Saturday 8 November 2008

Drunkety, drunk, drunk...again, a tale in 2 parts

Part 1

A few months ago in a town just like yours there was a girly night out. An assortment of 30 and 40 something women were celebrating our good friend's birthday. In a bar, my friend was chatting up this bloke who was quite drunk but fair play to her, she liked him and she wasn't being deterred. I'm very sober and I was kind of on the periphery of this conversation and when she went to the bar he turned to me and gazed straight into my eyes (yes, he indeedily did, gazed is the very word for it) and said in tones that were quite reverential...

"You're beautiful" and then again "You are really beautiful" To emphasise his point he made his friend tell me that when I walked in he told the friend "That girl is beautiful" So the poor sober friend had to back up this story and when my friend came back from the bar and he turned to her and said " Your friend is beautiful" which didn't please her mightily if truth be told.

Now your auntie has had few romantic encounters in her life (oh, don't feel sorry for me, the ones I've had have been top notch, quality over quantity and all that) but the men I have had romantic encounters with have not been the most forthcoming with the compliments or the mush. Which is a shame as I respond very favourably to mush.

So here I am in a bar and a tall dark handsome stranger is telling me I'm beautiful and he then goes on with the compliments likening me to Andrea Corr. My friend at this point is getting Mr "You're beautiful" 's number put into her phone (she can't see without her glasses) by the sober friend who's thinking this is great craic to give the number to the wrong girl. We're still on the " You're beautiful" but this has been joined by " You're nothing like my type, I usually go for big blondes but you are simply ..." and the big crowd of women chime in "beautiful, yes, we know, she's beautiful"

What thinketh your auntie at this point ? Well, it's very flattering really but I kind of got the vibe he was a player, what kind of man goes around telling middle aged women they're beautiful ? One that wants emptied, methinks and I'm quite happy with what I've got thanks and I am so not going to get into an argy bargy with a friend over a bloke. So I persuade friend to go home but in the cab on the way home she calls him and sets up a date.


The man and my friend have 4 dates, that's the polite way of saying it. So all of the evening I get the "You're beautiful " and she gets the man.

Part 2

Last night in another bar in another part of town I am getting served, I'm 1 glass of the pink fizzy and I glass of the red down so it's fair to say your auntie was feeling quite squiffy. I turn around and a tall dark handsome man says " It's you isn't it ? " I agree as I wasn't that squiffy and I knew that I was indeed, myself. The man turns to his friends and says "It's the beautiful girl, you know the one, the beautiful girl, she's here" all the friends look and agree that I am the beautiful girl he's been telling them about.
So we pretty much have the same conversation as before except this time he's sober and I'm squiffy, incidentally I happen to be with the same friend. He's not been returning her texts and she's a bit peeved.
She then comes to the bar to look for me and sees him, not a pretty moment. I escape to the loo and then go scrounge a sneaky smoke, I get dizzy and have to sit down, no I'm not sick, just dizzy, honestly you shag one sheep ! Then Mr " You're beautiful " comes to find me followed by my friend who takes me out sharpish to another bar.

Mr "You're beautiful" rings my friend to find out where we've gone and she won't tell him. We go dancing and I was on ferocious form, feeling much more like Missus Party Pants, I have a blast and have to be encouraged home at close of play at 2 am, yes, you did read right, 2 am, me that likes to go to bed the same day she got up ! I had a lovely crowd of wee boys who were highly entertained by my "But I'm 42, I'm old enough to be your mammy" this was discouraging them not at all, your auntie's ego was well and truly stroked but rest assured dear readers, that was the only thing that was.

In the cab on the way home, my friend calls Mr "You're beautiful" and I get dropped off home first, yet again I get the " You're beautiful" and she gets the man.

This morning I found that he'd sneaked his phone number into my jacket pocket.


menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

This is bloody excellent. What a terrific story teller and writer you are Auntie. Oh I hope there is a part 3 - he clearly doesn't want yer pal. She's had her shot and if she's a good pal, she'll let you guys find out a bit more about each other. It would be churlish of her to expect you not to date him if e is not interested in her. I hope that she retires gracefully and let the games begin! Oh, do keep us posted. How delicious! X

Tim Atkinson said...


lisa q. said...

