Tuesday, 25 May 2010

A good heart these days, is hard to find

Last week I spend a huge amount of time and care writing about my friend. I'm only sorry you can't see it for twas ace (for writing that I do, not for proper writers obv). I was writing a profile for her to put on a dating site and I can assure you even I wanted to date her after reading it, she has been overwhelmed at the response it has had.
She was spurred on to do this by someone else we know meeting a fantastic guy and being blissfully loved up, I now know several couples who've met via t'internets and they all seem pretty happy. As my (blissfully happy with new man) friend said to me "Prince Charming won't drop out of a clear blue sky or arrive at your door in a taxi, you have to work at finding him" I didn't care for her tone, quite frankly.

And why can't Prince Charming arrive at my door in a taxi, that seems like a fairly good proposition to a lazy article like me.

So after a very witty and charming description of my very witty and charming friend we had to think about what she wanted in a man and from a relationship, she seems very open to most things and quite low in expectations.

Unlike her pal.


Unfortunately, I can only conclude that I am WAY fussier than any normal human and I'm getting even fussier all the time, my friends are very scathing about it.

A long time ago I did a fantasy new man list about what I wanted in a new partner, you can read it HERE

Oh yes, a tremendously long and detailed list of what I wanted, now I am ashamed to say I probably still want most of those things but it has been joined in unholy matrimony by the list of things I don't want, just as detailed.

And you know that your auntie's going to share that list with you now, don't you?

What I don't want

Someone who's never had children, even if they say they don't want any now, they may in the future change their mind - whilst that ship has not sailed for me, the captain of SS auntiegwen (and God bless all who sail in her) has pulled up the anchor and is steering that boat out of the harbour of weans onto the calm seas of nae weans. I am not returning to port, for anyone.

I don't want anyone with young children - my days of encyclopedic Postman Pat knowledge are thankfully receeding into what is left of my memory. I have no wish to be involved in the potty training/toddler taming/de lousing of anyone elses child. My dues have been well paid, this will be the only account I have credit in.

I don't want anyone with teenagers - thank you, I have 3 of my own, that's plenty.

I don't want anyone with grandchildren - I just can't, it would make me feel even older than I already do. And we all know I'm only a Per Una cardie away and I have already succumbed to the Cath.

I don't want anyone in a different decade to me, in your 40's only please

I just cannot do another IT consultant, management consultant or BMW driver, why oh why are they so attracted to me?

I am very sniffy about starsigns too - yes I agree, I am completely mental.

No smokers - I can cope with a sneaky smoke on a night out but not an everyday smoker. Yes, I did used to be a smoker, enough said.

No stupid music fans - they must have at least heard of 50% of what's on my ipod and go to at least 4 decent gigs per year.

They must not dress like an old man - fine line, won't cope with skinny jeans but can't be attracted to clothes for comfort (I know, me that lives in her fitflops, I didn't say this was in anyway rational or reciprocal)

I could go on but I'm sure you're getting the drift, fussy is the politest term for me, you may wish to add another of your own choosing.

There cannot be a man in the country who would tick all the boxes I now have, however if you have a mate, brother, colleague you think might fit the bill, send him to me, I'll pay the taxi...

Or if you're David Tennant, it's just a stupid list, come in, why yes, it is very hot in here, just take your clothes off...

24 comments:

Rare Lesser Spotted said...

Wow - well you set your standards very high indeed - I looked at your original list and fail everyone except one and that's being a guy, ah well. Good luck hunni, your new list is much more flexible - you deserve someone who's dreamy!
XX

Ayak said...

Oh you are quite fussy aren't you? But you have really made me laugh...in a nice way of course. Seriously though I think you should set your standards high. Speaking as someone who didn't set them high enough during my first two marriages, and did better third (and final!) time round.

Penelope said...

Nothing wrong with being fussy! I'm in total agreement. hell, we paid our dues the first time around right?
In other news, if you feel like helping with my "resume" I could use it!
In other, other news...email me some bloody dates would you! *smooch* xxx

mannanan said...

Wow what a full list of wants and not wants certainly made good reading.I met my wife through a dating agency after first swapping letters then telephone conversations. One of the things she didn't want was a smoker. Funnily this didn't come up in either letters nor conversation and as I smoked at the time this came as a bit of a shock to her. Still we liked each other and after a few dates and with me wanting to impress her I gave up smoking. I've been off them now ever since and we married two years after we met and have been very happily married now for ten years.So if someone isn't quite your cup of tea it's not all doom and gloom it could work out.....Ohh and by the way just thought I'd mention that actor chappie David Tennant is visiting our shores in a few weeks time filiming on location. If I bump into him, which there is a good chance becasue quite often we see these actors on location, I'll give him this sites address if that's ok by you......

