Thursday 22 April 2010

Ranty auntie, the return.

Did you need a BIG HUGE MIDDLE AGE WOMAN ALERT in capitals for emphasis or could you get there all by yourself by the title?

More than one thing that's making me annoyed, I'm afraid, you knew you'd have to pay for all that gratuitous kilt porn, didn't you? In no particular order...

Beautiful Baby Daughter/Carbon Footprint Nazi has taken sulking in her bedroom to Olympic standard. It has been accompanied by alternate cross and shouty screaming and passive aggressive face pulling. The BBD has been grounded causing the majority of the sulking. Chez auntiegwen grounded means no playing out and no computer time. Reason for grounding is for wearing mascara to school. I don't like her wearing make up anyway but school rules forbid it. No matter what rules the school has and they have many, even if I think it's a stupid and pointless rule, again I think her school have many, if it's there I will expect my child to uphold it. I am not swayed by her arguments that some of the girls at her school are orange and wear false eyelashes (sounds like a training school for drag artistes rather than a boringly suburban middle school) I'm sure she feels I'm being unreasonable for her bit of mascara but rules are rules.

The family meeting to discuss Oreo's pissed me off somewhat too. This was the idea of Eldest Beautiful Daughter. Not one of her better ones. Sainsburys have had Oreo's on special offer, I bought lots, EBD didn't get to eat lots. Too much effort to get cross and shouty, low level pissed off, ergo moan at family time not even very cunningly disguised as a family discussion. I don't even like Oreos and have eaten none, The Beautiful Son's protestations had a ring of truth about them, he fessed up to a snack pack of 4. This left 4 snack packs total 16 biscuits unaccounted for, I know you're riveted by the thrills that go on in my life, what can I say? happy to share. More discussion found a 6 pack of wagon wheels gone too, all gone in 3 days. Culprit found to be BBD, sulking needs a ferocious amount of biscuits to fuel apparently. This lead to more discussion about sharing, not eating too much crap, The Beautiful Son asking if she got really fat could her roll her down a hill, EBD and TBS saying she'll end up 23 stone and they'd have to feed her wagon wheels on the end of long pointy sticks because they couldn't reach her, Hot Boy adding she'd have to wear control pants like his sister leading to cross shouty leaving of room, door slamming and crying in bedroom. Poor poor BBD. I'm pleased no one brought up the broken garden table of last weekend.

Flight booking is rather tedious at present. I apologize in advance to anyone reading this who's been stranded and having a crap time or has had their holiday cancelled or lost money because of the hurdygurdystrangename volcano. My sister who thought she was going to Cyprus yesterday found out she's now going to Lanzarote on May 20th, fair play. I need to get to Turkey in June for a week with 1 child and then I need to go again for another week in October with the other 2. I know tough life. The complete inability to decide or compromise over our holiday means going to the villa in October half term with only the 2 youngest as EBD will be at uni and have no half term break, so she and I will pop over in June as we have a spare week and her A levels will be finished.

When you see a flight, the price quoted seems to have no real correlation to what they take off your credit card. They just seem to put a random bunch of numbers up and hope for the best. I am charged extra for using a card to pay despite I can only use a card to pay, there is no facility for me to feed ten pound notes into my laptop.

I have also been charged for and I don't even begin to understand it
UK Departure Tax: 33.00
Passenger Service Charge: 31.68
Fuel Surcharge: 96.00
ChargeCode TDT, TicketCode TR (DLM-LTN): 40.50

See, just random numbers.

I have no wish to take your travel insurance, I have my own thank you, a year long policy that covers us all and still costs less than your one trip wonder. I laugh at the thought of paying £10 per person for a meal, come on.

They charge me stupid amounts of money to take a suitcase. How very unreasonable of me to take a suitcase on my holiday, I've a good mind to turn up wearing a weeks worth of clothes and have done with it.

I'm simply not prepared to pay £7.50 per person each way to choose my seat, you slyly tell me I may not be able to sit with my beloved and so easy to travel with teenagers. This would only add £45 to the cost of my flight. I decline, I'm sure it would be much better for me and each child to sit seperately for the 4 hour flight. I'm sure your other passenegrs would agree than low level bickering is not an enhancement to the start of their holiday. I feel I've now got a bargain, 4 hours without the she said he said, ipod in, good book, Christ I think I would pay £45 to ensure we do sit seperately.

