Friday, 14 December 2012

Things that make me a bit tetchy part 1

This could be a very rich seam of blog fodder as I am only a Per Una cardie away from proper grumpy old womanhood. I expect I'll get my badge after Christmas. You don't need a middle aged woman alert/rantie auntie warning do you? Proceed then, dearest readers to the next paragraph, at your own middle aged pace.

This is a refrain really, as I expect I have blogged upon this topic several times before but as, like your good auntie, you are getting on a bit and occasionally (okay, all the time, in my case) forget, I shall revisit this particular topic.

My 2 younger children cannot get up in the morning. I am a human alarm clock in a middle aged mummy form. My children have numerous devices all of which can wake me from 3 doors away but do not make a dent in their teenage slumber. Every morning I hear their alarm, get up, knock politely on each door and tell them it's time to get up. The Beautiful Son will actually get up then, this is a huge improvement on before.
I will go off and do what I please, sometimes I go back to bed, sometimes I make coffee, sometimes I go and log on and start work. The Beautiful Baby Daughter, however, is another story, she has been eaten by a very grumpy and hard done by creature. The Beautiful Baby Daughter was no slouch in the grumpy department herself but the ante has been upped. This auntie is displeased, mightily.

Whatever I am doing, I have to back at 5 minute intervals to reawaken Sleeping Beauty, and every 5 minutes, I am thanked ever so politely for continuing to ensure that she isn't put back on report for being late. Not.

If I don't go back at 5 minute intervals, she doesn't get up, she gets put on report, the school get cross with her, she gets cross with me and then the school get cross with me too, as sometimes I have to work outside of the house and I can't stand there at 5 minute intervals until she gets up. I expect if I didn't, she would remain there forever, a Miss Haversham type figure in owl pyjamas with last night's mascara smeared all over.

So sometimes, I'm in a hurry so I will say politely "C'mon Luce, get up, I can't hear you moving" to which she will thrash her arms and legs around the bed. But that doesn't fool me, oh no siree Bob, I have been a waking up Mummy for a very long time. I don't go into her room as the level of squalor/chaos/health hazards scare me so I remain very firmly on the clean side. We continue this at 5 minute intervals until she actually manages to get out of her pit, sorry typo, bed.

I have now added a festive twist, I now sing "Deck the Halls" with the full accompaniment of fa la lah's. I then go on to my repetoire of Christmas songs, I have many, I used to teach 4 year olds. Today I got to "When Santa got stuck up the chimney"

I expect Childline will be getting an official complaint about me soon because she wasn't very happy with me this morning. My favourite bit was "... and you're not even singing nicely to me, that was just shouty and mean"

18 comments:

SueAnn Lommler said...

If she can't get her butt out of bed...then be shouty and mean!! Ha!
Kids...
Bah Humbug
Fa La La La La
Hugs
SueAnn

auntiegwen said...

SuaAnn - my singing has been called many things and now I have a few more adjectives to describe it too!!!

Mac n' Janet said...

I got so fed up with mine that I once scooped her up, she was 8, and deposited her at school in her jammies.
Went back and got her, but it scared her.

auntiegwen said...

M & J - please come over here and sort out my grumpy girl, pleeeeaaaasssssseeee

libby said...

Your baby is still in there somewhere...she has just been taken over temporarily by the teenage-mood- queen for a while....all of a sudden she will return to her former self and you will smile again...you just have to keep being mean mommy for a while longer yet...you can do it sweetheart xx

Kelloggs Ville said...

It's called a glass of cold water and it hits the face and pillow. Wet bed clothes are not changed by the water thrower at any point ever.

My dad did this to me maybe twice and lesson was learnt.

My daughter knows me well enough to know that the threat is not an idle one.

Yours 'the queen of cruel parenting'

auntiegwen said...

Libs - indeed I can, I won't be defeated almost at the last hurdle xxx

K - ooh, you are my hero, I so wish I could be brave enough to do that but BBD is properly scary at times

Looking for Blue Sky said...

My 11 year old is doing this too, but sadly the wet flannel alternative to the glass of water just caused a meltdown and will not be repeated. I spent half an hour sitting on the end of his bed cajoling and encouraging him to get up and dressed only this morning while my poor special girl sat downstairs wondering why she had been abandoned. I was not a happy mammy...

Gigi said...

Do remember thinking that one day they would be grown up and responsible? And somehow mistakenly thinking it would happen while they were still under your roof? Yeah, me too.

Taz said...

I feel your pain auntie. We could swap so at least we're getting a different range of abuse for a change :/

Mrs Worthington said...

My eldest was eaten by a horrible teenage monster and getting up is still not his forte at 18.5 going on 5!
Having suffered at the hands of this for some time I suggest stop getting yourself being stressed about her tardiness. Let her get int trouble and let her get herself out of it. Withdraw mummy loving support. Always seems to work much better with my lumpy git more so than all the shoutyness he drove me too.

Nota Bene said...

She and The Kat have been eaten by the same grumpy beast....I'd happily leave her there until she learnt...

Trish Burgess said...

I'm still laughing at 'a Per Una cardie away...'

My son seems to be like your boy - he does get up now once he's had a reminder. At weekends, mind, I'm wasting my time. He'll be there all day so I either keep going in and poking him or, if I'm feeling very maternal, take him a bacon sarnie!

Expat mum said...

I agree with Mrs. Worthington - let her get into trouble! Unless of course that means that social services will take her away. We don't want to go that far.
I'm lucky with my 17 year old Man-child, although he sleeps till god knows when at the weekend, I've never had a problem getting him up. The Queenager is coming back from college tonight - now that is a whole nuther story. Morning, it seems, is all my fault!

C-ingspots said...

Whomever shall awaken the princess when dear mummy's not around? Best to let sleeping missy grow up and do for herself like a big girl should!!

Ayak said...

I used to hope my daughter would grow out of it. She didn't..even when she left home which caused all sorts of grief for her. However it all changed when she had babies...no choice but to get up and deal with them..the youngest wakes her up several times a night..its a kind of revenge I think!

Julie said...

Ranti Auntie I hadn't heard that before, made me laugh.

Beth said...

Open the curtains and make lots of noise, that's what I do to get our two up.