In which I am hoist by my own petard.

I am a bitch, a big fat bitchy bitch. I am also a wussypants bitch. I will seethe and seethe and lose my stomach lining and then bitch on my blog but I seem unable to put the big girl pants on and deal with things. This week I will be bitching mainly about my book group.

I have been in my book group for many years, I actually was still married when it began and that feels like decades ago. I stopped enjoying it probably about a year ago, when we got back from Prague, I liked Prague and the thought of going there kept me going to book group. But me no likey any more. There is a woman there I wouldn't get tired of slapping, I really can't abide her. She talks non stop about her husband and how much he loves her, and their fabulous life and all the things he does and I am flat out bored by it. Please don't think I'm bitter because I normally love a bit of mush and genuinely it doesn't have to be directed at me but I now find I can't be in the same room as her.

Book group trip this year is in June and is to Berlin, it will cost around £500 for the 2 nights and frankly I would rather spend my £500 on something I'd enjoy more. I want to go here There are 2 rooms with 3 in them, pulled names out of a hat and lucky white heather, I got woman I can't stand and the world's most boring woman. Was I a Nazi in my former life? I don't want to spend 2 days listening to Mrs Mushing and trying to make polite conversation with Mrs Per Una.

So, I am grumbling and grousing because I should just say I don't want to go and I'd like to quit book group please but I don't.

Then, unexpectedly I get thrown a lifeline from the ex mr auntiegwen. He has booked a holiday and he'll be away on the weekend of the trip. I have no childcare so I can't go. The date is set in stone as trying to find a weekend that all 6 women didn't have something to do or they weren't required to be a mummy for 48 hours was incredibly hard as we have 15 children between us. So I make my apologies and urge the others to carry on, this happened last year when a different 2 pulled out but 4 of us went.

Home free.

I thought.

Today I've had a flurry of texts and calls. Weekend is cancelled because I can't go, despite my protestations. We are now going to a day spa so I can get home at night and our trip will be resheduled for autumn.

Grandma in Cyprus, look away now, I'm going to use the hard f word.

Fuckity, fuckity, fuck.