Sunday, 20 February 2011

My skill set.

There are very few useful skills in my set. I could list the stuff I'm crap at and it would keep the blog going for weeks, Hell, if you read regularly you'll know I am fairly ineffective at most things that don't include me laying on a sofa eating biscuits. Thankfully I am good at laying on a sofa eating biscuits. And procrastination, I am ace at procrastination.

A few months ago I broke my bed.

Probably because I lay around on the sofa and eat biscuits. A lot.

So I broke my bed and had to choose a new one. It's harder than choosing shoes. Or underwear, I am good at choosing and co-ordinating underwear. Bedroom decor not so much.

However after many, many months of procrastination I actually chose a bed. The bed is the wrong colour for the rest of the bedroom furniture. Even I know this is wrong, I now need to replace everything. Bugger.

I have lived in my house for 11 years now and have lived with the decor. Every house I have ever bought I have lived with the previous owners decor, I am piss poor at decorating. So I learned to adapt to what I had. I most probably needed to decorate several years ago but I procrastinated. Partly due to my can't be arsed gene but partly due to my complete inability to make decisions (very well blogged about.) One of the many things that I lack is artistic flair. I have none. It's a pity.

This house was the ex show house for this estate and came fully furnished and co-ordinated out the wazoo. It's not really to my taste, much too fancy but it was new and I am ace at procrastination. The only rooms I have touched have been painted Biscotti which I believe is magnolia in a fancy tin and priced up accordingly. So I live in an ex show house stuck in a late 1990's time warp. Pale yellow, green and blue everywhere. Laaverly.

On Thursday I chose the new bed and bedroom furniture. I feel smug for about 10 minutes, decision making, nae bother to yer auntie.

Now, on Sunday I am in flitters, I have 2 weeks before the furniture is delivered to get the rest of the room ready. I have looked at house porn on the telly, house porn on t'internet, house porn in magazines. I have been to show homes for inspiration. I really want to lay on the sofa and eat biscuits.

I decide on a feature wall, I select many wallpaper samples and pin them up, all the children, Hot Boy and even the window cleaner who's come to collect his money all like a different one. I like them all. I have full control over every last detail. I don't want it.

I try and find a wall colour that will tone in (is that the proper lingo?) with the wallpaper. I need a taup ey, grey ey, beige ey shade. It is the exact shade of the sky in the painting I was bought for Christmas. A Glasgow winter sky. Feck, it's hard. To match the wallpaper samples I have hanging up I now have several squares of none of them quite right taupey/greyey/beigey paint.

The bed canopy has gone along with most of the ceiling and the pelmets from both the windows are now blocking access to the wardrobes (which will also have to be changed from their 1990's white to a 2011 very dark acacia stain, I have not a baldy how to do that) When taking down the pelmets the curtain rail decided to follow and now it's being held up by a ribbon that says Merry Christmas.

I need to choose a new carpet, new curtains and material to cover the pelmets. I need a duvet and bed linen as I stupidly bought a bigger bed than I had before. I need a throw for the bottom of the bed and dress pillows and cushions. I need new bedside lamps and vases and candles and a whole heap of other stuff. I need gin.

I have 2 weeks to source, select, paint, carpet and curtain, I have no hope.

Some people do this for fun.

26 comments:

Gigi said...

Bring me over and I'll be happy to help!

Alienne said...

I sympathise, let's hope Gigi can sort you out.

I am hopeless in the home decor area too. I have been here 16 years, most of them with the previous owner's increasingly tatty and grubby decor. In the end (ie the last couple of years) I painted the entire house in magnolia - cheap Wickes magnolia. No choice, no argument, easy to match and paint a fresh coat when it got dirty. Then added a red carpet here and purple curtains there to brighten it up a bit. I am easily pleased.

Sandi said...

I'm with Gigi, I would be more than happy to come over and do it for you, opps I mean help you :) x Sandi

Betty said...

My hubby is not so good on DIY and decorating so I do it. I think your priority is the window - you don't want people to see you lying eating biscuits on your new bed, now do you - so all hands to the deck on fixing curtain rail. Ceiling next, important - you may spend much time looking at it. All else magnolia, cream, nice and simple is what I would do and then it will somehow all blend - even mismatched wood will not look so bad - duvet covers - that's where you want some colour and pattern and luxury - where you can actually wallow in it and enjoy the lovely plumpness and textures, the accent wall I wouldn't bother until I had got used to the pattern and was sure, would just get a huge ikea frame and put a bit of this pattern up in that to try out for a bit. Hope that helps - it's the 2 week sorting out version which can be improved on when you've had time to consider (whilst lying on the bed eating biscuits).

auntiegwen said...

