Rantie auntie

I fear this may become a regular feature as I hurtle towards grumpy old womanhood. I worry that I'm only a brooch and a Per Una cardigan away.

This is really a post about all the things that are currently making me cross. I fully accept that a great deal of the blame for this can be fully apportioned to me as I appear to be cursed with the Unholy Trinity of Passivity, Indecisiveness and Martyrdom. This is not good. I spend my life making things easier for other people. This is the big one, I suppose I feel very unappreciated at the moment. I read Working Mum's post on how she is doing it all too.

I am currently very fed up with friends who only contact me when they want something. Friendship should be a 2 way street, we should phone, text, mail, meet up on a regular basis. You should not just contact me when you want to have a moan about your husband, your boyfriends gone away with work for 2 weeks and you're bored or you remember I exist and wonder where I've gone. This is not fair, I understand everyone has a busy life (you should try mine sometimes) but if I love you enough to be your friend then you can spend 2 minutes sending me a text. Then the next time you want to moan about your husband I will be much more sympathetic. Do I ever tell you that you've pissed me off? That would be a no.

I am really pissed off that although I live with 3 other people, who are, on the whole nearly functioning humans, I am the only person who does any chores on a regular basis. I do all the laundry and ironing. I do all the shopping and cooking(all right, heating up) The dusting and hoovering, also me, mopping and wiping of surfaces, again me. Any kind of cleaning is me. The fingers that can work computer consoles, text and facebook appear not to be able to spray polish and remove with a soft cloth and no one could find the Dyson without a map. It enrages me when the first thing people say to me as I return home after a 10 hour day is "What's for tea?" I usually still have my coat on at this point. I do ask and they will do stuff on an ad hoc basis but it's not thorough and it usually needs redoing so I do it myself and save the "quit nagging me's" Most of this paragraph is aimed at the work shy article I call my son. Eldest Beautiful Daughter is the best but is studying and doing voluntary work and has a part time job so I know she is busy.

I don't want to live in auntiegwen town. We moved here because my ex husband got a job here and when he left I stayed so the children would have the stability and routine of same house, school and friends. He now lives in a nice place too far away to help with the school runs or activity runs and has 2 of the 3 children for less than 60 hours a month. 2 overnight Saturday lunch to Sunday teatimes. He doesn't have to worry about who'll look after them when they're too ill for school or having to try and fit in a life of his own around guitar lessons, Girls Brigade, rugby practice etc etc etc. I'm not even slightly sorry if this sounds resentful, I did not choose to leave Scotland and bring 3 children up alone. I am resentful that he earns 5 times as much as I do and can afford to treat the children when they're with him and have great fun and just enjoy them. I love them and I hope you all know how much but I still have to be the parent who says eat your broccoli, tidy your room and do your homework. I want to be the fun parent and I would be the best and most fun parent ever if I only had to do it twice a month.

So by the time my Beautiful Baby Daughter leaves home I will have spent 15 years living somewhere I don't like for the benefit of other people. And to my growing dismay I will most probably have to stay here as I don't know where else to go.

FML

Today my sister had her scan. They couldn't find a heartbeat.

Romance Central

Love is most definitely in the air around me. There must have been an army of Cupids all with bow and arrow trained upon chez auntiegwen. The atmosphere around us is cloud soft and sweet. Love has found us and we are being pursued and wooed with an ardour than is surprising. I would tell you more but you'd feel queasy.

Everyone has an admirer. Some of us have two, this is not good, we are not decisive by nature, this is why 2 of us are vegetarian, less choice on the menu, how do regular humans cope with 20 or 30 things to choose from?

One of us has a choice of both genders. One of us has received 2 bouquets of flowers. Mush is in abundance.

We are living an episode of Hollyoaks, there are twists and turns and updates every day.

Can I enjoy this mushfest?, can I feck, one of us has a big feck off, counts for masses of your A level Sociology exam on Tuesday.

And one of us is a Mummy who will never stop worrying about her Eldest Beautiful Daughter, who is spookily and scarily just like me, can't make decisions and is being torn between the old and the new and who really doesn't need the distraction before her A levels. I would like her to ignore both and engage with her revision and then when they are over she can enjoy the high dramas and decisions and excitement and wooing to her hearts content.

AFTER THE FECKIN EXAMS, we are on the home stretch, don't distract her now.

So words you never thought auntiegwen mush junkie would ever say

Please make the mush go away.

Except mine, I can cope with my portion.

