Sunday 5 September 2010

Family Portraits

Today the most patient photographer in the world came to take a family photo of us. We are extremely difficult to photograph at the best of times. We don't look the right way at the right time, we blink, yawn, scratch and develop nervous tics. We surpassed ourselves this time though.

Eldest Beautiful Daughter had been in London as Hot Boy had been playing a gig in Kilburn, she got home at 3am. Tired and hungover was the look de jour.

Beautiful Baby Daughter had come out in a rash all over her face and was in tears because of this, poor wee scone. So red and lumpy was her only choice of face.

The Beautiful Son was spending time away from both the fridge and his X box, not to mention being asked every 2 minutes to pull his jeans up as his pants kept showing. Arsey is how I'd describe his look.

As for your auntie, I think I look like a perfectly regular human in real life, I don't look remotely normal in photos. I seem to acquire 3 stone and accompanying chins and by the end TBS said I was smiling like a serial killer. I look a bit like the love child of Lorraine Kelly and Jabba the Hutt.

However, the most patient photographer in the world was determined to get a good family shot. She had us pose in the conservatory, in the garden, on the stairs (and she had to stand on the downstairs loo to get those done), hugging, close together, far apart, smiling, not smiling, sitting, standing and all kinds of posing. No wonder Kate Moss looks bored and does drugs.

Then after 2 hours and 118, yep you read right, one hundred and eighteen pics she called it a day. When I get the one we won't frighten people with I'll show you, and you know it will be just the one.


Looking for Blue Sky said...

I can promise you it will turn out better than my one and only family snap: one hung over, one eyes closed, one hair unwashed, one not smiling and one looking worried. I framed it anyway!

AGuidingLife said...

we had a similar recent experience and the results were pretty disastrous too. hope you have better look!

AGuidingLife said...

ha - look or luck : either fits!

Taz said...

I'll have to post the photo I have from my wedding day (many many moons ago) where not one of us is looking at the camera or even in the same direction :D

Anonymous said...

I'm impressed your kids even got up for it, let alone 118 goes! My two would probably leave home if I tried to do something like that! Hmm, I'll have to remember that in case things get too bad - or time it for when they are both desperate for money.

Gigi said...

I'm sure the family portrait will be fabulous - and I can't wait to see it.

Which reminds me, it's probably time to schedule some torture - errrr, I mean picture time for my family!

Shirley said...

I've been trying since April to get all four of my offspring together in the same town at the same time. Finally found a 30-minute slot when everyone was free . . . and the photographer didn't show. So we took snapshots of the occasion -- a very poor substitute. Yours are sure to turn out better than ours.

Ayak said...

I'm sure you'll have more than one good shot...these professional photographers can do wonders...and there's always airbrushing of course!

scrappysue said...

i reckon # 117 will be the one :)

libby said...

What a great idea.. a family photo before September when everything clever girl you.
p.s. bet they are all gorgeous...and did you bribe the kids to keep them there for so many shots??

Sueann said...

Ha! I could just see all the different looks and poses you all went through!! I don't know who to feel sorry for!!?? 118!!?? Her or you guys! Ha!
Can't wait to see the "one" photo that turned out.

Madame DeFarge said...

You will look divine. If you screw up your eyes and squint a bit.

Expat mum said...

For our 20th anniversary, I decided to have a family portrait done. (Coming up soon.) So far the Queenager has requested not to be in it, and the Man-Child didn't look too impressed either, especially when I said he couldn't wear a t-shirt! Pah!

Anonymous said...

Don't knock it - I know plenty of people who wouldn't kick Lorraine Kelly out of bed for eating crackers.

Mind you, they might not be your type....

Troy said...

118 is a phenomenal number of photos isn't it? A few months ago, The Mail On Sunday wanted a photo of me for an article they were doing (and no, I not famous). They sent a photographer round to the house and he must have taken 118+ over the space of an hour and a half. I was getting quite cheesed off by end even though he was very pleasant photographer. And after all that, the one they chose to use was one that I wasn't particularly happy with(I had no say in the matter).
I'm sure your beautiful family will come beautifully though.

auntiegwen said...

LFBS - I feel your pain, we look quite normal in real life!

S - c'mon it's me, not much hope of a great result

Taz - ooh show, my wedding snaps are hilarious!!!!

Alienne - I played my "I do everything for you" card, guilt works well on mine :)

Gigi - yep, mine thought of it as torture too

Shirley - how annoying, the older they get the harder it is to do, i thought it'd be easier

Ayak - God bless photoshop

Sue - or no 1 !!!

Libby - yeah, not looking forward to next week at all :( we'll have to console each other

SueAnn - I felt sorry for the photographer, it'd have been easier to photograph monkeys

Madame - you know that's my trademark look

Expat Mum - I had to go for a T shirt otherwise he's have been naked and I'm sure social services would frown on that

Matthew - oh I don't know, it's been a while :)

Troy - so typical that they choose the one you don't like, I'm sure you looked splendid though.