Wednesday, 29 October 2008

10 Things I don't Understand

I don't think I'm a stupid person, I occasionally have moments of vacuousness but overall I am a functioning human. However, there are lots of little things I don't understand, maybe it's because I am turning onto a grumpy old woman with the luxury of a blog which allows me to spout off. I will focus on these little musings as I have real big grown up important scary stuff going on at present and in true auntiegwen style I am avoiding dealing with that and faffing around this kind of stuff instead.

Why my lip gloss becomes less of a threat to national security when , at airports, it is enclosed in a clear plastic bag.

Why my sister at the age of thirtyfeckinseven still has to have my mum take her to the dentist, I kid you not

Why people wear crocs, they must be the ugliest shoes ever, my kids call them shoes of the devil

Why I can't understand the Clyde tunnel, there is no feckin water anywhere nearby (save your breath, Edge, you've tried and failed before, unless you take me up in a helicopter and show me, I cannot understand how the tunnel goes underneath the river, when I can't see water anyfeckinwhere)

Why my eldest beautiful daughter cannot bear to look at naked feet, we all have to cover our tootsies up, this is a real pain on holiday

Why people start their Christmas shopping before December 1st, my sister starts on Boxing day in the sales which means you can never return things, Christmas should be a one month only thing, in December

Why it dements me when my children and my students leave everything to the last minute and yet I am exactly the same, you'd think I'd understand

Why people queue for ages and then when their turn comes suddenly realise that they need to pay or show their passport and then rummage about their person looking frantically for the required item, get feckin ready, why don't you ?

Why grown ups (usually men) play on x boxes and play stations and wii's, they're for children, they're called toys. We have stuff of our own to amuse us.

Why the Sainsbury's lady thinks I can bring with me enough plastic bags to do my whole weekly shop, she makes me feel like a Nazi when I produce 3 or 4 bags for life and can't fit all my shopping in them still have to have some free orange ones

17 comments:

Amanda said...

Hee Hee, all soooo true xx
Amanda (a.k.a. Annie Bright)

lisaq said...

Nice list girl! I so don't get the Crocs thing either. Whoever came up with those ugly damn things are getting a good laugh and making a ton of money.

Nota Bene said...

Someone defintely got out of the wrong side of bed this morning! But a good list, nonetheless....especially Crocs! Can I add a couple - roads that have double red lines painted down them to ensure a free flow of traffic, but then have parking spaces; women that wear wrap-round skirts and then struggle to walk down the street as they hold the skirt together to ensure their legs remain covered; the new style pedestrian crossing lights which are mounted no longer of the lights on the other side of the street, but only on the post set back a foot or so from where you would normally stand to cross...meaning you just don't know where to look (or maybe that's just me).

"Always put off until tomorrow anything that absolutely positively must be done yesterday"

TOM FOOLERY said...

Oh Yes Crocs - plastic crap, they should be recycled into plastic bags ;-) TFx

Katie said...

I agree, Crocs are hideous. Sure, they're comfortable, but so are lots of other shoes.

Craze said...

Well, don't hit me but I've already done a bunch of Christmas shopping but I won't make you cover up your feet if we ever meet!

Working mum said...

Yesss! The queue thing!! Living as I do in 'Pensioner City' (most of the houses around us are inhabited by people who bought them new in 1958) it is invariably the pensioners with all week to shop that hold up the queue in Tesco on a Saturday morning! Aaargh!!

Barry Teeth, Beet Poet said...

The reason these answers elude you, dear lady, is that you are a girl.

scrappysue said...

i think crocs are ugly too and no-one was particularly interested in my 3 lip glosses last week...

Laura said...

If you think croc sare ugly then hope over to my page and see the most hideous hybrd you will ever see. It will scare the pnats off you.

Can Bass 1 said...

My dear, I heartily agree with your sentiments about the festive season. But remember - Christmas starts on December 25th and lasts for a mere 12 days.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

There is a cokplete Nazi checkout woman at Waitrose who some months ago made imself and me feel about two inches tall as she admonished us for using plastic bags and then went about showing us how to ram everything into every smallest effing place so we could minimize the amount of bags we used! We bought the trendy reusable bags and use them instead. I have to say they are great, hold a lot more and can be used for beach hilidays too!

BTW your holiday and the snaps of it look grear. Hope you are rested dear lady.

Dijea said...

Crocs are ugly as hell, but incredibly comfortable and I think you are stuck looking at them for a while and if you figure out why grown men play the video games instead of the kids let me know, I need to cure my husband.

that girl ? said...

Right with you on the lipgloss and crocks! If anyone tries to wrestle my Juicy Tubes off me at security then you'll be seeing me on News At Ten!
Small Child had crocks last year - fine - she is a small child and therefore allowed - anyone else, especially grown up ladies... why would you, why would you, WHY WOULD YOU??!! And the rest of your rants made me laugh!! x

auntiegwen said...

Amanda - these little things keep us wondering, don't they ?

Lisa - are crocs a worldwide blight then ?

NB - truly not grumpy, just bemused and mea culpa, I have to hold my hand up, I have several wrap round dresses, sorry x

TF - I saw on my friend Lolly's blog, they have expanded their range, God help us all !

Katie - if so many people hate them , why are they everywhere ?

Craze - I hate to admit it but I bought a couple of presents myself at the weekend !

WM - your Tesco must be pure hell !

Barry - the trades description act'll get you, I am in fact a grumpy old woman

Sue - I'm sure your lip glosses are lovely, have crocs spread to the antipodes too ??? feck that's dangerous

Lolly - I've been truly truly hideous !

Can Bass - I'd heartily agree with you if I didn't have to organise it all

Mobs - I'm getting very fecked off with the polybag nazis and cheers me dear, it was a nice holiday, shame I've got to come back to regular life !

dijea - I must say that comfort is never a criteria when I buy shoes and unfortunately myself and lots of other women can't help on the games console thing !

That girl - I'm a raisin and fraise girl myself

Mom/Mum said...

Dare I admit there are crocs in my house...? But, in my defense, they belong to my small persons and not to me or Him Indoors. They have been the best shoe purchase ever for the kids, definitely.
Great list btw!

auntiegwen said...

mom/mum- inflicting crocs on poor small defenceless children, tut tut !!!!