This last year has been the most difficult and challenging of my life. Last summer my 18 year long marriage and my 21 year relationship ended very abruptly with very little discussion and no real attempt to fix what had gone wrong. My beautiful children were stunned by their dad's decision and sudden departure, he told them and left on the same day and I thought I would die from the sheer pain of it all. My poor babies became very clingy and they were terrified that I would leave them too. It was an incredibly difficult situation and as he had left I had to try and support them whilst trying to make sense of it all myself. He couldn't explain why, he knew he loved me but just wasn't happy with our family life together. To this day he still tells me he loves me on a regular basis and I still don't know the definitive reason our relationship ended. If he knows himself I doubt he will ever be brave enough to tell me.
Our last year has been a mess of trying to untangle a life together, we are a financial disaster and the debts are rising. My children will not stay overnight with him or even visit him at his new house so he visits them at what was the family home, which is extremely difficult for both of us. Eldest Beautiful daughter will barely speak to him, The Beautiful Son is very wary of him and Beautiful Baby Daughter blows hot and cold with him.
It has been so difficult for us to know how to treat each other, we only know how to be married to each other, all our adult lives we have been together, all our memories and all our milestones have been together, I don't know how to be his ex wife.
The wider family circle has been ripped apart too, family weddings and even my parents in laws golden wedding were held with my children missing because they wouldn't go alone with their dad. My family blaming him for leaving us and his family blaming me for keeping the children away from him and them. No one really understanding the full picture.
I truly regret the pain and confusion we have caused our children. Their sense of security has been shattered and their happy childhood ended. We didn't know how to handle things and I'm sure we have made many mistakes which have caused untold damage and hurt. All 3 have struggled at school, both with their work and in discipline issues and have often been unable to cope with things that the previous year they would have taken in their stride.They have become much harder to get along with and have bickered what seems like almost constantly. They all have had friendship problems and have at times been inconsolable with grief.
My beautiful baby daughter has screamed, shouted and stropped and it has been so, so hard for her to not have her dad there and so hard on both her siblings to have the house in chaos as she tried to work through her pain. My son has found it really difficult to be honest with his dad as he is scared his dad will stop loving him and just tries to accept and make the best of the situation. My eldest beautiful daughter has tried not to show how much she was hurting as she didn't want to upset me and has had such an unhappy year. Just as this was happening she had to start a new school, start GCSE coursework, the hormone fairy visited big time and she had a big fall out with her best friend, so it would have been a horribly challenging time for her anyway without all the crap that came with her parents separating. I am so ashamed that I didn't always see her pain and that I wasn't there to support her. She knew much more of what was going on as she was older and realised something was wrong as he kept spending time away from us both mentally and physically as he was preparing to leave us. She asked him outright if he was going to leave and he swore to her he wouldn't. She has really found it difficult to cope and things came to a head yesterday when she broke down.
Last night I made her sit down with her dad and I to tell us how she felt. All the things she's kept bottled up for a year came out. How she felt betrayed and abandoned by him, as he had promised her that no matter what he'd never leave her and then 2 weeks later walked away, how she felt she couldn't add to my pain, how he had caused all this pain and the decimation of our family life and then just walked away to his new life, returning to play happy families when he felt like it. She feels he acts like we're still a family when we're not and she feels he doesn't care about us or the pain as he tries to put a brave face on for them. All of this came out and all 3 of us sat crying. I have always told her that it isn't a case of taking sides and that her dad loves her and we did tell her that again last night.
I want all my children to have the best relationship possible with their dad, he's not a bad man, he was unhappy and made decisions which had ramifications he couldn't forsee. He had turned 40, was having huge problems at work and for a man who's sense of self comes mainly from his job found that difficult to cope with, he spent a significant proportion of his day commuting, going to a very hostile workplace and coming home to a family he felt didn't appreciate him. He is not a bad man, he's not the most self aware of men but he loves his children dearly.I am sorry I could not be the wife he wanted me to be and that he was so unhappy with us.
Last night I also managed to talk to him a little bit about my new life and how happy I am and although I know some of it was difficult for him to hear, he was gracious enough to be happy for me and to wish me well. He also managed to tell me a little of his new life and I hope he can be happy too.
This morning my beautiful baby daughter started middle school and I hope that this new school year will give her a fresh start. Please bring her enough but not too many challenges, enough to tire her out a bit please God !!! She is excited and optimistic as she should be, good luck to my wee sweetie scone. My baby, whom I love very, very much.
This morning my beautiful son got kissed awake just as he likes and the smile he gives me every time and the way he just hugs me fills my heart with joy. He's gone off to school with a brand new uniform and bed hair sticking up all roads and he looks like scruff of the year but I love him.
This morning my beautiful eldest daughter got up and said she felt happy for the first time in ages and much better that she'd told us how she felt. She feels now that because I am happy she can be honest about how she feels knowing that I will be able to support her. That's how it should be and again I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me. Anyone who knows us knows how close we are and I love her so much.
On my 40th birthday last year, I realised that sad as it was, I had nothing left to say to the man who I had loved for all my adult life and that it was all over bar the shouting.
In the last year I have been on a really painful but ultimately worthwhile journey. I will always regret that my children have had to shed a single tear of the oceans they have wept and I regret all the hurtful things I have said and the actions and decisions I have made which have hurt the people around me. I have learned so much about myself and the woman I am at 41 bears little or no resemblance to the girl I once was and then the wife I became. I really do like the me now, I was a real mrs cardigan before, really beige. I was very unsure of myself, had very little confidence and only defined myself as a wife and mother, I have managed to do so many things for myself in the last year. Let me share some of my highlights with you
I am closer to my children than I ever have been.
I have written my blog.
I have realised how much I mean to my friends and how much they mean to me.
I have managed to drive all the way up to Scotland by myself.
I have taught some fantastic students.
I have made so many new friends both on blogger and in my regular life.
I have got very drunk, sang out loud in public ( very badly !!!) and snogged the face off the lead singer in a band like the rebellious teenager I once was.
I have sung "For Reasons Unknown" by The Killers,( which is pretty much my theme tune for my new life ) when in the car with my ex husband which was immensly satisfying.
The Beautiful Man phoned me and let me listen to The Killers singing " For Reasons Unknown" live at Glastonbury when he was there
I have fallen in love.
So a great big huge thank you to the following people for being in my life
Laura, Jack, Lucy
My parents, my sister and brother in law and my nieces
Lou, Susan, Sarah , Jo, Sarah R, Christina, Leah, Melanie and my original and best matey boy The Edge
My children's friends, The Matey boys, Rhys Daniel, Izzy and Jo
All my colleagues at my 3 different workplaces
My students old and new
My friends on blogger, all you lovely people who read and comment and all you who email and support me when things get too dark to blog, a huge thank you to you.
Lastly to Gordon, for letting me go and to The Beautiful Man who's waiting for me.
Thursday, 30 August 2007
Monday, 27 August 2007
The Perfect Weekend
Portofino Coast in ItalyWith The Beautiful Man
From Wednesday to Sunday
How good is that ?
Wednesday, 22 August 2007
My jolliday
I'm off on a little jolliday today. I will be back on Sunday. If you're good, and wait patiently for me, I'll tell you all about it when I get back.
Monday, 20 August 2007
My daft wean
I've had a lovely weekend. I'm a little surprised to say that as The Beautiful Son and Beautiful Baby Daughter have gone to Scotland to stay with their paternal grandparents. I don't usually cope well without my full complement of offspring but I'm managing surprisingly well. Had a lovely day on Saturday with Eldest Beautiful Daughter and then had the perfect Saturday evening with The Beautiful Man.
Then on Sunday, my friend Jo and I went to Leeds. Me likey, the Victorian Quarter was lovely and I've never seen so many designer handbags, it was almost like being in Glasgow ! The Starbucks on the Briggate was lovely and there was a hot emo boy serving, EBD has taught me how to spot them. She rang me while I was out and asked if I'd spotted any and when I told her I had, she asked why I hadn't taken his photo ?
The reason she rang me was to ask should she peg the washing out. Now I know that I always say that she's decorative but not functional but this is a bright child, sitting 10 GCSEs and predicited A and A stars for most of them, and she's asking me when I am a 2 hour drive and 100 miles away, in a different county, should she peg the washing out as it looked like rain !!!
I've had a technologically challenging morning trying to book a hotel and claim my priority points whilst trying to convince them that I'm not Mr Laurie Sansome, using the membership number they've sent me on my e statement. I should have checked if he had more points than me before denying it really. I'm off to Bicester today, where I will meet himself at the Starbucks there, I have now realised that I have been to a Starbucks daily for the last 4 days. Himself is right I should just set up a tab and a direct debit from my bank account.
Then on Sunday, my friend Jo and I went to Leeds. Me likey, the Victorian Quarter was lovely and I've never seen so many designer handbags, it was almost like being in Glasgow ! The Starbucks on the Briggate was lovely and there was a hot emo boy serving, EBD has taught me how to spot them. She rang me while I was out and asked if I'd spotted any and when I told her I had, she asked why I hadn't taken his photo ?
