Ranty auntie, the return.

Did you need a BIG HUGE MIDDLE AGE WOMAN ALERT in capitals for emphasis or could you get there all by yourself by the title?

More than one thing that's making me annoyed, I'm afraid, you knew you'd have to pay for all that gratuitous kilt porn, didn't you? In no particular order...

Beautiful Baby Daughter/Carbon Footprint Nazi has taken sulking in her bedroom to Olympic standard. It has been accompanied by alternate cross and shouty screaming and passive aggressive face pulling. The BBD has been grounded causing the majority of the sulking. Chez auntiegwen grounded means no playing out and no computer time. Reason for grounding is for wearing mascara to school. I don't like her wearing make up anyway but school rules forbid it. No matter what rules the school has and they have many, even if I think it's a stupid and pointless rule, again I think her school have many, if it's there I will expect my child to uphold it. I am not swayed by her arguments that some of the girls at her school are orange and wear false eyelashes (sounds like a training school for drag artistes rather than a boringly suburban middle school) I'm sure she feels I'm being unreasonable for her bit of mascara but rules are rules.

The family meeting to discuss Oreo's pissed me off somewhat too. This was the idea of Eldest Beautiful Daughter. Not one of her better ones. Sainsburys have had Oreo's on special offer, I bought lots, EBD didn't get to eat lots. Too much effort to get cross and shouty, low level pissed off, ergo moan at family time not even very cunningly disguised as a family discussion. I don't even like Oreos and have eaten none, The Beautiful Son's protestations had a ring of truth about them, he fessed up to a snack pack of 4. This left 4 snack packs total 16 biscuits unaccounted for, I know you're riveted by the thrills that go on in my life, what can I say? happy to share. More discussion found a 6 pack of wagon wheels gone too, all gone in 3 days. Culprit found to be BBD, sulking needs a ferocious amount of biscuits to fuel apparently. This lead to more discussion about sharing, not eating too much crap, The Beautiful Son asking if she got really fat could her roll her down a hill, EBD and TBS saying she'll end up 23 stone and they'd have to feed her wagon wheels on the end of long pointy sticks because they couldn't reach her, Hot Boy adding she'd have to wear control pants like his sister leading to cross shouty leaving of room, door slamming and crying in bedroom. Poor poor BBD. I'm pleased no one brought up the broken garden table of last weekend.

Flight booking is rather tedious at present. I apologize in advance to anyone reading this who's been stranded and having a crap time or has had their holiday cancelled or lost money because of the hurdygurdystrangename volcano. My sister who thought she was going to Cyprus yesterday found out she's now going to Lanzarote on May 20th, fair play. I need to get to Turkey in June for a week with 1 child and then I need to go again for another week in October with the other 2. I know tough life. The complete inability to decide or compromise over our holiday means going to the villa in October half term with only the 2 youngest as EBD will be at uni and have no half term break, so she and I will pop over in June as we have a spare week and her A levels will be finished.

When you see a flight, the price quoted seems to have no real correlation to what they take off your credit card. They just seem to put a random bunch of numbers up and hope for the best. I am charged extra for using a card to pay despite I can only use a card to pay, there is no facility for me to feed ten pound notes into my laptop.

I have also been charged for and I don't even begin to understand it
UK Departure Tax: 33.00
Passenger Service Charge: 31.68
Fuel Surcharge: 96.00
ChargeCode TDT, TicketCode TR (DLM-LTN): 40.50

See, just random numbers.

I have no wish to take your travel insurance, I have my own thank you, a year long policy that covers us all and still costs less than your one trip wonder. I laugh at the thought of paying £10 per person for a meal, come on.

They charge me stupid amounts of money to take a suitcase. How very unreasonable of me to take a suitcase on my holiday, I've a good mind to turn up wearing a weeks worth of clothes and have done with it.

I'm simply not prepared to pay £7.50 per person each way to choose my seat, you slyly tell me I may not be able to sit with my beloved and so easy to travel with teenagers. This would only add £45 to the cost of my flight. I decline, I'm sure it would be much better for me and each child to sit seperately for the 4 hour flight. I'm sure your other passenegrs would agree than low level bickering is not an enhancement to the start of their holiday. I feel I've now got a bargain, 4 hours without the she said he said, ipod in, good book, Christ I think I would pay £45 to ensure we do sit seperately.

I'd like it much better if it was how it used to be, they told me how much, I paid, I turned up with a suitcase and a passport, they didn't complain that my lip gloss wasn't in a plastic bag and therefore causing a huge threat to national security and I got on the plane.

I've been awake since 2am, this is not good, it's now 5 past 4 and I'm going to try and get some sleep before I wake up at 5, which is still far too early.