre in Australia in the Summer.

Areas like Kmart, BigW and other range retailers are probable to maintain the most inventory, and even if you are out of luck in the retail outlet, you may perhaps be ready to discover a chain keep willing to get them sent from a central dispatch centre. Consider that there are a lot of knock offs of the model all around. This is currently less so in Australia than other spots, but it would make browsing for UGG boots in Sydney a shockingly challenging activity.

Anonymous said...

锘縐gg boots had been reported to have been manufactured in the 1960 by the Australians and had been employed by Australian surfers in the sixties to warm their feet after they acquired out of the chilly h2o. Some say ugg boots were being built significantly prior to that and were applied by pilots all through Planet War one and were being termed fugs (flying ugg boots) back then. Anything the instance, ugg boots are regarded to be the ideal shoes to hold a person feet warm in any condition.

Produced from the sheepskin, ugg boots have insulative attributes like no other boots. The wool of the sheep is lined on the within of the boots in buy to always keep [url=http://www.uggsbootscheaponline.co.uk]ugg boots uk[/url] them heat and comfy. At initially the ugg boots appeared a small aged fashioned and ugly looking for a couple. But the planet understood how successful these boots are in always keeping kinds ft heat and hence begun utilizing ugg boots even more. Later on on, when ugg boots have been introduced in the United States, countless celebs began sporting them and begun noticing how fantastic wanting the sneakers truly were being. Uggs ended up not only made use of to always keep the toes heat, but were regularly applied by bikers who understood that the boots are a terrific protection for the ft in the celebration of an incident.

Employed by a lot of throughout the globe, ugg boots have come to be very common and [url=http://www.cheapukuggsboots.co.uk]cheap ugg[/url] are even now escalating in reputation. There is no an individual precise model for ugg boots since it is now to be created by many organizations who know that they will offer. Because of this increase in popularity, there are a whole lot of firms who make phony ugg boots which are manufactured from cowhide or sometimes even pig pores and skin. These elements can bring about specific rashes [url=http://www.www.buyuggsbootscheap.co.uk]ugg boots uk[/url] and is not good for the epidermis. The soles of these fake ugg boots are designed from rubber as a substitute of unique EVA product which is used in the soles of sports activities sneakers to enhance flexibility and give some kind of cushioning. Observe out for these fakes while you are getting a pair of ugg boots and it is continually more effective to get it from a reputed Australian ugg boot firm.

So the upcoming time you go out to acquire your ugg boots, don fail to remember to order them from a reputable supply who sells real uggs. You can also get ugg slippers and other several sheepskin equipment like hats, vests, rugs, mittens and cuffs on the online.
[url=http://www.forum.galbdz.com/member.php?u=3607] UGG Boots-A Fantastic Addition to Your Wardrobe[/url]
[url=http://www.vgmpire.com/2012/10/24/vgmpire-episode-33-castlemania-vol-4/#comment-8139] Loaded With Your Attraction Inspiration By Using UGG[/url]
[url=http://lhzx.xhedu.sh.cn/cms/app/forum/viewforum.php?pForumId=53&pTopicStart=0&pBefore=0] Suggestions to Strengthen Protein Digestibility[/url]