The Best Laid Plans

Let me set the scene for you, try and paint you a picture...

Monday morning

Lesson 3 finishing at 11.40 am in 1 part of the college and lesson 4 also starting at 11.40 in the opposite part of college. Note to self, perfect art of time travel asap. Lesson lasts for 50 minutes.

22 new year 10 students (age 14)- these are the youngest in our school having just joined from middle school.

1 table of girls who will have to be split up at next lesson, too mouthy and sparking each other off. Find out later, mouthiest was expelled from last school.

New classroom

New tables which can have their top tilted up for stacking against the walls, have a kind of bar thing underneath which keeps them stable, this is easily dislodged when they put their knees under the desk. I like knees under the desk, I feel it's the only place to put them in a classroom setting.

Store cupboard containing textbooks, pens, paper etc, locked and key not on hook in our office as is it's want, key in lesson 3 teachers pocket, lesson 3 teacher gone who knows where? for a fag and/or a gin? nah,more boringly, probably to lesson 4.

Teacher computer has no keyboard, can't log in and take register, take paper register, will use office PC after lesson. Tech feckin ology.

All 22 students have to get a laptop out of the lap safe, double locked but with key fortunately. All 22 students have to have laptop log signed by me to ensure we know who's broken what laptop. Cynicism thy name is Gwen.

As students are so new, lots of their personal log in's don't work, advise them to go to IT support at lunchtime. Note to self, avoid or bribe IT technician ? can't remember what strategy used last term.

Re-arrange students so they can at least share a computer, look at clock 20 minutes of lesson gone. Feeling slightly hot now, and not in a good way.

Ask students to get out homework co teacher has set as this forms basis for my lesson. Resist urge to make smart arse derogatory comment on the odds of a clean sweep.

8 students out of 22 have done as requested, get them started on task.

Get 14 students who didn't do homework to start homework in my lesson.

Table dislodges and tilts, fortunately laptop falls onto student and not floor.

Miraculously some work actually gets done by some students. Not much, but I'm grateful for small mercies, hey I'm middle aged I take what I can get at all times.

Wasp flies in window, CHAOS ensues, students scream, (especially the 3 mouthy ones at back table) jump up and try and run away, room very cramped, chairs get knocked, someone trips over a bag.

I tell them to sit down and keep still, I'm accused of not caring if they're stung, they're right, I hope several wasps come in and sting them right on their gobs, I have a split second vision of a cloud of bees surrounding the challenging students heads, bad auntiegwen bad, I'm only worried that the brand new laptops will fall on the floor in the melee.

Look at clock, 7 minutes left of lesson, finally admit defeat.

Collect in all 22 laptops, checking for damage and sign log to say they're ok.

Class leave.

Big sigh from me.

Look at the all singing all dancing, shiny, hopeful, well balanced and carefully thought out lesson plan, with differentiation and everything. I swear it smirked at me.

Game's a bogie.