Gigi - yes please but I promise I will drive you skellymental

A - a woman after my own heart and I applaud you on the red and purple but I am feart of colour, my colour palette consists of cream beige and charcoal, everything else looks too bold.

Sandi - ooh will you? I'd love that :) xx

Betty - I can only have plain white bed linen, every duvet cover I buy is plain white, although in the past I have had cream, I do try and buy a coloured throw for the end. I'm not great with pattern unless it's stripes, I can do stripes (yes I know how mental that makes me sound, I despair of myself, honestly!)

Looking for Blue Sky said...

I 'did' one house and that was enough for me....now I just go to one very big shop and refuse to leave until I have bought everything. So long as it vaguely matches I don't care....best of luck auntiegwen x

auntiegwen said...

LFBS - I am thoroughly fed up with it already, I keep telling myself it will look lovely when it's done and it'll all be worth it. I am telling myself that a lot. xx

Andy said...

Maybe Colin and Justin can come and help you out? They've probably got a bit of free time on their hands now....

slommler said...

Ooooo! I love it!! If I lived near ya; I would be right over. I love doing this kind of stuff...especially if I am not buying!
Look at this as an exciting journey into the land of color and texture. Oh what fun you will have!!
I hope you show pics..that would be so cool!!
Good luck
Hugs
SueAnn

auntiegwen said...

Andy - brilliant idea, have you got their number?

SueAnn - I so wish all you crafty ladies lived nearer, I would hand over my credit card details and you would make it look lovely xx

Curry Queen said...

It's always the anticipation of new decor that is sooooo much better than actually achieving it! Dulux used to do a colour-matching scheme (probably still does) and you could take an item along, they would scan it and mix you a paint of exactly the same colour...might help with your painting? x

auntiegwen said...

CQ - ooh thank you, I have a feeling that I like the sky in the painting because it's not a flat colour it's a mix of pink and grey and taupe but I will definitely have a go at challenging their skills!!!! if you see DIY staff rocking and twitching you'll know me and the beautiful children have been in!!!! x

Wylye Girl said...

I have a hotline to the decorating fairy (not Colin and Justin) Any good? Bet I could out-procrastinate you. I should have it on my CV!

auntiegwen said...

WG - oh please please send me the decorating fairy xxxx and so pleased to meet a fellow procrastinator

Dave King said...

A fun blog. Enjoyed my browse.

Mrs Worthington said...

Auntie - All this for a change of bed? Given that we have mirror lives. guess what? I have just redecorated my bedroom too. Granted I haven't sorted out the curtains so the hideous yellow ones are still there clashing nicely. As long as you can sleep at night, and lets' face after all the gin who wouldn't, who cares. Nay stressing for you

auntiegwen said...

DK - welcome, would you like a biscuit?

Mrs W - ooh yellow curtains, snap!!! although mine have green in them as well :)

Mac n' Janet said...

I'm also decorating deficient which explains why I have to do it so often. I'm never happy with the results, I'll live with it for a while, convince my husband we need to redo it. White's the safest but so boring I go wild with color and live with it till it drives me crazy.
Good luck.

Nana Go-Go said...

Move?!!

auntiegwen said...

Mac n J - I am afeared of the colour, presbytarian to my very core

Nana - yep, that'd solve it but I would still have to decorate as no one who's not sectioned would buy my 1990's timewarp

Ayak said...

Well you're getting a lot of offers of help! I wonder if any of them would like to pop over to Turkey and transform my house?

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Gwennie, you always make me larf out loud, girl! I have just caught up with the Nipple, and the Smurfs, and the Wee-Puddle and the Dangerous Liaisons (viz your ex's engagement and the impact on the Lovely Children... :( )

Much love, and thank you, and happy belated birthday xxx

Rare Lesser Spotted said...

Wouldn't it be easier to move house?
XX

Brother Tobias said...

Your house sounds awesome from where I stand. We are so idle there are rooms that haven't been done since we arrived. I get by by not wearing glasses, dimming the lights and drinking a lot.

Madame DeFarge said...

One week later, enquiring minds need to know - how goes the acquisition of decor??

scrappysue said...

yeah - not my idea of fun auntie! can't wait to see the finished result!!!!!