Tuesday, 10 February 2009

Valentine Schmalentine part deux

In my last post, I was setting out my stall as to what I wanted for Valentine's Day. I had no conception that this Valentine malarkey should be a 2 way street. Oh no, your auntie was thinking how very what splendid it would be if SHE got what she wanted, no thought whatsoever that I would actually have to do anything my own self.

So, in my comments, I had lots of lovely sweet wishes from my bloggy loved ones, a special mention to TF who offered to change sex for me, now that's what I call friendship ! some great offers and some sage advice from Soxy, you can read the comments here

So I drag MY sorry ass into town and into the card shop. As I'm there I realise I haven't sent a Valentine's card in over 20 years, I think I was 20 the last time. Well, dear readers, I was horrified, they were all really bleurggh, I, of course have no clue what I actually want because I don't buy them I've never looked at them.

Some I could discount right off the bat, the ones that say to my husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, love of my life, the one I love, someone very special etc etc etc.

Then I discounted the cute ones with teddy bears and fluffy bunnies etc, after barfing of course, I am just so not a teddy bear kinda gal.

I have to discount all the flowery ones, not partial to that.

Then I have to discount the ones that say " I want to shag you senseless" I feel a little decorum is called for.

That leaves me with the funny ones, except they weren't.

I ask the Thorntons lady if she would ice " Fecking Romantic Gesture" on a chocolate heart and she looked at me like I'd kicked a puppy and told me off for my language, suitably chastened, I left shamefacedly.

So I try another card shop and lastly a 3rd and I still couldn't find a card that I would be happy to send or to receive myself, for the love of God, why can't I find a simple, stylish, tasteful card ?

Now I realise why men don't make a fuss over Valentine's Day, it's just fecking hard work, I was an hour, a whole hour trying to get a card, do you know what else I could have been doing in that hour ?

However, I have put the work in and I feel sure that come Saturday, I shall be rewarded most handsomely for all my efforts.

Incidentally should anyone want to take me anywhere on Saturday, I have THE sexiest new little black dress and killer heels...

23 comments:

TOM FOOLERY said...

LOL! I trust you're wearing suitable undergarments under the sexiest new little black dress. I don't want you catching a cold now.

I would take you out on the town, but I'm trimming my beard ;-) TFx

A Woman Of No Importance said...

I think you should go into every branch of Thornton's with the same schtick, until they let you have your wish - Fantastic - Good for you, Gwennie!

I'll bet you look fab in that dress too x

Dusty Spider said...

We agreed, when our first baby was born (that's 37 years ago!) that we couldn't really afford to lash out on Valentine's cards etc. so we never have! I regret it though. Think of all the lovely pressies and gestures we've both missed out on. Boo Hoo. xxxx

Mean Mom said...

LOL! I always struggle too. I hate sloppy cards and it wouldn't ring true if I sent one. I always manage to leave it to the last minute to try and buy a card, so there's not much choice either. I don't know whether that's a good thing or bad really. I haven't even looked for a card, yet. Hope you have a good day. Outfit sounds great!

Mud in the City said...

Can you make it over to KL for Sat night? I have dinner for 2 in a choice of my hotel's restaurants just waiting for you?

No more than your dress deserves!

auntiegwen said...

TF - I am shamed to say my lingerie collection is enormous, I adore buying it, so you could pretty much pick a colour and style !! but I appreciate you're very busy with the beard trimming x

Awoni - it is indeed a phenomenal dress, not sure I fully do it justice but I didn't look too shabby and boo to Thorntons, mind you the poor shocked lady was about retiral age and I was in my respectable middle aged teacher disguise, complete with name badge, Jees, I hope she doesn't report me to the headmaster !!

Flick - maybe you could take it up now ? Never too late for romance xxx

MM- God, you'd better be quick, I have bought no less than 3 cards and I'm still not quite sure they're right

Mud - That's the best offer I'll get for sure, dinner in KL ? Thank you, I will raise a glass to you xx I love my new dress and shoes so much I may have to do a post on them, sad article that I am !

Penelope said...

I'm far too busy to take you out on Saturday, sorry!
Can you wait until March 28th? ;o)

Laura said...

You should start up your own icing buisness as that sentiment is to good to go to waste. Damn prude Thortons!!