Stories and Songs Meme

I have been tagged by the lovely Brighton Mum for a musical themed meme.

Apologies to the readers who've been with me for the last 3 years since this blog started and know my story.

In the summer of 2006 my marriage was ending. Scary stuff but I was changing and little by little I could feel the old pre mummy pre wife me coming back. I didn't listen to music very much during my marriage, I seemed to have got out of the habit, in my car I had children's stories and songs and when in my husbands car I listened to his choice of music so it wasn't especially significant to me.

I was given "Hot Fuss" as a 40th birthday gift and enjoyed it so when "Sam's Town" came out in October of 2006 I was bought a copy. I loved it, I was beginning to listen to music much more and the track that seemed to express how I was changing and evolving into the me I am now. This song has become my own personal anthem for my new life.

In August 2008, 2 years post split I went to see The Killers at Marlay Park in Dublin, see picture above for a very happy auntie at the gig. The wifey me would never have spent that kind of money on herself but auntiegwen me felt it was worth every penny. This band and song re-ignited in me the passion I had for music and gigs. It was probably the best gig of my life.

And the first song they played was "For Reasons Unknown".

Please feel free to play along.

On a scale of 1 to 10...

How likely is it that I can build Beautiful Baby Daughters new bed before it's bedtime?
Without injuring myself?
Without getting stressed, cross and shouty?
Without any kind of DIY equipment? (excepting the mini screwdriver set I got in my Christmas cracker)

I haven't really thought this through, have I? Please pop round, bring gin and maybe a tool box.

PS - When I answered the door this morning, the delivery man said "John Lewis, Where do you want it?" and do you know HOW MUCH it killed me not to quip...
"autiegwen, anywhere you give me it"
or
In a faintly puzzled and quizzical voice "Oh I don't know, maybe the kitchen?"

Cosmic Ordering

On Hogmanay I posted a review of the decade and in it I mentioned my sister and how she very much wanted a 3rd child. She is now pregnant, please keep everything crossed that she gets to have this baby. Please, please, pretty please send all manner of positive vibes their way, after 2 miscarriages and an op to remove a brain tumour, I so wish for them to have their dream realised.

And in my own inimitable "I have to go for the funny every single feckin time" style. I am not overestimating the power of my blog but...

My last post was about getting a wedding ring and a Chanel handbag.

I have bored you to death with the wanting to shag David Tennant (and if one more person tells me he's gay or friends I have had for a looooong time remind me of my former crush on Alan Cumming and my refusal to believe he was gay, I will not be responsible for my actions)

You may be wondering how the fruit and nut toblerone diet was going to make me lose 2 stone and eradicate my wrinkles.

I'll keep you all posted

Product Placement

I love blogs, I spend far too much of my time reading them, tis a fantastic hobby. The beautiful children would have preferred my hobby to be cookery or baking but thems the breaks.

Over the last year I've noticed on lots of the blogs I read that some lucky bloggers have been given free stuff (including shoes and holidays!!!!!) to review. Now I'm not going to moan about the fact that I mention Tiffany, Starbucks, Fruit and Nut Toblerones, Chanel handbags and LK Bennett shoes with boring regularity. All by my own choice, no freebies have come your aunties way, these are things I have and love or would love to have in the case of the Chanel handbag. However, should any company wish the wise words of auntie on their fine, fine products, please feel free to email me. My readers are all intelligent and lovely people with oodles of spare cash.

Ahem, moving swiftly on.

Would you like to know what I have been offered freebies of in exchange for reviews?

A peeloop penis extender

and

wait for it...

A titanium wedding ring. Yeah, throw back your head and laugh like a muskateer at the irony of that as you go through a divorce. Like I always say my life is very feckin funny when you're not living it.

I actually emailed the jewellery people back and told them if they could find me the husband I would link to their jewellery site on every post I ever wrote. I never heard from them again.

Noughties or Nicies ?

A very Happy Hogmanay to you all, I hope your Christmas went well, ours was splendid, in The Mother Country, with the family and David Tennant on tv every single day, how good is that? As the Queen gets to do a wee speech at Christmas I feel it's only fair that I get to do a wee blog on Hogmanay, after all nobody puts my face on a stamp and you don't have to pay to keep me in tiaras, corgis or castles (but if you wanted to, stroll on, be my guest)


How has your decade been? For me this has been the decade which has probably seen the most change, some for the better, some for the worse, some I have just had to accept and adapt to.