Wow! That's some crazy crap! I think your friend should tell Mr. You're Beautiful to take a frickin' hike. Why she'd even want to be with him after seeing him mush & gush over you is beyond me. Clearly you have standards love. Good for you!

Nota Bene said...

...I feel disaster looming. Call it male intuition!

Eddie 2-Sox said...

Beware of the man who's chat-up lines are exclusively quotes from James Blunt you really want to get with a Dido / Lighthouse Family / Michael Buble listener?

FOXY1969 said...

What a sleeze,( him not you!)
Stay well away, let your friend have her moment, as she probably feels like she won the 'prize' each time she ends up with him and you don't. Its good for her ego if nothing else, and you obviously have more taste! x

Anonymous said...

hmmm! Your friend must be pretty desperate to keep trying with this guy! I'd have told him to feck off by now! However....she is obviously very keen on him, and he sounds like a typical bloke - not telling her directly but just trying to ignore her! Just like being back in school! Are you tempted to ring him? and how lovely to be called beautiful (even though you are..) ! I too love a bit of mush, and would fall over if anyone told me I was beautiful - not even my mother ever said that to me!! Keep us posted...!

scrappysue said...

part 3??? i would so love a girls' night out with you!!!! does your friend know she's being played???

Anonymous said...

Sooooooo...what happened next??
He does sound like a bit of a player, but just think how much fun you and your friend could have, playing him right back!
Yes I have a warped mind, it took years to cultivate ;o)

DAB said...


Laura said...

So the question no one has aksed so far is, "Are you going to call him?" lol :o)

A Confused Take That Fan said...

he's trouble me thinks. If he really liked you, he wouldn't go out with your mate. Simple as. Would you? Just think it's nice to be told you're beautiful. I don't know how your mate puts up with it either?! He's playing two women off agains each other. Low down dirty dog...

A Confused Take That Fan said...

him, not you...of course my lovely...

Catherine said...

You've got to tell your friend that he gave you his no. She seems a bit desperate to be after him when it's obviously you he wants. I'll be waiting patiently for the next instalment!

Shirley said...

This isn't a record-breaker for you, but 14 comments isn't bad! (15now) Most bloggers have to post something political to get that kind of response! You go, girl! ;)

Oh, and as for the bloke, my vote goes on the side of "Who'd want a guy like that?" If he really wants YOU, then he shouldn't be shagging your friend. That's just tacky.

ME said...

Very interesting.. what's a girl to do?

Anonymous said...

I shall buy you a big stick for Christmas. I don't know how you cope with fighting them off all the time!


auntiegwen said...

Mob - I'm not interested, too much of a smoothie for me

Tim - indeed !

Lisa - so true, what would he do when he got fed up with me ? move onto our other friend ?

NB - even in my cups I wouldn't consider it, I'm actually fairly sensible (stop laughing now, I am so !)

Soxy - no fear I'm an Indie rock and roll chick through and through

Foxy - she's stopped texting him too, he found someone else later that night tho, so he wasn't lonely for too long !!!!

What happened - she's just in a bad place at the mo, she'll settle down again and be more selective. As for me, very occasionally I will be given mush from someone and because it's rationed it means so much more

Sue - consider yourself invited, any time and yes she does know she's being played but she didn't want to be on her own but I think she was shocked at his disdain that night and her pride's coming back, so hopefully she'll feel better soon

penelope - he will get his, not from me obviously but eventually Karma will prevail

tf - I'm sure I'll see him around but he's not for me x

Lolly - no, absolutely not

ACTTF - he does this because he can, he's tall, dark, handsome and rich, he's looking for sex and no strings and the women maybe think that will lead to other things, it won't he has life exactly how he wants it

Craze - I'll sit back and watch the next poor girl be flattered !

Sixy - he was THE only one in my age group, what the feck is wrong with me ?????? xxx

auntiegwen said...

Adventure mother - I'm sure the fact I'm not interested is the most interesting thing about me, he's very used to having who he wants !

Shirley - such language from you, I can only fear it's my bad influence on you, my lovey !!! You're right, he is tacky and whilst women allow him to be, he won't change x