Monday, 12 September 2011

In real life

When you have a blog you can present a view of yourself that's quite flattering, selecting carefully which bits of your world you want to share with t'internets. You can project an image of a perfect life if you so choose. I could tell you that I live in a gorgeous house with beautiful children and my life is chock full of joy all the live long day. I could tell you I am thin, unwrinkled and without a grey hair upon my head, I could claim great wisdom, good dress sense and a serene inner calm and be thin, did I mention that? I am seven stone and 5 foot 10 and have no boobs. I can also cook, sew and sing and I once ran a sub 4 hour marathon. I also have my dream kitchen. In my head.

I wish I'd thought of that, instead I regale you with tales of domestic incompetence, technical ineptitude, drunken teenagers and fatness. It's too late to tell you my life is perfect, some of you have been reading for years and some of you actually know me in real life.

I have a million faults, I wish I didn't. Some of them I've known about for years, some of them I've tried to address and some of them I've just not been ready to see.

In my head I am laid back and almost impossible to stress out, I'm a "go with the flow" nothing fazes me type. In real life I can get to full fat cross shouty shreikery more quickly than a Ferrari gets to 90.

In my head I am a proper traveller, turn up with a passport, credit card and a spare pair of knickers and see where I end up. In real life, I book flights and transfers and live with a low level degree of anxiety that something will go wrong. I am terrified of missing flights and don't relax until I actually arrive.

In my head I am great at sharing, I am a "what's mine is yours" help yourself nice person. In real life if it's mine I like it to stay mine and if I lend you it especially books I want it back, even if I know I'm never going to read it again, it's mine so give it back.

In my head I can't bear the sort of people who at shared dinners whip out their calculators and demand we all pay for what we have eaten, in my head I am one of the people who say oh there's 6 of us, lets just divide by 6. In real life I am secretly glad that they do as I am fed up subsidising someone elses's 3 course and a bottle of wine feast when I've had a plate of pasta and a sparkling water and paid £30 for the privilege.

In my head I am not a control freak and an insistor on getting my own way but in real life my way isn't just the best way but the only way. And I insist upon things being my way and say such caring and loving gems such as "you don't have to live here"

I am just coming to terms with how much control I have and seem to need, I always thought I was really flexible and open to other peoples point of view and wants and needs. I always thought that the kids set the agenda and I just facilitated things. I am sometimes okay with things if it suits me, that's the key right there. I suppose that being the only adult in the house for the last 5 years has given me the last word. I like the last word. I like to be the boss.

In my head I never wanted to be a bossy kind of girl. In real life I have become the bossiest of bossy girls, but I am trying to be less bossy and more open to other peoples wants and needs. I am trying to be better at sharing. I am trying to be less stressy and anxious.

But I still want the last word.

26 comments:

Autumn Mist said...

So in other words, you're perfectly normal! And there's no going back now anyway, as you say, we feel we know you rather well, even if we've never met you. And if I was the bill payer in the house, I'd want the last word, too!

Nota Bene said...

Aaaah..but we love you all the more for this. THIS is the last word though

Andy said...

Maybe you should have disabled the comments if you wanted the last word?

auntiegwen said...

A M - but I was brought up with "this is my house and you'll do as I say" you see how easily I've turned into my mother

NB - you love me because you don't have to live with me

Andy - smart arse

Sandi said...

I don't care and I still love you, easy for me to say as I don't live with you hehe I think when us girls are the only parent in the house it is easy to become the bossy one. I am so with you on the what's mine is mine, however my daughter doesn't give a rats!!!
x Sandi

auntiegwen said...

Sandi - yep my stuff definitely appears to be communal in this house

Kelloggsville said...

I'm with Andy, these comments are going to frustrate the hell out of you! Is that why you always reply to comments?!

Expat mum said...

Funny - your "ideal" blog profile is the same as mine, and possibly many others. And think how bloody boring it would be if we were all like that and blogging about it!

auntiegwen said...

S - I always try hard to reply to comments, I think if people have taken the time to write them then the least I can do is reply. God I'm so grateful that people show up and read this stuff I want to buy them all coffee and cake and /or gin

EM - ooh we'd be twins then,tall, thin and boobless twins. You may well be tall and thin, I think i remember seeing a post about your lovely ankles and legs, I think it was you

Anonymous said...

The world only sees the 'us' we want it to see - at least you seem sure of yourself - I spend my life second-guessing myself! You sound fine - anyone who loves gin and cake will do for me! Oh and by the way, I am Chris(tine)!

auntiegwen said...

Chris - ah welcome my dear, gin and cake are two reasons that make(my) life worth living :)

what happened ?how did i get HERE? said...

oooo...auntie G you are livin' my life! Totally get the control thing....I fear that I will fall off the edge of the world if I give it up....! And anyway I PAY FOR EVERYTHING so I should have total control!! Feckers!xx

auntiegwen said...

Mae - you'd think, wouldn't you? Today I handed out £12.50 for a law textbook, £12 Girls brigade subs, £6.80 GB trip, £40 drama trip to see Ghost, £15 for a haircut and £20 in lunch monies, are they even remotely grateful? I think you can guess the answer

Ayak said...

I was just going to say you're just like me...and I notice there are others here the same. Well it all comes down to blogging honestly doesn't it? I couldn't lie or mislead anyone on my blog..You have to have a good memory to do that...and I don't. Anyway too late for us both now..we'd have to delete our blogs and start again with new identities.

auntiegwen said...

Ayak - oh yes in my next blog I will be FAR more interesting and sophisticated. In this one you're just stuck with me :) xx

Curry Queen said...

That first paragraph shows me where I have been going wrong. I shall present myself like this from now on and only my children and the shah will ever know the horrible truth!

Looking for Blue Sky said...

Well on my blog I repeat myself, moan a lot, and possibly exaggerate a bit cos it's more entertaining. After all I did used to work in the spindustry. And I like to be the boss. Unfortunately I have a small boy who thinks the same way! Anyway how many posts do I have to comment on before I get gin :)

Anonymous said...

for all the faults you sure have a talent for writing, I await the first aunty Gwen novel on a normal disfunctional family of the 21st ceantury. think you might have a few real life models for the characters, mind you I am sure they will make a case for some royalties.

auntiegwen said...

CQ - ah but we've been reading for a while now...

LFBS - oh my dear if you make it over to visit me you can have buckets of gin, buckets xxx

Anon - I know they'd have it spent in the twinkling of an eye, much like how they spend my salary, still apparently I'll miss them when they've gone - you can raise your own eyebrow for that :)

Mrs Worthington said...

Auntie Gwen you big bossy person you're fabulously normal. In my head that is

Gigi said...

You mean to tell me I could have LIED when I started my blog?!?! WHY didn't anyone tell me this?!

Oh well, too late now....since I'm far too lazy to start another!

auntiegwen said...

Mrs W - in your head may be the only place I am normal :) but that's fine, I'll take that

Gigi - yeah I have the CBA gene too

libby said...

I will give your book back!! honestly!!! I won't keep it.....and I'll always let you have the last word....it is usually the funniest one..xx

auntiegwen said...

Libs - I didn't even know you had any of my books, you could have kept quiet and been a book up on the deal :) xxx

Taz said...

Yep all seems perfectly normal to me. I have actually thought about buying one of the labelling machines to mark all my things but I know it would be a waste of time as I'd still have to negotiate the small people's pits to claim it all back.:/

auntiegwen said...

Taz - I am going to start buying cheap stuff as my snobby children won't touch it :)