11 Decisions I really didn't think through properly

A natural born decision maker I am not. As much as I'd love to be one of those people with a plan, I'm really not. I know I'd like to be planning for my future and should know where I'll be in 5 years time but I'd lay money on it, in 5 years time I'll be here. Just bumbling along and reacting to events rather than planning and following through. It seems like my whole life I have done things on a whim or let others decide for me. Sometimes it's been okay and I've got lucky and other times it's been stupid.

School
So bright, so rebellious, so couldn't be arsed. It would be the sweetest irony for my teachers, if they could have seen me in my classroom, 20 odd years later dealing with the new updated 21st century version of me. I could not wait to leave and get into the real world and it was a crap decision. I should have stayed on and studied and went to uni, like they told me. Instead I left and worked as a telephonist in a solicitors office. Stupid.

Nursing College
Never ever had a notion of being a nurse but my boyfriend, (at the time), had a lovely sister who was a nurse. It sounded interesting and she encouraged me heavily. So she got me the forms and I went for the interview and they took me. None of my family thought I'd be any good as squeamish is my middle name but I remember thinking I'll get through this and I'll qualify. I was actually a really good nurse, I did it for 15 years and I found I was good at looking after people, it was my first experience of being caring. Definitely got lucky on that decision.

Moving to Edinburgh
I was 21 and the ex mrauntiegwen (who was my boyfriend then) got 10 days notice that the bank he worked for were moving him to Edinburgh. In those days you signed a contract saying you'd work anywhere in the country for them, my mate The Edge ended up in Orkney, which may not have been his first choice of locations when he was in his 20's. Did I stop and think "Do I want to leave Glasgow and my family and friends, my job, my life?" nope, I didn't, just looked for a job in Edinburgh and went 7 weeks after he did. Fortunately I loved Edinburgh, made friends, bought 3 houses (not all at once), had 3 children and lived there for 13 years. Another got lucky.

Getting married
I was 3 weeks shy of being 22, what was I thinking? Actually I wasn't, at all. We'd been together 3 years, I'd moved through to Edinburgh, we bought a flat, we got married. Even if someone had questioned my decision, would I have listened? Nope, probably not. Would I want my daughters to get married at that age? Hell to the no. Was that a stupid or got lucky? Jury's still out.

Having children
I had children because I loved babies. I had no experience of children at all, I knew nothing about bringing up children. I adored being at home with them and squishing them and us all being snuggly together, so I kept on having them. I didn't even think that it might be less enjoyable when they stopped being babies and turned into people with their own opinions and likes and dislikes. Also, I didn't really think through the practicalities of having 3 children in 4 an a half years or the expense of it, especially now with 3 teenagers. But of all the non decisions I've made, easily my best - being their Mummy has been the best bit of my life. A big huge got lucky

Moving to England
The ex mrauntiegwen got offered a job in not the most exciting place in England. He decided it was the right one for him. That decision changed everything. My children had to leave behind their stable world and start again in a place where we had never been and we knew no one. The big selling point was that he wouldn't have to do any business travel, he'd be home at teatime every day. That was something I found very handy as previous to that I was often on my own Mon to Fri with 3 kids all under 7, this had been going on for about 5 years then. There were very few weeks when he wasn't away at least 1 or 2 nights a week. He lasted 18 months there and the job he then took, gave him a 3 hour daily commute and at least 2 nights per week away again, missing all the taking to schools and most teatimes and bath times. Do you think that was a hint? I never wanted to leave Edinburgh and I have no idea why I felt I wasn't an equal partner in that decision. I have no idea why I didn't refuse to leave. That was my most stupid decision of my life. Also financially stupid, if I'd stayed at home all my children would have their tuition fees paid, I have 3 children, we might be talking about 70 grand's worth of tuition. SO VERY FECKIN STUPID in capitals for emphasis.

Retraining
Another non decision, when BBD started playgroup here in England, I volunteered both there and at school to help the children settle. Playgroup asked me to cover for sick leave, I did, they liked me and so did the kids. They created a job for me, so I knew it was less money than nursing but it was school hours and term time only. I had no childcare to pay for and it seemed like a good idea. I went to college in the evening and did an NVQ3 in childcare, I spend loads of time helping others on the course and the tutor asked me if I'd be interested in doing the adult teacher training as they were very short of teachers. Another non decision, go with the flow type of thing. So I re trained as a teacher of adults, had a 2 year stint in a high school and then into the third sector. Just about to start my new job as the Education and Training Officer for the East Midlands, which is a big area for a big charity. Definitely another got lucky.

Going blonde
Now you know that was stupid

Eating chocolate again
4 years ago I gave up chocolate and started running. I weighed 7 and a half stone and was a size 6. I am now into double figures again STUPID STUPID STUPID

My finances
There is no cohesion nor a hint of planning. I should have ISA's and Tessa's and all other girls names money in the bank. I am forty feckin four and I am still living month to month. I know people who have 50 grand in savings. I'm like Carrie except rather than having 50 pairs of fancy shoes I have grey cardigans. My name is auntiegwen and I am addicted to buying cardigans. How boring can I be? and stupid.

Working from home
My new job is home based. How in the name of all that's holy did I think that I would be able to work from home? Me Queen of procrastination? addicted to her jammies and her bed? at home when I'm not out training? will I actually get on and do stuff when I have eleventy million things at home to distract me? And I can only imagine how professional I'll sound to people on the phone when they are trying to speak against the 10 decibel noise of the Beautiful Children fighting about every single feckin thing. Today I am meant to be turning my dining room into an office, again my procrastination beautifully illustrated by my messing around on the internets. Again, stupid.

So due to my passivity I have meandered through making lots of stupid decisions/non decisions. I have no excuse now, I am old enough to know better. Here's hoping the 2nd half of my life is more thought through.