The reason she rang me was to ask should she peg the washing out. Now I know that I always say that she's decorative but not functional but this is a bright child, sitting 10 GCSEs and predicited A and A stars for most of them, and she's asking me when I am a 2 hour drive and 100 miles away, in a different county, should she peg the washing out as it looked like rain !!!
I've had a technologically challenging morning trying to book a hotel and claim my priority points whilst trying to convince them that I'm not Mr Laurie Sansome, using the membership number they've sent me on my e statement. I should have checked if he had more points than me before denying it really. I'm off to Bicester today, where I will meet himself at the Starbucks there, I have now realised that I have been to a Starbucks daily for the last 4 days. Himself is right I should just set up a tab and a direct debit from my bank account.
Saturday, 18 August 2007
Thinking you're funny
One of my biggest faults is that I think I'm really funny and I don't always allow for people not understanding my particular style of humour. I think I can be a bit cruel in my humour and can give a right good slaggin but in my defence I love it if someone belts it right back at me.
I feel sometimes that because I'm Scottish, non scots don't always get my sense of humour, I'm a bit parochial. I love the fact that BBC2 are showing Still Game in England and the kids and I tune in on Thursdays at 10pm for our little bit of home grown humour. Also on BBC2 on Friday nights is Grumpy Old Women which the kids and I also watch. There's a real comfort in knowing you're not alone in your little foibles and struggles against the world.
Yesterday himself and I went to Starbucks for lunch, twas very citing for me as I hadn't seen him for 2 weeks and also my lovely, lovely friend Lou had sent me a pre paid Starbucks card for my birthday, how good a present was that for me ? !!!
Again, difficult to buy presents for, me ??? come on.
Anyway, I digress we're at the counter and I ordered himselfs grande full fat latte with 4 shots and my venti coffee light frappucino and paid with the card. then himself says " What do you say to the nice lady? " in a tone you would use on a 5 year old child and I was puzzled because I had been very polite. Now I know as a Mummy out of the holy trinity of Please, Thank You and Sorry I had used the 2 appropriate ones. " Don't get you, sweetie" I murmured and himself says in the same tone as before " Say sorry to the nice Starbucks lady " a bit puzzled I enquired why, to which he replied " Say sorry for going to Cafe Nero with Lara " which 2 weeks ago, I'm sorry to say was true, she had a free voucher and we used it although I didn't like it there honest !!!
Of course at this point I cracked up and now the nice Starbucks lady thinks we're both mad. Later on he told me that in boring meetings, him and his mates sometimes play bullshit bingo which is when someone says management jargon they can cross it off their list. Now I thought that was a gas idea, I know as a teacher I have real wanky phrases and I'm sure all professions have them, so next time I have a staff meeting I'll prepare my list for it. Who would have thought management consultants had such a good sense of humour ?
I now realise that it doesn't matter if most people don't think you're funny, if you find some people who do, then you're good.
I feel sometimes that because I'm Scottish, non scots don't always get my sense of humour, I'm a bit parochial. I love the fact that BBC2 are showing Still Game in England and the kids and I tune in on Thursdays at 10pm for our little bit of home grown humour. Also on BBC2 on Friday nights is Grumpy Old Women which the kids and I also watch. There's a real comfort in knowing you're not alone in your little foibles and struggles against the world.
Yesterday himself and I went to Starbucks for lunch, twas very citing for me as I hadn't seen him for 2 weeks and also my lovely, lovely friend Lou had sent me a pre paid Starbucks card for my birthday, how good a present was that for me ? !!!
Again, difficult to buy presents for, me ??? come on.
Anyway, I digress we're at the counter and I ordered himselfs grande full fat latte with 4 shots and my venti coffee light frappucino and paid with the card. then himself says " What do you say to the nice lady? " in a tone you would use on a 5 year old child and I was puzzled because I had been very polite. Now I know as a Mummy out of the holy trinity of Please, Thank You and Sorry I had used the 2 appropriate ones. " Don't get you, sweetie" I murmured and himself says in the same tone as before " Say sorry to the nice Starbucks lady " a bit puzzled I enquired why, to which he replied " Say sorry for going to Cafe Nero with Lara " which 2 weeks ago, I'm sorry to say was true, she had a free voucher and we used it although I didn't like it there honest !!!
Of course at this point I cracked up and now the nice Starbucks lady thinks we're both mad. Later on he told me that in boring meetings, him and his mates sometimes play bullshit bingo which is when someone says management jargon they can cross it off their list. Now I thought that was a gas idea, I know as a teacher I have real wanky phrases and I'm sure all professions have them, so next time I have a staff meeting I'll prepare my list for it. Who would have thought management consultants had such a good sense of humour ?
I now realise that it doesn't matter if most people don't think you're funny, if you find some people who do, then you're good.
Thursday, 16 August 2007
You think you know people
Last night The beautiful Friend Christina came round. All good, 2 tubs of low fat pringles, low fat dip and a bottle of Kumala Rose. Snow Patrol and then Texas to listen to and a big gossip, lovely.
During our meandering chats I told her I was going to Borders on Friday to meet himself for lunch as he comes back from his holiday tonight. She asked why we didn t meet in MH as it would be nearer for him. I explained that there was no Starbucks there. She had a puzzled expression and said there were loads of places to get coffee. Yeah, but there's no Starbucks I persisted. Then she said to me - Is it really that good ? I've never been in one.........
I nearly fell off my sofa, how can she have got to the grand old age of 39 (sorry Chris) and never have been to a Starbucks. They are everywhere. Now I accept that I am disproportionately fond of Starbucks and I feel unfaithful if I get coffee from anywhere else, but come on, never, ever been to Starbucks, and she's even been to America. My little brain can't comprehend it.
I waxed on for a bit about about my venti skinny lattes and my caramel light frappucino's and the cinnamon swirls that are my particular vices. The blank expresion remained. I even called in Eldest Beautiful Daughter for validation, she explained about marshmallow twizzles and caramel cream frappucinos and the special mint hot chocolate at Christmas. Still Chris remained unmoved.
While I was explaining how last year I got so excited when they brought out the red christmas cups and the Gingerbread Lattes that I texted the Edge and he had to tell me to control myself as he'd made himself sick of the Toffee Nut lattes the year before, I noticed the expression on her face, she's looking at me in a kind of like never mind, you poor thing that obviously has no life type way. The way I look at people when they tell me their hobby is trainspotting or such like.
How could I have not noticed that she is the only one of my friends I have never been to Starbucks with, why haven't I noticed that ? Even my friend Sarah who doesn't even drink coffee comes with me there. I have favourite branches in different cities, I am actually quite sad. I think it's fair to say that Christina and I are a bit bemused by each other now.
During our meandering chats I told her I was going to Borders on Friday to meet himself for lunch as he comes back from his holiday tonight. She asked why we didn t meet in MH as it would be nearer for him. I explained that there was no Starbucks there. She had a puzzled expression and said there were loads of places to get coffee. Yeah, but there's no Starbucks I persisted. Then she said to me - Is it really that good ? I've never been in one.........
I nearly fell off my sofa, how can she have got to the grand old age of 39 (sorry Chris) and never have been to a Starbucks. They are everywhere. Now I accept that I am disproportionately fond of Starbucks and I feel unfaithful if I get coffee from anywhere else, but come on, never, ever been to Starbucks, and she's even been to America. My little brain can't comprehend it.
I waxed on for a bit about about my venti skinny lattes and my caramel light frappucino's and the cinnamon swirls that are my particular vices. The blank expresion remained. I even called in Eldest Beautiful Daughter for validation, she explained about marshmallow twizzles and caramel cream frappucinos and the special mint hot chocolate at Christmas. Still Chris remained unmoved.
While I was explaining how last year I got so excited when they brought out the red christmas cups and the Gingerbread Lattes that I texted the Edge and he had to tell me to control myself as he'd made himself sick of the Toffee Nut lattes the year before, I noticed the expression on her face, she's looking at me in a kind of like never mind, you poor thing that obviously has no life type way. The way I look at people when they tell me their hobby is trainspotting or such like.
How could I have not noticed that she is the only one of my friends I have never been to Starbucks with, why haven't I noticed that ? Even my friend Sarah who doesn't even drink coffee comes with me there. I have favourite branches in different cities, I am actually quite sad. I think it's fair to say that Christina and I are a bit bemused by each other now.
Sunday, 12 August 2007
Birthday Blog
Happy Birthday Me - I am 40 feckin 1 today, Happy Birthday to himself who is 40 feckin 4 today and Happy Birthday to Red's Mom who is the baby of us all at 40.
I woke up to lots of giggles from Beautiful Baby Daughter and her 2 little friends Isobel and Joanna who were sleeping over, they made me a beautiful card, which opened back to front and had the world and it's granny stuck onto it, it also said Happy Birthday Mum with lots of love from Lucy, Izzy and Jo. Nice to know I have all these extra children isn't it ? I absolutely love these home made cards with all their excess, none of that less is more type stuff.
A lovely visit from my friend Jo with really thoughtful birthday gifts and another visit from my friend Christina again with well chosen gifts. Apparently I am really difficult to buy presents for, frankly I think I make it easy for people, I mean come on, I even put it on my blog what I'm after.
