Friday 5 February 2010

Metrosexual in our midst.

Like all of us, I am a product of my environment. I am from an overwhelmingly female family, the only men I have shared a bathroom with are gadget mad dad, the beautiful son and the ex mr auntiegwen. They are of a similar mind when it comes to grooming, in that, it's for girls. Don't get me wrong, they have perfect hygiene but their grooming routine consists of a shower, wash hair using same stuff used for washing body, spray of deodorant, brush teeth and they're done. Maybe if it was a big night out they'd use aftershave, maybe.

That's what I think men do, I fully expect them to take the time it takes me to fasten my shoes for them to perform their whole routine.

Eldest Beautiful Daughter has a new amour, oh don't worry that I'm telling you tales, I read it on her facebook page, she's in a relationship. This is a big deal, for the last 2 years she's had the Matthew, we were used to the Matthew, you knew where you were with the Matthew. Matthew was of the same mind as the men we are used to.

This new amour is what would be called a Hot Boy. He is 20, drives a car and is in a band. This band plays gigs in real places and they get paid. They are mentioned in newspapers and t'internet as up and coming. He is very used to being admired and getting his own way. He is now besotted by EBD and it is unusual for him to have to do the wooing, he is usually the wooed. He adores her, can't stop contacting her, popping in, leaving little treats for her and general worship. It's very funny for us, we love all of this, he calls her "Treacle", when we try that, she tells us to feck off.

He is exotic to us, we all keep looking at him, he is just so different. Eldest Beautiful Daughter completely rips him apart with her sarcastic sense of humour (no, I've no idea where she gets it from either) She doesn't get the grooming thing either. He takes longer to get ready than she does. He is what my dad would call a "jolly boy"

She made him fess up his grooming routine to me because when she told me I didn't believe her. Now to be fair to him, he looks lovely, he does look like someone you'd see on the telly but it comes with effort.

He sleeps with a hairband in to keep his fringe off his face so he doesn't get spots.
He uses exfoliator, face wash, moisturiser and lip balm, daily.
He uses shampoo and conditioner, he washes his hair with shampoo and conditioner one day and only with conditioner the next, it keeps your hair fluffy apparently.
He uses heat protection spray and then blow dries his hair, before straightening it with GHD's, then he messes it up with wax, then he applies hairspray.

Are you exhausted yet?

He has his hair cut every every few weeks, he has an asymetric fringe and it frames one of his perfectly threaded eyebrows. he actually goes and has his eyebrows threaded.

He looks like Abercrombie and Fitch threw up on him, you may well wonder if you'd seen him in a Jack Wills catalogue. He has a man bag, a personalised number plate and a Paul Smith wallet.

Eldest Beautiful Daughter calls him fairy cake. May the balance of power remain in her favour.


Nota Bene said...

Very, very funny. Brightened my Friday morning. Does he get his nails done too?

Becky said...

Hi Gwen :-)
It must be so exciting when the kids start dating or "courting"
( is that a bit old fashioned ? ) Ah well, you know what I mean. Mine are not there yet and we've got all that in front of us.
I'm really lookin forward to that phase though.

softinthehead said...

OMG he sounds far too high maintenance!

Velveteen Rabbit said...

I am a new follower to you blog auntiegwen but I love your posts!

Being the much put upon mum of my very own EBD and YBD I can so relate to you tales...

This one tickled me! :D

indigo16 said...

Oh the price of eye candy!

JennyMac said...

HAHAHA...I know some metros but NONE of them called Fairy Cake. LOL.

Gigi said...

LMAO!! That is too funny! I don't know that I could deal with someone who is more high-maintenance than me! But the best part?! Fairy Cake!! Too funny

Working Mum said...

I don't think I did that much grooming when I was teenager and I was a girl!

Anonymous said...

Christ... and I feel like I'm high maintenance having to explain a measly six-eight weekly haircut!

Anonymous said...

