Wednesday 24 June 2009

auntiegwens guide of what not to do lesson 2 - How not to upset people.

Lesson 2 in my handy hints to life guide

Do not forget your niece's birthday, this will annoy your sister. It cuts no ice that you have 3 jobs and are bringing 3 kids up by yourself and your niece's birthday is not top of your list of priorities, your sister will still be annoyed.

If you get 2 free tickets to go see the new film "My Sister's Keeper" do not choose to take 1 of your daughters. It matters not a jot that you took the other one to the free showing of "27 Dresses" and it's the other daughters turn. It also appears not to matter that it is in fact one of Eldest Beautiful daughters favourite books. Beautiful Baby Daughter will still be pissed.

It is unwise to mention that for the £5 you spent buying ingredients you could have bought a really nice cheesecake from Marks and Spencer. This will make The Beautiful Son feel irritated, it's not like he chooses to make cakes is it? He goes to school, gets told what to do, comes home gets moaned at, just like me, you'd think I'd undertand. The cheesecake was in fact delish.

When EBD's friend Phil comes to visit you and he on arival he says "I know EBD's not in, I've come to see you" (that seriously perplexes me, he comes to see me every visit home from uni, why ? ) It's fine to ask how his course is going (geology at Manchester) fine to ask about field trips (Devon and France) fine to ask about gigs (Download, Prodigy were amazing as were Slipknot apparently) but not fine to ask how his girlfriend is (glued to the hip for past 3 years) the glue's become undone, in a big way. Oops.

Best not to schedule a haircut after you've given yourself a "nice wee rinse" This will not escape your hairdresser's notice. This may annoy her and may explain why she's cut so much feckin hair off when you asked for a wee trim.


Madame DeFarge said...

Life is such a minefield. You are a modern Debrett's to guide our way unharmed. I am thankful to have you in our midst.

softinthehead said...

Wot!! Still no pics - I am really intrigued now:) That's how life is with teenagers. there is never a win-win situation - just loads of strop!! Of course I am saying all of this very sympathetically:)

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Oh I made the same error with my barnet three weeks ago. I thought I could get away with popping a wash-in-wash-out rinse through it just to tide me over. Well, feck me, the mahogany colour turned out carrot red/orange when I normall have a dark colour with a hint of red in it to add depth. Such was my horror at this development I did not venture from the house more than twice until I could get to the hairdressers to get it toned down. She was non too impressed at my eejit antics and let me know about it. I felt about five years old and well told off for being such a bampot glaikit numpty. I looked like Sideshow Bob for Christ sake and for two weeks there were two things that could be spotted from space - the great wall of China and my effing hairdo.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Shirley said...

See, that's what I like about you, AG -- you're such a quick learner. And you willingly share your wisdom with those of us who learn slower. :-)

Working Mum said...


Although, what about your sister? If anyone forgets my daughter's birthday, I think it's great, she loves getting late presents when everything else has been opened and played with!

DAB said...

You have truly made me just wet my knickers with laughter after reading those two lessons. I can't wait for Lesson 3.

(Methinks Auntiegwen should be writing a book)TFx

Nota Bene said...

Yes how dreadful of you to forget a birthday!

(That's a hint)

auntiegwen said...

Madame - selfless to the core, that's me

Sofie- somedays it is very hard to be the mummy of teenagers, somedays it is very hard to be the teacher of teenagers, it's very unfair of God to make me do both, I feel.

Mob - yep, sat there with the cape on and they eyeball you in the mirror and say in that tone "What happened here then ?" and they have that smirk, ah yes, sadly, I know it well

Shirley - you know me, the milk of human kindness runs through my veins, especially after a double lesson with my bloody year 12 btecs

WM - she can just get over herself, if I had 2 kids that were at school and no job I would remember peoples birthdays, I'd probably mark them on a real orgainsed mummy calendar

TF - ah bless, like I always say my life is feckin hilarious if you don't have to live it

NB - I know, I'll be there, with a card and a feckin cake, you've got a cheek, you don't even send your own mother an on time birthday card and I haven't even forgotten yours yet