Lots of lovely emails and texts from friends near and far, cards, presents, flowers and cake from the people who love me, how good is that ? And do you know what, next year will be even better !!
Thank you to all the people who took time out of their life to celebrate with me. Like I always say I'm a lucky, lucky girl. Okay, a lucky, lucky getting on for middle aged woman - don't want to get caught out by the trades description act !!!
I woke up to lots of giggles from Beautiful Baby Daughter and her 2 little friends Isobel and Joanna who were sleeping over, they made me a beautiful card, which opened back to front and had the world and it's granny stuck onto it, it also said Happy Birthday Mum with lots of love from Lucy, Izzy and Jo. Nice to know I have all these extra children isn't it ? I absolutely love these home made cards with all their excess, none of that less is more type stuff.
A lovely visit from my friend Jo with really thoughtful birthday gifts and another visit from my friend Christina again with well chosen gifts. Apparently I am really difficult to buy presents for, frankly I think I make it easy for people, I mean come on, I even put it on my blog what I'm after.
Lots of lovely emails and texts from friends near and far, cards, presents, flowers and cake from the people who love me, how good is that ? And do you know what, next year will be even better !!
Thank you to all the people who took time out of their life to celebrate with me. Like I always say I'm a lucky, lucky girl. Okay, a lucky, lucky getting on for middle aged woman - don't want to get caught out by the trades description act !!!
Friday, 10 August 2007
Happy Birthday Mum
Arrived back after my visit to The Beautiful Parents. Happy Birthday to The Beautiful Mother who is 63 today, and because I love her, I left before lunch time so she could actually enjoy her birthday without me and mine cluttering up her house ! She usually needs a good rest after my 3 have been, she waits on them hand and foot. She also lets them eat anything they like and I mean anything, ice cream for breakfast - no problem. What my kids don't get is that it wasn't like that for me when I was growing up, they think it was like some Glaswegian Disneyland with all you can eat sweeties and junk food, wall to wall tellies and very liberal parenting. Ok let the Edinbuggers amongst you retort that that's what happens in weegieland anyway.
I had a very nice trip, which included several museums, art galleries, Loch Lomond, Balmaha and Luss and okay some shops and plenty Starbucks
Whilst I was in Scotland I had the extreme misfortune to go and see Hairspray with my sister and my girls. Whatever you do, DO NOT GO AND SEE THAT FECKIN MOVIE. It was truly truly pants, it was also 2 hours of my life wasted that I will never get back and when you're half way to being dead, all your hours count. Everyone else loved it, I thought the best thing about it was the Irn Bru advert, the one where the goths get summer happy, genius, I loved it.
I was lucky enough to receive shed loads of text messages whilst I was away, which I love, but the funniest one was from Rhys Daniel who is The Beautiful Son 's maddest mate. It read " hey wot time u comin home anyway i got a tent for my birthday so come sleep im it tnite " I replied in very correct English that I would be home in 4 hours and thanks for the offer of the sleepover but wouldn't he prefer TBS. He replied that he's texted TBS and he hadn't replied, well fair play. On the drive home I got another 3 texts from him telling me to drive faster. When I got back he was sitting on my front doorstep waiting for us ! I think he missed The Beautiful Son.
Excuse me whilst I go lie down in a darkened room as I will be forty feckin one on Sunday and after the delight of a 6 hour 330 mile drive with 3 ungrateful, overheated, sugar highed children I feel the need for a large glass of the red stuff. Make sure you wake me up at 10 pm for Grumpy Old Women on BBC2, though won't you ?
I had a very nice trip, which included several museums, art galleries, Loch Lomond, Balmaha and Luss and okay some shops and plenty Starbucks
Whilst I was in Scotland I had the extreme misfortune to go and see Hairspray with my sister and my girls. Whatever you do, DO NOT GO AND SEE THAT FECKIN MOVIE. It was truly truly pants, it was also 2 hours of my life wasted that I will never get back and when you're half way to being dead, all your hours count. Everyone else loved it, I thought the best thing about it was the Irn Bru advert, the one where the goths get summer happy, genius, I loved it.
I was lucky enough to receive shed loads of text messages whilst I was away, which I love, but the funniest one was from Rhys Daniel who is The Beautiful Son 's maddest mate. It read " hey wot time u comin home anyway i got a tent for my birthday so come sleep im it tnite " I replied in very correct English that I would be home in 4 hours and thanks for the offer of the sleepover but wouldn't he prefer TBS. He replied that he's texted TBS and he hadn't replied, well fair play. On the drive home I got another 3 texts from him telling me to drive faster. When I got back he was sitting on my front doorstep waiting for us ! I think he missed The Beautiful Son.
Excuse me whilst I go lie down in a darkened room as I will be forty feckin one on Sunday and after the delight of a 6 hour 330 mile drive with 3 ungrateful, overheated, sugar highed children I feel the need for a large glass of the red stuff. Make sure you wake me up at 10 pm for Grumpy Old Women on BBC2, though won't you ?
Monday, 6 August 2007
Penalised
I'm driving home to The Mother Country today to visit The Beautiful Parents. I will be there until Friday, there's only so many biscuits and so much plasma screen telly a girl can watch . Eldest Beautiful Daughter usually makes me a cd for the journey with all my current faves on but we had no blank discs left, so I will have to do without my current favourite song " Plug in baby" by Muse. Never mind, I'll try and get on with Maximo Park.
The Beautiful Car has had a clean bill of health by the lovely man at the garage and even got a wash by Beautiful Baby Daughter, all good.
This morning I phoned up to renew my car insurance and to fess up that I've got 3 points on my license for going through a red light. I was the only one amongst my friends that had a clean license and even at work too so I was a bit sad to get the points. I was even feckin sadder when they told me it would add another £26.40 to my premium and another £10 excess to my windscreen cover and £20 to my theft cover - Porquoi ? Why is my car more likely to be stolen because I have been christened an " ambler gambler " - because the computer said so.
I asked them to take my former spouse off my policy as he no longer drives my car, he actually very rarely did. The advisor told me to take him off ( even with his 6 feckin points for speeding) it would ADD £49.60 to my policy as you get a discount if you have a spouse !!!!!!!
Singletons of the world unite, that really is bang out of order.
The Beautiful Car has had a clean bill of health by the lovely man at the garage and even got a wash by Beautiful Baby Daughter, all good.
This morning I phoned up to renew my car insurance and to fess up that I've got 3 points on my license for going through a red light. I was the only one amongst my friends that had a clean license and even at work too so I was a bit sad to get the points. I was even feckin sadder when they told me it would add another £26.40 to my premium and another £10 excess to my windscreen cover and £20 to my theft cover - Porquoi ? Why is my car more likely to be stolen because I have been christened an " ambler gambler " - because the computer said so.
I asked them to take my former spouse off my policy as he no longer drives my car, he actually very rarely did. The advisor told me to take him off ( even with his 6 feckin points for speeding) it would ADD £49.60 to my policy as you get a discount if you have a spouse !!!!!!!
Singletons of the world unite, that really is bang out of order.
Saturday, 4 August 2007
Running
Now that my holiday is over, it's back to the real life. This includes my running. I didn't run at all when I was in Turkey because it was just too hot. I am not a real proper runner, like my friends Susan and Melanie, I don't do races or time myself, my running is a form of damage limitation, just trying to keep fitting into my jeans sort of stuff. I try and do 5 miles 3 times per week. I personally feel that I should be getting a medal just for that alone, as I am very nearly 41.
I always start off with a bit of procrastination, I'll do it later, I'll just sort this stuff out, oh look it's raining ( I am a completely fair weather runner, wouldn't lace my trainers up if there was a spot of rain around) eventually I make the decision to go or The Beautiful Children make it for me, by saying "would you just feckin go, you could have been gone and back by now "
I always ask if anyone wants to come with me either running or on their bikes. The Beautiful Son has never come and Eldest Beautiful Daughter did a 4 mile cycle with me once. The real star is Beautiful Baby Daughter, between last Easter and us finishing for the summer hols in July, 3 times per week before school, she would cycle for 2 miles with me and then she'd go to school and I'd finish my 5 miles. I did wonder if I was being slightly cruel making her do a 2 mile cycle before school but I felt it was a fair trade off as she could talk at me, completely uninterupted by a sibling and have my undivided attention and my utter inability to disagree due to me not being able to talk and run at the same time.
This week no one has wanted to come with me but The Beautiful Son offered up his Ipod. It's one of the little shuffle ones, bright blue and it clips on. I've never ran with earphones in but thought I'd give it a go. Well feck me, my son has the most eclectic music taste. His playlist has a lot of The Killers, some Primal Scream, Fun Lovin Criminals, Dandy Warhols, The Undertones all v good for me. Then I had some Linkin Park, which he loves and some My Chemical Romance, Green Day, Muse and Nirvana, very, very him but the thing that utterly utterly confused me was a very random addition of Dolly Parton. No really and truly, Dolly Parton singing 9 to 5, where the hell did that come from ?
