Wednesday, 31 December 2008

Happy Hogmanay



For the last few years I have been unhappy on Hogmanay.
In 2005 I was very unhappy in my marriage and it ended in 2006.
In 2006 it was the first Hogmanay since 1985 I was without Gordon, although he did spend it at my house but again, painful for both of us.
Last year in 2007 I woke up knowing I was in a relationship that was making me profoundly unhappy and I was getting ready to take my children away for New Year with my ex boyfriend Ken, his children and his sister and her friends. That was a horrible time for me and mine, 2 out of my 3 children didn't prefer him but I felt responsible to try and make it work as I had brought him into my children's lives and I never wanted to introduce them to a succession of new partners. I stopped seeing him just after New Year to my immediate nearest and dearests great relief.

Last weekend Ken's children came to stay with me, his ex wife and I liased over this, I liked her immensely, I was incredibly fond of his children and they have kept in touch with myself and my children. I didn't realise how much they missed me, it was so good to see them again. After hours of chat with his ex wife I realised that I never really knew him at all, the lies he told us both, he gave me what I wanted to hear, mush a plenty, he found my weak spot and emotionally shape shifted to be what I wanted. His ex wife couldn't recognise the man I was dating and I realise now what a mutually delusional 6 months we had, I've had a lucky escape.

Someone who knows me too well remarked last month that he thought I didn't really love Ken at all, he's read every word on this blog and knows me well enough to comment. It was a bit of a double edged sword for him to read and I think he found it difficult in the beginning to read all I blogged about my past.
I never write any of the mushy stuff about him, not because it's not there and definitely not because he's less important, I think I've kept it more to myself because it was so out there last time and because this man is private and I never want him to feel that I've said something that he is uncomfortable with. It can't be easy knowing that potentially everything could be offered up for blog mates scrutiny.

So this morning, Hogmanay 2008, I woke up completely at peace with my life, having had another one of my perfect nights with everything I wanted. I wish all of you, dear readers, to have that feeling too this 2009.

And I wish us more of us.

18 comments:

lisaq said...

Aww girl...wishing you the best year ever in '09. You deserve so much happiness. Thank you for being such an amazing friend even though the great pond separates us. Know how much you mean to me...

Josie said...

All the best for 2009, I'm spending another new year in with hubby of nearly 13yrs and feeling a bit sorry for myself not going out/can't afford to celebrate when really I should count myself lucky I've got someone very special who since 1992 has wanted to spend his life with me, has always put me and his step-son first and at times I don't why he stays because at times I'm sure like a lot us I can be a right cow!
Happy new year! Josie x

Laura said...

*hug* for Auntie Gwen, I hope you have an AMAZING 09

that girl? said...

Happy New Year Auntie G - Hope 2009 continues to bring you peace x

TOM FOOLERY said...

May the shinning love star continue to twinkle for you this year m'dear :) TFX

scrappysue said...

i think romantastyland is a suburb in fantasyland :(

i hope that post was as cathartic to write as it was to read

here's to a toad-less 2009!

Anonymous said...

In my experience, it takes two perfectly connected people to make a perfect night.

Nota Bene said...

So glad your start to 2009 is a good one...we raised a toast to friends both near and far and present, past and future.

Happy New Year!

Maggie May said...

All the best for 2009. New year is a time to take stock of our lives and work out what the important things are and reflect on past good/bad experiences. New Year is a chance to start again.

Thanks for useful information that you left on my blog! Much appreciated.

Shirley said...

Happy Hogmanay, dear Gwen. May some things come together for you, and some other things settle on the distant fringes of your life. And if you're wondering what in the world I'm talking about, well, me too. :)

Thanks for your warm wishes for me and mine.

FOXY1969 said...

Happy Hogmanay My favorite Auntie!
Maybe I can borrow some of your courage to sort out my life too this year!

xxx

Katie said...

Happy New Year!

Penelope said...

Horribly late, as always but Happy New Year dahhling!
Here's to a peaceful 2009 :o) xxx

*~*Cece*~* said...

It makes me happy to hear you're in a good place, my bloggy friend. I wish many more good days on you & yours.

Mean Mom said...

You are sounding very content and that is a great thing. You are right. Some relationships and feelings are simply too personal to share with blogland. I hope that 2009 is wonderful for you and your family. You deserve it.

Sorry I'm a bit late commenting. Had flu and people staying for a few days. Great combination.

Dusty Spider said...

What a very thoughtful post. You deserve some peace of mind. I hope you find it in 2009 and beyond. Love Flick x

A Confused Take That Fan said...

Happy New Year Auntie. Sounds like you are in a great place right now. Enjoy. And much luck for 2009. Funny how New Years always make you assess your life a bit, decide how you want life to be etc...anyways, lots of love x

auntiegwen said...

Lisa - and you to me honey xx

josie - that doesn't sound too shabby at all, sounds like you have everything you need

Lolly - I hope so too, and for you too, I hope you are healthy and get the job you want oh and pass your exams and get romantic too, you'll be busy

That Girl - thank you, I hope yours is simply perfect

TF - I sincerely hope so too, may your year be filled with joy, unusual photographs to take and poems too xx

Sue - I love Romantasyland though, and writing this was cathartic, and heres to seeing you in 2009 x

Anon - your resolution to give me more mush is off to a flying start, thank you so much, this moved me to tears xxx

NB - I like that, to new friends x

Maggie May - thank you, I like the idea of a clean sheet

Shirley - thank you my friend, the very best of luck for your new nursing programme and to a happy new year with your beautiful daughters x

Foxy - you'll find the courage when the time is right, I promise x

Katie - Thank you pet, Happy New Year to you and Adrian, are you back in The Mother Country ?

penelope - yes indeed my dear, a peaceful 2009 with a teeny bit of excitement to keep us on our toes

Cece - my messycan amigo, a very happy one to you and the meester and girls too x

Mean Mom - thank you so much, there are aspects of us that are too special to share, but most of my fun stuff is with him and it's just too good not to blog, sorry you've been a bit under the weather, but hey, it can only get better xx

Flick - thank you so much, I've had to work extremely hard for my peace of mind and it is really prized to me xx I hope 2009 brings peace of mind to you and yours this year too

ACTTF - I am in a really fab place at the moment, New Year really stirs things doesn't it ? All the endings and beginnings, I hope you have an amazing 2009 too, lots of love right back atcha xxx