Friday, 22 February 2013

The C word

I don't like the C word, no, not that C word, although I don't care for that one either. My C word is compromise. In the interests of fairness there are many C words I do like - comfort, contentment, commitment and cake to name but a few, but compromise as a concept, presently I am struggling with.

In my head I think I can compromise, in my head I think I DO compromise, all the live long day, especially with the children. Maybe that's it, maybe I've used up my whole quota of compromise on the children and there's none left for the rest of the world.

Dearest readers, your auntie is trying to buy a house, I am all Zoopla'd and Rightmoved out. This is pushing your aunties ability to compromise to the max. I am fundamentally unsuited to decision making at this level, truthfully, at any level. This is probably why I haven't moved in 13 years and just about every room in my house is the same greyey/pinkey/beigey shade. However I am now married to someone who doesn't find decision making troubling and who's ability to compromise exceeds mine in spades. Clearly if he managed to marry me and accept all that comes with that gig, he is King of Compromise.

King of Compromise is a sensible sort of chap, he doesn't expect to find a 5 bedroomed detached house within walking distance of Market Harborough town centre decorated exactly to our my taste that costs £3.50. He has set a budget, a sensible budget, he is willing to look at each and every house and decide if we he can make it what we I need, you see the theme emerging. I have a huge capacity for wanting things my own way.

He knows that we should downsize, in September for 12 nights out of 14 there will be 3 of us living in this house and 2 of us share a bed. A 4 bedroomed house is more than ample but I would like a 5, so that all of the children have their own room, despite the eldest having her own house! He knows that by downsizing we will be able to retire a bit earlier and have enough money for decent chunks of travelling both before and when we retire, that bit of the plan I am fully signed up to, himself and I are ace at going on trips together. He knows we will need to buy a house that needs work so we can afford the space and location.

I know it's massively important to him to live in a house that has his name on the deeds and I know it's important to us to buy our first home together. I am genuinely, fully up for that part of the plan also. I am quite surprisingly cheerful about buying a wreck and doing it up, I am SO in awe that himself can fix things and rewire and re-plumb and tile and do manly things, I have no skill whatsoever and am massively impressed at his grown up ness and the fact he has 3 tool boxes

When I look at the houses on the internet I think I can live in them, we go and see them, I realise that I have a list as long as your arm about what I can live with, I want a better house than I have now for 2/3 of the price. But I still can't quite get my head around the concept that downsizing means a smaller house, with smaller rooms, when my children are actually getting bigger and have more stuff than ever. However, he can decide and compromise in 5 minutes flat, usually he's put an offer in before I've managed to drive home. Then I get the fear, that they will accept his offer and I will actually have to live in the house that a short while ago I was okay with.

I keep telling myself it's because I haven't found "our" house yet, that somewhere out there, in walking distance of Market Harborough town centre there is someone about to put a 3/4 bedroomed house on the market, just crying out be renovated and decorated in greyey/pinkey/beigey tones.

28 comments:

SueAnn Lommler said...

In one year, I will be doing this very same thing! Sigh!
I feel your pain and I also congratulate you for stepping out of your comfort zone and are moving ahead! Good for you
Prayers and hugs
SueAnn

auntiegwen said...

SueAnn - you are so artistic though, your house will look so beautiful, can't wait to see your pics

Andy said...

I may be able to put tiles on the walls, do a bit of plumbing etc, but left to my own devices the decor would resemble something that Willy Wonka would deem 'too garish'.

Also, although I generally put in offers, it's me that gets genuinely upset that they can't see the generosity of offering them 25% less than they've asked for.

'Tis a team sport for sure :)

auntiegwen said...

Andrew - you're more beige than you think! And the last one was only 8% less than they asked for, back to zoopla for us then

Kelloggs Ville said...

C-word : how could you miss chocolate! The right house will come up in the end. Extend to cycling distance!

Kelloggs Ville said...

C-word : how could you miss chocolate! The right house will come up in the end. Extend to cycling distance!

auntiegwen said...

K - I didn't even think of chocolate when I wrote this, how remiss of me. I think we will have to look outside our beloved MH if we want to move this year, sadly. PS my friend KT is very highly recommends your (and her)village

libby said...

How lucky you are to have such a handy man - a 'fixer-upper' with your name on it is out there somewhere and I have a bottle of fizz waiting for you to christen it with xxx

Kelloggs Ville said...

It's the Jeremy Kyle end of the Welland Valley, Kbwth is much more newsnight!

Gigi said...

My husband has started making noises about selling and downsizing. So I drive around neighborhoods I like, make note of the house I "think" I could live in and then Google them. I am horrified. Let's just hope he just keeps making noises and doesn't actually do something because at this point, I don't think I can be responsible for what might happen to him.

Helena said...

Decisiveness is something of a nightmare in my case - not that I let anyone make up my mind for me - but I'm somewhat the shameful hankerer!!

Good luck with your house-hunting. Must be quite exciting looking for a new gaff again!

Looking for Blue Sky said...

Most of my favourite words begin with 'C' : coffee, chocolate, cheese, chardonnay, cashews...my diet is planned around these!

Seriously though I hate to compromise too, but then I might consider it if I could find a man who is handy with a drill (in a good way obviously)

Looking for Blue Sky said...

And best wishes with the house hunting, it can be fun :)

Velveteen Rabbit said...

Well at least you are still in the lovely Leicestershire and not facing 'southern' prices! There are times I doubt I will ever be a property owner again...at least down here!
Good luck with your home hunting (",) it will be fun when you finally find somewhere....
I did email you a while back, not sure if you got it x

auntiegwen said...

Libs - and you must come and help us drink it xxx

K - ooh we are going to view a house in Kibworth on Monday

Gigi - but I've seen photo's of your house, it'd be hard to leave

H - exciting is a word for it, exasperated is a bit more applicable :)

LFBS - how could I forget coffee!!!!! and I love all your other c's as well :) and I think I would find it more exciting if there were more houses for sale, they seem to get sold very quickly, usually before we can view them xx

VR - ah have you moved? I didn't get your email, have checked back for the last month but I can't find it, it's auntiegwen@yahoo.co.uk, please resend I'd love to hear all your news xxxx

auntiegwen said...

VR - just found your email now, have replied xxx

sandiart said...

It is not easy to find 'the right one' but it will pop up for you. I am looking for another house to rent as this one is shite, falling to bits and the landlady don't give a shite, but prices are so high and my wage is not. I don't have to move so can take my time and find the right one.
Good luck vibes coming at you.
xox Sandi

auntiegwen said...

Sandi - aw that sucks when people are happy to take your money but not willing to provide the service you're paying them for. I hope the right place pops up for you too xxx

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Troy said...

The stresses of house hunting and the need for compromise - tough times. I've moved loads of times and I find that if I sit down on the settee in the house I'm viewing then 9 times out of 10 I'll be sitting uncomfortably on the edge of my seat but there is a 1 times in 10 that I feel perfectly relaxed and 'at home'...and then I buy it.

Troy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nota Bene said...

Oh really...for heavens sake...you know that you should defer to the man on all things.....

auntiegwen said...

Troy - we saw one on Monday that you couldn't have found the sofa under the clutter to sit on! I felt like I needed a shower when I left, truly manky

NB - ah the man card, does that work in your house?

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family Affairs said...

You will find something perfect eventually - compromise..*sigh* something I am so not very good at now that I'm divorced - not sure I will ever be able to get married again!! You don't fancy a blogger meet up event in London with Ben Fogle do you 26/3? Not sure it's very convenient for you but would be great if you could come? Can you let me know back over on my blog as I'm not v good at follow ups!!! Thx Lx

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