Sunday 3 October 2010

In a safe place

I could have scribed another rantie auntie type post, as time marches on I find myself more and more grumpy, I am perfecting my middle aged status to Olympic standard.

I could have given you more on Hot Boy as I saw him yesterday and there were a few comedy gems, not including his attire of shocking pink and I mean PINK skinny jeans. Gifted to him by Nicki, the keyboard player in his band. She felt they were a bit out there for her, a female girl. Of course, if an outfit is too showstopping, who else would you give it to?

I could tell you all about how my office is moving and as well as my normal work we had to pack up an 8 roomed office with 18 years worth of crap and condense everything to fit in a 2 room office. The wee boys the removal firm sent were the most gormless looking pair you've ever clapped eyes on. I wanted to fetch my son to see them and hiss in a passive aggressive whisper - "This is what will happen if you don't get your A levels"

Instead I will tell you the sorry tale of how the auntie got caught speeding. I am a bad auntie, a fast auntie, an now a quite a bit poorer auntie. I have no excuses I should obey the rules and I shall not whine about getting caught and paying the money. It is entirely my own fault and I deserve everything I get.

In my house no one except me can find anything, my ovaries appear to contain a locating device, I am good at finding things, I get plenty practice. I wasn't too concerned about finding the paper part of my driving licence. I thought it would be in one of my safe places. I actually say "I will put this in a safe place", Michael McIntyre's man drawer has nothing on me. I have a house full of safe places.

So I look in the folder that contains the birth certificates and my PIN for the National Board for Nursing (it's always been kept there, probably since I left home for the first time and my only official documentation was my birth certificate and my pin.)

Then I look in my travel folder with the passports as you need both parts to hire a car abroad. I have never driven abroad and have no notion to. But I like to think of myself as a well prepared, windswept and interesting type traveller.

I look in my bedside drawer and the spare bedside drawer where I had a lovely time reading little letters that BBD had sent me and smiling through tears at the baby spellings and the sweetness of it all. Which took the edge of her struntieness this week, she has been very strunty. I also found a card from the ex mrauntiegwen telling me how much he loved me and thanking me for 20 years together and asking for another 40. We'll gloss over that, I think it's best.

I emptied the wicker hamper that was a corporate Christmas goodie from Fortnum and Mason that I use as a coffee table and a receptacle of things I think I might need at some unspecified in the future. I have no idea why I have kept 9 Argos catalogues and old pay slips from 2002, I also have no idea why there was a carrier bag containing all the Christmas cards I received in 2007.

I looked in every drawer in the Welsh dresser in the dining room unearthing some cards from my 40th birthday and 6 old diaries. My God, I did a lot of going to school things with my 3 children, it seemed like every week I was there for a family assembly, a sports day or a parents meeting. No wonder I only worked part time, I wouldn't have been able to fit it in.

Reader, I will not take you on a full looking and finding tour of my safe places in this house, there are many. I have kept a lot of crap over the 10 years I've lived here. Some of it was lovely to see again, other's just bemusing as to why I hadn't got rid of it at the time. I eventually gave up and ordered a new one as per my dear friend Note Bene's suggestion on the book of face.

My ovaries which were formerly top notch locating devices are now a little tired and middle aged. They have caught up with the rest of me.


libby said...

Hey missy....the speeding? was it something good to get to or something bad to get away from? and payslips only 8 yrs old? pah! try still having a payslip from demented does that make me?? speak soon xx

Sueann said...

I have my report cards from grade school!! Ha!! And they weren't even that good!!??
And how fast were you going?
I hate when I put things away for safekeeping! I will never find it again.

AGuidingLife said...

Prison or Duke of Wellington? They are both killer cameras *sigh*. Finding all that 'stuff' whilst searching is both wonderful and sad. I found a letter that a friend had written to me during my divorce whilst travel insurance searching. It was nice to read but at the same time it took me back to somewhere I thought I had moved on from. Why do we keep all this stuff?!

Gigi said...

The things you find when searching for that item you've tucked away for safekeeping! You'll find it - once the new one arrives and you go to put it in a safe place. At least that's the way it works for me.

Slow down, Gwen. I tell you that only as a reminder to myself before I get caught (again).

Suzanne Ross Jones said...

I was caught speeding a few years ago - cried for two weeks. It was such a shock when the letter arrived. I was the only person in the world not to know Fife Constabulary had a mobile speed camera. Now I travel eveywhere at 29.5mph (or 59.5mph). Other drivers hate me, but I'm determined not to have to pay out another £60 fine.


Curry Queen said...

Oh dear, Auntie! Didn't they give you the option of taking one of those courses which patronizes you and slaps your wrist but lets you off the fine and the points (I think)?

Ayak said...

Oh god...someone else who has loads of safe places and can never find what they're looking for. I know just how you feel. And I have dragged all sorts of useless junk all over Turkey with me..but there are some things you just can't bear to throw away can you?
And I too wonder why I keep old christmas and birthday cards...doesn't make sense does it?

Taz said...

Ah my long lost twin of the safe places. My kids laugh at me when I'm looking for something ranting "I put it in a safe place!"
My twinging ovaries are in sympathy with you xx

Madame DeFarge said...

M. DeFarge's safe place is not the same as my safe place. Leads to endless confusion and domestics. I shred. He keeps. It's a tense situation as the best of times.

Looking for Blue Sky said...

I think I may have got caught for speeding and also think i lost a lot of important things in the house move, and found others, including my school recorder and an old doll. Poor thing, her plastic face crumbled when I picked her up!

Sandi said...

"Go faster nanna" 'No I'm not going to go faster" 'Mum drives faster than you" "Yes I know she does" A conversation between my two youngest (many years ago) when my mum took them to see my gran. I also was a speedster, but after lots of fines and lost points, and perhaps maturing a little, I have slowed down....a little.
Sandi xx

Mrs Worthington said...

The Safe Place - we have them but they have all changed since our 2 moves in the last 12 months. Now I can't find anything. As for the speeding - were your hormones telling you to do that too?

Laura said...


Elderberry-Rob said...

our safe place is 'the messy drawer' all manner of things confined to one tiny drawer - the only bit of chaos allowed in this house! everyone loves to delve for odd batteries, passports, chewing gum, lost keys, stamps, library cards, etc.

Helena said...

Oh, Gwen, I can partly sympathise - I'm a ridiculous hoarder and it's not always easy in a hurry. My ovaries went 15 years ago and my navigation with it.....

If I could drive I'd be constantly done for speeding. I know I would.

he he HotBoy sounds a cool dude. PINK skinny jeans for a bloke? How very Steampunk! Good on him. Sounds like a proper frontman! You'll have to up a link so I can have a listen to them.

ps.....I mailed the film star but haven't got an answer yet. *sigh*

diney said...

Tut - speeding eh? (says one who has 9 points on licence). Forgetting where you've put things - - bloody annoying this hormonal crap isn't it?! I don't think I have many left anyway, except those replaced by my HRT! As for those pink skinny jeans - they sound fab!! Very sixties! Love it. Photo required!

auntiegwen said...

Glad to see I'm not alone in the keep shred debate. Glad I'm not alone in keeping crap stuff. Glad I'm not alone in putting things away safely and promptly losing them. Glad I'm not alone.