Yesterday I had not 1 but 2 arguments. I didn't think that was possible in a day, being the Queen of Not Saying How Upset I Feel. People can argue with me but I rarely find the words to retort. I have a million arguments written down, you can read them if you like, my written arguments are heartfelt and eloquent and more often than not tearstained. I am good at those.
Both of these arguments were with men I used to really care about.
Argument 1 - On the phone with Gordon about how upset our son was, if one of the beautiful children are upset, then I am upset, their well being is of paramount importance to me. Gordon doesn't like to think he's less than a perfect parent and sometimes needs reminding that our son will never say how unhappy his dad makes him to his dad, no prizes for guessing which parent TBS resembles emotionally. As this situation is ongoing and unlikely to change unless Gordon knows there is a problem I rang him and told him.
I felt Gordon wasn't really listening to what I said, he was just "He was absolutely fine at my house, if he was upset, I'd know" and my mind was screaming "No you fucking wouldn't, you don't know this boy at all, you don't have the first idea of what he's like"
so I told him
and I told him some more
and some more
and I left him with no doubt as to his behaviour and the disparity of the way he treats and deals with the younger 2 children (EBD has refrained from visiting his house)
and he was very cross with me. My reaction - too fucking bad, I should have let you have it years ago.
Now normally this would have left me tearful, anxious and unable to sleep.
No tears, no anxiety and then at bedtime, straight to sleep.
Argument 2 - I was awoken by a text message from the person I have just been in a relationship with. The message was about him hearing Sharleen singing "Should I stay or should I go " and it making him think of me. I took umbrage at this, waking me up to have a cheap pop at me, I tried really hard in that relationship, I really did. People who know and care about me have been telling me for months to walk away but I tried to hold it together until I just couldn't anymore. I appreciate it felt like the longest break up in history but I can assure you I tried my very best to make it work.
So instead of saying nothing as is my wont, I answered back and after arguing back and forth by text he apologized for waking me up and assured me there was nothing in his remark other than he heard her sing and thought of me.
Welcome to the new slightly improved version of me. I deserve to be happy and if you are doing something that is impinging on my happiness then I'm going to tell you. We can then work out a way to deal with this that we can both live with. Or you can leave my life.
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20 comments:
You go girl! Seems I need to take some lessons from you!
Well done you, apart from telling the builder to grow up followed by me saying you really are an arsehole, all in the last month and actually not feeling bad at all because what I said was what all the other guys wanted to say, I hardly ever say what I think. The truth is I don't care if the builder rejects me, but everyone else currently in my life, I want in my life and would walk over hot coals to protect them all. Since a very difficult upbringing I still can't hack rejection, so I admire you and think you have made it clear these people are not important to you.
Love Frankie
Go AG!
Well played! Standing up for one's self can feel rather liberating.
Hope you had a great Easter!
Good for you girlie. As for the pink thing, it's weird because I've never been a pink kinda girl, always loved purple and black but since I reached the 36ish mark, pink is a definate favourite of mine. Thanks for the love xx
*Waves pom poms* and does a cheer-leader dance!!
(Actually, I think I just pulled a muscle...)
Seriously - it's time! Good for you and even better that you did it and didn't fall apart afterwards.
I am VERY proud of you xxx
I'm cowering behind the sofa....
...but bloody good for you!
Yay!! go for it!! maybe i could give you the number of the PTA chair so you could tell her to feck off for me...?! M x
I so know how you feel on both situations and I think you are SO right!
oh and... *HUG*
Lisa - you've been telling me since last summer he was a Mr E U and it took me to now to see it, I'm merely a pupil !!xx
Frankie - it's so sad as both those men used to be important, maybe that's why they can still press my buttons. I am so pleased that you have a life with those you love in it, may you always be so fortunate. xx
Tim - oh yes, ranty auntie's back in the building !
Mud - thank you, hope the chafing's better ! x
Becka - thank you xx
Penelope - you know the whole 3 verses and the disco chorus to the dysfunction and I appreciate so much the support you've given me xxxx
NB - would you give yourself peace, scared of a wee tiny thing like me ???
M - I will happily strap on a pair for the 3rd time and tell the chair of the PTA to feck off ! xxx
Dutchy - yep, I know you get it, ta muchly for the hug, very welcome today xx
Oh yes Auntie, way to go! There is nothing more liberating than firing with both barrels when the time is right. Glad to see you doing this.
Saying what you really think is admirable. Well done you.
The first part sounds like a misunderstanding. The man "may" have genuinely thought he understood the child's mood. It is also VERY possible that the children behave differently when they're with each parent. In fact, not possible, nore probable. So the children might be as much involved as the bloke.
The second one, probably just being a bit dense, which isn't a crime. You should know this about them already.
Having said that, good for sticking up for yourself for once. I don't do that much either.
But the truth almost inevitably lies half-way between two versions.
Mob - if I don't tell people they're upsetting me, I can't be mad at them for doing so. I'm hoping to change the cycle
LKSN - cheers honey, it's taken me long enough !!!
Soxy - I appreciate what you're saying and all I'm trying to do is not bite my lip when I'm upset as that's not been good for me, I'm just letting people know how I feel and both of these men have NEVER been slow to let me know when I've upset them, esp no 2, hope Sam feels better soon
Good for you, for letting go for once - oh, for twice actually! I've found, only in the last 12 months or so, that I sometimes actually enjoy speaking my mind, instead of trying not to 'rock the boat'. It feels good, doesn't it?
MM - I'm just trying to let them know I have feelings too, for too long I have been the oil pourer on troubled waters and then the cry myself to sleep girl. I want to be happy.
WAHOO auntiegwen! talk about trying to hand responsiblity over to you with the whole text in the middle of the night! what a dickhead!
Sue - he did have some redeeming qualities, didn't share them with me much though !!!!!! never mind, onwards and upwards
Cor Blimey Auntie G - just been catching up - you have been busy! Good for you on growing your own what-nots! Sometimes, just the very fact that we've stood up for what we feel makes us better if stuff doesn't get resolved straight away. I could take a lesson out of your book! x
That girl - school holidays you see, time to think, term times are just a blur for me, holidays I get time to try and sort myself out
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