Laura said...

Both of your lists rock! And you desreve high standards. Love the stupid music one the most.

auntiegwen said...

RLS - no I don't anyone at all never mind dreamy, mad as a box of frogs that's me :)xx

Ayak - I love the fact that it's 3rd time lucky for you, Marshallah xxx (maybe I'll get a nice Turkish man when I go on my hols :))

Penelope - yep, sorry will look at calendar and see when J and L are at their dads xxx

mannanan - I love the fact you gave up smoking for her, love it love it love it x you sweetie you and if you get me David Tennant you can have ANYTHING you want that I have kids, kidneys, house either this one what I do live in or nice one I do holiday in, money etc etc etc name it it's yours xx

lolly - if I have no luck with men in 2010 I'm coming to bat for your team :)

Looking for Blue Sky said...

I rather like your original list! Though I'd want a bit more space, so ambition and a text desert would be no problem for me...so long as he can fix things as well x

Lena said...

Now that's a list and a half....! But he'll come...you know he will. He be stoopid not to..!

I often wonder if I met the cheaper half now, instead of back in the Ice Age, if I would fancy him and all his baggage....hmmmmm...?

Kelloggsville said...

Stick to you guns because to be quite frank I am almost convinced they all have their 'wet towel on the floor' (or equivilant) bad habits , irritating mothers and a zillion other bad habits so in order to tolerate that they must be in the right decade, like the correct music, dress appropriately, have the exact right attitude to kids etc fussy? : no , sensible? : yes ! out there ? : yes - they are just at a gig tonight!!!!!!!

Gigi said...

Have I got a man for you! My brother-in-law. Now he doesn't meet exactly to a tee the things you want/don't want. But he pretty much covers the majority - only problem is you'd have to come here as I'm sure he wouldn't go there.....

Suzanne Jones said...

Nothing wrong with fussy. Both lists are great.

XX

Becky said...

lol Gwen...I have a sneaky suspicion that when you meet Mr Right, you'll be so smitten that somehow you'll forget all about those little boxes !! :-) Good times ahead I reckon :-)))

Mean Mom said...

Both lists are fine. I don't see any problems, except for one thing. It's the bit about wanting a man who can talk about his feelings. Hmmm. I think that this may be where you are going wrong. ;0)

auntiegwen said...

LFBS - yep you're right about the fixing things and I'm less upset about ambition now too

Lena - I have become allergic to drama, cannot cope with anyone fighting with their ex. I've got far too lazy :)

Kellogsville - nice thought, I'll have to start going to more gigs :)
not really a chore is it?

Gigi - I love America, happy to be there at anytime

Suzanne - at one point I had as a criteria, must never have been unfaithful (at any time in the past, to any partner), and then I realised that that would really limit the market!

Becky - I used to be the most accomodating sort but I still didn't find anyone I really wanted to be with despite all the compromises, here's hoping 2010 will be my year:)

Mean Mom - am I glad to see you ?, here have a big kiss, in fact have several, I've missed you XXXXXX, yep like I say I can live without the man telling me how he feels easily

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Oh if you haven't got standards then you have nothing my dear girl. You stick tae yer guns Hen. You might of course end up like Mrs Haversham sitting there in yer dusty eld wedding dress wae the weans living abroad but you'll have the TV remote all to yourself! Heaven!

Madame DeFarge said...

My standards are high, but my expectations low. I live a life of perpetual hope and disappointment. Like your list. Wish I'd had it earlier.

Tuppence said...

I love your lists! You're not being fussy you just know what you want and what you don't.

There’s a little something for you over at my blog http://tuppennytales.blogspot.com/2010/05/why-thank-you.html

Have a lovely weekend.

T
x

Shirley said...

I'm getting fussier as I get older, too. As my sister informed me (too late, as it turned out), "It takes a mighty good husband to be better than none." No, she wasn't bashing men (nor am I). I'm just saying . . .

Shirley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mrs Worthington said...

Hi Auntie G. I like both lists. A list is good. Top of my list is a shared sense of humour. My sister also added to my list; no hairy backs ( been there done that ), high trousers or dirty finger nails.

auntiegwen said...

Mob - I am all peopled out at the mo, being completely alone is my own personal Nirvana :)

Madame - perpetual hope and disappointment, yep, me too

Tuppence - thank you most kindly, I will put it on my lettle cybershelf of nice things x

Shirley - your sister is a mighty wise woman :)

Mrs W - oh I don't mind hairy backs, maybe there's hope for me after all

scrappysue said...

now that's a mental picture i'm taking to bed tonight (not fussy AG), but naked sweaty DT...

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