I have now decided that I would like a little pink ipod shuffle for my upcoming birthday, please and thank you, so that I can put my own songs on it as it's very hard to jog to Linkin Park !
ps if you're stuck for something else, I covet with covety covetessnous a Tiffany Cross Tag Bracelet, it's like the one I already have but instead of the " return to Tiffany" tag, it has a beautiful cross. Difficult to buy presents for ? me ?!!!!
I always start off with a bit of procrastination, I'll do it later, I'll just sort this stuff out, oh look it's raining ( I am a completely fair weather runner, wouldn't lace my trainers up if there was a spot of rain around) eventually I make the decision to go or The Beautiful Children make it for me, by saying "would you just feckin go, you could have been gone and back by now "
I always ask if anyone wants to come with me either running or on their bikes. The Beautiful Son has never come and Eldest Beautiful Daughter did a 4 mile cycle with me once. The real star is Beautiful Baby Daughter, between last Easter and us finishing for the summer hols in July, 3 times per week before school, she would cycle for 2 miles with me and then she'd go to school and I'd finish my 5 miles. I did wonder if I was being slightly cruel making her do a 2 mile cycle before school but I felt it was a fair trade off as she could talk at me, completely uninterupted by a sibling and have my undivided attention and my utter inability to disagree due to me not being able to talk and run at the same time.
This week no one has wanted to come with me but The Beautiful Son offered up his Ipod. It's one of the little shuffle ones, bright blue and it clips on. I've never ran with earphones in but thought I'd give it a go. Well feck me, my son has the most eclectic music taste. His playlist has a lot of The Killers, some Primal Scream, Fun Lovin Criminals, Dandy Warhols, The Undertones all v good for me. Then I had some Linkin Park, which he loves and some My Chemical Romance, Green Day, Muse and Nirvana, very, very him but the thing that utterly utterly confused me was a very random addition of Dolly Parton. No really and truly, Dolly Parton singing 9 to 5, where the hell did that come from ?
I have now decided that I would like a little pink ipod shuffle for my upcoming birthday, please and thank you, so that I can put my own songs on it as it's very hard to jog to Linkin Park !
ps if you're stuck for something else, I covet with covety covetessnous a Tiffany Cross Tag Bracelet, it's like the one I already have but instead of the " return to Tiffany" tag, it has a beautiful cross. Difficult to buy presents for ? me ?!!!!
Wednesday, 1 August 2007
The Beautiful Car
I have fessed up several times that I am a tad technophobic, ok I have the technological capabilities of a baby giraffe. I have never fessed up that I have the car knowledge of a baby giraffe also. My nearest and dearest aren't too impressed with my driving either but I have a full no claims discount so I can't be that bad. However I will admit that the only technical thing I can do with regards to my car is put petrol in and change the cd.I am quite girly when it comes to cars, I don't really know much about any kind of cars except that I hate BMW's and I think that their drivers are the worst on the road, I do love my car though, it is a little black A class Mercedes, and I think it is the very best car in the world, it doesn't have a name though, I'm not that girly. It never lets me down, it's high up off the road which makes it easier for me to see as I am only 5 foot 3 and it's easy to park. In short it's perfect.
Today, as is my want , I swanned off to Starbucks for lunch. I was extremely happy, quite a good compilation cd that Eldest Beautiful Daughter made me, not my best one but I very foolishly lent it out and in return got the Maximo Park cd, that was a crap swap. Anyway I digress, the sun was shining, I was driving along quite happily, 2nd best cd on till I get to Starbucks. My local is attached to a Borders Bookstore, I was a wee bit early so I browsed around and bought The Beautiful Man the new Ian Rankin thriller as tomorrow he goes away on holiday, see what a nice, kind considerate sort I am, I am so considerate I very carefully chose 1 from the back that hadn't been handled too much, as TBM can't read books anyone else has read before him, even me, he doesn't like pages to have been touched by anyone else and he can't do hardbacks. Even though I have that very book at home that he could borrow, I still bought him his very own untouched copy and then went straight out to the car to put it in the boot, as unsullied as possible.
As I walked towards the car I noticed a puddle underneath it, quite a large puddle. Oh God no, my car's incontinent, I got down on the ground and looked underneath, I have no idea what I 'm looking for or any clue what to do but feel I should look underneath. A bloke comes over and peers underneath and informs me that my radiator is leaking. This sounds expensive to me, probably on the Gucci bag type scale of expense. Not quite as bad as my credit card bill at £2000 - yes that is for 1 feckin month but certainly on a par with TBM phone bill ( which was HORRENDOUS, but he will kill me if I fess that up). I feel slightly panicky, just at that TBM arrives, I show him the puddle and being the company car driver he is and the very successful management consultant ( for that read delegator) and he tells me to phone the garage. I'm extremely pleased to know that I have the number in my phone, so I ring the nice man at the garage and he advises me to open the bonnet, check the water and top it up if necessary. TBM asks what the garage suggests and not wanting to appear too shallow/girly/incompetent as I realise I don't know how to open the bonnet never mind check the fluid level so I tell him I've got to bring the car in. It did cross my mind if the cheapest option would be to catheterise it myself.
After a very long lunch, I drive like a granny to the garage as I'm terrified that the car will overheat and grind to a halt and everyone will get cross with me for holding them up. When I get there the nice man asks me if I topped up the water and I fess up that I don't know how to open the feckin bonnet and he very sweetly explains, in soothing tones you would use on a 6 year old how to open the bonnet and check the water etc. He was just like my dad to me. He did look at me as if I shouldn't be allowed to drive if I can't do something as straight forward as open the bonnet though. He's keeping the beautiful car in for observation tonight and I can visit tomorrow and I sincerely hope that it will be an uneventful recovery from the emergency surgery. ( and not too expensive as well )
PS I want to take this opportunity to add that TBM really is 1 in a million to put up with not only all my nonsense but to also have me fessing up his quirks for my mates to scrutinise. You truly are the business.
Today, as is my want , I swanned off to Starbucks for lunch. I was extremely happy, quite a good compilation cd that Eldest Beautiful Daughter made me, not my best one but I very foolishly lent it out and in return got the Maximo Park cd, that was a crap swap. Anyway I digress, the sun was shining, I was driving along quite happily, 2nd best cd on till I get to Starbucks. My local is attached to a Borders Bookstore, I was a wee bit early so I browsed around and bought The Beautiful Man the new Ian Rankin thriller as tomorrow he goes away on holiday, see what a nice, kind considerate sort I am, I am so considerate I very carefully chose 1 from the back that hadn't been handled too much, as TBM can't read books anyone else has read before him, even me, he doesn't like pages to have been touched by anyone else and he can't do hardbacks. Even though I have that very book at home that he could borrow, I still bought him his very own untouched copy and then went straight out to the car to put it in the boot, as unsullied as possible.
As I walked towards the car I noticed a puddle underneath it, quite a large puddle. Oh God no, my car's incontinent, I got down on the ground and looked underneath, I have no idea what I 'm looking for or any clue what to do but feel I should look underneath. A bloke comes over and peers underneath and informs me that my radiator is leaking. This sounds expensive to me, probably on the Gucci bag type scale of expense. Not quite as bad as my credit card bill at £2000 - yes that is for 1 feckin month but certainly on a par with TBM phone bill ( which was HORRENDOUS, but he will kill me if I fess that up). I feel slightly panicky, just at that TBM arrives, I show him the puddle and being the company car driver he is and the very successful management consultant ( for that read delegator) and he tells me to phone the garage. I'm extremely pleased to know that I have the number in my phone, so I ring the nice man at the garage and he advises me to open the bonnet, check the water and top it up if necessary. TBM asks what the garage suggests and not wanting to appear too shallow/girly/incompetent as I realise I don't know how to open the bonnet never mind check the fluid level so I tell him I've got to bring the car in. It did cross my mind if the cheapest option would be to catheterise it myself.
After a very long lunch, I drive like a granny to the garage as I'm terrified that the car will overheat and grind to a halt and everyone will get cross with me for holding them up. When I get there the nice man asks me if I topped up the water and I fess up that I don't know how to open the feckin bonnet and he very sweetly explains, in soothing tones you would use on a 6 year old how to open the bonnet and check the water etc. He was just like my dad to me. He did look at me as if I shouldn't be allowed to drive if I can't do something as straight forward as open the bonnet though. He's keeping the beautiful car in for observation tonight and I can visit tomorrow and I sincerely hope that it will be an uneventful recovery from the emergency surgery. ( and not too expensive as well )
PS I want to take this opportunity to add that TBM really is 1 in a million to put up with not only all my nonsense but to also have me fessing up his quirks for my mates to scrutinise. You truly are the business.
Saturday, 28 July 2007
The Beautiful Holiday
Auntie Gwen is back from The Beautiful House in Turkey with her full complement of Beautiful Children. This is a testement to Auntie Gwen's strength of character as all of The Beautiful Children were ungrateful little feckers on holiday.
If I hadn't given birth to these children, I would seriously doubt they were mine. I abso bloody lutely love love love the sunshine and I can happily prostrate myself on a sunlounger with a book for hours, okay days. All of my children refuse to sunbathe.
The Beautiful Son and Beautiful Baby Daughter will play in the pool for at least a peko second before arguing and then involving me to referee before one of them will storm off inside in a major huff.