I'd like it much better if it was how it used to be, they told me how much, I paid, I turned up with a suitcase and a passport, they didn't complain that my lip gloss wasn't in a plastic bag and therefore causing a huge threat to national security and I got on the plane.

I've been awake since 2am, this is not good, it's now 5 past 4 and I'm going to try and get some sleep before I wake up at 5, which is still far too early.


Shirley said...

Now THIS is the real life of a mother of teenagers! I can match you story for story (with the exception of the trips to Turkey), even the awake-at-o'dark-thirty-when-I-desperately-need-sleep part. Some parts of life are definitely more fun than others.

auntiegwen said...

Shirley - ah yes, horrible teenager top trumps, the game every parent can play

Ayak said...

Thank goodness my kids' teenage years are long past...I do sympathise.

Now as far as air tickets are concerned...oh don't get me started! I'm totally with you on everything you've annoys the hell out of me. At the moment I am having a battle with Expedia, with whom I booked my Turkish Airlines tickets. I will be refunded (in up to 90 days!!) for my cancelled flight on 18th April but they are saying only taxes will be refunded for my cancellation of 2nd May return flight...even though Turkish Airlines have agreed to refund flights up to 31st May!
Gwen...don't use Expedia...I'm advising everyone to steer clear of them. They are pulling a fast one here. I have used them for years with no problems but apart from this recent issue I have heard some more horror stories from others recently.
Oh...and when I checked their website for flights in sign of flights with Turkish Airlines, but flights to England using a mixture of airlines including Aeroflot and Alitalia, involving a journey of 17 hours!

auntiegwen said...

Ayak - thanks for that, going with Monarch this time. Flown with Turkish Air, Pegasus and Onur loads in the past though. I would never do an indirect flight, way too much effort. Easy enough May to October, out of season more tricky.

Ayak said...

Yes... I'm also looking at Monarch although all the extra charges really bump up the total price.

Sueann said...

I wish I had the problem of extra charges for a flight to Turkey! HA! And my teenage raising days are pretty much over. I say pretty much because I do have four teenage granddaughters!! So I have a vicarious relationship there. LOL!
Always drama!!

Velveteen Rabbit said...

Made me smile, giggle and sigh....home life with children, yep I am with you whole heartedly!

As for holidays, I am sneaky ;)
My holiday abroad is in June and 'sans familie' - 5 girlfriends and me! I pay for myself, I look out for myself, we share a calm, fun and bicker free week doing what WE like!
As family we are off to Devon in July! 6 of us, in large beach facing apartment! No flights, no supplements, no hidden charges!

Of course we are having to pack bikinis AND boots, sarongs AND sweaters, UVA protection AND umbrellas! But hey its England! We will still be on the beach whatever :D its what we do!

Jon Storey said...

It is BBD that comes and eats all our snack food. I will text The Children's Mother so that the ongoing Kangaroo Court can be called off...

Flew to Cologne in October, a real bargin till the taxes etc were added on, now that made The Children's Mother's eyes open a little wider!

I too can remember the days when you handed over a wad of cash and got on the plane, seemed to work.....

AGuidingLife said...

can we all have a go at rolling her down the hill?! I know you're fed up with it all but it's amused me this morning:0)

Laura said...

Wow! How would have thought Oreo's and Wagon wheels could cause so much fuss. Hope everything gets happier soon.

Nota Bene said...

Some of the girls are orange? Have you moved to Essex without telling anyone?

Anonymous said...

The great Oreos debate reminds me of the Olive Oil conflict our house experienced in the mid-nineties.

I'm not ready to expand on that just yet, though. Too raw, too recentl

Style At Every Age said...

All the charges added to flights are crazy! I have plenty of Oreo's on order, hope they all get some!

Barlinnie said...

Kilt porn....? for the love of Christ, I'll never feel comfortable ever again.

libby said...

