Monday, 28 March 2011

Welcome to the house of fun

Chez auntiegwen - a flavour if you please, a little taster of what my life can be like.

I get home to be greeted by TBS and BBD so excited they could burst. They proffer a tin of cat food and try to lead me to the conservatory where they tell me is the new pet cat Hot Boy has bought them. I am feart of cats, cats would be my last choice of pet - no harm to any readers who have cats, I'm sure yours are lovely, I'm just scared of them.

This followed a conversation that we've had many, many times over the years where the kids ask for a cat/dog/guinea pig/hamster/bunny rabbit/pony and I say no. The animal changes the answer doesn't. Hot Boy asked if he and EBD could get a cat, I say no (waste not your time wondering why Hot Boy wants a cat at my house, he thinks he lives here, he thinks he's one of us, he's even asked if he and EBD split up if I'll convert the garage for him as sleeping in the same bed with her would be awkward, he's only half joking) Hot Boy tells me he'll just get one anyway. I tell Hot Boy on no account is there a cat to be bought and brought to my house.

Hot Boy is the most difficult to manage of them all, he is the one I have least control over. He is the most impulsive of them all, he also has cash to fund this impulsiveness. He is less scared of me than the others as when I get to full fat cross shouty shreikeyness as he can leave and go to his own flat. He also has his own Mummy, he doesn't need me the way the others do. This is a deadly combination.

So as we go towards the conservatory, I am ready to kill Hot Boy, I am searching in my phone for his number and I am ready to do full fat cross shouty shreikeyness down the phone. It's not the same but it'll have to do.

We get to the conservatory and I make the others go in first to collect the cat, who I'm now worried that it'll have gone mad being cooped up in there and will have scratched the furniture to bits and shit all over my cream sofas. I'm hiding in the dining room scared to go much further and I'm now trying to work out what to do with this feckin cat.

Then TBS and BBD crack and nearly piddle their frillies, total wind up from them all, even to the extent of buying the cat food.

Bar stewards the lot of them.

This was on top of EBD fake pregnancy frape on FaceBook, which nearly caused my mother to have another stroke and more than a few people called and texted me to find out if it was actually true.

And TBS Facebook posting of a picture of chopped up polo mints, shaped into a line with a rolled up fiver beside it entitled "How to scare the living shit out of your Mum"

My life is so much funnier when you're only reading about it.

24 comments:

Andy said...

Funniest. Post. Ever.

I think that a cat would be good for Hot Boy. It'd teach him about responsiblity and would be good practice for when he and EBD have kids.

Am I helping?

auntiegwen said...

Andy - Very Feckin Funny. Everyone thinks they're a comedian.

Trish @ Mum's Gone to... said...

I think you should make a pie out of that cat food and feed the buggers with it - only letting on afterwards of course.

auntiegwen said...

Trish - excellent idea, you are a revenge genius!!!

slommler said...

Oh! That was beyond cruel for sure!! I agree with Trish...feed them the cat food!!!
Hugs
SueAnn

auntiegwen said...

SueAnn - they're not being malicious, they just thought it was funny and to be fair, it was great craic

Gigi said...

Those kids sure know how to press your buttons. (don't look at me giggling over here! It WAS funny).

When the time is right, and circumstance presents itself, I'm sure you'll be only too happy to tweak their noses a bit in retaliation.

Nota Bene said...

Remember...revenge is a dish best served cold....especially if it is a tin of cat food....

Betty said...

my mother once made my dad a pie with dogfood - I am thinking along the same lines as Nota Bene.

Autumn Mist said...

Every home needs a Hot Boy. Thanks so much, I have laughed my head off.

pinklea said...

I'm not a huge cat fan either, and I think I would be absolutely livid if DD and her boyfriend pulled such a trick on me. Makes me wonder what they'll get up to on April Fools Day!

Kelloggsville said...

Gin, my love, Gin. Nobody would blame you. x

libby said...

Oh those young'uns..what scamps!

(Where you afeart of ours..did we hide them in the kitchen? can't remember..)

Mrs Worthington said...

oh teenagers can be so cruel.

Rare Lesser Spotted said...

I think you should be planning hard at what your response should be on April 1st. I'm sure yours may be much more subtle however. I'm sure there's guidance on Google somewhere.
xx

Looking for Blue Sky said...

I laughed, but I would so not like this! Animals are banned in this house and luckily no goldfish won at fairs have ever lived more than 2 weeks...funny how quickly the kids forget to feed them...sadly I do as well...

Sue said...

yes, it's funny when it's not your life and not your kids, esp the polo mints bit, but i won't be showing them!!!

Sandi said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAA, that is so funny, and the comments too, especially Betty's mum making a pie out of dog food, wonder what he did!!!!
Oh yes I'm well aware that I don't have to live with that, but it is funny xx Sandi

jonstorey said...

Brilliant!

But I have changed my mind, you can keep all of them!! I do like the Cat Pie scenario though, that should sort them out.....

Curry Queen said...

Hilarious! I hope my kids never get to read your blog....

mannanan said...

ROFLAO.....Oh My God what a really hilairious life you lead. Thank you for sharing. Made me laugh out loud.

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diney said...

Hilarious! I love your good humour or at the ability to laugh at all the leg pulling and winding up! Your kids are very lucky.Hope you got revenge today (1st April!!). Facebook is a great way for our kids to shock us - I have 5 nieces, 5 nephews and a son all in their 20's who love to shock me when i pop over to their walls! Little shits!!

Taz said...

I'm with CQ in that I hope my smalls never read your blog and get ideas LOL