Beautiful baby daughter got the keys to her student flat today. It does tend to make you a tad reflective, I have had 23 and a half years of extreme parenting, a mahoosive chunk of my adult life and BBD has contributed quite spectacularly to the more extreme times!
This morning there was plenty hot water for my shower as she hadn't used the last of it for a bath, we have ALL the teaspoons and mugs and her room is as clean and tidy as I've ever seen it, fully visible carpet and everything. In her wardrobe is the stuff she hasn't taken to uni, the red coat she wore to church, her signed school sweatshirt from both primary and middle school, there is her year 9 prom dress and the one that properly undid me was her christening robe.
My lovely oldest friend auntielou had her beautiful youngest boy go off on Saturday, there may be others reading who have too. Much love to you all.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Monday, 14 September 2015
Wednesday, 15 January 2014
Relationships - part eleventy million
According to an Open University study by Dr Jacqui Gabb, married couples without children are happier than married couples with children. My first reaction? no shit Sherlock.
I have plenty children and I love them, sometimes it's properly difficult to remember why I love them and they seem to want to try stuff to make me see if I can stop loving them but I'm averse to change, I still love them. Despite their best efforts (I'm looking at you Beautiful Baby daughter, winner of the gold medal gobshite Olympics 2011, 2012& 2013)
And as I like to have a ponder and a speculate, I wonder how many of these couples are step parents? This has been the hardest thing of all for me personally. To me, step parenting is all of the work without all of the reward.
I love my husband with a passion previously reserved for David Tennant and fruit and nut toblerones. He is quite frankly the person I can spend endless amounts of time with and never get bored, but trying to balance the demands of the children we have and the influences of ex's and have time to be a couple has been like walking a tightrope whilst juggling fire over a pit of tigers who haven't been fed for a month. Man alive, it's properly tricky.
I am fairly new to the step parenting thing, courtesy of my beautiful husband I now have a stepson, he was 4 when I first met him and he is now nearly 8. He is a delightful child, despite the influence of my delinquent children. I have an easy gig with The Boy Wonder, a really easy gig, he's always cheerful to be with us and he copes really well with living in 2 households that have vastly different norms and routines. He also doesn't live with us full time, which helps with the easy gig, I can be a good step parent when I only have to do it part time.
However my husband does live with a stepchild full time and my mercies, she is not the easiest child in the world to live with, she would try the patience of ALL of the saints. For this alone, he should get a medal. Never mind that he inherited 3 teenagers that I had made earlier. Most normal humans (read sane) would have run a mile.
I have been a parent for almost 22 years (how the hell did that happen, clearly I'm only about 29!) and in that 22 years I have had the benefit of 3 children trying to tap dance all over my last nerve. All 3 of them have at times, made it their mission to dement me. However in that decades long battle of wits, I have learned a thing or 3, I can spot a lie a MILE away, I am quite aware of all their cunning little tricks.
However my husband hasn't had the benefits of all those years of parenting, he got mine almost fully formed with all the problems that the teenage years can bring, up till then he just had to have a ferocious knowledge of Lego Star Wars and an inexhaustible patience for building Lego models and playing X box/wii games. Which, to be honest, weren't a great deal of help to my most troubled child (BBD, not that I need to put that in, if you've even only ever been to this blog once before!)
However both of us have to live with children we have had to learn to love, that unconditional love isn't there as it is with our own children.
He hasn't had the benefit of my children when they were cute and adorable now he just has to try and figure out how to love a teenager/s who see it as their mission in life to eat us out of house and home, make as much mess as humanly possible, doing absolutely nothing to help around the house and still managing to make him feel that he has ruined their life by breathing in a house we bought and have provided for their comfort and easy life. Not easy.
I feel glad to be nearing the end of my intense input kind of parenting, I'm tired of it (gimme a break, nearly 22 feckin years.) I feel like I am 22 miles into a marathon and I've been made to go back and run again from mile 8. I have returned to a phase of my life I thought I had left forever, the park years, cold and very boring for me. With The Boy Wonder, lovely though he is, I have seen it all before and it didn't always interest me that much then.
My kids have opinions and views on the world that my husband doesn't share. The Boy Wonder sometimes comes out with views and opinions that get me up to 90. We all have to love and live with each other. The influences of the children's other parent also can cause no end of problems.
