Sunday, 1 February 2009

The Restlessness of a Middle Aged Woman




Do you ever feel that other people know the rules of the game but you don't ? Or that everyone else is dancing and you don't know the steps ? Or remember when you were a child and you watch other children play and you are longing be part of the fun but are too shy to ask to join in ?

I am extremely restless and bored at the moment, I feel that the world is passing me by and I'm just a spectator on life not an actual participant. I am enabling other people to have a fulfilled life but don't feel that my life is all it could be.

I know that I am the only person who can do anything about this but this is the first time I am not being apologetic about doing something that will make me happier. I'm putting my cards on the table and I am going to regain control of my life.

So I am going to make some changes, the "I'd like to run away from my life" can't happen because I have others who rely on me, but my arse would just be a blur if it wasn't for that so I've started with my hair, sad but true women do do drastic things with their appearance when they are feverish for change.

My job is next and then I am going for my "no regrets" personal happiness manifesto.

13 comments:

TOM FOOLERY said...

What in tne name of God have you done with your hair woman?? Your pic is not downloading.Please, please don't tell me you've had a 1980's perm! TFx

Mean Mom said...

Oh, no! Not a Britney Spears moment! Let's see! Let's see!

I know just what you mean. I was feeling RESTLESS and RECKLESS, too, so I changed the colours about a bit on my blog. That's enough excitement for me, at my age.

Well, I can understand you feeling that you would like a change, but don't do anything too rash, will you?

(I shall be embarrassed now, if you really have shaved your head.)

Nota Bene said...

You may borrow my motorbike

Fhina said...

Positive thinking is always a really good thing, if you can manage it, Gwennie! Good for you! Mwah! x

scrappysue said...

buy a fast car (with your lotto winnings?)

lisaq said...

Baby steps sweetie...baby steps.

Penelope said...

I know *exactly* what you mean xxx

Eddie 2-Sox said...

Don't jack your job in right now, you muppet, FFS!

auntiegwen said...

TF - nope, not a perm

MM - I don't have a shaven head, I might change my blog too

NB - it's called a midlifecrisis, not a motorbike, how many times do I have to explain that? many thanks, that might be the thrill I'm seeking, here's the "don't be grumpy at my bitchy sense of humour" kiss x

Fhina - I keep trying to be positive, I am just so incredibly bored, I know I shouldn't complain etc

Sue - a new car ? hadn't thought of that... a nice wee MLC sports job perhaps ?

Lisa - okay, baby steps it is but wearing my big girl panties ! xx

penelope - I knew you would xx

Soxy - don't beat about the bush sparing my feelings, just say exactly what you mean ! I was thinking of changing jobs, ie give one I don't like much up and get anither one I like better

what happened ?how did i get HERE? said...

Hmm, I know exatly how you feel as I feel like this every bloody day!! I could quite cheerfully shut the door behind me in the morning and pop the keys through the letter box...but like you I have my children and I would rather lop off my limbs than abandon them....however, a bit of me time away from them is always good, even if it's just going to tesco on my own...! In terms of the job, I do love it, but I do not want to go to work anymore. I am 4o fekkin 3 and have worked solidly since I was 17!! But being a sensible girl, I keep going to pay the mortgage etc....I really should've married for money, not love or at least got a good degree...I fume when I thing that I could've studied for FREE!!! Hey ho. mxx

sixpence said...

Does this mean you've cut all your hair off? Should I start calling you Auntie Sinead?

Mom/Mum said...

I feel it too! so wanna walk away from my life and start a new one all over again right now. Maybe i should get a haircut and change things up s bit...
did you? xx

auntiegwen said...

M - that's always a comfort knowing I'm not alone in all these feelings, I so know the front door and keys feeling. When you hear the stories from time to time about people who just up and leave their world behind, I understand that now in a way I never did before. x

Sixy - not a Sinead, do you not think my black and fuschia teenage mohawk would still suit ? No ? sure ?

Mom/Mum - I think quite a few of us are feeling a bit restless, yep, start with the hair x