On Hogmanay 1999 I was meant to be at a ceilidh in Linlithgow to see in the millennium and our last Hogmanay in Scotland, instead I was at home with a poorly child (Eldest Beautiful Daughter) in Edinburgh, sad that I was leaving Scotland, worried that I was leaving my mum who had just had a stroke and low level excited about our new life in England, we moved here in March 2000.

I stopped being a nurse and retrained as a nursery teacher and then again as an adult eduction teacher specialising in childcare and parenting skills (no laughs from the back row please, my kids are perfectly fine, thank you). The group I set up in 2001 to support first time parents is still going strong 9 years later and I have worked with over 1000 families just through that wee group alone, it remains my favourite job of all time, one day a week I get to squish and kiss babies to my hearts content. I have taught in FE colleges and in a high school (which my bloody year 12 btecs nearly finished me being a teacher for good) and now I work for a children's charity but I still do a lot of training and working with families. All change on the job front.

I am still in the same house in England 10 years on, the longest time I have ever lived in the same house. I don't love this house like I have loved some of my others, but I know I will probably stay until the Beautiful Baby Daughter finishes school, so I have another 5 or 6 years here. I also have The Beautiful House in Turkey as well, until it sells, so if you know someone who wants a house abroad, let me know, mates rates and all that. Same goes for rentals, I think all you bloggers should visit my house this year. Not much change on the house front.

My children have gone from nearly 8 to nearly 18, 4 and a half to 14 and a half and 3 to 13. Huge changes. They are all now bigger than me. They are my life's work and the joy and pride of my heart. They are kind, funny, polite, smart and beautiful and I know I am biased but other (non related) people say these things to me too. They are the love of my life and my reason for everything.

My family, my beautiful parents are alive and well and enjoying retirement.I have added 2 nieces and a brother in law. My sister very sadly has had 2 miscarriages and this has been a hard realisation that her dream of 3 children won't happen. My brother in law has safely had a tumour removed from his brain and at his last 6 monthly check, all remains well. I lost my paternal grandmother at the age of 90. I have almost completely lost touch with my inlaws barring 1 set of brother and sister in law who still love me and I remain a part of their lives. That is sad, I spent 21 years as part of that family and I miss some of my nieces and nephews muchly.

My own personal life has gone from being totally happily married to totally unhappily married and then a detour through separation and a journey through divorce. I have ventured into the dating world after a few decades absence with sometimes painful and sometimes hilarious consequences. There appears to be a theme with my relationships which I call The Unholy Trinity. If you drive a BMW or are an IT/Project Manager or indeed a management consultant or are a Virgo you will be attracted to me. Only men who have at least 2 of the 3 will ask me out. I am catnip to the middle aged executive. The last 3 people I have dated have had 2 out of the 3, the one who had the 3 of 3 (IT GOD) for those of you have been reading a while was the one who was the most difficult to be with, to love and to forget.

Friendships have remained fairly unchanged I still have the ones I started the decade with and very fortunately I have added a few more. Some friendships have seen me through my darkest hours and I will be forever grateful for that. Some of these friendships are virtual, I now know courtesy of blogger, people from all over the world, people who mail me and facebook me and I have never actually met but they are still my friends. Some of these friends I have now met in real life and I have really enjoyed their company. I now have some male friendships, I didn't have that when I was married, I just had female friends and coupley friends, some of these male friendships are completely platonic and some have a will we won't we quality, I like this, a lot.

So for me the noughties have been overwhelmingly a time of change, I didn't think I liked it or could cope with change but I do. I have rediscovered lots of passions and added some new ones. This has been definitely a good decade for me, definitely. So once again I am truly grateful for my beautiful life.

Driving home for Christmas

Today I will drive home to The Mother Country. Since I took this picture a few days ago, our snow is much deeper but I hope the motorways will be clearer, I'm low level worried about Cumbria and the borders though. Hopefully you won't see me on News at Ten.

Conversations with ex mr auntiegwen

ag - "Did you tell Beautiful Baby Daughter she could have a Nintendo DSI for Christmas?"

ex mr ag "yep"

ag - "She asked me and I said no because she doesn't really play with the Nintendo DS she has and there is absolutely nothing wrong with the one she's got"

ex mr ag -"But it's Christmas"

ag - "She doesn't need it"

ex mr ag - "But she wants it"

ag - "I want to shag David Tennant and a Chanel handbag, that's my Christmas present sorted then."

Tis the season, hic

Should I be concerned that Eldest Beautiful Daughter is overly fond of the Baileys Hint of Mint bought for Christmas?