Would my husband and I be happier if we didn't have children?, for me that would be a yes (at this moment in time) but I'm still mighty glad I had them, not sure what he would say. I think our life would definitely be easier, less conflict, less stress, more free time, more money and more autonomy.
It is a work in progress, we will keep trying. They all grow up and leave home eventually, right?
I have plenty children and I love them, sometimes it's properly difficult to remember why I love them and they seem to want to try stuff to make me see if I can stop loving them but I'm averse to change, I still love them. Despite their best efforts (I'm looking at you Beautiful Baby daughter, winner of the gold medal gobshite Olympics 2011, 2012& 2013)
And as I like to have a ponder and a speculate, I wonder how many of these couples are step parents? This has been the hardest thing of all for me personally. To me, step parenting is all of the work without all of the reward.
I love my husband with a passion previously reserved for David Tennant and fruit and nut toblerones. He is quite frankly the person I can spend endless amounts of time with and never get bored, but trying to balance the demands of the children we have and the influences of ex's and have time to be a couple has been like walking a tightrope whilst juggling fire over a pit of tigers who haven't been fed for a month. Man alive, it's properly tricky.
I am fairly new to the step parenting thing, courtesy of my beautiful husband I now have a stepson, he was 4 when I first met him and he is now nearly 8. He is a delightful child, despite the influence of my delinquent children. I have an easy gig with The Boy Wonder, a really easy gig, he's always cheerful to be with us and he copes really well with living in 2 households that have vastly different norms and routines. He also doesn't live with us full time, which helps with the easy gig, I can be a good step parent when I only have to do it part time.
However my husband does live with a stepchild full time and my mercies, she is not the easiest child in the world to live with, she would try the patience of ALL of the saints. For this alone, he should get a medal. Never mind that he inherited 3 teenagers that I had made earlier. Most normal humans (read sane) would have run a mile.
I have been a parent for almost 22 years (how the hell did that happen, clearly I'm only about 29!) and in that 22 years I have had the benefit of 3 children trying to tap dance all over my last nerve. All 3 of them have at times, made it their mission to dement me. However in that decades long battle of wits, I have learned a thing or 3, I can spot a lie a MILE away, I am quite aware of all their cunning little tricks.
However my husband hasn't had the benefits of all those years of parenting, he got mine almost fully formed with all the problems that the teenage years can bring, up till then he just had to have a ferocious knowledge of Lego Star Wars and an inexhaustible patience for building Lego models and playing X box/wii games. Which, to be honest, weren't a great deal of help to my most troubled child (BBD, not that I need to put that in, if you've even only ever been to this blog once before!)
However both of us have to live with children we have had to learn to love, that unconditional love isn't there as it is with our own children.
He hasn't had the benefit of my children when they were cute and adorable now he just has to try and figure out how to love a teenager/s who see it as their mission in life to eat us out of house and home, make as much mess as humanly possible, doing absolutely nothing to help around the house and still managing to make him feel that he has ruined their life by breathing in a house we bought and have provided for their comfort and easy life. Not easy.
I feel glad to be nearing the end of my intense input kind of parenting, I'm tired of it (gimme a break, nearly 22 feckin years.) I feel like I am 22 miles into a marathon and I've been made to go back and run again from mile 8. I have returned to a phase of my life I thought I had left forever, the park years, cold and very boring for me. With The Boy Wonder, lovely though he is, I have seen it all before and it didn't always interest me that much then.
My kids have opinions and views on the world that my husband doesn't share. The Boy Wonder sometimes comes out with views and opinions that get me up to 90. We all have to love and live with each other. The influences of the children's other parent also can cause no end of problems.
Would my husband and I be happier if we didn't have children?, for me that would be a yes (at this moment in time) but I'm still mighty glad I had them, not sure what he would say. I think our life would definitely be easier, less conflict, less stress, more free time, more money and more autonomy.
It is a work in progress, we will keep trying. They all grow up and leave home eventually, right?
Sunday, 28 June 2009
auntiegwens guide of what to do lesson 2 - Parenting - the teenage years
Da dun dun, cue scary music.
Parenting teenagers is a doddle if you've worked in a zoo or on peace keeping missions in Iraq. Most of us haven't, have some more of my handy hints.
Don't watch Skins or Hollyoaks, especially Skins, it will fret you.
Don't ask questions that you won't like the answer to. I work on a strictly need to know basis. I'm sure that's much better for my peace of mind.
