Monday, 12 November 2007

My Mondays

Now some of you may know that I work from home on Mondays. This is the day when I attempt to clean my house, do shed loads of laundry, run ( ha ha ha, I put them in to save you the trouble of laughing for yourself), do a supermarket shop, plan lessons for the week, go to the bank, post office, dry cleaners etc etc etc. Monday is the day when I try and do a weeks worth of stuff in a day. This is what I plan to do, every Sunday night and every Monday morning, I tell myself that this will be the day I do it. In my head the plan sounds great, achievable even. This is the plan.

This is the actuality

Every Monday, I get up, go straight to Beautiful Baby Daughters room and get into her bed for 10 minutes where I kiss and cuddle her, then I go to The Beautiful Son's bedroom where I get into his bed and kiss and cuddle him for precisely 10 minutes, they actually time it to ensure neither of them gets a peko second more of my attention. I then knock on the door of the Bride of Darkness aka Eldest Beautiful Daughter and get a grunt in return from under the duvet, I would be happy to kiss and cuddle her to but I am more likely to get a belt in the mouth for my trouble, like me, she's not a morning person.

I then proceed downstairs to the kitchen, I put on my first load of laundry for the day, empty the dishwasher, make packed lunches, call the beautiful children at least 4 times to come and eat the feckin breakfast, dispense money, find lost kit, homework, school books etc etc.

I then return to my bed with the first of several large mugs of coffee, I watch channel 4 on the telly whilst eating my lightly toasted cinnamon and raisin bagel, occasionally I can persuade EBD to make me another coffee and I stay there contentedly till I've seen Will and Grace.

I then get up and empty the washing machine and put on yet another load of laundry. I sit at the pc and log on, I read my horoscopes, handbag.com forums and anything that catches my eye on the home page, I then go to blogger and read all my lovely regular round of blogs and then I think I should blog myself.

So it is now 11 am, I am still not showered or dressed, the washing is still not pegged out and I have achieved nothing of my plan but before you deride me for wasting my time, have a little look at what I've found out, today I give you something I found on the tiscali home page, it is a list of laws that have never been repealled, and I 've included the foreign ones so you can see that people really are nuts the world over.

Strange but True Laws

1. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.

2. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside-down.

3. In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless except as a clerk in a tropical fish shop.

4. Mince pies cannot be eaten on Christmas Day.

5. In Scotland, if someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter.

6. In the UK, a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including a policeman's helmet.

7. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the King and the tail goes to the Queen.

8. It's illegal not to tell a tax official anything you don't want them to know but legal not to tell them information you don't mind them knowing.

9. It's illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in a suit of armour.

10. In the city of York it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the city walls but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.


And for our fruit loops abroad...


1. In Ohio it is illegal to get a fish drunk.

2. In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation.

3. In Bahrain, a male doctor can only examine the genitals of a woman in the reflection of a mirror.

4. In Switzerland a man cannot relieve himself standing up after 10pm.

5. In Alabama it's illegal to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle.

6. In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on a Sunday could be jailed.

7. In Vermont, women must get written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

8. In Milan it's a legal requirement to smile at all times except at funerals or hospital visits.

9. In Japan, there is no age of consent.

10. In France, it's illegal to name a pig Napoleon.


Time well spent, I'm sure you'll agree



7 comments:

lisa q. said...

EBD sounds so much like my beautifulbabydaughter i can't even believe it! if i climbed in her bed to kiss and cuddle, it would just plain ugly! :D

love the laws...too funny! give yourself a break girl...you deserve a little down time too!

Katie said...

This is exactly why I don't believe my colleagues when they say they're "working from home."

Tom Foolery (TF) said...

God, I've committed treason! Off with her head!.....

Brucie bonus said...

Some other interesting facts....


1. A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

2. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it
will digest itself.

3. The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down
continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

5. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate. I know
some people like that!

6. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.

7. A 2 X 4 is really 1-1/2 by 3-1/2.

8. During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur," a small red car can be seen in the
distance.

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily! That
explains it!

10. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear
pants.

auntiegwen said...

Lisa,

the similarities between us and the girls is too freaky sometimes

Katie,
I do not claim any salary for my Mondays at home, honest !

Tom F,
I have broken more than 1 of those laws too

Brucie Bonus,
thank you for your facts, the next time I have champagne I am def going to try the raisin thing.

As for no 7, I am a girl ( albeit an old one, but a girl nonetheless)therefore I do not even begin to understand numbers, as the friends I share my credit card bills with will testify, not a feckin clue.

I hope you are not having a dig at me in no 5 as I can assure you I do have a mate aka The Beautiful Man and also in no 9 as I take full responsibility and all blame for The Beautiful Children, I have messed them up all by my own self...

Gwen said...

I loved this list of stupid laws. Many thanks

Lena said...

I actually had heard of the British number 2 and 5 but the others are nuts!! But the overseas fruit loops win hands down! How does one get a fish drunk....?