It apparently is fab in hot chocolate, adds a certain something to chocolate mousse and she is very much looking forward to using it to replace the milk in her coco pops.

I'm so proud.

Reasons I am a "failed grown up" tm The Beautiful Children

I am a disorganised Mummy and didn't check the schedule for the weekend.

I now have to be driving to Sheffield to buy gig tickets as part of a Christmas surprise for The Beautiful Son (don't trust anyone to post them as they may not be real) at the same time as taking Beautiful Baby Daughter to her Girls Brigade Church parade. She will now have to walk to church and as we all know that I am a horrible overcontrolling mummy I won't let her go on her own that means Eldest Beautiful Daughter will have to walk her and be my replacement. EBD's cup of joy runneth over at the thought of getting up and being in church with a hangover. BBD's cup of joy runneth over at having to get EBD up and out and grumpy at being there. I have pissed off both the daughters at the same time. I am too scared to tell them where and why I am going as it would piss them off even more that the recipient of such a hard to get treat will be snoring his fat head off in bed as opposed to walking the 20 mins to church in the rain. And you know it will be raining.

I got overexcited and didn't check dates

I spent most of last Friday morning and £160 buying Peter Kay concert tickets as part of The Beautiful Children's Christmas present. When I got the confirmation email I realised that they are for April 2011. Eldest Beautiful Daughter won't even be living here then. Happy Christmas, you have to wait 16 months to enjoy it.

General failure of life stuff

I have got to provide bank statements and credit card statements for the last year as part of my divorce. Hmm, enough said.

I have to count up all mine and the children's total cost of living, how much we spend on absolutely everything and I am scared to do that level of real maths. I can do shoe and handbag and nice lady things maths (I can spend £165 on these LK Bennett shoes or I can buy the £66 charcoal grey Kew longline cardie and the £85 black and plum leather Kew tote and a new Mac lipstick)

General I still behave like a teenager stuff

I am overgiddy with excitement because we have sublet one of our unused office rooms to the site managers from the buidling site next door. There are men in and out all day long. Surveyorie type men and builderie type men. There are lots and lots of men. In hard hats, with tool belts and in our kitchen being manly. I reek of DKNY woman, am wearing really nice clothes to work and my lipgloss application has tripled. The builderie and surveyorie type men all seem pleased to see me and pop up to my office to see if I want a cup of tea made for me. I am extremely enamoured of this type of office perk. Extremely.

Cheap Laughs

Would you like to hear what made your auntie laugh out loud in a slightly bitter and ironic fashion, for a long time in a "this is the real deal, I've had 3 kids and my pelvic floor's not what it was" kinda way?

Read on, for your auntie will lay a wee funny upon you, unselfish to my very core, public spirited to the last.

auntiegwen's solicitor " Can I ask if you have any plans to remarry?"

Insert ironic and slightly hysterical laughter accesorised by incredulous facial expression, the "You've gotta be kidding me" look here.

Abso feckin lutely, this divorce hasn't put me off men or marriage in the slightest. I can't wait to do it all again. I am an avid subscriber to "Bridezilla" and my omnipresent Pollyanna hasn't had a dent in her.

And I didn't even charge you the £165 it cost me to hear that.

What a gal.

Tis the season to be weird, tra la la la

Are you the sort of person who looks in other people's shopping baskets? You know, when you're in queues, you have a wee glance at what they're buying. When you order stuff off Amazon there is a nice wee feature to satisfy that inner noseyness.

I've spent a huge amount of time and nearly all of my salary on Amazon recently and this little gem popped up

Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought
Page 1 of 1 (Start over) Back
Jumpstart!: Literacy - Games and Activities for Ag... by Pie Corbett
4.8 out of 5 stars (8) £9.46
Official Borat Mankini Thong
3.5 out of 5 stars (21) £4.75

At that point I was buying a replacement power cable for my laptop. I don't know why I didn't think to accesorize it with lime green comedy sex wear whilst I sat down to improve my childs literacy. How very vanilla of me.

Tis the season

Your auntie is very very cheerful and full of goodwill at the moment, suck it up please, it's unlikely that Pollyanna will prevail over the grumpy old woman and I'm sure the flying monkeys will be back shortly.

I love love love Christmas and as it's the 1st of December I feel I can let rip and go with the festive flow. I can scoff mince pies and fruit and nut toblerones to my hearts content, put Baileys in my coffee, light my Crabtree and Evelyn Noel candles (when I smell them I know it's Christmas) and get as excited as a 4 year old.

