Friday 21 November 2008

My new addiction

As I am an extremely nosey person, seriously my need to know things is ferocious, I am greatly surprised it took me so long to investigate this. Probably my lack of techfeckinology played a part.

When I blog stuff, in my head I think I am read only by the people who comment, except for a couple of people, who always text or email me about what I've written and maybe another few who stumble in via the black box, is anybody else still doing that ? nope, just me ? it brought me back to myself the other day, it also very very often sends me to a deeply devoted Christian wife of a pastor in America, who has a campaign about fighting for marriage, if she gets brought to me, I'm sure she will despair of my post marriage excitement, poor girl will have to have a lie down.

Any hoo, I digress, I've got a wee thingy that tells you who's been visiting, no not by name, although I'd love that, just how many people, where they're from and it can tell you if they used a search engine, what phrase they looked for that brought them to you.

So, in 3 weeks my main page has been read 1484 times, seriously, 1484, most of you are British, followed by American but I have been visited from people all over the world, some even come back ! How gas is that ?

77.20% United Kingdom
14.00% United States
2.00% Saudi Arabia
1.60% Australia
1.20% France
1.20% Canada
0.60% Germany
0.60% Ireland
0.40% New Zealand
0.40% Argentina
0.20% China
0.20% Denmark
0.20% Spain
0.20% Cyprus

I love the search engine phrases

Search Term
24.44% auntie gwen blogspot
17.78% auntiegwensdiary
6.67% tell offs
4.44% i'm sorry i was late well i missed the train
4.44% cool clothes for 50 something women
4.44% mansecat
2.22% cuss words comebacks
2.22% auntie gwen
2.22% auntiegwen blog glasgow
2.22% tell offs
2.22% crocsareugly
2.22% curse word come backs
2.22% milf teachers
2.22% comebacks with swearing
2.22% comebacks to tell someone off
2.22% irish swear words
2.22% she drunken called me 2am dating
2.22% AAWH
2.22% curse word comebacks
2.22% it god auntiegwen
2.22% good comebacks with bad words
2.22% 7 things before i die tag
2.22% good friend tell offs comebacks

The thing I found the most interesting is that most people who pop in are actually looking for their auntie, thank you, your auntie's always pleased to see you.

The first week was all people looking for me, milfs and I believe "actual shagging", curse words and Scottish sweary words.

Week 2 again was me, milfs, cursewords and a "drunken salmon Gwen" the mind boggles.

This week, there were a few I didn't begin to understand, for example why some poor reader was firstly searching for

"I'm sorry I was late, well I missed the train" and secondly why that brought them here, I don't think that's a phrase I've even said let alone typed !

" Cool clothes for 50 something women" well, excuse me, I'm only fortyfeckintwo! Would you give yourself peace !

"mansecat" nope, not a baldy (Glaswegian for a clue)

"drunken 2 am calling, dating" I have been known for the late night drunken flirty texting and I have on 1 and 1 occasion only called at 2.30 am to let someone know how very drunk I was, he described it as cute and melancholy

But Jesus, Mary and Holy St Joseph, I seem to be the Miss Potty Mouth of the internet, if you are looking for curses, tell offs and come backs as apparently 26.65% ( I added it up, and checked it, I know I'm a sad article) of you visitors who searched the internet and found me are, I apparently am Queen of the smart arse retort.

Is Google's perception of me as a 50 something, late night calling, potty mouthed wisecracker true ?

My mother would be so proud !


Anonymous said...

Haha...Google has a mind of its own girl and nobody knows what the hell its thinking!

Tim Atkinson said...

Brilliant. I keep meaning to search my stats (but I'm still unsure how!)

indigo16 said...

Like you I am always convinced that only a handful, if that, read my blog each week. I have never even tried to look at the statistics, but I must say what people 'google search' is almost beyond belief. I am almost tempted to take a peek...

Mom/Mum said...

That's brilliant auntie! So did you find your stats, am curious about mine now?!

Frankies' Cornish Farmyard Ramblings said...

Oh no, not another, toggle/woggle or whatever to try and install and make work? It took me two weeks to load the black box doodah, i have two awards I could collect and no matter how many times someone tells I can't get it. Very jealous of all of you with the Technology gene!

Anonymous said...

Is Google's perception of me as a 50 something, late night calling, potty mouthed wisecracker true ? No, not forgot that you're also a MILF! ;o)
I, personally, wouldn't have you any other way dahling!

Laura said...

I found you when I googled " mad woman, LK Bennet freak" :O)

Nota Bene said...

I have one of those too...and can't resist having a look...I've had some unsettling google searches...mostly relating to men and boys. Yuk. It's always fun trying to work out which IP belongs to whom.

Cathy said...

Hello Gwen
I come 'cose I like what you write and you make me laugh :))
Watch out for those stats tho' - it becomes very habit forming and time consuming checking them and then rechecking - google searches are eye opening tho'
Take care

Shirley said...

