Sunday 17 August 2008

Smile, Mummy

I was going out on Friday evening as was Eldest Beautiful Daughter. I was going to the local pub, so local I can see my front room from their beer garden and Eldest Beautiful Daughter was going to a fancy dress birthday party.

EBD went as Magenta Devine from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. For the uninitiated, a big fave film of mine and EBD (taught her everything she knows, esp the bad, age inappropriate stuff)
Magenta basically looks like a French Maid, very short black puffball dress, white apron, black fishnets, black Mary Janes (EBD are double strapped) and madly backcombed hair and lashings of mascara and black eyeliner. To be fair, it's not madly different from her normal Emo ish going out look.

The dress in question she uses is 3 years old and EBD had grown a lot in height over the last 3 years. I did mention this fact in a vaguely concerned mummy type fashion that that was what every Mummy wanted her very beautiful 16 year old daughter to be cutting about on a Friday night dressed like a French Maid and that I hoped she had on a sturdy pair of pants, my preference would have been for her to be wearing The Beautiful Son's black rugby shorts. Herself just laughed at me and said " Silly Mummy, pat the silly Mummy" and she pats me on the head, she is way taller than me, she does this a lot as it makes me howl with laughter and usually allows her to escape my displeasure/annoyance/telling off etc etc.

So off she goes and I get into the shower, when I'm all wet I reach for my shaving gel and razor, only to find them not there. EBD has come in to my ensuite and nicked my shaving gear, and has left it in the children's bathroom. This is not the first time and it really really annoys me. I know I shouldn't moan about trivial stuff really but I get so cross that the girls just help themselves to my stuff that's bad enough but not to return it just makes me even more cross.

When I get out the shower I send her a passive aggressive text message ( I am good at passive aggressive) that says

"Eldest Beautiful Daughter (using her full first, middle and surname, that's how you know the mummy is really cross with you)

I am really really cross with you (making your point)

You nicked my shaving gear AGAIN (in capitals, emphasising your point)

Didn't return it AGAIN and now I have to go out with hairy legs ( more capitals, she knows I don't generally bother with them or punctuation, so really emphasising the point)

You are very selfish (playing the guilt card)

I am so cross with you that I will only put 1 kiss at the end of this message ( I end all messages to my children with love you or love you lots and usually their age in kisses - I am now overgilding the lily and this is the passive aggressive part)

Her reply

" I'm sorry Mummy, I have no money to buy my own and I forgotted. Please don't be cross. Smile, ( a wee smiley face picture is at this bit) I'm wearing 2 pairs of pants, under and over tights for super safety and I won't take them off all night, even if a hot boy asks me nicely. Love you xx "

That's when I stopped being cross and started laughing. Again,that's why I love my children.


Anonymous said...

Haha...that girl has an incredible personality! I'm sure she gets it from her mum!

Drove me crazy when the girls borrowed my stuff and didn't return it. In fact, they still do it when they come to visit and sometimes even "borrow" it to the point where it goes home with them. Ugh!

Squirmy Popple said...

I wish I had a local pub I could see from my living room.

Shirley said...

LOL! Mine use MY razor in MY shower. Then when I unknowingly use it, it shreds my underarms! Takes a week to heal up the scrapes. What in the world are they shaving with MY razor? If their leg hair is that tough, they have bigger problems than me! What inconsiderate blithering wonderful daughters we have. It's good to know they're the same the world over. :)

Eddie 2-Sox said...

Wow. I am in awe.

Sam has started asking "certain" questions and I am bumbling through. But it appears you have got it all down pat. Teach me please?

Your nipper sounds cute AND manipulative at the same time lol

scrappysue said...

man u send long text messages! but after all that, she was safely equipped with not one, but TWO pairs of sturdy undies! that's a cute post

DAB said...

Leg waxing might be the answer my friend :O You've educated her well methinks. Double knickers LOL :) TFxx

FOXY1969 said...

I was sitting here all smug thinking thank god I have 2 sons and not daughters, then I remembered that my hair spray and mousse were missing from my 'hair' drawer yesterday! is nothing safe?

ME said...

Awwww.. what an adorable exhange of words! How could you stay mad at her after that!?

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Yes they are beautiful you lucky old thing you. I had a stepdaughter that always borrowed things from me and never ever returned them. Until one day I asked her a question.

Me - what do you call someone who borrows something and then never returns it?

Her ? don't know, what do you call them?

Me - a fecking thief!

Problem solved!

Laura said...

Magenta! Columbia was was waaaaay better. We should all go to Rocky horror the next time it's at the kings. EBD can wear her 2 knicker number and I'll wear my Columbia costume. What about you? You don't look like a Riff-Raff lol

auntiegwen said...

lisa - you've so been there

Katie - I thought the hill of Mary had masses of pubs ?

Shirley - so so true

Eddie - you should hear me give the teenagers the talk, I am getting very proficient.

Sue - I am Queen of the text message, apart from EBD no one sends more

TF - I'd like her in a boilersuit and a balaclava, but no deal

Foxy - all boys have fancy hair now, just be glad it's not your knickers

Craze - I can never be mad at anyone, it's a blessing and a curse

Mob - job done, your aunties impressed !

Laura - you're on, I was always Columbia too