For the first time in 22 years I will be spending Christmas Day with my parents, my children and my sister and her family and I am so excited and also very grateful to my children's dad for his generosity in letting the children be with me.

So I will be in The Mother Country from the 23rd onwards, and my mammy will be minding me, and I don't have to be the Mummy, I get to be the child again, it really will be a fab Christmas.

This week your auntie has been mainly...

Trying to stop eating fruit and nut toblerones. This is not easy as Sainsbury's has the big massive ones on offer for £2, and how often do you get the joy of a of massive one for £2, not often when you're my age.

Running - well, I've been once and I may go later today, close enough.

Fretting about her hair - I have had it cut and I have had something fancy done with colour. I am usually very boringly dark brown and straight (ok, dark brown and grey, pedantic lot that you are) I now have caramel, honey and toffee slices, do you now want to eat me?

Dancing in my jammies ala Chris Moyles, same movement same body shape but I, cunning linguist that I am sing "I'm in my jammies girl" makes me laugh, if you don't listen to radio 1 you may be a bit lost but you can youtube Chris Dom and Dave dancing and you'll get the gist. If I can get the weans to film me, I'll stick a wee video up for you.


Weighing up whether the derision from the daughters would be balanced out with the joy of wearing the yummy fitflop boots. They are soooooooooooooooooo comfy and soft.

Wondering if she did the right thing by closing the door on someone. This person, once upon a time was so close to me. Then we had no contact and completely out of the blue they turned up at my door on Tuesday night and wanted to talk. I told them it wasn't a good time and said goodbye. I have been mildly rattled ever since.

Feeling more of a bitch than usual, I have been low level irritated and hard to please this week. Someone who really doesn't deserve it has taken the brunt of it. To top it off, they have sent me a bouquet of flowers this am, to cheer me up, again my name is auntiegwen and I am a class A bitch

In which we inflict our weirdness on an unsuspecting world.

I have some little quirks of personality that make me unique, you undoubtedly do yourself and so have The Beautiful Children. We know and love each other and we're pretty cool with each others weird stuff. When we are at home we do have lots of chat and everyone tries to outfunny each other, we are a big fat bunch of show offs and a whole heap of strange. But you kinda don't notice that in your own house where you exist in a cosy little vacuum.

But we went out today, all together, the family Von auntiegwen went to the dentist.

We arrived and were met by the world's most sullen dental nurse (Olympic standard for sure), we did some form filling in and then entered the waiting room. Cue the Twilight Zone music. There aren't 4 seats together so we find seats where we can. Now regular humans are there, being quiet. This does not perturb The Beautiful Children at all, they continue to hold their conversation across the room, they didn't get the memo that says you have to be quiet in any kind of a place that smells antiseptic and people wear white uniforms.

Eldest Beautiful Daughter starts getting twitchy because on the wall there is a plug socket, a double plug socket and one switch is on and the other is off. They have to be both on or both off, yep, this is the same one who has a phobia of feet. So I can see her looking and I wonder if she'll get up and flick the switch in a nonchalant fashion or if she'll hyperventilate and faint. Oh no, the bold girl herself, marched up and switched them both to off and explained to a rather startled waiting room that uneven switches make her feel sick, then proceeded to tell them how in her sociology class there is a row of 3 double plugs and she has now trained the teacher to sort them before her lesson. She returns to her seat, not a bother on her and I flippantly (I know everythings my fault before you start) say "Good girl yourself, I thought you were going to have to sort the magazines out"

Oh my, back up she gets and starts to tidy the magazines up, she arranges them in size order and straightens out the bent covers and makes them all line up exactly in a row.

Then The Beautiful Son chips in with "You didn't arrange them by genre or date, you're such a fail at OCD, they'll take your badge back off you"

So with every eye in the room on her and the regular humans beginning to wonder if we should be out without a carer back up she gets and starts to re sort the magazines.

We have been waiting around 15 minutes or so when The Beautiful Son gets up and has a wander round the room, reading the notices, still talking loudly in his very exaggerated Scottish accent about when he was a laddie (he pretends to be a very old Scottish man, he sounds like an unsexy Sean Connery) when he stops in front of a picture that has 3 photos of smiling mouths and he exclaims in delight (so much so that he forgot to do the accent) "Look, it's me, remember when Mr Dentist took my photo the last time" and he points to a very obviously female mouth, in his defense it was the nicest one. His sisters hoot with derision and tell him that a- this is a woman's mouth and b- that photo was an x ray. He recovers quickly and back in unsexy Sean Connery voice retorts " Ah dinnae ken why he was xraying ma mooth, it wisnae even a bit broken"

The Beautiful Baby Daughter who is the most functional and sensible of us all looks totally disgusted and disgruntled at her fate of being landed with us, the weird family. She plugs her thumb back in her mouth, puts her ipod in and ignores us, she still manages to look more adult than the other 2 combined. This is actually quite hard to do whilst sucking your thumb.