It's a little sobering to be reminded that every time I click on anything, somebody is keeping track of it. Makes me want to find a whole to crawl into -- just me, my kids, and my illusions of privacy. Ah, well.

DJ Kirkby said...

The search engine terms are hilarious (and sometimes a bit scary)

Neil said...

"50-something-late-night-calling-potty-mouthed-wisecracker"... good name for a band that.

You know, of course, that 83.29% of all statistics are absolute p#sh, right?

Mean Mom said...

Google searches are so entertaining. People looking for their aunties? I know where all of my aunties are. Strange, but sweet.

I still haven't managed to beat 'middle age women photos rough' and 'middle aged hot and wet'. It's good to know what Google thinks of me.

Helena said...

I've tried the stats thing on facebook and bebo and when trying my name (married one not my blogger one) on google images, there's only one other woman and she's a university lecturer the double of a late 80's Dierdre Barlow!

Gwen darling, you're one of life's online genuines, I was sorry I missed meeting you last Friday.
PS......I'm extremely nosy, too, but binoculars and the posh new housing scheme out my back window have a lot to do with that!

Working Mum said...

I get people coming to my blog via 'milf' searches after I posted about being a 'mif' (milk in first in my tea) and people left comments about 'milfs'. (Ooops, just added to your 'milf' index myself, sorry!) Anyway, I had to look up what one was, being terribly naiive in these matters, but it came in very useful when some sixth formers in my class were glibly discussing milfs thinking that I wouldn't know what they were talking about!

auntiegwen said...

lisa - but isn't the power of the search engine awesome ?

Tim - I think there's lots but the one I use is statcounter, just go to their website and sign up

Alison- you should, it's fascinating (well compared to marking, lesson planning, work setting )

Mom/Mum - just sign up fro a wee counter thingy

Frankie - truly if I can do it anyone can, I've got the same thing with awards, I think you just right click and cut and paste them though, or we could just know that we've got them and be unadorned

penelope - how could I forget the milf ! I'm thinking of my own website where you can have all the milfy/cursewords/smartarse remarks on a pay per click,whatcha think, enough to buy me a Prada handbag ?

lolly - and that describes me bee yoo tiffli x

NB - not so nice, I've fessed up what mine is, so you'll know it's me

cathy - thank you pet, you're so right I love it

shirley - that's why I didn't add you to my blog list in case you didn't want found

DJ - I love the searches, that's the best bit for me

Neil - what better than "Flirty Banter" ? and you know I'm only 42 and I always thought it was 78.2% ?

MM - oh I think we could join forces in the pay per click malarky, hot middle aged and wet ? we'd have enough for a Prada bag each

Lena - I'm sorry I missed you too, did himself explain why ? I'll be up before Xmas, mibbe we can persuade himself to take us for a drink ? or 2 or 3, no make it 2 xxx

WM - hope you're feeling better pet, always good to be 1 step ahead of the 6th formers !

DAB said...

Auntiegwen, I'm soooo very tempted to post a blog with a title like "Free and Easy" or "Blue Movies starring TF" just to see if my stats shoot up. I might just do it! :) TFX

scrappysue said...

i did that once. it's a great time waster. i'll take those stats - they're pretty fun!

auntiegwen said...

Tf - feel free to join myself and Mean Mom in our bid to earn some extra cash ! x

Sue - you know me, anything to avoid marking or cleaning !!!

Ladybird World Mother said...

That is so brilliant. How amazing to know how many visitors. I have to say, I sometimes just cant leave a comment because a child needs me to wipe a bottom, or some other urgent need. Joy.
Must absolutely not have this gadget as will become so addicted and its Bad Enough Already.

Dusty Spider said...

Ho Ho HO great stuff. Search engines are very strange creatures. Flick x

auntiegwen said...

ladybird world mother - I know, as if we have time to waste, but we do manage to waste it, I enjoyed my visit to you, I used to be a nursery teacher before going to the teenagers, not much difference in the standard of behaviour but the teens are significantly less cute !

Flick - welcome back, I've missed you, yep, the searc engine's are fab aren't they ?

Unknown said...

I just came here looking for the £1.50, hamster-free relationship. Looks like a bargain to me. I have a beat-up off-road, does that count?

No, seriously, your web address is a poorly guarded secret here in Oslo. All of your Norwegian fans (we speak of large numbers here) reroute their I.P. addresses such that you think that you are getting visiting by bloggers all over the world - Saudi Arabia, China, Burkina Faso - when in fact it is merely us. It is rather expensive but we have to do it like this because we are so terribly shy. Pathetic, isn’t it?

Btw, what do milf teachers teach? Is it something like Montessori?

- A fan

auntiegwen said...

Son of Incogneato - you never know the minute, right enough, here am I blogging my little heart out never even considering Poor Norway (as I believe you are known throughout the world, certainly in the week after Eurovision, anyway)

I will attempt to intoduce a Norse flavour forthwith

and as for the beat up off roader, that will be perfectly acceptable (unless it's a BMW, I'm not allowed another BMW driver)