Sunday, 2 November 2008

10 Things I learned this weekend

There is a new sign on the border, it's blue and has what is I suppose someone's modern interpretation of the Saltire on it and is says "Welcome to Scotland" and underneath "Failte gu Alba" I preferred our original "Ceud Mille Failte" pronounced coo milla falcha, which is Gaelic for A hundred thousand welcomes. I know I'm turning into a Grumpy Old Woman, I'll be standing in for Jenny Eclair on the next tour.

The M74 and M6 have a staggering amount of roadworks especially southbound, it took me 2 hours longer to drive back to England today than it did to get home on Friday. Yes, I am aware that I'm sounding like a Daily Mail reader, I'm working on it !

I get very irritable in traffic, I wasn't even appeased by the hot guy who smiled, winked and flirted with me for 25 minutes along the M6, I would rather have just not had the delay, what did he think could happen ? That I'd pull over and Gillian him on the hard shoulder ?

Scotland had the best of the weekend weather, it was beautifully Autumnal there, crisp but bright and sunny and last night there the sky was so clear with beautiful stars, ok it was feckin freezing but I still had the stars.

I don't like the new Sharleen Spiteri CD, it sounds like 60's pop music, I gave it to my mum, she likes it and I wasn't that struck on the new Snow patrol one either.

Women underestimate how important sport is to men, I don't know if it's all sport but golf seems to be incredibly important, there is a huge application of thought and psychology that surprised me.

Men do not want to be questioned about things, they will even lie about stuff to avoid this kind of dialogue, I always thought it was conversation, they don't think it is.

Women are too harsh on themselves about their body image, men apparently aren't too fussed by a bit cellulite or the odd wobbly bit, the analogy used to explain this to me was " If I've got to the stage where you're naked then it 's like being 3 foot away from an open goal and stopping to play keepie uppie whilst checking out the condition of the pitch, if I'm 3 foot away from an open goal, I'm gonna make sure I shoot and score" Thank you, that makes me feel sooooooo much better.

I finally know how to do the click on the word thingy, I got a full tutorial this morning and he even wrote it down for me in step by step stages so I can do it all by my own self. Please click here to listen to a song I heard in the car on the way home, I had this up full blast and stuck my foot down, I'd forgotten how much I loved this song. They were playing in Glasgow last night and I didn't know, they were the first band I ever saw.

Every woman needs a bit of edge in her life

The greatest of thanks to my host, he re arranged his weekend, provided me with food and drink, cooked and washed up after me, washed and ironed the organic cotton bed linen, provided me with some extemely valuable insights into the male psyche, refrained from telling me what an arse I am making of my life and didn't comment on how funny I find things after a few glasses of the red stuff and how quickly I can inhale Merlot.

20 comments:

Shirley said...

Well, I understood about half of that -- enough to create a list of 10 very probing questions, anyway. ;)

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Terrific list and I too agree that things get funnier and funnier the more Merlot is consumed. Funny that eh?

Nota Bene said...

AG are you sure the sign doesn't read; 'Nid wf yn y swyddfa ar hyn o bryd. Anfomwch unrhyw waith I’w gyfieithu' ?

As for the flirty man in the traffic...all I can say is that once upon a time when I had an Audi TT convertible, some gorgeous girl who was a passenger in a passing car slowed down, lent out the window and passed me her phone number (we were doing 80 at the time). Not a match made in heaven, but we had dinner...

Sport is no more important to men than shoes are to women...

Mean Mom said...

Did flirty, hot guy have both hands visible, or just the one??

You're right - men don't like being questioned. It seems to make them feel that they are under attack, or being criticised, depending on the questions, of course.

About the football analogy, I think we all suspected that a lot of men thought that way, but we just didn't need him to confirm it, did we??

Someone was trying very hard to impress you, in some ways, this weekend, weren't they?

lisaq said...

Edge in our lives is what makes the world go 'round. Without it life would just be too boring.

We are definitely to hard on ourselves. We need to learn to love our bodies as they are and not try to be something we think someone else wants.

Lena said...

The weather has been glorious up here. Although I'm still not feeling the cold like everyone else!

