Friday 11 September 2009

Totally ready for real life

Scene 1

A mother's bedroom, around 8am, enter stage left a 17 year old child dressed in a bath towel and socks.

17 year old child/EBD - (in a ranty type of a voice) "Whose bloody idea was it to have mornings so feckin early?, what kind of a stupid idea was that?"

Mummy/auntiegwen - (in a soothing kind of a voice) "Aawh sweetie scone, you're not a morning person are you?"

17 year old child/EBD - (still in the ranty voice) "I don't like this game. I can't find my hair brush, my coco pops are too milky and my tea's too hot and I have lessons ALL day"

Mummy/auntiegwen - (still in the soothy voice) " Life's a bitch right enough" actually the tone had progressed to sarcastic then.

Scene 2

A 17 year old child's bedroom around 5.30pm. Child lying on bed wearing fleecy polka dot jammie bottoms, socks (of course) and a t shirt (child had put on jammies on return from school to have afternoon nap as needed to help function as part human but spilled yoghurt down jammie top and had to put t shirt worn to school back on) Enter Mummy stage right, on return from work.

EBD - "What kind of things do I have to do to live on my own at uni?"

AG - "Laundry, ironing, cooking NOT tinned alphabetti spaghetti or toast, shopping NOT for shoes and lip gloss, paying bills, gas, electric, phone, broadband, council tax, water, road tax, insurance, house, car and life, cleaning INCLUDING toilets, dust, hoover, polish, mop, wash dishes, getting to where you need to be BY YOUR OWN SELF, remembering things, buying things before you run out etc etc etc

EBD - "Well, I'm not going to grow up then. I've only looked at real life on the internet and it scares me. I'll just stay here and go to uni like it's school and nothing has to change "

EBD - " Look Mummy, I made a new game..." Child then makes a dinosaur with her fingers, walks it around and makes eating noises with it "num num num" "Look Mummy, I made a Larasaur" and giggles uncontrollably for a bit.

Yep, totally ready to leave home and function independently, totally.


scrappysue said...

my girls HATE it when i talk about 'the real world'. when asked how they're going to find the time to cook food for themselves, one once replied 'i just won't eat'.

yep - totally ready...

Anonymous said...

The Larasaur might come in handy - she can progress to shadow puppetry, thus earning enough money to buy spaghetti hoops AND new tops from Miss Selfridge....?

Shirley said...

I know the prospects of her being on her own are scary, but don't you find it just a wee bit sweet that she still has a piece of little-girl playfulness in her? I think it's charming. 'Course, I'm not her mom, am I.

DAB said...

I'm liking you daughter's style of thinking - very much indeed :) TFx

Madame DeFarge said...

Much like talking to my husband really. It was just like that when I moved down to London to work during the week. But he copes admirably now. Much to my eternal chagrin.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Oh God, been there, done it got the T-shirt. My eldest step-son refused to grow up but at twenty five he has finally reached adulthood. It took longer than most and I wanted to get him a one way ticket to Mars where he clearly was from but now he is a fully functioning human - well as fully functioning as a male of the species can get! All the best, she'll be home with bin bags full of washing every weekend before you know it!

Nota Bene said...


Rarelesserspotted said...

My middle lad is preparing for university and we take him for signing in on Saturday next. Cost me a fortune in 'luxuries' to keep him in comfort that he is accomstomed to. We only got his student finance letter yesterday so I was panicking a bit that we would have to stump up huge loads of dosh to allow him to live his lifestyle - if only he knew the reality - lol.

Anonymous said...

Can I come and live with you? I'm a bit fed up of being grown up.

lisaq said...

Glad she figured out before she got out there. Mine are still tryin' and they've been out on their own awhile. Damn! I wish they'd grow up and figure it out already!

Helena said...

He he he! I love it - fending for themselves! My son's off to uni, too, next year. Still can't get used to the thought he'll not be there!
On his 18th birthday, we put posters on the window saying HAPPY 18th - Here's to council tax, dental bills, prescription charges, ect!

auntiegwen said...

Sue - I can just hear her saying that too !

Matthew - yep, that might be all she's capable of !

Shirley - she is delightful, completely decorative and non functional but delightful x

TF - she's lovely if you don't have to worry about her future !

Madame - as will she I suspect

Mob - if she gets into Glasgow (which is a bit of a stretch as they want 3 A's) she'll be taking her washing home to my mammy !

NB - sarky x

RLS - I hope it goes well, maybe when he gets back for his hols he'll have a new found appreciation for you and Mrs RLS for all your hard work (I know, the omnipresent Pollyanna just keeps bursting out)

Mud - of course you can, it's great fun here

Lisa - they still arguing with each other abd getting you to referee ???

Lena - it takes a long time to get the last laugh but so totally worthwhile x