Sunday, 18 January 2009

My Faults

In no particular order...

I am incredibly impatient, just put me in a Post Office Queue to see the dark side of me. Or a supermarket queue or at an airport check in desk, you get the picture. I want instant gratification.

I want my own way all the time. This is compounded and exacerbated by my feeling that I am always right about everything. I have been so angry and pissed off at work recently because I feel I am right on a point of principle and the others don't care as much as me. I am as cross as a bag of cats that I am not getting my own way over this.

I can keep grudges for a very long time and I will cut you out of my life without a backward glance, if you do something that upsets me. I removed my aunt in 1995 because I was pissed off at her wailing and weeping at my Gran's funeral( she did nothing to help my mother in the 10 years she had been caring for Gran when she developed Alzheimers) I actually made her cry after telling her a few home truths. I did the same to my ex friend Jenny also in 1995 when I found out she'd read my medical notes, she was nearly BBD's godmother and I told her off and never spoke to her again. I stopped speaking to Pam in 2006 when she rang my friend Susan asking for info about Gordon and I splitting up. Last year I gave up my friend Jo as I felt her behaviour was outrageous in the extreme. This is not a nice aspect of my personality, I don't do forgiveness easily or well. Judgemental is now appearing to be my default state.

Criticize my children unfairly at your peril. I will verbally annihilate you, no one has the right to do that, except me, not even their other parent, I feel when you give birth to them, it is the top trump, every time. If you teach them, you must be prepared to say good things to criticism on a 2-1 ratio, even then I will smile at you while seething inside and burning holes in my stomach lining, then you will receive crap presents at the end of term. You have been warned.

I need to be loved, I am a sad article, I know, I crave love, my name is auntiegwen and I am a big fat love junkie.

Psychologically incontinent in the extreme, I am always looking for hidden meanings, chance remarks have my guts churning for days, I will always look at what hasn't been said, send me a link for a song you like and I'll be in knots wondering what you're really trying to tell me, I drive myself insane with this.

Passive aggressive, I used to be a Pollyanna but now I've upgraded... to a Martyr Complex.

I like to know where I stand, I need to know how people feel about me. I don't like mystery and I can't bear mind games "treat em mean keep em keen" type stuff. I am fundamentally unsuited to dating and all the thrill of the chase stuff, will he call me again, will I see him type stuff, it just makes me anxious, bollocks to that.

I am very bad at sharing my really deep innermost feelings. I have reams and reams of written stuff that I do when I need to clarify things. I never show it to the people concerned, I'm probably too afraid of their reaction if I was as honest as I wanted to be.

I talk way too much, all the feckin time, no matter what I'm doing, there's nothing I feel won't be enhanced by a bit conversation, and I mean absolutely nothing. Other people, I've found feel differently about this. In bed I have been shushed most vociferously and told that the only thing required from me at that point was to "writhe and moan"
So I did.
At least I learn quickly.

13 comments:

Penelope said...

It is actually quite scary what simliar creatures we are! Especially the talking too much thing! I bet I could give you a run for your money there ;o)

Mean Mom said...

Oooh, scary! I'd better behave myself on your site from now on, then. I'm wary of leaving a comment, now, in case you read something into it!

I tend to be on the quiet side. I think that's why my husband married me. I was amazed to read that you had 'faults'. I don't have any, you know. ;0)

TOM FOOLERY said...

Do you know what Auntiegwen, I love you just the way you are. Don't you me letting those little work buggers get you down or change you now. DO YOU HEAR ME !!!! (short and to the point methinks (not you me! ;-) TFxx

Nota Bene said...

Bugger.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Auntie Gwen, I hope I never get on your darkside, but there is that thing in life about preserving your own mental health by expunging those folk who are draining your energy and doing bad things - Bravo, brave AG, it can't have been easy; Thanks for sharing it with those of us who haven't always been as daring or so wonderful!

Shirley said...

"psychologically incontinent" -- love it!

At the risk of incurring your wrath and being blocked from your blog -- the problem with cutting out people who make you mad is that 20 or 30 years down the road there's nobody left to expunge, and you're left spitting and snarling at the mirror, with a hard little lump where your heart used to be. It's a lonely business.

I don't like dwelling on peoples' faults, so I'm going back to focusing on your good points now, 'k? Love ya, girl.

A Confused Take That Fan said...

Auntie - you are still my favourite auntie despite your faults but the cutting people out of your life freaks me out! I just don't get it. I have a friend who does exactly the same, and it drives me mad. Aren't we all human and prone to errors and making mistakes? I know you are probably quite perfect ;o) but my friend is far from it and she equally does hurtful things to people sometimes, but only sees it from her wounded view. Now, I hope you don't read too much into my comment and I don't get blocked from your blog! 'cause I still loves ya......xxx

lisaq said...

Awww sweetie. You sound just perfect to me. And, even if you did, I'd love you just the way you are.

auntiegwen said...

Penelope - I bet you know when to shut up though, writhe and moan, indeed !

MM - please leave any comment you like, I'm sure you are very quiet and have no faults and that is why you're still married, I however have masses and am not quiet, even when I really should be, but I am learning to be, writhe and moan, that's my remit.

Tf - thank you for your kind words, I was doing this to fess up how horrible I can be and as for school, it's actually getting worse. I love your last bit, short and to the point because I am actually very short and am now getting to the point (after years of seething, I can now occassionally say my piece) xx

NB - that's right, mess with my head

Awoni - please take heart from himself's analysis of me " Can be pushed a long way but then puts her foot down" I really do have to upset before I do it, but truthfully I don't feel any remorse or regret, what they did was so beyond the line. Truly I am not wonderful, anything but, I'm just an ordinary woman trying to live her life with the cards I've been dealt, sometimes with more success than others.

Shirley - I promise I don't make a habit of it ! and truly I had good reason, but I had to do this, I had to fess up, all the niceness was getting to me xx love you too xx

ACTTF - you couldn't upset me with a blog comment, these people hurt me more than you could ever imagine and I just couldn't forgive, there have been other people who have hurt me big time too and I forgave them, in these cases I just felt it easier not to be with them. I love you too xx

Lisa - just me, trying to do the best I can, faults and all xx

that girl? said...

Heavens above Auntie G - Im a bit in awe of you now! I tend to stew and it will take me a while to come out with it - I'd probably drive you up the wall!
Please could you come down and sort out my mother who still manages to make me feel like sh*t at 39 and three fecking quarters?!? xx

*~*Cece*~* said...

I am also a person who has no problems holding grudges. I didn't speak to an aunt for YEARS b/c of some crap she was starting about my parents. I've also cut a close friend out of my life w/no regret. I'm also not the type who gets offended easily but you talk about my husband or children and you better run.

The Dotterel said...

You ought to make this a meme! 'Seven Secret Faults' or some-such. You could call it the 'AngryAuntieAward' or 'AuntieGwen'sGnashers' or something. It'd be a sure-fire blogging hit!

auntiegwen said...

That girl - I stew for ages too, honest, I'm sorry about the mum thing, I'm sure I'll do it to my kids too :) x

cece - thank feck for that girl, I thought I was the only one !

Tim - I hardly ever get angry, I can't even tell off my kids, they pat me on the head and say " silly mummy, pat the silly mummy" and I just collapse into giggles