Aawh the Glasgae banter

I very rarely delete emails or texts but I've been doing a mass clear out of both, hoping to be cathartic and all "out with the old type" stuff but I came across this and it just made me smile, I hope it does you.

U R A GLASWEGIAN If:
1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie ;-), Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall, St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie.
3. Ye get four seasons in wan day.
4. Ye canny pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert.
5. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.
6. Ye see people wear shell suits with Burberry accessories - pure class!
7. Ye measure distance in minutes.
8. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family.
9. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the ocean.
10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.
11. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
12. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day.
13. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.
14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, irn-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.
15. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.
16. A big flash car has a ned at the wheel.
17. Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.
18. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.
19. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.
20. Finally, you are understand Glaswegian if you have ever said/heard thesewords...
how's it hingin
clatty
boggin
cludgie
pished
get it up ye
wee beastie
amurny
away an bile yer heid
peely-wally
humphey backit
Ba'-heid
baw bag


Now I know there are non Scots who read this and it may not make a bit of sense to you, so apologies for the self indulgence. My disclaimer is that there are plenty of very sophisticated, charming, witty and erudite people from Glasgow but we also have our neds, and our comedy world would be lost without them. So enjoy, have a wee laugh and if you find it too offensive, here comes something I apparently say all the time....

would you give yourself peace !