My Mother says no

I've just got back from The Mother Country, as I keep telling NB I have to get back regularly to top up the accent. We met up and went for a pizza last week and he told me my voice was wrong ! When he reads me, in his head, I sound like a Surrey housewife, I ask you? A Surrey housewife ! would you give yourself peace !!!!

Anyhoo, I've been hame tae my mammies for a feed and a spoiling. The Beautiful Parents are very well and my gadget mad Dad is counting the days till he retires on April 16th. My dad has counted down since Easter last year and has masses of ideas of what he would want to do with his time. My parents have always said they would move when my dad retires and he would very much like to live in a traditional red sandstone tenement flat, so would I actually, the rooms are enormous and if you get one with a view of a park, it's just heaven.

My mother says no, she doesn't want neighbours above, below or sharing a wall with her.

My dad would adore a trip to Hong Kong and to travel around the far East, he loves the culture and the art and literature and is itching to explore there.

My mother says no, 4 hours is her maximum flying time and she has no notion to go anywhere so foreign.

My dad would like to get a dog, he fancies a wee westie, he always had one before he met my mother.

My mother says no, she doesn't want the responsibility of one.

My dad would like to buy a new car, the one they have is fairly old.

My mother says no, she likes it, she's used to the cd controls !!! and there's nothing wrong with it.

The strange thing about this is, if you met my mum bossy and assertive are the last things you would call her, she's so keen to please and would do anything for you. I am stunned that she's being so dogmatic about this. It was a very surreal visit, they usually just rub along together, he works and buys gadgets and she gently moans about it. I am certain that the thought of them being together 24 hours a day is preying on both their minds, I'm sure they're both trying to mark out territory and I'd lay money on my dad finding himself a part time job by October.