Beautiful Eldest Daughter is maintaining her Bride of Dracula/Princess of Darkness look which so does not involve a tan. She had to be bribed to spend ONE HOUR per day in the sun, yes that is correct ONE HOUR per day. The locals in Turkey had never seen anything quite like her, people were bringing out their grannies to see the weird girl who was so white she was almost luminous.
Every feckin hour someone would complain it was too hot, which fair play it was, very nice for me thank you very much, every day in the high 90 s at least, but too hot for the beautiful children. Who god love them , who were so bored in their own private villa with pool, silly silly me for thinking that the pool complete with lilo's, floats, balls and inflatable dolphins etc and satellite tv and dvd player and books and board games and nintendo ds and game boys would be enough to occupy them and I didn't think it necessary to bring an x box and a laptop and their mates with me, my poor deprived wee souls.
So very lovely to see my friends who live over there, my beautiful neighbours Keith and Heather who have retired from life in Kent and are contemplating buying a quad bike to get around on, you go guys !! again thank you for the 2 glasses of wine in the afternoon which enabled me to sleep and not get out the house till after 10pm and my children had to wait till midnight for their tea. Fortunately BBD doesn't have social services on speed dial over there !!
Syl and Les,again retired from the Uk and now living the retirement I dream of, thanks for taking us to Fethiye's old town Paspartur where we ate in a little restaurant with it's own courtyard fountain and duck pond. Again thank you for laughing like drains when I had to explain to BBD that the lady duck did not want to give the male duck a piggy back and that was why she was screeching.
Thank you to all my Turkish friends who either offer to marry me or BED, fortunately no one has offered for us both, it's nice to go somewhere and be appreciated, but I don't think either of us will be taking you up on your very kind offers.
Biggest thank you of them all to my new friend Janine, god bless her little heart, who had the foresight and down right kindness to leave Sunderland and go and marry a lovely Turkish man called Suraj and open an internet cafe about 10 mins walk from The Beautiful House, a cafe that not only is air conditioned but has full access to msn and my space, and for that reason it made my holiday bearable as the lure and bribe of full virtual connection gave me the only bargaining tool I had.
Yes, that's right I spent a significant part of my holiday in the sun waiting for my children to talk to their friends on msn via a web cam. Next year I'll go by myself and leave them at home with all their clicky finger gadgetry whilst I lie on my lounger drinking the wine I can afford gallons of because I don't have to fork out for their plane tickets. Everybody's happy.
If I hadn't given birth to these children, I would seriously doubt they were mine. I abso bloody lutely love love love the sunshine and I can happily prostrate myself on a sunlounger with a book for hours, okay days. All of my children refuse to sunbathe.
The Beautiful Son and Beautiful Baby Daughter will play in the pool for at least a peko second before arguing and then involving me to referee before one of them will storm off inside in a major huff.
Beautiful Eldest Daughter is maintaining her Bride of Dracula/Princess of Darkness look which so does not involve a tan. She had to be bribed to spend ONE HOUR per day in the sun, yes that is correct ONE HOUR per day. The locals in Turkey had never seen anything quite like her, people were bringing out their grannies to see the weird girl who was so white she was almost luminous.
Every feckin hour someone would complain it was too hot, which fair play it was, very nice for me thank you very much, every day in the high 90 s at least, but too hot for the beautiful children. Who god love them , who were so bored in their own private villa with pool, silly silly me for thinking that the pool complete with lilo's, floats, balls and inflatable dolphins etc and satellite tv and dvd player and books and board games and nintendo ds and game boys would be enough to occupy them and I didn't think it necessary to bring an x box and a laptop and their mates with me, my poor deprived wee souls.
So very lovely to see my friends who live over there, my beautiful neighbours Keith and Heather who have retired from life in Kent and are contemplating buying a quad bike to get around on, you go guys !! again thank you for the 2 glasses of wine in the afternoon which enabled me to sleep and not get out the house till after 10pm and my children had to wait till midnight for their tea. Fortunately BBD doesn't have social services on speed dial over there !!
Syl and Les,again retired from the Uk and now living the retirement I dream of, thanks for taking us to Fethiye's old town Paspartur where we ate in a little restaurant with it's own courtyard fountain and duck pond. Again thank you for laughing like drains when I had to explain to BBD that the lady duck did not want to give the male duck a piggy back and that was why she was screeching.
Thank you to all my Turkish friends who either offer to marry me or BED, fortunately no one has offered for us both, it's nice to go somewhere and be appreciated, but I don't think either of us will be taking you up on your very kind offers.
Biggest thank you of them all to my new friend Janine, god bless her little heart, who had the foresight and down right kindness to leave Sunderland and go and marry a lovely Turkish man called Suraj and open an internet cafe about 10 mins walk from The Beautiful House, a cafe that not only is air conditioned but has full access to msn and my space, and for that reason it made my holiday bearable as the lure and bribe of full virtual connection gave me the only bargaining tool I had.
Yes, that's right I spent a significant part of my holiday in the sun waiting for my children to talk to their friends on msn via a web cam. Next year I'll go by myself and leave them at home with all their clicky finger gadgetry whilst I lie on my lounger drinking the wine I can afford gallons of because I don't have to fork out for their plane tickets. Everybody's happy.
Friday, 13 July 2007
Endings and beginnings
The Beautiful Baby Daughter has finished primary school, how old does that make me feel ? Never mind that she's only 10, that's the 3 school system for you. I was 12 when I went to high school and like all old ladies, I think everything was better in my day. In September she will join The Beautiful Son at middle school, and I cannot really convey to you his deep and profound joy at having his "tell mummy everything" little sister being with him, to help him behave in what she deems an appropriate way.
Also you can imagine Beautiful Eldest Daughter's deep and profound joy at being joined at her school by me ! As from September I will be teaching A level Health and Social Care part time at her school, I will get to know quite a lot of what is currently a mystery to me. Now there will be staff bulletins, staff meetings and me just generally being around....... excuse me while I throw back my head and laugh like a muskateer, oh what fun I'm going to have !!! All the " no one really bothers if your course work is late" and the " no one really goes to form time" type stuff is coming to an end.
Today I'm off to The Beautiful House with The Beautiful Children for a 2 week holiday, and I am conscious that next year BED will be 16 and may not want to come on holiday with us. This makes me conscious of how near it is for her to leave home and start her own adult life and of how much I will miss her when she goes. I can't believe how quickly the years have flown. I've no idea what next years summer holiday will bring but I await the next chapter with interest.
So, here's something I never say don't text me please, it costs me 30p to receive them and 48p to reply, I love you all dearly but after 6pm tonight I am officially incommunicado. Of course feel free to bombard me with love messages until 6pm but after that quiet please and I'll be back on the 28th July.
Also you can imagine Beautiful Eldest Daughter's deep and profound joy at being joined at her school by me ! As from September I will be teaching A level Health and Social Care part time at her school, I will get to know quite a lot of what is currently a mystery to me. Now there will be staff bulletins, staff meetings and me just generally being around....... excuse me while I throw back my head and laugh like a muskateer, oh what fun I'm going to have !!! All the " no one really bothers if your course work is late" and the " no one really goes to form time" type stuff is coming to an end.
Today I'm off to The Beautiful House with The Beautiful Children for a 2 week holiday, and I am conscious that next year BED will be 16 and may not want to come on holiday with us. This makes me conscious of how near it is for her to leave home and start her own adult life and of how much I will miss her when she goes. I can't believe how quickly the years have flown. I've no idea what next years summer holiday will bring but I await the next chapter with interest.
So, here's something I never say don't text me please, it costs me 30p to receive them and 48p to reply, I love you all dearly but after 6pm tonight I am officially incommunicado. Of course feel free to bombard me with love messages until 6pm but after that quiet please and I'll be back on the 28th July.
Monday, 9 July 2007
No dial tone
Last Wednesday or Black Wednesday as it will be forever known, we lost our internet connection. When you tried to log on, the message flashed up, no dial tone. I don't think I can convey to you the extreme terror and pain this has caused in our house. Beautiful eldest daughter has suffered the most as she has also no credit left on her phone and cannot text people, her poor fingers don't know what to do with themselves, it's like they're on holiday. I am absolutely sure that some people can withdraw from feckin heroin easier than BED having no virtual connection to people. She really cannot be by herself, she either has the matey boys within a 2 feet radius or she's on msn or texting.
I also have missed it, no emails or blogs but have a lovely morning in front of me now with all my catching up. Whilst I have been offline, I have been tagged by Lisa, the ubertalented over at 40 's singleness and my mission as I have chosen to accept is to provide you with some random facts about me. I also have to post the following rules
1 If you're tagged, you must post the rules
2 You post your 8 random facts
3 At the end of your blog, you tag someone else and they must post their random facts
4 You leave your chosen people a comment telling them they've been tagged
Okay, random facts
I love getting text messages and emails
I don't like pets - my poor children would love a rabbit or a dog, but selfishly I won't get them one
I don't eat meat, fish, poultry or eggs. If it had a mother or a face I avoid eating it.
