You know you're not as young as you used to be...

When a beer at your last gig cost more than your first gig and that included chips and your bus fare home.

When you decide that you'd actually rather stay home in your jammies than go out on a collegues leaving do. On a Friday night too. In town. With bars. And the possibility of flirting, red wine and sneaky smokes. I was asleep by 9.30pm.

When you remembered that November 5th 1984 was the day you became a student nurse. And then you realised that was TWENTYFECKINFIVE years ago. Twenty five, Christ that shook me.

When you know the words to the song on the radio from the first time round original version. And you prefer it.

Maybe this next bit is for the girls? If you're a male reader come back another day, click away now, nothing to see here.

When you make a show of yourself in Next by laughing (and I mean I've had 3 kids and my pelvic floor's not as it was laughing) at the floral leggings. You realise that even bad fashion comes back around. I sent a picture message of them to my friend Lou in Edinburgh, she replied by email and sent a pic of us in maternity T shirts and floral leggings, how chic we looked.

When you prefer your fit-flops to your peerie heels. Okay, my head is hung very low in shame, me the queen of shoe porn, I know.

When you can't wait to take your bra off and not for the reason that you used to throw it off with gay abandon.

When you decide that being single is an actual benefit as you no longer have to upkeep your Hollywood.

7 Best Gigs

I was given a really lovely "I heart your blog award" from the really lovely Really Rachel Unfortunately I can't show it as it says that my image is corrupt and yes, that is the first time anyone's ever used that phrase about me.

The award comes with a meme of 7 things. There have been 7 things missed about the UK - erm I'm still here, 7 personality traits - well you've heard them all before, everybody knows how weird I am, 7 songs on your ipod and Rachel gave us 7 long lost songs.

So I have to find a 7 for you. Without further ado, may I present my...

7 Best Gigs

The Stranglers - Glasgow Apollo 23rd November 1981 - my first gig and it has to be there because of that. It cost £3.50 and I earned the money from babysitting. I went with my first boyfriend who was called Alan Osprey, nickname Ospur, he was tall, dark hair, blue eyes and looked like Robin Cousins. Oh how I loved him. I wore a black shirt belonging to him, his leather bikers jacket, a black pvc rara skirt, fishnet tights and Dr Martin boots. My hair was severely backcombed and hairsprayed into a Siouxsie spike and I had lashings of black eye liner and also the black lippy and nail polish, yes my mother was very proud. I can't remember who supported them but was overgiddy with delight to be there, Ospur and I had chips afterwards and snogged all the way home on the bus. Bliss.

Simple Minds- Meadowbank 12th August 1989 - my 23rd birthday, I went with a big crowd of friends and as we walked along the London Road from where our flat was in Easter Road, we were passed by Jim Kerr and the band in a black limo as they travelled to the gig after being at the Hibernian ground. I loved Simple Minds and I got lifted onto the shoulders of the aptly named Big Rab (he's 6 foot 7) for a fair bit of it so had a good view. Only time I've ever been able to walk home after a gig, we had a party at our flat afterwards as well.

Runrig- Loch Lomond 22nd June 1991 - a beautiful day in a beautiful setting. Supported by The Big Dish and The Hothouse Flowers and others. Listening to the HF singing "I can see clearly" whilst looking down over the loch with the sun glinting on it is a fantastic memory. And to hear the 50,000 strong crowd join in with "Loch Lomond" for their final song and all the fireworks afterwards was an unmissable experience.

Texas- Nottingham 10th October 2005 - because it's the only time I've ever heard her sing live. She was out of this world, the finest voice of all time. Sad she didn't sing my favourite but her version of the Scissors Sisters "Take your Mama" was the highlight of a set that didn't have a duff note in it. She is unsurpassed.

The Killers- Dublin 21st August 2008 - my very favourite gig of all time. I love this band, the Beautiful Eldest Daughter and I had a fantastic time at Marlay Park, their first song that night was "For Reasons Unknown" which is the song I most identify with, my own personal theme tune and I would have paid all the money it took to get there just to hear that 1 song. They were utterly brilliant. We went back to see them in Belfast 6 months later and if anything the set was better but the atmosphere in Marlay Park couldn't be bettered so this gig wins.

Primal Scream- Nottingham 27th November 2008 - because it's the only gig I have ever missed most of. We arrived during "Rocks" which was the final song but we did get the 4 song encore and that was worth it. I would love to go see them again for the full gig. One of the funniest nights I've had in years.

