Thursday, 25 February 2010

In which I am hoist by my own petard.

I am a bitch, a big fat bitchy bitch. I am also a wussypants bitch. I will seethe and seethe and lose my stomach lining and then bitch on my blog but I seem unable to put the big girl pants on and deal with things. This week I will be bitching mainly about my book group.

I have been in my book group for many years, I actually was still married when it began and that feels like decades ago. I stopped enjoying it probably about a year ago, when we got back from Prague, I liked Prague and the thought of going there kept me going to book group. But me no likey any more. There is a woman there I wouldn't get tired of slapping, I really can't abide her. She talks non stop about her husband and how much he loves her, and their fabulous life and all the things he does and I am flat out bored by it. Please don't think I'm bitter because I normally love a bit of mush and genuinely it doesn't have to be directed at me but I now find I can't be in the same room as her.

Book group trip this year is in June and is to Berlin, it will cost around £500 for the 2 nights and frankly I would rather spend my £500 on something I'd enjoy more. I want to go here There are 2 rooms with 3 in them, pulled names out of a hat and lucky white heather, I got woman I can't stand and the world's most boring woman. Was I a Nazi in my former life? I don't want to spend 2 days listening to Mrs Mushing and trying to make polite conversation with Mrs Per Una.

So, I am grumbling and grousing because I should just say I don't want to go and I'd like to quit book group please but I don't.

Then, unexpectedly I get thrown a lifeline from the ex mr auntiegwen. He has booked a holiday and he'll be away on the weekend of the trip. I have no childcare so I can't go. The date is set in stone as trying to find a weekend that all 6 women didn't have something to do or they weren't required to be a mummy for 48 hours was incredibly hard as we have 15 children between us. So I make my apologies and urge the others to carry on, this happened last year when a different 2 pulled out but 4 of us went.

Home free.

I thought.

Today I've had a flurry of texts and calls. Weekend is cancelled because I can't go, despite my protestations. We are now going to a day spa so I can get home at night and our trip will be resheduled for autumn.

Grandma in Cyprus, look away now, I'm going to use the hard f word.

Fuckity, fuckity, fuck.

19 comments:

Secretia said...

You're Not a big fat bitchy bitch, so just say you're not going and take a stand. Don't be pressured into shit.

Secretia

libby said...

I feel your pain...it's awful when you can't just say 'no..don't want to' ... been there myself so many times...and you are not a bitch...just someone who is putting other people and their feelings before your own....we will all mull it over and come up with a solution! don't despair!!

libby said...

OOh just looked at where you DO want to go....do you already do pilates? I did a few months of it a few years ago when I lost some weight and loved it..have been meaning to give it another go ever since....

Rare Lesser Spotted said...

Secretia (wonderful name) may be right. Alternatively I think you need to make up the name of a particularly nasty sounding, highly contagious made up disease with overtones of a potential for something to drop off and then sneeze over the woman you don't like, apologise profusely and try to damp her off with a well used hankerchief. Get someone to film it and post her expression on YouTube. Dastardly - I'm quite proud of that!
XX

Rare Lesser Spotted said...

By the way, you've been nominated for an award, you might have had this one already...
XX

Gigi said...

Wow - they cancelled the trip just for you? You must be a lot of fun to go on a trip with!

Here's what you do - you call one (that you like - or you know will spread the word). Tell her how you just don't have time for the club anymore and are going to have to drop out. And then just don't go anymore. She will let the others know and you are done. No point continuing something you don't enjoy anymore. Don't cave to the peer pressure (isn't that what we tell our kids?).

Mud in the City said...

Be brave. Life's too short to do all the things we feel we should but don;t want to upset anyone about.

Deep breath and write down a good and solid reason for saying no. Practice practice practice it until it trips off the tongue and then - go and do it girl!

You'd be gob smacked, but feel sooooooo good afterwards!

