Friday, 5 June 2009

I am waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too hungover for this.

Last night I was an extremely naughty girl teacher. I was drunkety, drunk, drunk

Last night I drank

3 glasses of rose
1 glass of red
and I think 2 glasses of champagne (that'd be what did it)

I was at a quiz evening at school, rock n roll eh ? You should see what I turn down!! (toilet paper party in London, anyone ?)

Anyway, I'm at this quiz night, getting fairly fizzled, then I got fairly flirty with one of the biology teachers purely because he won a box of celebrations. He was going to take them home unopened and it became a sort of personal challenge to see if he'd give me a malteser (not a euphemism) and he did.

I got home and went straight to bed, only 1 round of drunken flirty texting and when they rang me 5 mins after the text I was asleep.

But this morning it feels like I have unleashed hell. I feel truly dreadful. I had to take my car to get serviced, normally I run home from the garage, today I walked home so slowly I was lapped by a pensioner using her shopping trolley as a walking aid, she spoke to me and I had no clue, not a notion as to what she said.

Further up the road I saw a woman in her mid to late 50's who looked like I felt, actually I probably looked like that too, she was a peculiar colour and had hair like a bird's nest. She was dressed in a style that had care in the community stamped all over it and she was wearing a disposable lighter on a cord around her neck. She had poked a camera through a hedge and was taking photos of someones garden.

As I am trying to assemble and process this information I turn the corner onto my street, and I see an elderly Chinese lady in pink floral pyjamas, black mens socks and shoes power walking, yep, power walking, the one where it looks like your arse is chewing a caramel. You couldn't make it up.

It is official, I live in Bonkerstown. I'm going back to bed.

12 comments:

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Love the likeness to looking and feeling like a bag lady! Champagne does it to me every time, hence the reason I don't touch the stuff. I'd be better drinking WD40 for less of a hangover.

Yer a minx, making him hand you over his Malteser! Water, Amdrews Liver Salts and a good puke often aids recovery! X Oh and a fry-up!

Nota Bene said...

yer drunken tart...you'd never get me doing that....erm

Anyway I thought it was Rolos that were the sign of true love?

lisaq said...

Haha...wine hangovers are the worst! I think I definitely need to make a trip across the pond just to take a walk around your neighborhood!

Shirley said...

"arse chewing a caramel . . ." ahahahaha Thank you, sister, for the full-fledged belly laugh!

scrappysue said...

last night i had a cosmopolitan, a whiskey sour, an illusion, and one other cocktail whose name i can't remember.

(two for one at a local bar)

that was me you saw power walking this morning.....

Neil said...

Feck all that drink stuff... more importantly, did you win the bloody quiz???

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

The secret is to drink only champagne, dahling! If only. M xx
PS. Feel better soon.

Penelope said...

That's a fair bit of booze by your standards Missy! Merely a drop in the Ocean for an old lush like me, of course! ;o)
I'm rather disappointed that I missed out on the dodgy neighbours when I was there! Must go back soon ;o) xxx

DutchBitch said...

Last night I drank

3 glasses of rose
1 glass of red
and I think 2 glasses of champagne (that'd be what did it)


Ha! Lightweight! ;)

And the Bonkerstown stuff... you sure you were not still asleep in an alcohol induced daze?

Dusty Spider said...

You always make me laugh, what a tonic you are. xxxx

Katie said...

Champagne gets me every time - which isn't to say I can afford to guzzle champagne constantly. If only...

auntiegwen said...

Mob - it's a look I seem to be able to pull off nae bother at all !!! sadly x

NB - I am your friend, I will not make smart arse remarks, I am your friend, I will not make smart arse remarks, I seem to have to say that a lot !!!!!

Lisa - you're very welcome, you can see if British men are very different to merrycan ones

Shirley - I think I pinched that from the great Billy Connolly

Sue - I wanna come live in NZ, I'd fit right in x

Neil - hello to the most competitive man in the world, no I didn't but I'll say it again and I'll keep saying it to you competitive types get it, it's not the winning, it's the taking part xxxx x

M - I think you are so right, pink champagne obviously dahling !!! How you live down south !!! xx

Penelope - yep, it was but I felt really awful for the whole of the next day ! xxx

Dutchy - yep, I am a self confessed lightweight and maybe it was a alcohol induced dream but the garage bill for the car was real, sadly !

Flick - oh yep my life is gas entertaining if you don't have to live it !

Katie - oh I keep reading about how cosmopolitan Glasgow is, I'm sure there's plenty of neds who have champagne cocktails in their Kappa trackies !