My word - I'm with you on the sh1t, shower and shave philosophy for men. And am slightly intimidated by the fact that he is 10 times more groomed than I am!

Looking for Blue Sky said...

Where did the fairy cake learn all this stuff? It's bad enough having a 17-year old daughter teaching you grooming tips without learning them from a boy in a band lol

Jon Storey said...

Hmm? My dad would have had a name for him too! But then he was a very old school Bank Manager!

Even my teenage girls don't go through all that palaver, mind you at 8.20 on school mornings I sometimes wonder? They haven't yet worked out how I come in from the horses, shower, dress and and am waiting in the car, all within five minutes!

Our 20 year old son (trainee civil engineer) has to be fed, dressed and plugged into his Ipod by his mother so he stands no chance of "grooming".

"Courting" I haven't heard that expressing for years, I can't even remember if I did it?

Anonymous said...

I think you taught her what she needed to know.


Brighton Mum-Teenage Angst said...

Haha! LOL...where did 'Fairy cake' learn all this grooming from?? and I love the nickname, brilliant! I think he's more high maintenance than all my 4 put together, and one of them is a girl!

Chic Mama said... it! Hope he doesn't read this though. ;0) x

Mrs Worthington said...

Oh how funny but God he sounds like my father - more toiletries than Boots. This sounds far too labour intesive to ever be a long standing relationship.

auntiegwen said...

NB - I wouldn't put it past him

Becky - it's very amusing :)

Softy - but we have hours of entertainment out of him

Velveteen - ah yes, the joy of daughters, no make up/toiletries/umbrellas are ever safe again (is it just me with brollies, I have no clue what my girls do with theirs but mine are always stealing mine)

Alison - oh he's good looking but he knows it too

Jenny Mac - sums it up beautifully, doesn't it?

Gigi - maybe it's an age thing as I know some of her male school friends are very polished but no one comes near Fairy Cake

WM - yep, me too, he probably spends more time than all of us combined

Matt - maybe that is high maintenance for Aus though? I always picture Aussie men as laid back and very manly

Mud - than all of us probably :)

Looking for blue sky -last night he actually was complaining that his new skinny jeans from Topman weren't skinny enough and made his arse look saggy, truly !

Jon - daughters dad is actually was an old school bank manager, I can't wait for him to meet FC,as for your son I fear I very similar with mine and I'm sure you did some courting to end up with some children???

Secretia - yep, bitchy sarcastic sense of humour and inbuilt cynacism, check, my work is done

BMTA - he outgrooms the world!

Chic mama - nope don't even think he knows I blog

Mrs W - oh she'll be bored of him by next month and she'll return to the Matthew.

Shiny said...

Just stumbled across here from Mud's place, fabulous post, makes me feel completely inadequate in my splash-water-on-face-while brushing-teeth grooming routine, sigh. And what fun to have a Boy in a Band showering his adorations, go EBD! x

A Woman Of No Importance said...

I don't know how your blog doesn't update on my list, BAG-gie, as it is, I'm always late catching up - A little like yersel and the ski-ing trips...


I loved this, and choked on my crunchy nuts this morning reading it = Excellent! Watch out that your Beautiful Son does not 'catch' those tips from him, or else you'll never get to use the bathroom in peace again!

My own spawn now uses straighteners on his own barnet that are cast-offs from his GF because I refused to pay for them... I'm rotten like that!

And he throws a fit if there isn't the right face wash in the house... What happened to a scrub with a cold flannel in the kitchen sink? It was enough for My Beautiful Dad?!? Love to you, Gwennie, and don't sweat the quiz - I bet the rest of the professional quiz-goers there cheated (getting texts in the toilets, that kind of thing!). They all do! x

auntiegwen said...

Shiny - me too, I feel totally inadequate and I have a shelf full of lotions and potions

Fhina - it's def this generation that are the first at all the grooming though, even my friends in their 30's don't do that, and thank you for the kind words, we are obviously less clever than we thought !!!! no more mrs middle aged smug from us lot!