Friday 27 May 2011

The auntie needs a new kitchen post.

I need a new kitchen, mine is shabby and tired, slightly falling apart and going off colour, a bit like me in room form.

I have 3 Cath Kidston tea towels, some flowery clothes peg fridge magnets (xmas pressie from my friend Sixy)and some wobble stripe CK oven gloves just quivering in retro style floral porn anticipation. I even bought a set of Kitchen Devil knives. But no nice new apple green painted walls and cream shaker style units with silver bar handles and a pastel ice cream coloured smeg fridge dream kitchen to put them in.

All together now poor, poor auntie.

But I have a cunning plan.

Not like The Beautiful Son's plan of sleeping with older people for money, I fear I may not get enough for the paint. A betterer plan. Remember when Peter Kay did his "Mum wants a bungalow" tour? This is the "auntie needs a new kitchen" campaign.

Hot Boy has always said when he gets famous (outside of Germany, where his band are really, really popular) he will buy me a new kitchen.

Today Hot Boy's band who I think should call themselves Hot Boy's Band, loads of people searching on T'internets will be lead to their site (yes, I think it is a much better name, I thought it up all by my very own self) anyhoo they release their album "Of regard and affection" today. They, however, are still sticking with calling themselves i am in love.

If you all buy the album and tell everyone you know to buy the album, Hot Boy will become famous and will have to buy me a new kitchen to stop me telling the tales that couldn't be put on the blog, yep that's right, you had the heavily edited highlights. God help us all, you only get a smidgen of what he's like.

He will be 21 on Monday and has a huge exam to sit today so send all good positive vibes his way, pleasey please, and if you wanted a good 21st pressie or passing your exams pressie...

Or Eldest Beautiful Daughter has said she'll marry Prince Harry.

She has a 3 pronged strategy for meeting him so he can fall madly in love with her

1 - She teaches at a military school and he comes on an official visit

2 - William and Kate have a child that she becomes the personal tutor of

3 - When Hot Boy is playing at the festivals this summer, she will be hanging around in the VIP area as Hot Boy's plus one and as Hot Boy is wooing the crowds she will engage Prince Harry in flirty banter about her red and white polka dot wellies.

So, the choice dear readers is up to you, you can pay the money for Hot Boy's album or EBD will have to marry into clan Windsor.

You know what's the right thing to do.


Anonymous said...

My work firewall just tried to bar access to your blog saying that it "contained pronographic or licentious content".

Gosh. Is that how hot Hot Boy is?

auntiegwen said...

Mud - wow, I knew he was hot but I didn't know he was bannable hot!!!

A Woman Of No Importance said...

I am buying the album now - I do not want EBD marrying into the Windsor clan, nope. Not well-starred that lot... The son marrying someone rich however??? Ummmmmmmmmmm, wonder if I can get mine to think like that - I need a new kitchen too! Boo hoo! x

p.s. I also want to read more tales of Hot Boy's antics, so I have stopped payment on the album now...

auntiegwen said...

Fhina - I am sure we will all be enjoying further adventures of Hot Boy for a long time to come!!!!

Rarelesserspotted said...

I always find lottery tickets are the best form of let down in planning for new things. Rather let myself down with failing to win £109M than expect it in some other form and it failing to materialise.
Glad you survived last Saturday (or alternatively if we all didn't - need for a new kitchen would have been academic.)

Troy said...

Go with Plan B and get EBD to marry Prince Harry. Then if anything should happen to Prince William your daughter would become Queen and you'd be Queen Mum-in-Law. Kitchen companies would be falling over each other to give you a new kitchen "by appointment to HRH QM-I-L"

This plan is probably a long shot.

Curry Queen said...

Now I am really torn. Much as I would like to support Hoy Boy by buying his album, I also want to hear more of his peccadilloes. So perhaps you could change the deal to "the more albums you buy, the more juicy goss I will reveal"? Just a thought...

Anonymous said...

Maybe they should just call themselves The Hot Boys and leave it at that.... though now I come to think of it I seem to remember there being a girl in the video link the other week

AGuidingLife said...

This is not as clear cut as it seems. Would I get an invite to the wedding? The answer to which is a vital deciding factor.

Sandi said...

Helloooooo Auntie, I have missed everyone terribly, no internet for a week and I have been poorly too, I missed one day of work :(
I think I may just have to buy one of the cd's, that way when I come over Hot Boy can sign it for me :)
x Sandi Oh love your bedroom, I also love my bed. xx

Sueann said...

Gosh or gee...which way do I go?? Spend money now or hope that you get the money in the future?? Hmmmmm!!
Guess I will do the hope and pray thingy!! That will work I am sure!!
Hugs and good luck

Mrs Worthington said...

you know, having read your blog for a while now, there is enough Hot Boy material for a movie where Auntie could get more than just a new kitchen. I can see the opening shot though with your hand fingering a fridge door handle a smeg one in fact

Kitty said...

I'd say EBD is worth far more than the Spare Heir. I think writing a book about your adventures would be far more enjoyable for ALL of us. Then it could be made into a BBC mini-series, let's see, who to play you, is the question?

Kitchens are VERY important. I spent close to seven years with a hose pipe and a bucket, instead of a proper sink. Which was one of the reasons I left my husband: the kitchen sink.

(Plus, please, more Hot Boy Antics!)

Hugs and quiches from Kitty xx

Working Mum said...

I was going to say become an MP and then get one on expenses like my MP did, but they've been rumbled for that, haven't they?

Looking for Blue Sky said...

Am really hoping you get to write Hot Boy's biography, preferably the unauthorised version :).

Nota Bene said...

The Boy will buy Hot Boy's album...and may be I will too. But I still quite fancy another Royal wedding...

Sandi said...

Have googled the boys band and nothing comes up, so where can i buy this cd??
x Sandi

auntiegwen said...

Steve - I won a fiver on Wednesdays lottery and immediately thought of you after your own similar big win, we will get our tea and cakes yet!!!xxxx

Troy - all the best plans are :)

CQ - oh I am so pleased you all love the Hot Boy stories

Alienne - there is, she's called Nickie and she gave HB her fuchia pink skinny jeans when she felt they were a bit too out there for her. Of course, if you feel somethings a bit too much who else would you give it too?

Sarah - of course, if she marries Hot Boy or PH I will ensure there are places for the bloggers, I mean you know my lot as well or even better than their real aunties :)

Sandi - ooh a fellow lover of bed :)welcome you always recognise on of your own :) so sorry to hear you've been poorly

SueAnn - oh yes, pray for a new kitchen, I didn't bother God myself, I reckoned he was probably a bit busy with the world about to end but as we're still here... xx

Kitty - oh I can understand that, I tend to adapt round things as well but that is adapting par excellance, and most definitley grounds for divorce xxx

WM - I bet there are stll loads of them being quite creative on accounts

LFBS - and that could fund the new kitchen, a cunning plan my dear :) xx

NB - the last one was rather good wasn't it?

Sandi - I don't think it's available outside Europe but I have asked if there is a free copy knocking about and if there is I will post it over to you :) xxx

scrappysue said...

I'm so sorry about your sister Wendy, and yes,people care. We love u! Big hugs, so sAd for your sister.