The waiting room are perplexed at the bizarre theatre of strange before them but are glad when we are called through. We could hear (from the other room) and were hurt by the collective sigh of relief.

We don't have our usual dentist but a new one, a Sith Afrikken one, and now TBS morphs into a bad Nelson Mandela Accent and "yisses and viry nice to meet yi" to the new dentist and we all get a clean bill of health, 3 weans all teens and not a filling between them, ever, in their whole life, surely that's worth a good mummy badge?

As we get ready to leave, I'm sure to the whole building's delight and I have to make the new appointment with the sullen girl, remember her? from the beginning of this long and sorry tale, she asks us who we want the appointment with and The Beautiful Son decides he's going to make her smile, with his bad patter, and starts off with a "I've been wi Mr Dentist since I wis a wee laddie, fur 9 years I've been cummin heer and fur 17 of these 18 times I've had Mr Dentist, he's ma pal and I dinnae want 1 of yer new fancy dentists, I'm loyal to ma ain dentist"

And right on cue behind him comes his own dentist who is more than a little surprised to be so enthusiastically greeted by TBS who grabs and shakes his hand all the while explaining that he didn't choose to be unfaithful to him (still in the bad old man unsexy Sean voice) that it was sullen girls fault for sending him to the other dentist. This was accompanied by pointing and wagging of finger to sullen girl. Who has upgraded to being cross and sullen and is now in training to be a Doctors receptionist. Or in therapy.

Like I say, we don't go out much with the regular humans.

Reasons me no likey November

It is a month of memories for me. Every week in November I have a painful anniversary. I am always at my lowest possible emotional state this month.

I think it's totally unreasonable that I can't just fast forward and miss the whole month out, I don't mind October and even though I'm mad busy I still enjoy December

My failsafe cure for the glums of sticky toffee pudding and low fat custard, (the low fat part is ESPECIALLY important) just adds to my glumness of my general lardiness.

My less calorific cure for the glums gives me a hangover.

It's always dreich.

I can't get my washing dried outside and I HATE using a tumble drier.

I can't get out and run because it only seems to be not raining and not dark when I'm at work (adding to the lardiness, adding to the glumness).

It gets dark at feck it's early o'clock, I hate it being dark at tea time.

People start using the C word and we know auntie no likey that till December.

I get slightly panicky that I will not be able to fund the C word.

This is the last Christmas I will have all 3 of my children living with me and as I type this I can't see for tears.

University Challenge

Although I love it in Mummy denial land even I must confess that the time has come for even me to accept that the Eldest Beautiful Daughter may actually be going.

I am spending an awful lot of Saturdays in an awful lot of universities all keen to take the cost of my first flat to educate and house the EBD for the next few years.

I love my daughter with all of my heart (and a wee dod of my liver as my granny used to say) and I know that she is not a fully functioning human yet and I know it's my fault.

But this Saturday I thought it would be different, Northampton is rated 7th out of 85 for the degree she wants to do and it was her 2nd choice after Glasgow (who want all her A levels and mine and her dad's inclusive to get in)

I watch her make notes and listen to the tutor speaking and I almost have the proud Mummy smile.

You may have to click on the photo to get the fullest appreciation of what goes on in her head.



Scary, isn't it?

25 years ago today...

I started my nurse training, yes I am aware how old that makes me sound. At 18 years old I thought I was very mature and worldy wise, I was in fact a wee girl dressing up and playing nurses.

I trained and then worked in many areas of nursing from 1984 till 1999, it remains the occupation I did for the longest time. The things I learned will stay with me forever.

The skills and experience nursing gave me are too many to mention but I owe a huge debt of gratitude to the NHS for training me and giving me the opportunity of meeting some amazing people and allowing me to grow up and become me.

So thank you for teaching me to become a much more rounded and grounded human and illustrating with crystal clarity how incredibly lucky I have always been.

All women turn into their mother

I don't mind that, I really like mine. I feel slightly sorry for my daughters though. For the people who don't know us in real life, my eldest beautiful daughter is just me but without the grey hair and wrinkles. We have the same tastes, the same gestures, expressions and are spookily similar.