Heather said...

oh fuck! some people just wont get the hint. Looks like you're gonna have to put those big girls pants on after all.

Chic Mama said...

Awwwww, they must all really really love you! Or else they all can't stand each other and can't bear the thought of you not being there! LOL. What a nightmare...I get myself into situations like that (not weekends away, some chance) but I'm not very good at saying no. Hey...a spa day sounds managable and it gives you eight months to come up with an excuse as to why you can't do the weekend.;0)

indigo16 said...

6 women? Are you insane?
£500 for 2 nights is a rip off you can do a week for that in the Radisson, well I exagerate maybe 4 nights, even so to spend all that money to share a room.... Thank God I am friendless that would be a sacrifice too far.

Muddling Along Mummy said...

Blimey I'm impressed they want you to go so much that they cancelled (or maybe there are more of them that want to slap her ...)

Madame DeFarge said...

You're as mad as hell and you're not going to take it. Not bitching, just venting and if you can't do that, then what's the point? And you're Scottish, so it's a god-given right.

auntiegwen said...

Secretia - I don't like to hurt anyones feelings so I do put up with things for a lot longer than I should

Libby - I know, my brain is hardwired to please, did you find pilates hard? I am very drawn to that and yoga but have never them.

RLS - sounds like a cunning plan, did you twirl the end of your moustache when you'd written it? and do the laugh? thanking you most kindly for the award, much appreciated.

Gigi - I am tremendously entertaining, regaling them with stories of my failed grown upness, my life is extremely funny when you don't live it. Maybe I should syphon off the 3 women I do like and form my own book group?

Mud - I can always play my "sorry I can't afford it, I;m a single parent you know" card I've kept it for emergencies.

Chic Mama - the day spa sounds good, I'll just keep myself busy with treatments. I can tell that she annoys at least 2 of the others by the way they react to her but she seems oblivious to it, she has no tact at all.

Alison - the flights were £170 each plus hotel plus taxis plus airport parking for 2 cars for 3 days, it just mounts up. Maybe if I had more trips and more money it'd have bothered me less but I knew I just didn't want to go.

Mum - I suspect she annoys others too but we're very polite and wouldn't say and some of them find it very difficult to justify the trip to their husbands so were quite glad to downgrade to a day trip. I suspect the autumn trip won't happen.

Madame - I feel a bit pants that they have cancelled, I wouldn't want my decision to impinge on the others. But a day at a spa seems to be a compromise that they are all very willing to make. Again apologies for whinging and language.

Becky said...

LOL Gwen. I can recall many situations when I have wanted to get out of some social event and getting more and more tense about it, just wishing I had just said no in the first place. I wonder if others in the group also secretly wanted to pull out, and took your pulling out as an opportunity to postpone it..?
I have done that too lol !

auntiegwen said...

Becky - I definitely think that was the reason! I do wish I could just say no thanks x

slommler said...

Oh dear....you must learn how to say "no". "I just don't want to go" "I have decided to quit book group" There, now don't you feel better!!!???!!!
I sure would
Hugging you
SueAnn

Looking for Blue Sky said...

Just go to France, think of all the wine, sunshine and fab food...

Diney said...

your book club sounds adventurous! We just meet in eachother's houses once every 5 weeks and drink too much wine then talk about the book for about 10 mins!! A spa trip may be ok even with the woman you could slappity slap? You could perhaps push her into the jacuzzi?

auntiegwen said...

SueAnn - you would think I'd be capable of that wouldn't you? A regular human grown up would but me? terrified of upsetting people or rocking the boat or upsetting the apple cart and all number of other bad cliches, thanks for the hugs, much appreciated sweetie x

LFBS - yep, I really do want to go there, it looks so relaing but energising at the same time, I keep thinking that if I always do what I've always done I'll always get what I've always got, I need to change

Diney - yep we do talk about the book for about 15 minutes and then onto other things, the spa sound do able, I'll just keep busy with treatments and maybe take my ipod as well !