New Improved Version

Let me start by saying that I'm really okay with being 40 and soon to be 41, honest I'm really good.However there is nothing like having a 15 year old daughter to bring it back to you how old you really are getting.

The Beautiful eldest daughter really is beautiful, everywhere she goes she is surrounded by a cloud of testosterone and lynx body spray, I no longer have to clean my wooden floors as the drool from the male matey boys who worship her does it for me. She is permanently accompanied by at least 2 of the 4 boys who are her groupies.

Her look of indie/emo/been at the dressing up box/got dressed in the dark/gothy type thing seems to be a modern version of my punk 15 year old self. She listens to what I listened to at 15, is loving discovering old punk bands but also loves what I would call the up to date version of punk. She has the same just got out of bed messed up black hair, black eyeliner, black nailpolish etc that I had too. She is gutted that I didn't keep my clothes from being 15 but she uses my old photos to try and make her own version of my look.

However she has a poise and confidence that took me another 20 years to accomplish ( quite frankly I don't always manage it ! ! ) and seems to take the male adoration as a given. She just treats these boys on a ok, you think I'm great, I'm not going to date any of you, but very happy to have you around me type way. There is no side to her, no flirting or bitchiness and everyone wants to be with her. How the hell did she get to be that self assured ? at this young age ? I know grown up women who still fret over every word spoken to them and analyse every text message for hidden meaning. Her myspace photos have people commenting like crazy.

Jokingly I said to the whole gang that she should get all the boys t shirts that say " Team Lara" and thay all thought that was a fab idea and they're going to get them printed on black t shirts with hot pink "Team Lara" on the front and "I heart lara" on the back !!!!!

There you have it, the new improved version of me

The Perfect Tuesday

Yesterday I started my day with kisses, actually I start every day with kisses, it is to be thoroughly recommended.

My day continued on it's happy way with some v nice text messages, which I love getting.

My day included kissing and hugging some scrumptious babies at what I laughingly call work.

It proceeded very nicely to Starbucks with the beautiful friend Susan, with cinnamon dolce lattes and the soft seats, score !!! On a slightly down note there were no cinnamon swirls but we made do, no complaints.

I managed to book very cheap flights for the beautiful children and I to go to the beautiful house in Turkey for 2 weeks, I'm so excited as we go in 2 weeks time.

My very beautiful and talented bloggy friend Lisa, gave me an award on her blog, I love Lisa and if I was in anyway as talented and technological as her I would link you to her site but I can't but I love her and thank her.

There were no major tears, tantrums or dramas in the post school period, which is always a distinct possibility.

Dinner went without complaint, partly because as things were going so well, in my inate wisdom I decided not to push my luck - ie in providing food that contains vitamins and can be construed as healthy but instead to provide pizza and garlic doughballs ( from Pizza Express) for the beautiful children as it's one of the few things they will eat collectively without moaning.

I had the most perfect evening, which ended at midnight in the same way my day began.

How good was that ? How lucky am I ? I hope you have a perfect Tuesday or any perfect day of your own soon.

The Beautiful Children

This week my littlest 2 people have been very loving towards me. My Beautiful Baby Daughter wrote me a letter telling me how much she loves me ( which makes a nice change from the full 3 verses and the disco chorus of what a mean mummy I am !!!)

Not to be outdone, The Beautiful Son wrote me a poem, yes, really a poem, telling me how much he loves me.

So as I showed off these treasures very proudly to Beautiful Eldest Daughter, she looked at them with her usual disdain and said " Oh crap, will you be expecting something from me ? "

Oh no darling, I know how busy you are tormenting the local teenage boys with your utter gorgeousness and uber coolness. That's a full time job for you, sweetie.

Mo Chridhe

Today was The Beautiful Son's 12th birthday. How can I articulate to you what a really sweet and kind boy he is and how much this child means to me. He is the most empathetic little soul and has a calmness and gentleness in him that is a complete contrast to his usual rugby playing, jackass video making, mad as a box of frogs daily behaviour. He seems to sense if I'm feeling down and will lie beside me just hugging me and I really do feel comforted just by his presence.

Of all my children he seems to need my physical presence and if I'm with him he needs to be physically attached to me, my friends all laugh that I wear him like a scarf. From when he was the tiniest baby, he would hold my hair and twist it around his fingers and he still does that today. He has to be kissed awake every morning and I know soon that he will want to stop that just as he will stop holding my hand or hugging me. I have always called him Small Boy even though now he is the same size as me and he calls me Marmee. No matter how big he gets I will still see the small boy in him and I will always be his Marmee.

He is my beautiful son and I love him. He also is my heart, Mo chridhe

Fathers Day

Once upon a time there was a small boy, he was quiet and lacking in confidence, he was the youngest of 4 boys and he felt that his older brothers had fulfilled every role, there was a clever one, a cool but naughty one and a very good one. The youngest was just an ordinary boy, one who struggled for a role to fill. He wasn't especially sporty so he was thrilled when he got to be in his Boy's Brigade football team, so it was a HUGE deal for him when they got into the cup final. One of his elder brothers ( the good one) was there to see that team win the cup final and to see the little brother get presented his medal by a football player who played for Rangers, the team he loved. When he got home after the match, he very excitedly showed the medal to his Dad, who was in the middle of having a shave, his dad turned around and said " Very good son, well done " turned back and finished having his shave. How crushed was that little boy.

As an adult, that little boy after having a few beers, would tell that story in a very poignant way and wonder why his Dad wasn't there cheering him on and watching every second of that cup final. It really affected him as an adult. It made me see the small boy that remained in him and made me determined to make up for his early years and for me to love him enough to make it all better.