Find a good hiding place for your stuff. Teenage girls in particular think that any cosmetics/perfumes/toiletries that are in the house belong to anyone that needs them. This goes for shoes, clothes and jewellery too, it is much worse if you are the same size, your 17 year old daughter looks so much better in all your clothes. Teenage boys think all food in the house belongs to them, no matter how many times you tell them that if it's a fruit and nut toblerone it's yours, they'll still eat it.
Music has to be played at 1 decibel below ear bleeding to be fully appreciated by the teenage ear. Train them early to like your music, it hurts less when you like what's being played.
Choose your battles carefully - sure where's the harm if they look like they got dressed in the dark or have been at the dressing up box. Take pictures, lots of them - in years to come you'll have hours of enjoyment looking at the cut of them.
If you put food in the fridge, it will be eaten. If there is beer, it will be drunk. If your house gets the rep of having such items you will be descended on by a plague of hungry/thirsty teenagers. This is expensive.
They appear not to get tidier with age. You would think that having 3 teens you could delegate some of the chores out, spread the weight a bit. You can try. Good luck with that.
The behaviour level is sometimes similar to the toddler phase, especially when the hormone fairy has visited, they are significantly less cute though.
What excited them when they were 5, will excite them again at 16/17/18. They love trampolines, bouncy castles and jelly. If you do a birthday party with kids games like pass the parcel and provide alcohol, you will have some very happy teenagers.
Remember when your adorable little cherub of a toddler got you up at 6am every day ? It is incredibly enjoyable to go into a teenagers bedroom (double the fun if they're hungover/woke you up when they stumbled in drunk/vomited in a bathroom cleaned that very day)and wake them up. You can bounce on their bed, open the curtains and say in a nice cheerful tone "S'morning now, morning now, get up, get up, get up, I'm wake now, entertain me, hungry now, bored now, can we go to the park ?" or any other little saying your cherub was fond of in their pre dawn years.
Parenting teenagers is a doddle if you've worked in a zoo or on peace keeping missions in Iraq. Most of us haven't, have some more of my handy hints.
Don't watch Skins or Hollyoaks, especially Skins, it will fret you.
Don't ask questions that you won't like the answer to. I work on a strictly need to know basis. I'm sure that's much better for my peace of mind.
Find a good hiding place for your stuff. Teenage girls in particular think that any cosmetics/perfumes/toiletries that are in the house belong to anyone that needs them. This goes for shoes, clothes and jewellery too, it is much worse if you are the same size, your 17 year old daughter looks so much better in all your clothes. Teenage boys think all food in the house belongs to them, no matter how many times you tell them that if it's a fruit and nut toblerone it's yours, they'll still eat it.
Music has to be played at 1 decibel below ear bleeding to be fully appreciated by the teenage ear. Train them early to like your music, it hurts less when you like what's being played.
Choose your battles carefully - sure where's the harm if they look like they got dressed in the dark or have been at the dressing up box. Take pictures, lots of them - in years to come you'll have hours of enjoyment looking at the cut of them.
If you put food in the fridge, it will be eaten. If there is beer, it will be drunk. If your house gets the rep of having such items you will be descended on by a plague of hungry/thirsty teenagers. This is expensive.
They appear not to get tidier with age. You would think that having 3 teens you could delegate some of the chores out, spread the weight a bit. You can try. Good luck with that.
The behaviour level is sometimes similar to the toddler phase, especially when the hormone fairy has visited, they are significantly less cute though.
What excited them when they were 5, will excite them again at 16/17/18. They love trampolines, bouncy castles and jelly. If you do a birthday party with kids games like pass the parcel and provide alcohol, you will have some very happy teenagers.
Remember when your adorable little cherub of a toddler got you up at 6am every day ? It is incredibly enjoyable to go into a teenagers bedroom (double the fun if they're hungover/woke you up when they stumbled in drunk/vomited in a bathroom cleaned that very day)and wake them up. You can bounce on their bed, open the curtains and say in a nice cheerful tone "S'morning now, morning now, get up, get up, get up, I'm wake now, entertain me, hungry now, bored now, can we go to the park ?" or any other little saying your cherub was fond of in their pre dawn years.
Thursday, 25 June 2009
auntiegwens guide of what to do lesson 1 - Parenting - the pre teen years
As some of you may know I have 3 children. I had my 3 children in the space of 4 and a half years. I knew nothing of how to bring up kids, nothing at all. Take heart - they and I have survived.