She was out at last night and was talking to a friend's older brother who's home from uni.

EBD - "What are you studying?"

Friends older brother " I'm doing a PHD in computing"

and before eldest beautiful daughter could stop herself, she hooted derisorously and this fell out her mouth

"What, a Doctor of clickety, clickety and facebook?, would you give yourself peace!!!"

She said she could even hear me as she said it !

10 things I did/places I went/people I saw in October

I went to London baby on the 8th to meet the very lovely Scrappy Sue and Mr Scrappy on their silver wedding anniversary tour. if you click on the link you can read about it and see what I think is the most flattering photo taken of me ever. It may be known to some of you that travel/driving/getting where I need to go is something of a challenege for me. That trip to London was immensely challenging, the Bakerloo line was closed and they asked us to use an altenative route, auntie no know an alternative route, auntie gets to the tube station to find it closed due to overcrowding, auntie has no feckin clue what bus to get, auntie spends the time waiting for the tube station to re open reading tube map, auntie ended up on several tubes and eventually arrives in the Ace Motorbike Cafe where she had exactly 1 hour before she had to do it all in reverse. This time it's much easier, Sue's sister is also with us and she lives in London, she gets us on the train as we can go some of the way together, she puts me on the tube to get to St Pancras so I can get the train back to auntiegwens house, but she puts me on the wrong tube. I would be stone mad if I had to live in London and do that daily.



The very next day October 9th I spent 7 hours and all of my Friday evening driving to Glasgow. The M6 is a bitch as usual, the children are asleep in minutes as usual and I feel so much better when I cross the border as usual. We went to see Billy Connolly on the Saturday evening and had a blast. It was a very Glasgow orientated show and he said how he felt this visceral pull about his home city and I know only too well what he means. No matter where I live and how long I stay away, this is where I belong.

My gadget mad dad having exhausted every possibility of gadget purchase has extended his repetoire, gadget purchasing for others. He wants to buy my mum a laptop for Christmas. My mother would want a laptop like I would want a subscription to The Guardian or the Daily Mail. She is getting a Sony Vaaio in pink. I am now the proud owner of a Tomtom XL Classic sat nav and my children now have a Wii. My dad has been poorly, I worry, my dad smokes like a chimney and it's now caught up with him. I worry, a lot.

After having a week to recover the following Thursday the 15th finds me back on the train to London to accompany NB to see Echo and The Bunnymen at the Camden Roundhouse, no, he has no idea why either. And he bought 4 tickets. Strangely enough no one wanted to come with us. The first thing he said as he met me off the train was "You look grumpy" that's what travelling in London does to me, makes me look like the wrath of God. The gig was packed, I mean absolutely rammed, I had no clue there were that many Bunny fans. However, himself and I agreed twas a poor gig. Never mind, we still have McIntyre and Ross to look forward to.

I get a homecooked meal from my lovely friend Sixy. I only get homecooked meals if other people do them. I agree with her that it might be slightly churlish of me to report my mother to social services for neglecting me in that department. I had a lovely evening with her and her bidey in, I heart them all and not just because they feed me. They listen to my "I'm so crap at dates it's amusing" stories too. No, I don't know what they get out of being friends with me either.

Matthew chief matey boy who belongs to the Eldest Beautiful Daughter came home from uni for a weekend. He is living in halls, EBD went to visit but refused to stay, there was a doughnut in the shower (jam, I asked too) and cereal down the toilet. This makes her worried, she now realises she will find it difficult to live with others. So he has to come see us. He'd missed us, we'd missed him. Muchly.


I went to Brighton with Eldest Beautiful Daughter, it is now officially where I want to live. I loved the shops, the pubs, the restaurants and most of all I loved the sea and the walking along beside it. Even in the rain. I loved it.



I was wooed fairly seriously this month, posh chocs, red roses and when I said I was uncomfortable with expensive gift giving every date, he gave me a home cooked meal (where he baked his own bread) and after dinner took me into the garden where he gave me fireworks (the kind you have on November 5th, the regular kind, the terms fireworks is not a euphanism, just clearing that up for you) This makes him the nicest man I am reluctant to have a relationship with this year.

I am a poorly girl. I have a cold, if I was male I'd have man flu. I am wide awake and it's the middle of the night. I will find it extremely difficult to be dynamic at work tomorrow. Yes, actually, your auntie is dynamic at work on a daily, nay hourly basis, thank you very much

I finally, finally did my feckin tax return. How come I work so hard and am so tired but I only earned fourpence and a caramel?

