Saturday 24 July 2010

My name is auntiegwen...

and I, my friends, am a great big wuss.

I'm not the bravest of souls, I am scared of big dogs, I am scared of cats, I just about wet my knickers at the thought of mice. If there was a sign of fire, I'd not be the one ploughing through smoke saving small children, I'd be outside, quite far away, phoning the emergency services as I legged it.

I'm even less emotionally brave. It used to just be with men, I am not very good at letting people in. When it looks like it might be a real relationship with feelings and all, I run a mile. Any hint of romance and the L word is met with smart arse sarcasm and flippancy. To save myself the time and effort of it all going wrong, I have now resorted to finding reasons not to date someone in the first place, the last poor man who tried to woo me scored an astounding 23 reasons not to go. And he was David Tennant. Okay he wasn't really, but you get my drift.

Today, I plumbed new depths even for me. I didn't go to a party because I had to go on my own and I didn't think I'd know anyone. I am now a wuss in all areas of my life.

And as we all know how much the auntie loves irony, my clan motto?

"Fortune favours the brave"

I'm thinking I should return to my maiden name post divorce!


scrappysue said...

i think the first time back 'out' after a divorce is final must be very hard (not that i know) - but you don't always have to be brave! hugs

Gigi said...

Hi AuntieGwen! I'm part of your tribe. I don't do big dogs, mice or any creatures and I don't like social gatherings by myself either. In fact, the older - I mean the more grown up - I become the more I find myself becoming a hermit.

Ayak said...

I was always pretty much the same...but life was moving on too fast and I realised I had to change my attitude. I started to do this when I made the decision to move to Turkey. Many anxious, scary times and tears later, I've almost cracked it. I say almost because it's easy to slip back into my old ways...but I force myself to do be braver than I actually am...and I'm always pleased I tried.

You can do it...I just know you can!

libby said...

Should have rung me...we could have braved it together..but then it's only a matter of time until you cross that scary threshold and get in there yourself...have a hug..speak soon X

Mrs Worthington said...

Auntie gwen I feel your pain.
I am fine with animals but humans omg they're scary. What they don't tell you when getting a divorce is who gets custody of self esteem and bessi mate self confidence. Next time you have a social gathering to attend give me a call cos chances are there will be tumblweed rolling through my social calendar. I think it's time we have a bloggers get together?

Becky said...

Gwen, I think that suggestion of a bloggers get together is excellent. I think we are all so like minded with our experiences and aspirations, and getting together , would give us all such a boost and remind us how good it is to be us! You are one blogger that would inspire a lot of us, with your warmth, honesty and genuiness. Here's my Hugs x

Sueann said...

I don't do people well either...I tend to want to run the other way. If I had to be dating again...well...I just don't know if I could. I feel your pain!!
I am with Gigi...hermits rule!!

Rarelesserspotted said...

Join the club hun, got the T shirt here too.

Anonymous said...

You see, I'm quite brave in a gung-ho jump out of a plane, move to the other side of the world, climb tall mountains kind of a way.

But emotionally?

A totally cowardy custard.

In fact, I've been known not to progress a potential romance for the logical reason that it might just not turn out all kisses and roses, and so it is better not to give it a chance in the first place.

Maybe that's one reason I'm decidedly single?

Madame DeFarge said...

I'm never sure why being emotionally brave is meant to be such a big deal. Being a fearty cat is far better for self-preservation, if not self-advancement. Anyway, I reckon that you're braver than you think. At least you admit that going to a party where you know nobody is scary. I suspect most of us would feel like that, but bluster about it too. But hey, anytime you're in Derby or London, let me know and we can both meet people we don't know.

Suzanne Ross Jones said...

I'm scared of all of the above and spiders.

Think you're very brave to have even considered going to the party on your own. I'm such a wuss it wouldn't even have registered as a possibility.


Taz said...

Sounds like we could lock ourselves away with a couple of bottles of wine, a box of chocs and a huge box of tissues. (((((auntiegwen)))))

Frankies' Cornish Farmyard Ramblings said...

Hi Auntie, just read you post on the courthouse, very sad,brought a tear to my eye(however it could be the red wine, knowing no school or work to organise tomorrow - I work in local school). I once went to court holding my mothers hand whilst there had to look my sobbing irish father in the eye and say I wanted to live with my mother - I was 7 years old, without any further social worker check ups, I stayed with my mother she had a history of mental illness finally after 10 years of trying I got to seventeen and she finally committed suicide. You have certainly stirred some memories. Things can only get better. X

Helena said...

Entering parties/functions on your own is quite a daunting thing but I holiday and socially gather as a single these days, (he prefers it this way) so I'm kind of getting used to it.

I'm no toughie emotionally, either - despite how the outside world finds me. In a certain sense you're lucky. You've still got a chance at finding the L word. It's been and gone for me.

I think a Wuss Club would be a great night out.....if anyone turned up!

AGuidingLife said...

oooh no, it wasn't Oakham was it?...bugger,bugger.. I would have worn a carnation and carried a newpaper...curse you bay of biscay...

now head up girl and strut tall you need no one by your side to make an entrance...its the hanging around the buffet table on your own that's the hard bit :0)

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Now come on auntiegwen, you know you can do it! Well, we believe in you. I've just caught up and must admit you have a lot to cope with right now. I'm so pleased that you had a friend with you after the divorce scenario - I know how awful that is. Still - things can only get better, so they say. Love and thoughts, M xxx
PS. Planning any more visits to Brighton?

auntiegwen said...

Sue - it seems to take a lot of effort to be brave at the moment

Gigi - it's kinda nice to have your own space

Ayak - as moving to Turkey is an option for me I will have to borrow some of your bravery. Incidentally I can't seem to comment on your posts at the mo, when I click on comments nothing happens, maybe it's just a fault at my end?

Libby - thanks, hugs always welcomed

Mrs W - sounds great to me, a lovely day with wine and bloggers sounds a bit like Nirvana to me xx

Becky - great, we'll have to have one now, I think we'd have a great time xx

SueAnn - it's just a bit jaded, it's hard to find a compatible kind of man

RLS - thanks pet, glad to know I'm not the only wuss xx

Mud - yep you and me both, I can always find a reason or 23 to walk away just to self preserve x

Madame - sounds great, I'm very near Derby always

Suzanne - it was part of my plan to just get out of the house more then I bottled it :( xx

Taz - pop round, I'm usually in xx

Frankie - jeez what a hellish thing to happen, but look how much love and care you've put into parenting your children, they've had such a good start with you xxx

Lena - aw feck, now I am a real wuss, holiday on your own? I take my hat off to you xx and I woudln't worry about love and me, I'm too wussy to even try xx

Kellogsville - never mind, there'll be other times xx

Margot - next time I'm visiting Brighton I'll email and you can show me some hidden gems xx

Expat mum said...

I don't know - that's quite a big thing to do for anyone, especially if you know there's going to be a tight crowd there. Tight as in Clique-ish.

auntiegwen said...

Expat Mum - yep but I wasn't brave enough to go, they could have been lovely but miss wussypants that I am will never know. I make myself so cross with it.