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Go too Moonpig.com they may very well have summat that you can 'doctor' and they tend to be quite humorous too. Have a good one honeybun - you deserve a good time. May 2009 bring you a heartstopping love. X

lisaq said...

Valentine's Day sucks. Period. Me, I've got a hella fun girl's night planned. I'm just going to drink til I fall down...you know just like any other Saturday night! Hehe...

auntiegwen said...

penelope - I have March 28th in my diary, on the calendar, in my phone and I am beside myself with the excitement of it all, remember sometimes the 4th glass makes me sick ! xx

Lolly - I thought it summed it up rather well, personally

Mob - thank you my darling, I would adore a heartstopping love, even more than shoes ...

Lisa - at least you've got plans, have a large cosmopolitan for me xx

sallymandy said...

Ha ha ha. Let's console ourselves that this time next week it will all be over.

thanks for visiting my blog AG.

Did you get a new look for your blog or did I just miss it last time I was here?

mannanan said...

Now if I wasn't already, very happily married and if I didn't live on an island in the middle of the sea I might take you up on your offer. Hope something works out for you. I'm sure there will be someone out there for you.

mothership said...

THIS JOB'S TOO HARD!
It's just dawned on me that not only do I have to get something for Husband (he has been making noises about Valentine's day, thanks to Four he has remembered this year) but now I have to organise about 20 crappy little cards for all the kids' friends because that's what they do in America, AGHHHHH!
Going to dig out some pre-baby sexy underwear, find my mascara and slope off to find some chocolate. Then only (monumental) task is not to eat it myself before Saturday.

that girl? said...

Ooh... is this the black dress that you've been searching for? Details Please Auntie G!! Cards can be cheesy... do as Small child did today instead. When I picked her up from preschool she proudly announced she had baked a pink Valentines cake and then proceeded to eat every last bit herself!

auntiegwen said...

sallymandy - Amen to that sister, and the blog's just the same as ever

mannanan - I really hope so too, I keep thinking I have but then realise I've not

mothership - it most certainly is, hardest job in the world, enjoy your hubby, your valentine and your chocolate ! you lucky girl, you

that girl - it looks like a Mouret galaxy at the front but has a very low back, just like the girl in your picture, it's soooooooooooooo fabulous, it may actually warrant a post of it's own x

Nota Bene said...

Now you should know, there's a fundamental difference between how men and women buy cards. I know I saw it on an ad once. Women spend hours and hours and hours searching for the right one. When received, the man looks at it and go 'Cheers'. The man by comnparison, will dash to the garage, and buy the last, dog-eared one on the shelf and shove it in an envelope. When received, the woman looks at it, realises it's a sign of true devotion of love, and keeps it close to her heart. Its a Mars/Venus thing. And just in case anyone's wondering - I spent my money earlier this week.

Housewifeinthehighlands said...

I would have loved to have been in the queue at Thornton's when you made that request. I remember once searching for ages for a valentine's card that didn't mention love or sex. I guess I was missing the point slightly but I didn't want him getting the wrong (or was it right) idea.

auntiegwen said...

NB - I think you're right, women do read a lot into these things.
spent your money earlier this week ? what on pray tell ?

HWITH - I know, I seem to have spent the whole week in some kind of feckin card shop, it's soooo difficult. I went to Sainsburys for bread the other day, got distracted by their cards and bought tinfoil, tomato ketchup, yet another feckin card and forgot the bread. I have bought 3 cards this year and I don't think I like any of them.

Ladybird World Mother said...

Spent hours myself trying to find card... good god the cards in those shops. Red. Huge lettering all over the damned things... finally found one. Took AGES. Have fun in your dress! Will probably be wearing my hot water bottle again... a red one for Valentine..

DJ Kirkby said...

OMG! I laughed so loud over your conversation with the Thronton's lady, they just have no sense of humour do they? xo

auntiegwen said...

LWM - accessoring your hottie to the occassion, very chic x

DJ - as I was leaving the shop, I could hear her saying to her equally middle aged colleague " and she's a teacher as well ! at Most prestigious School too !!" never mind, they were probably Daily Mail readers xx

sixpence said...

Bit late now but next year try Set in St Martins

xxxx