Tell them you love them every single day. Tell yourself that too.
Find something to praise them for daily. I know this can be tough, feel for me, I have teenagers.
Accept that your pre child ideas of parenting will not happen. You know your own particular brand of parenting snobbery. These usually go something like "I'll never allow..." Mine were chocolate biscuits and snot. I failed. On both counts.
Gina feckin Ford and her contented little baby is a big fat lie. Gina feckin Ford has not had a baby of her own, contented or otherwise. Therefore I feel that Gina feckin Ford should shut the feck up.
When children are quiet then something is afoot. You can either enjoy the peace whilst it lasts, take 5 to do what you love to do, flick though a magazine, eat a hobnob, go to the toilet all by your own self and accept that you will have to deal with the consequences later or you can go investigate immediately and perform damage limitation. You pays your money you takes your choice.
Small children will believe just about anything if you say it with enough authority. Enjoy this stage when you are the most clever person they know. You will be usurped when they fall in love with their primary school teacher. Then every sentence will start with "Miss Primary School teacher says..." You won't care for their tone.
When small children are fractious tell them it's because they need a poo. If you use enough authority in your voice (point 6) they will go and sit on the loo. This will give you 5 or maybe even 10 minutes if you're lucky for the situation to diffuse (this is much better than free time as in point 5). Then you can either praise them for performing or trying (point 2)
Like puppies they need the holy trinity of fresh air, exercise and boundaries. I wouldn't advise smacking them on the nose with a rolled up newspaper though. Social services don't like that.
No one will love your kids or be interested in them like you are, I found this very hard to believe when I had the world's most perfect and beautiful child and I wanted to share her magnificence with the world. Imagine my surprise when I found that other people felt that their child was the world's most perfect and beautiful and they wanted to tell me all about it.
It matters not a jot at what age they walk, talk, crawl, cut a tooth, get potty trained etc. This does not make your child a genius nor is this a sign of them going to be President of the world. I have taught an awful lot of teenagers, even the most stupid of them could walk, talk and go to the toilet.
Tell them you love them every single day. Tell yourself that too.
Find something to praise them for daily. I know this can be tough, feel for me, I have teenagers.
Accept that your pre child ideas of parenting will not happen. You know your own particular brand of parenting snobbery. These usually go something like "I'll never allow..." Mine were chocolate biscuits and snot. I failed. On both counts.
Gina feckin Ford and her contented little baby is a big fat lie. Gina feckin Ford has not had a baby of her own, contented or otherwise. Therefore I feel that Gina feckin Ford should shut the feck up.
When children are quiet then something is afoot. You can either enjoy the peace whilst it lasts, take 5 to do what you love to do, flick though a magazine, eat a hobnob, go to the toilet all by your own self and accept that you will have to deal with the consequences later or you can go investigate immediately and perform damage limitation. You pays your money you takes your choice.
Small children will believe just about anything if you say it with enough authority. Enjoy this stage when you are the most clever person they know. You will be usurped when they fall in love with their primary school teacher. Then every sentence will start with "Miss Primary School teacher says..." You won't care for their tone.
When small children are fractious tell them it's because they need a poo. If you use enough authority in your voice (point 6) they will go and sit on the loo. This will give you 5 or maybe even 10 minutes if you're lucky for the situation to diffuse (this is much better than free time as in point 5). Then you can either praise them for performing or trying (point 2)
Like puppies they need the holy trinity of fresh air, exercise and boundaries. I wouldn't advise smacking them on the nose with a rolled up newspaper though. Social services don't like that.
No one will love your kids or be interested in them like you are, I found this very hard to believe when I had the world's most perfect and beautiful child and I wanted to share her magnificence with the world. Imagine my surprise when I found that other people felt that their child was the world's most perfect and beautiful and they wanted to tell me all about it.
It matters not a jot at what age they walk, talk, crawl, cut a tooth, get potty trained etc. This does not make your child a genius nor is this a sign of them going to be President of the world. I have taught an awful lot of teenagers, even the most stupid of them could walk, talk and go to the toilet.
Wednesday, 9 April 2008
Welcome to my world
I just could not resist this. It has to be the funniest thing I've seen for ages. Much kudos to The Beautiful Son for finding this. You know the drill, just click on the wee thingy.
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