Manic Street Preachers- Camden 29th May 2009 - fabulous gig, NB and I got really near the front, the band were great - I'd almost forgotten how good they were and how much I liked them, there was a fight right beside me and a drunken Irishman leaped a tube barrier on the way home to tell me I was beautiful. All in a day's work.

So there you have it, my 7 best gigs. Please feel to take the "I love your blog" bling off someones elses non corrupt image and have a go with your 7. You all know your auntie loves you.

White Lies

Nice photo, isn't it ? It was taken by NB my gig buddy at the Coldplay tour finale yesterday . Himself, The Boy (his son), Eldest Beautiful Daughter and I went to Wembley to see Coldplay.

We had to arrive early as we all wanted to see White Lies and they were the first band on, they were fab and we all agreed that we would have happily paid the £40 ticket price for their 40 minute set.

Next up were Girls Aloud and I had no notion that a band could be so truly dreadful, we lasted 1 and a half songs before leaving our seats in search of sanctuary, well sanctuary and chips. They sounded atrocious, the ginger one had forgotten to take her rollers out and as EBD said even their dancing was out of tune.

We could not be enticed back in by Jay Z who I'm sure was grand if you like that sort of thing or should I say ting or am I taking that too far ?

Well, I'll be the first to admit it that I'm not a massive Coldplay fan, I can see why people like them and all that but I've never bought any of their stuff. They put on a very good show. Here's my likey and no likey bit...

Me Likey

The fireworks and lit up world balloony type things around the stadium (I know, NME are gutted I don't write for them)

The fact that Mr Paltrow forgot some words and lost his place a few times also the few bum piano notes.

The atmosphere and the company I was in.

NB's dad dancing - tres tres amusant.

Their drummer was very good, I hadn't appreciated that before.

There was very little musical wanking (Turin Brakes did a ferocious amount of that last week) this is always good in my opinion.

Coldplay were on stage for just short of 2 hours.


Me no likey

The X factor bit, Simon Cowell spliced in on a big screen saying we were fabulous, Mr Paltrow and his 70,000 strong choir auditioning for the X factor was just a wee bit silly for me.

Their Billie Jean rendition but I didn't like the original either.

You couldn't buy chips on their own, c'mon.

Beer was £4 a flat pint.

So by musical maths it was a good gig as I had more me likeys than me no likeys.

What I did this week.

I got into my beautiful car, drove lots, mostly in the wrong direction and very badly. I did find myself going from Essex to home via Cambridge at 3am on Monday morning, this is not usual or right, it made my friend laugh and this was not kind, hang your head in shame, you know who you are.

I went away on a course to Sheffield. I came back.

In between I stayed in a youth hostelly type of a place.

The food was strange, proper strange, I was served mushroom risotto (which was a lie, a big lie) with a side order of cabbage (yes, truly) which I believe was cooked by my dead granny in 1973.

The cell was freezing and the tiny bed squeaked.

I learned shit loads of stuff, mainly about how much work I will have to do to get my dept through a QA audit, I am knitting with smoke at the moment.

I made a new friend called Sam, me likey Sam muchly, she was subversive too and I would have liked her even if she wasn't Irish.

They did have wireless, not in my cell but in the main training room, I could not get onto blogger as it was a banned site, this made me sad. On the plus side, the trainers thought I was very conscientious and was working as opposed to skiving about trying to get on blogger and emailing friends.

I was missed by my children most muchly.

Now I am back, what have you been up to ?

What to do in Sheffield?

By the time you read this I will be on a residential training course with my new job.

So from Monday to Thursday I will be up North.

In Sheffield at a place that sounds like the whirley I peg my washing out on.

I've been to Sheffield twice before, once to the Plug to see Glasvegas and another time to a fancy wine bar and restaurant that I can't bloody remember the name of! What is wrong with my memory?

So, suggestions on a postcard please, what can your auntie get up to up north?

Please feel free to text, email, comment etc, see you when I get back.

Totally ready for real life

Scene 1

A mother's bedroom, around 8am, enter stage left a 17 year old child dressed in a bath towel and socks.

17 year old child/EBD - (in a ranty type of a voice) "Whose bloody idea was it to have mornings so feckin early?, what kind of a stupid idea was that?"

Mummy/auntiegwen - (in a soothing kind of a voice) "Aawh sweetie scone, you're not a morning person are you?"

