Monday 28 November 2011

Really, my guilty pleasure

I have been watching a startling amount of television recently. This is a new thing for me, I used to be out running, going to gigs and flirting with strange men in bars, I had no time to waste on TV, truth be told, I was a little bit showy offy about not watching it.

Not now, oh no siree bob, I have embraced the telly like I would David Tennant. Nothing makes you auntie happier that her arse on the sofa and full charge of the remote control. I even have a special blanket now, not quite the one with arms that have a special name I've forgotten but a nice snuggly blanket to add to my viewing pleasure. Throw in a bag of maltesers and the aunties wee cup of happiness overfloweth. In twitterati #iknowhowtopaartaay.

I also have to say, the more crap the programme, the more I like it, I am mocked on a daily basis for my programme choices but I care not a jot, I lie there, mouth crammed with maltesers and tissues at the ready, a lot of my telly porn involves cheap emotion, sobbing is my chief exercise at the moment. The more mawkish the emotion, the better, channel 20 is ace for this, Sometimes you can watch "Extreme makeover - House edition", " Don't tell the bride" and "Bridezillas" on the same day - just frickin awesome.

For crap telly virgins EMHE is American, they come and build a house in a week for people who have had the most awful times, death/fire/major health problems etc, sometimes even in the same family. The house is always amazing and huge and free, they don't do aunties new kitchens apparently. Oh that's a regular 2 hanky job.

DTTB - is British, they give a groom and his best man £12,000 and they get to plan a wedding in 3 weeks and the bride just turns up, the best man has to be quite odd for best effects. This always usually turns out well and is a wee discreet tear "aawh don't they look lovely" job

Bridezillas is mental - very stressed, cross, shouty, screaming women who are quite clearly unhinged and in need of a good slap who make everyone unhappy. They're American, I'm sure you could film British ones though. This doesn't make me cry but I scream at the telly a bit and slobber malteser goo down myself though.

Add in X Factor (God, that Janet bored me to death, I know she was reallly young and I'm sure she's a lovely wean but I was getting right fed up with her), Living with the Amish (what nice, no one is going to punch your son in the face trying to steal his Crackberry on a Saturday night, yep, did happen but The Beautiful son is fine and still has his phone) and the Trinny and Susannah thing in Australia (lots of women who've been very busy being wives and mummies and quite often being ill as well to be all dressed up and glamorous every day to boot)

So, there you have it, I've fessed it up, my name is auntiegwen and I'm addicted to crap telly, am I on my own? what do you watch that you're secretly ashamed of? Not that I'm looking for ideas of more telly to watch because I'm middle aged and have no life, not at all, merely offering you the chance to feel oh so much better about your own life.

Selfless to my very core.


Ayak said...

OK here goes then:
X Factor (so relieved Janet's gone. I want Marcus or Little Mix to win)
Strictly Come Dancing
I'm a Celebrity Get me Out of Here
Peter Andre's life
Holby City
All the UK soaps
Real Housewives
Desperate Housewives
The Good Wife
...and lots more. I don't have a TV but watch catch-ups on line. How do I remember this list? They're all on my Favourites bar.
And talking of bars...always have chocolate whilst watching..can't get maltesers here although they would deffo be my preferred choice.
I don't think you are anywhere near as bad as me!

A Woman Of No Importance said...

I too indulge in the bitter-sweet sensations (occasionally, not every time) that is DTTB, DIY SOS (just like the Home Makeover, but British and probably crapper!)

But my unholiest of holies is surely It's Me Or The Dog with schoolmarmish Victoria Stilwell and also Cesar Milan's very similar doggy progs...

I also like the original Supernanny, for all her bad grammar and mispronunciations...

Are you thinking of running a 12-Step Programme, BAGgie?! x

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Oh God, Real Housewives is proper car-crash telly, Ayak!

p.s. I love it too!

auntiegwen said...

Ayak - I used to love Casualty way back with Charlie, Duffy and the lovely Irish one (that I can't remember the name of, was it Brenda, mibbe?), I so wish I could get you some maltesers now :)

Fhina - I loved Supernanny too but I've not seen real Housewives, I must try and find that, if you pair love it, what's the betting I will too?

Andy said...

Oh. Dear. God.

Are you sure that's Malteser goo and not your brain trying to escape all the crap TV via your mouth?

I think you might need an intervention.......

auntiegwen said...

Andy - feck off and stop being such a boy. PS what kind of intervention? will there be cake involved, I'm partial to cake

libby said...