10 things I really hate about the way I look

My height - I so wish I was taller. It is so hard to be authorative to your children when you have to look up to do so.

My hair - I now have grey and I can't always be arsed to colour it.

My teeth - not straight and yes Mother I do regret not wearing my braces now just like you told me I would.

My wrinkle - oh I have a fair few but I have 1 that is on my left hand side of my mouth that really bothers me.

My not being a size 8 anymore - I am too small to carry off any other size

My boobs - I cannot carry off sophisticated chic when I am this curvy and men do talk to them, a lot.

My freckles - I have tons of them in the summer

My legs - runners legs, best kept hidden

My body hair - I hate the faff of keeping legs, eyebrows, Hollywood in shape but I have been brainwashed into thinking hair is unpleasant.

My lack of youthful glow - if you can buy some in a bottle please let me know from where.

Ranty auntie has left the building, normal middle aged Pollyanna service will resume tomorrow. I blame it on the back to work after being on holiday and still not doing that feckin tax return personally.

10 things I liked and disliked in October

Me Likeys

Afternoon naps, God, they're good, I've had a few this week as I've been on holiday.

Not having to get up early, me likey muchly, I don't think I've been dressed before lunchtime. Again due to being on holiday.

Reading, I have read soooooooooooooooooooo much, currently completely re reading Joanna Trollope and enjoying all over again. Is there a "I've got time cos I'm on holiday" theme emerging

Cake, twas the Beautiful Baby Daughters birthday so I made the 44th chocolate birthday cake and enjoyed eating it too.

Writing, I have managed to do some both here and on Mad Manic Mamas This means I feel much less guilty and I like that.

Me No Likeys

I am getting fat. This is entirely my own fault. I have stopped running but not stopped eating, I am a stupid woman who is becoming enormous.

I still haven't done that feckin tax return, procratination thy name is auntiegwen.

My house is still not completely clean and I have been on holiday, I have been reading and having afternoon naps, my excuse for having a messy house is usually work, that is acceptable to my slightly Presbyterian soul, being on holiday and not cleaning is just slatternly and not acceptable.

I still haven't ran this week and it's Thursday, see above for the I've been too busy at work excuse and how that doesn't hold up with the fact I'm on holiday.

Ucas forms, EBD and decisions, not the best combination. Should you wish to hear the full 3 verses and the disco chorus of that one, it's on the MMM site And before any of my slightly less tactful friends wade in, yes I do know where she gets it from.

10 things I heart about my baby teen

Today the Beautiful Baby Daughter becomes a teenager. She is the most complex of my children and is the one that we have the most fireworks with. But our puss cat makes us our family.

She is always busy, she never complains of being bored, she will just find herself doing something, very rarely does she just relax.

She is hugely creative, she can paint, draw, design and make things.

She is scared of no one and nothing. If you piss off the puss cat, she'll not be long in letting you know.

She is the incredibly capable and self contained, she is the most domestic of us all, quite able to look after herself and us. She could actually leave home tomorrow and be fine, unlike her sister who will be at least 36 before she is a fully functioning human.

She has her own taste and won't be swayed. She lives with a house full of indie rock n roll afficionados and she likes Take That and Girls Aloud. And cares not a jot when she's mocked.

She will write you little notes and give you certificates telling you how good you are at things. These are priceless. Ditto my "Tokens of Glory" - every year on Mothers Day, she makes me a beautiful box and inside I get some tokens, I get a "cup of coffee on demand" sometimes a "tidy up with no moaning" and my very favourite is an "end an argument with Lucy" one. If you knew her, you would know how good that one is. She is a shit hot arguer, top barristers practice their debating skills with her.

She is very smart, focused and will work for what she wants. She really just goes for it. This is refreshing after the other 2 laid back work shy articles I've reared.

She is an incredibly beautiful child, delicate and graceful. She moves like a dancer, has amazing bone structure and the crowning glory of that titian hair. Photo's never do her justice, she would have painters reaching for their brush to capture her colouring.

She is loving, sweet and kind. Even though she lives with us and we are a challenge for her on a daily basis, she remains loving, sweet and kind.

She still looks like a baby when she's asleep, the thumb still remains very firmly in the rosebud mouth and the cheek still has that babyish curve.

Happy Birthday to my baby, a teenager today, you are precious beyond words but you are mo chridhe, my heart.