17 year old child/EBD - (still in the ranty voice) "I don't like this game. I can't find my hair brush, my coco pops are too milky and my tea's too hot and I have lessons ALL day"

Mummy/auntiegwen - (still in the soothy voice) " Life's a bitch right enough" actually the tone had progressed to sarcastic then.

Scene 2

A 17 year old child's bedroom around 5.30pm. Child lying on bed wearing fleecy polka dot jammie bottoms, socks (of course) and a t shirt (child had put on jammies on return from school to have afternoon nap as needed to help function as part human but spilled yoghurt down jammie top and had to put t shirt worn to school back on) Enter Mummy stage right, on return from work.

EBD - "What kind of things do I have to do to live on my own at uni?"

AG - "Laundry, ironing, cooking NOT tinned alphabetti spaghetti or toast, shopping NOT for shoes and lip gloss, paying bills, gas, electric, phone, broadband, council tax, water, road tax, insurance, house, car and life, cleaning INCLUDING toilets, dust, hoover, polish, mop, wash dishes, getting to where you need to be BY YOUR OWN SELF, remembering things, buying things before you run out etc etc etc

EBD - "Well, I'm not going to grow up then. I've only looked at real life on the internet and it scares me. I'll just stay here and go to uni like it's school and nothing has to change "

EBD - " Look Mummy, I made a new game..." Child then makes a dinosaur with her fingers, walks it around and makes eating noises with it "num num num" "Look Mummy, I made a Larasaur" and giggles uncontrollably for a bit.

Yep, totally ready to leave home and function independently, totally.

And I don't care.

I'm just going to say it.

You might not like it.

You might feel inclined to berate me or try to change my mind. Feel free (except you, Edge, you can be surprisingly persistent)

But I don't care

I don't like The Beatles and if I never have to listen to another one of their songs again, so much the better.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Musings from me

Hello my little bloggy chums, how are you?

Myself and the beautiful children are well. Thank you for asking.

Eldest Beautiful Daughter is getting ready for her beloved Matthew (chief matey boy of about 2 years) to go off to uni, this is a teeny tiny bit tense for all those who live/visit chez auntiegwen. Can you imagine how it will be in 2 weeks whan he actually goes? No, I don't want to either.

The Beautiful Son has had his annual haircut, he tried to articulate what he wanted to the barber who ignored him and took his cash. It's not pretty, it looks like he needs a carer, I'm hoping he'll grow into it.

Beautiful Baby Daughter tidied her bedroom, proper tidy, Kim and Aggie tidy, but you probably knew that as it was on the 10 o'clock news.

School has returned but without me, the son has joined elder daughter at high school (we have a 3 school system so they change at 14 when they start GCSE coursework) so that leaves only the baby at middle school.

I love, love, love my new job. It's hard, it's challenging and I am busy like you wouldn't believe but I can see that I am actually making a difference and I am thriving on the challenge.

My facebook thingy is still bemusing me, do I want to be my friend Susan's friend Janice's neighbour on the farm? I think not, I killed the begonia my friend Ell bought me for my birthday (in 3 days) I begged her not to buy me a live thing, I can only manage children, all my plants die. I also can't work out how to send gifts back to people and then they might think I don't love them, I do I'm just crap at technology. I have shed loads of teenagers befriending me and I can't say no. And despite my very good friend's plea for a boyfriend for me, not one of her mates stepped up ??? Pourquoi, I ask myself. So after a few weeks I'm bored of it.

I've got masses of nights out planned, some gigs, some dinners and been invited to a bloggy meet up in Amsterdam.

So a very busy but very contented auntie at present. Normal middle aged Pollyanna service has resumed. And thank God for that.

Welcome

A huge thank you to all friends who commented, texted, emailed, called and visited me over the last week. I appreciate all your input, kind words and advice muchly.

I've pondered on this and thought it round and around and I've come to the conclusion that I really don't mind who reads what I write.

There's not really that much salacious stuff in here, the sex blog I write has had every gasp, groan and grunt in it, so no need to upset Grandma in Cyprus with that here. I jest, I jest.

And as much as I felt I didn't want Gordon to know what I was thinking, I now realise that I'm not that bothered, he's not involved in my life, I'm not interested in his, all that's left is indifference really.

So welcome to you all, the people who comment, the people who don't, the people who know me and those whom I've yet to meet. You are truly welcome to my little corner of blogland.

With love from

Wendy aka auntiegwen

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