And well done for handing the CD to your mum. This ridiculous 60's revival stuff is only working for the younger girls so God knows how Sharleen though she was ever gonna get away with it!

I agree with lisa - we should be more happy with our bodies. I'll never be a size 10 again. Size 16 (thanks to Thornton's and Muller Cherry Fruit Corners!) and stuck with it.

And men are the biggest mystery ever. You never get to fully know what's going on in their nappers - and other places that I don't care to mention! I hate being the only female in the house......

Penelope said...

This line: "That I'd pull over and Gillian him on the hard shoulder" absolutely made me snort tea and that is really just such an attractive look, wouldn't you agree? ;o)

Katie said...

The weather WAS fantastic this weekend - I was up in Pitlochry and it was clear, crisp and delightfully wind-free.

Dusty Spider said...

Words of wisdom as always. You're my favourite auntie! flick xx

The Dotterel said...

But he ironed the bed-linen, AG! You can't rely on that as an infallible indicator of the masculine perspective. Sorry!

Can Bass 1 said...

What, pray, is a Gillian?

Mom/Mum said...

"A Gillian" on the hard shoulder - ABSOLUTELY-FRIGGIN'-HILARIOUS AG! x

Mean Mom said...

There's an award at my place and a tag, if you fancy it.

DJ Kirkby said...

'Gillian' him? Lol. Your weekend away sounded quite LUSH really and almost worth the traffic.

Craze said...

Sports really ARE important to men and yes, women do need to not be so hard on themselves regarding body image.

TOM FOOLERY said...

Yes. What, pray, is a Gillian? Is it edible? ;-) TFx

Laura said...

I'm with you on the Sharleen spiteri CD, I was never a fan of northern soul so can't really get into this CD, and I don't like her new look either lol.

The Stranglers are great though. :O)

auntiegwen said...

Shirley - want me to email a translation ? x

Mobs - the world is a much better place with merlot in it

NB - nope it def didn't say that, is that suitable for a family blog ?
I didn't even consider him feeding me, doh ! and I concur on the sport/shoe thing, but I also have handbags and lipglosses !

Mean Mom - actually I could only see 1 hand ! In my defence I was raised in a very female household, I have no male cousins or brothers so I think thats why I find them so bemusing.

He always does impress me, I am used to men who can't take care of themselves, he lives alone and does it all, that's what surprises me, he is my best male mate and I'm lucky to have him

Thanks for the award and the tag, I've done it

Lisa - every woman needs to be kinder to herself, and edge is just what you need sometimes

Lena - still on the fruit corners ? how feckin tall is that tower now ? I feel sorry for the beautiful son, only male in a house of women ! will we swap for a bit ?

Penelope - I'm sure a sophisticated woman like yourself would be able to pull off the snorting of tea with aplomb !

Katie - Scotland is glorious in the Autumn, I love Perth and used to visit Comrie a lot, very picturesque, not much to do but very bonnie

Flick - glad to have you back me dear, and I'm so pleased to be your auntie, what would you like for Christmas my lovey ? x

Tim - I don't know if he only irons the guest room linen, I must ask him if he bothers to do it for himself !

Can Bass - Good morning dear Vicar, I think some things are just too delicate for the Clergy's ears, and I am sorry you have to visit such Heathenish blogs !

mom/mum - have you finished your Percy Pigs yet ? I used to love them till I realised there was beef and pork gelatine in them and spent hours throwing up !

DJ - it wasn't the weekend I expected but I think it was the weekend I needed, serendipity and all that malarkey !

Craze - I'll try and remember that as the running stops for the winter and I can't get my jeans on

TF - the end product can be ( OMG I can't believe I just said that, I am going to Hell and me a good lapsed Catholic too ! )

Lolly - I love the Stranglers, i should have taken heed of you not liking the Sharleen but I just love her voice, don't think I'll go see her live this time though

scrappysue said...

you're funny :)
i would like to have been your passenger, then I could have flirted with the young guy on the M28 or whatever it was

auntiegwen said...

Sue - indeed you could you could have passed him your number and he may have bought you dinner ala Note Bene !