Saturday 7 February 2009

Valentine Schmalentine

Apologies up front and in advance, you are about to witness a middle aged woman have a whine, I won't go as far as to have a full blown temper tantrum but I'm definitely going to have a wee strunt to myself. If you are of a sensitive disposition, you may wish to exit gracefully and return another day, I will not be offended in the slightest, I'm your auntie, I'll always love you.

Okay, here it comes

I am 42 years old, you probably knew that, I make a point of telling people, it helps me realise that I am meant to be a grown up, a grown up who accepts the little curve balls that life throws at her middle aged self from time to time. More difficult for me to accept, however, is that I am not Carrie from Sex and The City, all right she's skinnier and has better shoes in a more glamorous location but there have been things I have truly empathised with. I bawled like a middle aged baby at this, my favourite episode, "La Douleur Exquise" series 2

Anyway, it's February, me no likey February, me especially no likey Valentines Day and there's no feckin escaping it, it is EVERYWHERE.

Here is the big fat whiney moan coming, in my whole fortyfeckintwo years I have received a grand total of 4 Valentines cards and that, frankly, is piss poor in a woman my age, there are 5 year olds that have had more than me and truth be told, in the last 2 years both my Dad and my sister have increased my market share by 50%, how patronised am I ?

Before I retired as a wife, I didn't give a curdy about Valentine's Day, it obviously happened every year and I'm sure I was aware of it but it didn't figure for me, I could have had red roses and diamond rings and anything I asked for, did I want it ? That would be a no.

But now I'm not married ? now I don't have someone legally bound to make my every wish come true? I want a lovely card, I want to be taken out to some overpriced with crap food "cos we can because we know we'll be full as you are all big suckers" restaurant, I want a big feck off romantic gesture. Sorry I have to rephrase that, I want a big FUCK off romantic gesture.

Contrary and shallow ? those would be my middle names.

Sorry, it did venture a wee bitty in to tantrum mode and apologies for the use of the hard F word, especially to NB's mother, it was for emphasis.

But I still want it, show me the mush.


Laura said...

Poor AG *hugs* speaking as one who has also had vey few V day cards. I say stuff you VD who need the over priced tat. A romantic gesture is more romantic when it is unexpected!

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Does it help, G, to know that Valentine's Day was invented purely to sell cards and overpriced tat to the gullible and unwary?

(At least that's what my husband tells me :( )

Shirley said...

When I was married, my husband and I agreed that Valentine's Day was a farce which we would ignore because romantic gestures are best done from the heart, not from Hallmark. So what happened was . . . nothing. The only time I got anything was my birthday and Mother's Day. I don't think I would make that agreement again even if it IS a farce, because at least it forces men to THINK about their woman.

That was sort of a rant, but you need to work on your tone -- not nearly whiny enough ;)

Mean Mom said...

I've received valentine's cards from people I've been in relationships with, but I've never had one from a secret admirer. I used to hope for an anonymous one, every year, as a teenager, but it never happened.

If you don't think that there are any romantic gestures on the horizon for you, this time, why not organise a nice relaxing day for yourself? Spoil yourself and have a day off from the housework and stuff. Pamper yourself at home, or have a massage, or manicure at a salon, or something. I don't know about you, of course, but I find that I still spend a lot of time doing stuff for other people and stuff in the house. Rarely anything for myself.

Eddie 2-Sox said...

How many Valentine's cards have you sent, AG?

DJ Kirkby said...

Lol! Lol and lol. Yeah mush is good.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

You dear sweet lady, I am the same about VD. I always scorned the manufactured day where you show you love someone one day out of the other 364 days. And then I was on my own after 18 years being with someone. Everywhere you look in Feb there are cards, adverts for romantic meals, romantic breaks, you name it it’s for the taking. No matter how much I tried to ignore it, being single was never so much in focus as it ever was for me then. So I joined a free online dating agency called and dated a few frogs and found the prince that is known as himself. I worked in IT most of my adult life so I decided IT was going to find me a love life too. Thank you God! I have friends that have used the same site, with mixed results but a few are settled with nice guys now and it is FUN, FUN, FUN dating! So, your mission for the year is to join something and put the effort into finding someone but at the very least having fun along the way.

You know, we put way more effort into finding a job than we do a partner. It’s shocking really as a poor choice of job isn’t the end of the world but a poor choice of man can certainly feel like it. Go on and promise yourself that you’ll have a plan, go for it and enjoy yourself and who knows where you will be next VD eh? In the mean time, we all love you so happy VD in a non sexual, non creepy sort of way from your cyber pal!

Nota Bene said...

OOOH! For the last ten years I've had a strategy - I go away a few days before, and come back a few days afterwards. It's called avoiding the issue.

auntiegwen said...

Lolly - I'll take any kind I can get, expected or otherwise !

Awoni - the rational part of me knows that, the mush monster within me needs feeding though

Shirley - again we are in agreement x

Mean Mom - apart from blogging and running (which kind of stops over the winter) I don't really do that much for myself, I would imagine that doesn't differ for most women in the world

Soxy - I have prob sent 2, I don't think my dad or sister were doing it on a quid pro quo basis

DJ - mush is magic x

Mob - I will try my very best, waiting for my romantic hero to arrive at my front door isn't working out too well for me. Thanks for all your encouragement and if you found your lovely hubby online that proves there are some great guys out there xxx

NB - you see ? thats what we're up against and feck me if jennifer Anniston can't get someone to commit what chance have the rest of us mere mortals got ?

Eddie 2-Sox said...

"Soxy - I have prob sent 2, I don't think my dad or sister were doing it on a quid pro quo basis" reap what you sow dude! Get some sent!

Anonymous said...

Totally with you, it is b*ll*cks. I'm planning on having a stiff drink and laughing at all the saps paying silly money for half dead red roses and over priced food.

Call me a cynic...but....

Tim Atkinson said...

Hey, AG - send me your address!!

auntiegwen said...

Soxy - do men really want Valentines day cards ? I genuinely didn't think they did, maybe that's where I've been going wrong, I expect to be wooed, not to do any actual wooing myself

Mud - I watched the Sex and The City movie the other day and Miranda said " Is valentine's day on steriods ? " and that's a bit how I feel at the moment

Tim - you are very kind and may you always be so

DAB said...

Hmmm, I've been pondering your lack of Valetine cards problem.If it helps I'm sort of willing to have a sex-change then I could send you bunches of red roses, handmade chocolates and mushy cards. However, I'm not willing to grow a beard. No way ;-) TFx

auntiegwen said...

Tf - what a friend you are, and no I absolutely agree, my dear, a beard is not at all necessary, you are a real sweetie xxx

sallymandy said...

Hmm. This is interesting.

I help a friend in a flower shop on VD every year, and most of the men who come in are just bags of nerves and guilt. They say "what does my wife/girlfriend/mom want?" and we can sell them anything. Most of them seem like scared deer in the headlights rather than romantic dudes.

AG, hugs to you. I don't even know you, but this time of year kind of sucks. Thinking of you from across the ocean in faraway Montana!


auntiegwen said...

sallymandy - thank you, it is a bit sucky isn't it ? but I have indeed received a card, a hand made one no less from a gorgeous blond with eyes the colour of the sea, he is utterly gorgeous, his name is Jake and he's 15 months old, what can I say, even babies feel sorry for me !

Single PAP said...

i got 20 from my kindergartners and zero from anyone over 7.

your blog is funny... will read more.

btw, found ya via blackboxes. cheers!