I cry really easily
I have never been unfaithful
I am a bit obsessive about getting my laundry dried outside and hate using my tumble drier
I would love to go to Glastonbury or any big music festival but know I would struggle with the mud and the toilet facilities
I was a prefect at school despite being a punk
Okay, I will tag
Newfie
Lena
The Beautiful Man
I won't tag the Edge as he hates these ( see what a considerate friend I am ! ) and I can't tag Lisa as she's already done hers. I can't be clever and link you to their blogs but if you look for their comments on mine and click on them, that'll take you to them. I'll let TBM post on mine.
I also have missed it, no emails or blogs but have a lovely morning in front of me now with all my catching up. Whilst I have been offline, I have been tagged by Lisa, the ubertalented over at 40 's singleness and my mission as I have chosen to accept is to provide you with some random facts about me. I also have to post the following rules
1 If you're tagged, you must post the rules
2 You post your 8 random facts
3 At the end of your blog, you tag someone else and they must post their random facts
4 You leave your chosen people a comment telling them they've been tagged
Okay, random facts
I love getting text messages and emails
I don't like pets - my poor children would love a rabbit or a dog, but selfishly I won't get them one
I don't eat meat, fish, poultry or eggs. If it had a mother or a face I avoid eating it.
I cry really easily
I have never been unfaithful
I am a bit obsessive about getting my laundry dried outside and hate using my tumble drier
I would love to go to Glastonbury or any big music festival but know I would struggle with the mud and the toilet facilities
I was a prefect at school despite being a punk
Okay, I will tag
Newfie
Lena
The Beautiful Man
I won't tag the Edge as he hates these ( see what a considerate friend I am ! ) and I can't tag Lisa as she's already done hers. I can't be clever and link you to their blogs but if you look for their comments on mine and click on them, that'll take you to them. I'll let TBM post on mine.
Monday, 2 July 2007
Self absorbed, who, my daughters ?
This is a word for word text message I received from Beautiful Eldest Daughter -
" I'm in office ( for Newfie and Lisa , it's the name of a shoe shop), the shoes I can't have make me want to cry, I love you "
Glad to see the state of the economy, global warming, all the poverty, hunger and war in the world aren't troubling you too much then, honey.
Transcript of discussion between Beautiful Baby Daughter and I earlier today
BBD - what's for tea?
AG - pasta
BBD - I hate pasta, you are a remakably mean mummy if you make me eat it
AG - (after laughing uncontrollably for a bit) sweetie, you used to like pasta
BBD - people's tastes change - then a pause where she is thinking of playing the DIVORCE card, (she plays dirty in an argument), then thinks better of it, but looks pointedly at me and I know exactly what she's thinking
AG - pasta's good for you and we all like it except you
BBD - you wouldn't make Lara eat chicken
AG - Lara's a vegetarian, it's not the same thing
BBD - I'm a pastatarian, so you can't make me eat it
AG - I am making pasta for tea and you will eat it
BBD - It's your fault I don't like pasta, you made me, so you made me not like pasta
AG - Don't worry, honey I know everything's my fault
BBD - You're grounded
Not for nothing is she also known as Little Miss Last Word, and she always has to be right, so I can't quite decide whether my BBD will end up either running the country or in jail. It's a close call.
Whilst this argument was in full flow I was emailing someone who I felt would be giving me a little sympathy but all I got was " well done for raising such a determined and influential young lady, I am soooo proud of you " , again darling, thank you for your understanding , just remember you might need my sympathy at some point !!!!
Whilst I've been blogging this, BBD has taken matters into her own hands and has very quietly raided the freezer and has made her own dinner, a true culinary delight of cocktail sausages that were left over from Xmas and oven chips !!!! Game,set and match to her.
Okay, it's official, she'll be running the country by the time she's 12 !!!
" I'm in office ( for Newfie and Lisa , it's the name of a shoe shop), the shoes I can't have make me want to cry, I love you "
Glad to see the state of the economy, global warming, all the poverty, hunger and war in the world aren't troubling you too much then, honey.
Transcript of discussion between Beautiful Baby Daughter and I earlier today
BBD - what's for tea?
AG - pasta
BBD - I hate pasta, you are a remakably mean mummy if you make me eat it
AG - (after laughing uncontrollably for a bit) sweetie, you used to like pasta
BBD - people's tastes change - then a pause where she is thinking of playing the DIVORCE card, (she plays dirty in an argument), then thinks better of it, but looks pointedly at me and I know exactly what she's thinking
AG - pasta's good for you and we all like it except you
BBD - you wouldn't make Lara eat chicken
AG - Lara's a vegetarian, it's not the same thing
BBD - I'm a pastatarian, so you can't make me eat it
AG - I am making pasta for tea and you will eat it
BBD - It's your fault I don't like pasta, you made me, so you made me not like pasta
AG - Don't worry, honey I know everything's my fault
BBD - You're grounded
Not for nothing is she also known as Little Miss Last Word, and she always has to be right, so I can't quite decide whether my BBD will end up either running the country or in jail. It's a close call.
Whilst this argument was in full flow I was emailing someone who I felt would be giving me a little sympathy but all I got was " well done for raising such a determined and influential young lady, I am soooo proud of you " , again darling, thank you for your understanding , just remember you might need my sympathy at some point !!!!
Whilst I've been blogging this, BBD has taken matters into her own hands and has very quietly raided the freezer and has made her own dinner, a true culinary delight of cocktail sausages that were left over from Xmas and oven chips !!!! Game,set and match to her.
Okay, it's official, she'll be running the country by the time she's 12 !!!
Saturday, 30 June 2007
New Improved Version
Let me start by saying that I'm really okay with being 40 and soon to be 41, honest I'm really good.However there is nothing like having a 15 year old daughter to bring it back to you how old you really are getting.
The Beautiful eldest daughter really is beautiful, everywhere she goes she is surrounded by a cloud of testosterone and lynx body spray, I no longer have to clean my wooden floors as the drool from the male matey boys who worship her does it for me. She is permanently accompanied by at least 2 of the 4 boys who are her groupies.
Her look of indie/emo/been at the dressing up box/got dressed in the dark/gothy type thing seems to be a modern version of my punk 15 year old self. She listens to what I listened to at 15, is loving discovering old punk bands but also loves what I would call the up to date version of punk. She has the same just got out of bed messed up black hair, black eyeliner, black nailpolish etc that I had too. She is gutted that I didn't keep my clothes from being 15 but she uses my old photos to try and make her own version of my look.
However she has a poise and confidence that took me another 20 years to accomplish ( quite frankly I don't always manage it ! ! ) and seems to take the male adoration as a given. She just treats these boys on a ok, you think I'm great, I'm not going to date any of you, but very happy to have you around me type way. There is no side to her, no flirting or bitchiness and everyone wants to be with her. How the hell did she get to be that self assured ? at this young age ? I know grown up women who still fret over every word spoken to them and analyse every text message for hidden meaning. Her myspace photos have people commenting like crazy.
Jokingly I said to the whole gang that she should get all the boys t shirts that say " Team Lara" and thay all thought that was a fab idea and they're going to get them printed on black t shirts with hot pink "Team Lara" on the front and "I heart lara" on the back !!!!!
There you have it, the new improved version of me
The Beautiful eldest daughter really is beautiful, everywhere she goes she is surrounded by a cloud of testosterone and lynx body spray, I no longer have to clean my wooden floors as the drool from the male matey boys who worship her does it for me. She is permanently accompanied by at least 2 of the 4 boys who are her groupies.
Her look of indie/emo/been at the dressing up box/got dressed in the dark/gothy type thing seems to be a modern version of my punk 15 year old self. She listens to what I listened to at 15, is loving discovering old punk bands but also loves what I would call the up to date version of punk. She has the same just got out of bed messed up black hair, black eyeliner, black nailpolish etc that I had too. She is gutted that I didn't keep my clothes from being 15 but she uses my old photos to try and make her own version of my look.
However she has a poise and confidence that took me another 20 years to accomplish ( quite frankly I don't always manage it ! ! ) and seems to take the male adoration as a given. She just treats these boys on a ok, you think I'm great, I'm not going to date any of you, but very happy to have you around me type way. There is no side to her, no flirting or bitchiness and everyone wants to be with her. How the hell did she get to be that self assured ? at this young age ? I know grown up women who still fret over every word spoken to them and analyse every text message for hidden meaning. Her myspace photos have people commenting like crazy.
Jokingly I said to the whole gang that she should get all the boys t shirts that say " Team Lara" and thay all thought that was a fab idea and they're going to get them printed on black t shirts with hot pink "Team Lara" on the front and "I heart lara" on the back !!!!!
There you have it, the new improved version of me
Wednesday, 27 June 2007
The Perfect Tuesday
Yesterday I started my day with kisses, actually I start every day with kisses, it is to be thoroughly recommended.
My day continued on it's happy way with some v nice text messages, which I love getting.
My day included kissing and hugging some scrumptious babies at what I laughingly call work.
It proceeded very nicely to Starbucks with the beautiful friend Susan, with cinnamon dolce lattes and the soft seats, score !!! On a slightly down note there were no cinnamon swirls but we made do, no complaints.