When the little boy grew up he was lucky enough to have a son of his own, his only son who was born quite perfectly on Father's Day and although he didn't articulate it, I knew that as he watched that baby he was vowing to always be there for his son in a way that he felt his own father wasn't for him.

Now his little boy is the same age as he was then and he also is not especially sporty but has also been thrilled to be picked for his school rugby team. Last week he was invited to a huge award ceremony, all the teachers had dressed up in tuxedo's and Paralympic silver medal winning swimmer Fiona Neal was there to present the prizes. The son went on that stage to proudly collect his certificate for being part of the success of the rugby team. He was cheered and clapped by his mother and his sisters who recognized what a huge deal it was for him and were crying with the excitement and the pride of him.

Where was his Dad ? He chose not to come to this award ceremony as he had to be at a function with his new girlfriend.

That father is perplexed and feeling very sorry for himself that his son doesn't want to see him today on Fathers Day or tomorrow on what is The Beautiful Son's 12 th birthday. Will he see the parallel in the situation of the 2 boys ? I sincerely doubt it

My beautiful son, I hope will be ok because he has known every day of his life how much I love him and how clever, handsome, funny and unique he is because I have told him so every day of his life and will continue to do so and because I have always been there for him and always will be.

The end

Man in training

After being out for the evening, when I was going up to bed I noticed that The Beautiful Son's light was shining under his door. Thinking he'd fallen asleep with the light on, I went in to switch it off. TBS was sitting on his floor, completely filthy, looking absolutely knackered and playing on his xbox. I asked him why he was still up at quarter to 11 and he replied " No one told me to go to bed "
How long would he have stayed up ? All night ?

Then I had a bit of a moan about his mud covered legs all over the cream carpet and asked him why he hadn't got washed. His reply " No one ran me a bath"

So there you have it, a man in training, completely incapable of self care or independent thought.

Things I can't see the point of

Wasps

Paris Hilton ( unless you take the view of she's there to make all people feel clever and/or talented)

Government reports on anything

Arguing with the Beautiful Baby Daughter, it's completely futile ( not for nothing is she also known as Little Miss Last Word)

Mr Bean

Breast enhancers ( things like padded bras or the chicken fillety type things you put down your bra, do you think he won't notice your breasts are significantly smaller when you take your bra off or at what point in the proceedings do you get rid of the fillets and where do you put them ?!?!)

Very expensive anti wrinkle creams - they won't work, spend the money on new shoes and a bottle of the red stuff, you'll feel SO much better

Stamp duty

Committee meetings, no one ever collectively and democratically decides things, 1 person has their own agenda and steamrollers others into agreeing, which they do because they're bored to feck and just want to escape to the pub

Jeremy Clarkson

The Guardian ( and it's readers)

20 constants from being 20

I still secretly fancy Billy Connolly and Robbie Coltrane

I continue to read avidly, at least 6 books a week

I will still avoid doing anything if there is an opportunity to sunbathe

I still drive too fast and with my music way too loud, some of the music remains the same as when I was 15 never mind 20

I continue to get stressy if I think I am going to be late, which is most of the time, punctuality remains a problem

I am yet to understand how the Clyde tunnel works ( if it goes under the river, where is the water, why can't I see it ? I understand the theory of tunnels, but the actuality of that one still bemuses me because I can't see any feckin water nearby )

I still think that (after I've had a few) that I could be a stand up comedian

I strongly continue to believe in Karma

My favourite treat remains a Fab ice lolly

I am still feckin studying ( when will that stop ? )

I haven't learned to cook yet

I am still really untidy

I still think I've got a bit of a wild child inside me

I am the same weight as I was at 20 but a smaller jeans size ( labels are getting bigger ladies, sorry !)

I still don't believe any politicians but continue to vote as a tribute to the woman who died for my right to be able to

I continue to think that men have an easier life than women, my own life experiences have kind of cemented that view point

I still miss my Grampa and think he was the best

I continue to love travelling, exploring new places and going on holiday

I still think of my first love Ospur as the one who got away, no change from being 15 there either

I am still alive, still healthy, still happy and still really, really grateful for my beautiful life

20 differences from being 20

I like to get home after a night out on the same day that I left

My alcohol intake is measured in glasses not bottles

I can now quite happily leave a party or evening out early if I'm not enjoying myself

I will sometimes drive to and from a night out

I no longer think that a night out starting with a meal is a waste of money and valuable drinking time

I only eat cereal at breakfast

I prefer quality over quantity ( in all things)

I would prefer Starbucks to any bar

I pay my credit card bill in full every month

I like to be in bed by 10pm as opposed to going out at 10pm

I am now a brilliant guest, I will show up on time, bring flowers, chocolates and wine, I will compliment effusively and help clear up as opposed to arriving 3 hours late, already twisted drunk and be very pleased with myself when I make it to your loo to vomit

My underwear criteria has changed from being clean to being clean, matching and gorgeous

I now teach the classes that bored the 20 year old me to death

I now know that my 20 year old self really wasn't too shabby and the 40 year old version is pretty good too

I now voluntarily run as opposed to running for buses or to avoid people

I look after my body and skin at 40 in a desperate attempt at damage limitation due to being 20

Occassionally I can argue calmly, cohesively and get my point across without shouting and bursting into tears

I can now apologise and accept blame

I can now love someone truly, unreservedly and unselfishly

I will no longer fake anything, if I'm not enjoying, you'll know about it