My name is libby. I am a 'teleholic'.....especially on these long winter nights when it is dark and cold. I put on my jamas, make tea (or pour wine) and snuggle down with crisps/cake/chocolate/cheese/crackers or all of the above like last night....GAWD help me I probably NEED an intervention.x

auntiegwen said...

Libs - speak to Andy, apparently he's running interventions for middleagedwomentellyholics like thee and me, I'm not sure he'll be giving out cake though, I hope he is but I fear he's one of them "get up and do stuff" kinda boys

Elderberry-Rob said...

Aunty you have to join me on Sky Christmas 24 channel, you go into a trancelike state and watch films of santa forgot who he was, who his wife was, man wakes up thinking he's santa, santa hands over to next generation, Santa swaps lives with mean man - I am addicated and pretend to do the ironing or be on late night watch for oldest boy to make it home. I too have a big blankie and am secretly hoping for 'the big slipper' it's big enough to get both feet in, cos you aren't going anywhere there's no need to walk, just keep feet toasty whilst watching that telly.

auntiegwen said...

Betty - a Christmas channel????? how fabulous is that? if I wasn't too much of a cheapskate to get Sky (always resisted as I fully expected to have to watch football all the live long day, but hey benefits of divorce and all that...)

Macy said...

Three words.
Game. Of. Thrones.

No really, on you go... you'll thank me later!

auntiegwen said...

Macy - now if this enthralls me, you'll have to come and cook the weans tea

Mrs Worthington said...

my guilty pleasure Coach Trip. We are currently with TIVO box and life has ended as we know it!

Looking for Blue Sky said...

Does it make me even worse that I watch whatever is on? Oh and I thought maltesers didn't count because they are mainly air...

Gigi said...

I'm one of those that doesn't watch much television....but that's mainly because the boys pretty much take it over - and if I turn on the one in my bedroom that will guarantee that I will promptly fall asleep - no matter how early it is. But I do adore Modern Family (it's American - but then all my television is!) and I will demand total control of the remote when it's on.

Anonymous said...

Bridoplasty plunges new depths. And they keep telling us TV is not dumbing down

AGuidingLife said...

Oooooky, - yes I admit to sobbing at x-factor but here comes the main confession: Stands up : I love Judge Judy. There, it is said, I'm not ashamed.

However, I do not have a blanket and rarely dribble malteser goo and for that I thank you for raising my self-esteem. X

Autumn Mist said...

I'm really, really sorry about this and am not telling you this to sound smug, but I don't do TV. I have to fight to watch Downton Abbey and feel a bit bereft now it's finished. I do that other thing, what do you call it? Oh yes, reading, that's it!

Troy said...

Although I'm indoors most of the day I don't watch much daytime TV. The exception which I do try to catch is the last twenty minutes of Bargain Hunt from 12.40 each day to watch the auction. I've even applied to go on there with my father-in-law but they've never invited me onto it. I've even practiced the end bit where Tim says "Join us tomorrow for some more bargain hunting...Yes?" And we have to smile, throw out an arm, kick out a leg and shout "Yes!".
Tim - I'm home and waiting.

Nota Bene said...

I know a therapist.
A good one.
Or you could just watch Oprah

Sueann said...

I watch The Housewives of Beverly Hills!! See? I admitted it! Ha!
And Say Yes to the dress!! Sigh!
Love a good wedding dress find!
Joining you on the couch!

auntiegwen said...

Mrs W - ooh I've got glimpses of that, I like Brendan

LFBS - I shall adopt that policy too, watch everything and maltesers are not fattening, marvellous

Gigi - we don't get modern family here - sniff

Anon - bridoplasty!!!! love it

S - ah Lena (fellow Scottish blogger) loves Judge Judy too, as for the malteser goo, just wait, you're not as old as me yet...

Am - I read too, honest, on my kindle and real books too, I didn't watch and of Downton Abbey but friends raved about it

Troy - I think we should campaign for you to get on it, every man should have a dream :)

NB - never tried Oprah, but always willing to broaden my horizons

SueAnn - say yes to the dress, sounds just like my kinda thing, wehn we go to USA next year on our hols, I will be spending some time looking for that one :)

Juliab said...

Tough Love is completely addictive totally trashy tv. Also I could watch endless repeats of Ace of Cakes, it's usually shown 8-9am at the weekends so I watch it with a cup of tea, snuggled up in bed with the kids.

auntiegwen said...

juliab - many, many thanks for broadening my horizons, cake porn in bed sounds just amazing to me