I managed to book very cheap flights for the beautiful children and I to go to the beautiful house in Turkey for 2 weeks, I'm so excited as we go in 2 weeks time.
My very beautiful and talented bloggy friend Lisa, gave me an award on her blog, I love Lisa and if I was in anyway as talented and technological as her I would link you to her site but I can't but I love her and thank her.
There were no major tears, tantrums or dramas in the post school period, which is always a distinct possibility.
Dinner went without complaint, partly because as things were going so well, in my inate wisdom I decided not to push my luck - ie in providing food that contains vitamins and can be construed as healthy but instead to provide pizza and garlic doughballs ( from Pizza Express) for the beautiful children as it's one of the few things they will eat collectively without moaning.
I had the most perfect evening, which ended at midnight in the same way my day began.
How good was that ? How lucky am I ? I hope you have a perfect Tuesday or any perfect day of your own soon.
My day continued on it's happy way with some v nice text messages, which I love getting.
My day included kissing and hugging some scrumptious babies at what I laughingly call work.
It proceeded very nicely to Starbucks with the beautiful friend Susan, with cinnamon dolce lattes and the soft seats, score !!! On a slightly down note there were no cinnamon swirls but we made do, no complaints.
I managed to book very cheap flights for the beautiful children and I to go to the beautiful house in Turkey for 2 weeks, I'm so excited as we go in 2 weeks time.
My very beautiful and talented bloggy friend Lisa, gave me an award on her blog, I love Lisa and if I was in anyway as talented and technological as her I would link you to her site but I can't but I love her and thank her.
There were no major tears, tantrums or dramas in the post school period, which is always a distinct possibility.
Dinner went without complaint, partly because as things were going so well, in my inate wisdom I decided not to push my luck - ie in providing food that contains vitamins and can be construed as healthy but instead to provide pizza and garlic doughballs ( from Pizza Express) for the beautiful children as it's one of the few things they will eat collectively without moaning.
I had the most perfect evening, which ended at midnight in the same way my day began.
How good was that ? How lucky am I ? I hope you have a perfect Tuesday or any perfect day of your own soon.
Saturday, 23 June 2007
The Beautiful Children
This week my littlest 2 people have been very loving towards me. My Beautiful Baby Daughter wrote me a letter telling me how much she loves me ( which makes a nice change from the full 3 verses and the disco chorus of what a mean mummy I am !!!)
Not to be outdone, The Beautiful Son wrote me a poem, yes, really a poem, telling me how much he loves me.
So as I showed off these treasures very proudly to Beautiful Eldest Daughter, she looked at them with her usual disdain and said " Oh crap, will you be expecting something from me ? "
Oh no darling, I know how busy you are tormenting the local teenage boys with your utter gorgeousness and uber coolness. That's a full time job for you, sweetie.
Not to be outdone, The Beautiful Son wrote me a poem, yes, really a poem, telling me how much he loves me.
So as I showed off these treasures very proudly to Beautiful Eldest Daughter, she looked at them with her usual disdain and said " Oh crap, will you be expecting something from me ? "
Oh no darling, I know how busy you are tormenting the local teenage boys with your utter gorgeousness and uber coolness. That's a full time job for you, sweetie.
Monday, 18 June 2007
Mo Chridhe
Today was The Beautiful Son's 12th birthday. How can I articulate to you what a really sweet and kind boy he is and how much this child means to me. He is the most empathetic little soul and has a calmness and gentleness in him that is a complete contrast to his usual rugby playing, jackass video making, mad as a box of frogs daily behaviour. He seems to sense if I'm feeling down and will lie beside me just hugging me and I really do feel comforted just by his presence.
Of all my children he seems to need my physical presence and if I'm with him he needs to be physically attached to me, my friends all laugh that I wear him like a scarf. From when he was the tiniest baby, he would hold my hair and twist it around his fingers and he still does that today. He has to be kissed awake every morning and I know soon that he will want to stop that just as he will stop holding my hand or hugging me. I have always called him Small Boy even though now he is the same size as me and he calls me Marmee. No matter how big he gets I will still see the small boy in him and I will always be his Marmee.
He is my beautiful son and I love him. He also is my heart, Mo chridhe
Sunday, 17 June 2007
Fathers Day
Once upon a time there was a small boy, he was quiet and lacking in confidence, he was the youngest of 4 boys and he felt that his older brothers had fulfilled every role, there was a clever one, a cool but naughty one and a very good one. The youngest was just an ordinary boy, one who struggled for a role to fill. He wasn't especially sporty so he was thrilled when he got to be in his Boy's Brigade football team, so it was a HUGE deal for him when they got into the cup final. One of his elder brothers ( the good one) was there to see that team win the cup final and to see the little brother get presented his medal by a football player who played for Rangers, the team he loved. When he got home after the match, he very excitedly showed the medal to his Dad, who was in the middle of having a shave, his dad turned around and said " Very good son, well done " turned back and finished having his shave. How crushed was that little boy.
As an adult, that little boy after having a few beers, would tell that story in a very poignant way and wonder why his Dad wasn't there cheering him on and watching every second of that cup final. It really affected him as an adult. It made me see the small boy that remained in him and made me determined to make up for his early years and for me to love him enough to make it all better.
When the little boy grew up he was lucky enough to have a son of his own, his only son who was born quite perfectly on Father's Day and although he didn't articulate it, I knew that as he watched that baby he was vowing to always be there for his son in a way that he felt his own father wasn't for him.
Now his little boy is the same age as he was then and he also is not especially sporty but has also been thrilled to be picked for his school rugby team. Last week he was invited to a huge award ceremony, all the teachers had dressed up in tuxedo's and Paralympic silver medal winning swimmer Fiona Neal was there to present the prizes. The son went on that stage to proudly collect his certificate for being part of the success of the rugby team. He was cheered and clapped by his mother and his sisters who recognized what a huge deal it was for him and were crying with the excitement and the pride of him.
Where was his Dad ? He chose not to come to this award ceremony as he had to be at a function with his new girlfriend.
That father is perplexed and feeling very sorry for himself that his son doesn't want to see him today on Fathers Day or tomorrow on what is The Beautiful Son's 12 th birthday. Will he see the parallel in the situation of the 2 boys ? I sincerely doubt it
My beautiful son, I hope will be ok because he has known every day of his life how much I love him and how clever, handsome, funny and unique he is because I have told him so every day of his life and will continue to do so and because I have always been there for him and always will be.
The end
As an adult, that little boy after having a few beers, would tell that story in a very poignant way and wonder why his Dad wasn't there cheering him on and watching every second of that cup final. It really affected him as an adult. It made me see the small boy that remained in him and made me determined to make up for his early years and for me to love him enough to make it all better.
When the little boy grew up he was lucky enough to have a son of his own, his only son who was born quite perfectly on Father's Day and although he didn't articulate it, I knew that as he watched that baby he was vowing to always be there for his son in a way that he felt his own father wasn't for him.
Now his little boy is the same age as he was then and he also is not especially sporty but has also been thrilled to be picked for his school rugby team. Last week he was invited to a huge award ceremony, all the teachers had dressed up in tuxedo's and Paralympic silver medal winning swimmer Fiona Neal was there to present the prizes. The son went on that stage to proudly collect his certificate for being part of the success of the rugby team. He was cheered and clapped by his mother and his sisters who recognized what a huge deal it was for him and were crying with the excitement and the pride of him.
Where was his Dad ? He chose not to come to this award ceremony as he had to be at a function with his new girlfriend.
That father is perplexed and feeling very sorry for himself that his son doesn't want to see him today on Fathers Day or tomorrow on what is The Beautiful Son's 12 th birthday. Will he see the parallel in the situation of the 2 boys ? I sincerely doubt it
My beautiful son, I hope will be ok because he has known every day of his life how much I love him and how clever, handsome, funny and unique he is because I have told him so every day of his life and will continue to do so and because I have always been there for him and always will be.
The end
Thursday, 14 June 2007
Man in training
After being out for the evening, when I was going up to bed I noticed that The Beautiful Son's light was shining under his door. Thinking he'd fallen asleep with the light on, I went in to switch it off. TBS was sitting on his floor, completely filthy, looking absolutely knackered and playing on his xbox. I asked him why he was still up at quarter to 11 and he replied " No one told me to go to bed "
How long would he have stayed up ? All night ?
Then I had a bit of a moan about his mud covered legs all over the cream carpet and asked him why he hadn't got washed. His reply " No one ran me a bath"
So there you have it, a man in training, completely incapable of self care or independent thought.
How long would he have stayed up ? All night ?
Then I had a bit of a moan about his mud covered legs all over the cream carpet and asked him why he hadn't got washed. His reply " No one ran me a bath"
So there you have it, a man in training, completely incapable of self care or independent thought.
Tuesday, 12 June 2007
Things I can't see the point of
Wasps
Paris Hilton ( unless you take the view of she's there to make all people feel clever and/or talented)
Government reports on anything
Arguing with the Beautiful Baby Daughter, it's completely futile ( not for nothing is she also known as Little Miss Last Word)
Mr Bean
Breast enhancers ( things like padded bras or the chicken fillety type things you put down your bra, do you think he won't notice your breasts are significantly smaller when you take your bra off or at what point in the proceedings do you get rid of the fillets and where do you put them ?!?!)