For weeks I have been saying to 18yr old daughter 'please don't balance that big glass of juice on the arm of that chair like will fall and make a stain on our new cream carpet...' Do I really need to type what happened just? ....So if its not biscuits its juice or who did what and when or where is or can I or get over yourself etc., such is life I guess....AG do you think if enough of us got together we could buy our own little plane (with handsome pilot)and rent it out to nice people with only enough money to put enough fuel in it and have a cup of tea and a cheese roll on the way to holiday land?

Looking for Blue Sky said...

Crumbs! Biscuit maths on a blog, now that I never thought I'd see ?!?

Rarelesserspotted said...

I think I've said this before, you need to write a book. In a way - your 'difficult' experiences only seek to confirm that I am not alone as a parent facing the eternal mystery of the 'missing biscuits.' Recently, because of the diet, my wife decided to buy weighwatchers ice cream cones which are like Cornetto type ice creams with allegedly half the calories. There is a box of six. I was very naughty, she was working and I had two during one evening out of an unopened new box. The next day, with only three children (young adults) in the house at various times, the other four ice creams in the box went missing leaving an empty box still in the freezer. Has anyone admitted responsibility? No. I have considered DNA testing, fingerprint comparison and Chinese torture, but guess all I would get is them blaming each other - I give up and hence why parents of a certain age experience that fatalistic and weary inevitibility that the household expenditure rises in proportion to the age of your kids and their propensity to eat like a horse and tell white lies.

Don't even start me on airlines!

Gigi said...

Ah the joys of parenting. Am currently really glad I only have the one to argue with - I couldn't deal with any more than that at the moment! And the thought of the one having a sibling to argue with? Someone hand me a drink - STAT!

Chic Mama said...

Fortunately we haven't come across arguments like that yet...son 1 eats everything, then leaves empty packets in the larder. He has helped himself to the ingredients for dinner once, that didn't go down well....So far I'm the only one to complain. ;0S
Flights...what a rip off. The price should include everything. Ridiculous adding things on that you have no choice but to pay!

Lib572 said...

i love your writing!! anyone who has done teenagers, falls over with the agony of the memory!!!

Madame DeFarge said...

Sounds ghastly. I'd take a gin bottle to bed with me and hide under the duvet.

Mrs Worthington said...

Oh the Fat chat, the biscuit thief and the how to book a flight philosophy. These are regular topics of conflab in our household. Sometimes it's like listening to an exert from golilocks.. " who's been eating MY oreos/ chocolate/cake/icecream/etc" It's no wonder maths clicks for the pair of them when I use the how to divide a cake analogy - they're ahead of me on that score. As for flight prices maybe they should use the cake analogy too because i seem to think I buying tickets/cake but comeaway with the feeling i just have bought the wing or a stewardess, oops in fligh attendant

auntiegwen said...

SueAnn - I think being a grandma might be quite fun, my mum enjoys it more than she did parenting.

VR - can I come with you and your friends, sounds ace to me :)

Jon - it probably was BBD, she's eaten everything at ours!

Kellogsville - I actually found that bit funny too and I may have laughed out loud thereby exacerbating the cross shouty leaving of room

Lolly - just another day at our house :)

NB - yep, you know how much I love Essex

Matthew - you can't leave us all hanging, fess up

Mrs fab - I've now taken to hiding some in the boot of my car

Jimmy B - nothing like a good bit of Scottish porn to get me through the day

Libby - I so know that feeling, I love your idea of a plane, if we get the naked ironing business off the ground (groan) we can diversify

LFBS - oh I often do maths, usually nice lady things maths but maths none the less

RLS - like I said to Jon, it must have been my BBD, she's now prime suspect for any food going missing xx

Gigi - that was my first mistake, letting them outnumber me

Chic mama - strangely enough my son is eating the least at the moment and he used to eat everything, most weird

Libby - thank you, teens can be a great source of amusement, when they're not yours

Madame - I do regularly, would you care to join me?

Mrs W - oh yes, you know it well, want to join me and Madame de F in a gin ?

Working Mum said...

Good rant. I think I'm giving up flying, it's too complicated. Have booked cottage in Yorkshire in August instead.

Oh, and I never buy biscuits anymore either, to avoid recriminations.

Orange girls with false eyelashes - does your daughter go to my school?

auntiegwen said...

WM - ah yes, you understand the creature of whom I speak.