Very expensive anti wrinkle creams - they won't work, spend the money on new shoes and a bottle of the red stuff, you'll feel SO much better
Stamp duty
Committee meetings, no one ever collectively and democratically decides things, 1 person has their own agenda and steamrollers others into agreeing, which they do because they're bored to feck and just want to escape to the pub
Jeremy Clarkson
The Guardian ( and it's readers)
Paris Hilton ( unless you take the view of she's there to make all people feel clever and/or talented)
Government reports on anything
Arguing with the Beautiful Baby Daughter, it's completely futile ( not for nothing is she also known as Little Miss Last Word)
Mr Bean
Breast enhancers ( things like padded bras or the chicken fillety type things you put down your bra, do you think he won't notice your breasts are significantly smaller when you take your bra off or at what point in the proceedings do you get rid of the fillets and where do you put them ?!?!)
Very expensive anti wrinkle creams - they won't work, spend the money on new shoes and a bottle of the red stuff, you'll feel SO much better
Stamp duty
Committee meetings, no one ever collectively and democratically decides things, 1 person has their own agenda and steamrollers others into agreeing, which they do because they're bored to feck and just want to escape to the pub
Jeremy Clarkson
The Guardian ( and it's readers)
Thursday, 7 June 2007
20 constants from being 20
I still secretly fancy Billy Connolly and Robbie Coltrane
I continue to read avidly, at least 6 books a week
I will still avoid doing anything if there is an opportunity to sunbathe
I still drive too fast and with my music way too loud, some of the music remains the same as when I was 15 never mind 20
I continue to get stressy if I think I am going to be late, which is most of the time, punctuality remains a problem
I am yet to understand how the Clyde tunnel works ( if it goes under the river, where is the water, why can't I see it ? I understand the theory of tunnels, but the actuality of that one still bemuses me because I can't see any feckin water nearby )
I still think that (after I've had a few) that I could be a stand up comedian
I strongly continue to believe in Karma
My favourite treat remains a Fab ice lolly
I am still feckin studying ( when will that stop ? )
I haven't learned to cook yet
I am still really untidy
I still think I've got a bit of a wild child inside me
I am the same weight as I was at 20 but a smaller jeans size ( labels are getting bigger ladies, sorry !)
I still don't believe any politicians but continue to vote as a tribute to the woman who died for my right to be able to
I continue to think that men have an easier life than women, my own life experiences have kind of cemented that view point
I still miss my Grampa and think he was the best
I continue to love travelling, exploring new places and going on holiday
I still think of my first love Ospur as the one who got away, no change from being 15 there either
I am still alive, still healthy, still happy and still really, really grateful for my beautiful life
I continue to read avidly, at least 6 books a week
I will still avoid doing anything if there is an opportunity to sunbathe
I still drive too fast and with my music way too loud, some of the music remains the same as when I was 15 never mind 20
I continue to get stressy if I think I am going to be late, which is most of the time, punctuality remains a problem
I am yet to understand how the Clyde tunnel works ( if it goes under the river, where is the water, why can't I see it ? I understand the theory of tunnels, but the actuality of that one still bemuses me because I can't see any feckin water nearby )
I still think that (after I've had a few) that I could be a stand up comedian
I strongly continue to believe in Karma
My favourite treat remains a Fab ice lolly
I am still feckin studying ( when will that stop ? )
I haven't learned to cook yet
I am still really untidy
I still think I've got a bit of a wild child inside me
I am the same weight as I was at 20 but a smaller jeans size ( labels are getting bigger ladies, sorry !)
I still don't believe any politicians but continue to vote as a tribute to the woman who died for my right to be able to
I continue to think that men have an easier life than women, my own life experiences have kind of cemented that view point
I still miss my Grampa and think he was the best
I continue to love travelling, exploring new places and going on holiday
I still think of my first love Ospur as the one who got away, no change from being 15 there either
I am still alive, still healthy, still happy and still really, really grateful for my beautiful life
Tuesday, 5 June 2007
20 differences from being 20
I like to get home after a night out on the same day that I left
My alcohol intake is measured in glasses not bottles
I can now quite happily leave a party or evening out early if I'm not enjoying myself
I will sometimes drive to and from a night out
I no longer think that a night out starting with a meal is a waste of money and valuable drinking time
I only eat cereal at breakfast
I prefer quality over quantity ( in all things)
I would prefer Starbucks to any bar
I pay my credit card bill in full every month
I like to be in bed by 10pm as opposed to going out at 10pm
I am now a brilliant guest, I will show up on time, bring flowers, chocolates and wine, I will compliment effusively and help clear up as opposed to arriving 3 hours late, already twisted drunk and be very pleased with myself when I make it to your loo to vomit
My underwear criteria has changed from being clean to being clean, matching and gorgeous
I now teach the classes that bored the 20 year old me to death
I now know that my 20 year old self really wasn't too shabby and the 40 year old version is pretty good too
I now voluntarily run as opposed to running for buses or to avoid people
I look after my body and skin at 40 in a desperate attempt at damage limitation due to being 20
Occassionally I can argue calmly, cohesively and get my point across without shouting and bursting into tears
I can now apologise and accept blame
I can now love someone truly, unreservedly and unselfishly
I will no longer fake anything, if I'm not enjoying, you'll know about it
My alcohol intake is measured in glasses not bottles
I can now quite happily leave a party or evening out early if I'm not enjoying myself
I will sometimes drive to and from a night out
I no longer think that a night out starting with a meal is a waste of money and valuable drinking time
I only eat cereal at breakfast
I prefer quality over quantity ( in all things)
I would prefer Starbucks to any bar
I pay my credit card bill in full every month
I like to be in bed by 10pm as opposed to going out at 10pm
I am now a brilliant guest, I will show up on time, bring flowers, chocolates and wine, I will compliment effusively and help clear up as opposed to arriving 3 hours late, already twisted drunk and be very pleased with myself when I make it to your loo to vomit
My underwear criteria has changed from being clean to being clean, matching and gorgeous
I now teach the classes that bored the 20 year old me to death
I now know that my 20 year old self really wasn't too shabby and the 40 year old version is pretty good too
I now voluntarily run as opposed to running for buses or to avoid people
I look after my body and skin at 40 in a desperate attempt at damage limitation due to being 20
Occassionally I can argue calmly, cohesively and get my point across without shouting and bursting into tears
I can now apologise and accept blame
I can now love someone truly, unreservedly and unselfishly
I will no longer fake anything, if I'm not enjoying, you'll know about it
Thursday, 31 May 2007
What I did on my visit to The Mother Country
Arrived back safely from the Mother Country. Had a good time as always, the beautiful parents are well as is the beautiful sister and her family. Had a very squiffy night out in Edinburgh on Saturday, your auntie had FOUR glasses of the red falling down stuff, visited some fave old haunts including The Living Room and some new ones Tiger Lily and a really lovely Thai restaurant called Ducit's. I had to have a fairly quiet day on Sunday to recover from the 4 glass Saturday however, I am such a wuss.
I have spent SO much money again, my credit card bill was so bad I couldn't even blog it this month. Splurges have included a mini meltdown in White Stuff, fabulous, fabulous high heeled wedges (2 pairs) in a shop I have just discovered in Glasgow called Aldo, white jeans ala Liz Hurley, 8 books, 2 new handbags and I managed to get my hands on the sold out, it's so hot you'd swop your granny for it Protect and Perfect serum. Serious shopping indeed.
The real big spend is my new mobile telephone, it is very very what splendid and the Eldest Beautiful Daughter is tres tres jealous. It does everything except bring you a cup of tea in the morning. EBD keeps muttering on that I only ring 3 people a month and I text like a granny, so what is the point of me having such a sexy phone. Today I watched a slide show of the beautiful children, surfed the internet on it AND downloaded the Sex and the City theme tune as my ring tone, how good is that ? Auntie Gwen's cup of happiness runneth over.
A big thank you to all my friends and family who made the time to see me and if you didn't make time to see me, then shame on you.
I have spent SO much money again, my credit card bill was so bad I couldn't even blog it this month. Splurges have included a mini meltdown in White Stuff, fabulous, fabulous high heeled wedges (2 pairs) in a shop I have just discovered in Glasgow called Aldo, white jeans ala Liz Hurley, 8 books, 2 new handbags and I managed to get my hands on the sold out, it's so hot you'd swop your granny for it Protect and Perfect serum. Serious shopping indeed.
The real big spend is my new mobile telephone, it is very very what splendid and the Eldest Beautiful Daughter is tres tres jealous. It does everything except bring you a cup of tea in the morning. EBD keeps muttering on that I only ring 3 people a month and I text like a granny, so what is the point of me having such a sexy phone. Today I watched a slide show of the beautiful children, surfed the internet on it AND downloaded the Sex and the City theme tune as my ring tone, how good is that ? Auntie Gwen's cup of happiness runneth over.
A big thank you to all my friends and family who made the time to see me and if you didn't make time to see me, then shame on you.
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