Wednesday 12 October 2011

10 steps to getting through

I made a mistake and it is consuming my every waking moment. If I am not in tears or shaking with worry I am apologizing for my mistake. It is inconvenient and expensive and causes a whole lot of people a whole lot of extra work but fixable. I am usually okay ish at life but when I am coming out from a whole load of stress I realise what pressure I have been under. In no means am I unusual in this, I have a busy job, I have children, I have a house, I am tired all the live long day, I am sure most of you will understand that feeling, that strength sapping sense of having total responsibility. At this moment though I have reached my wall, I cannot go on like this any longer. However I know this feeling will pass, I know that I will be okay and quicker than I know I will feel happy again. Tomorrow is definitely another day.

Here are the 10 things that are getting me through

My mistake is being sorted, I am taking steps to ensure it never happens again, no one is giving me a hard time about this except myself

My son and daughter are not being horrible to each other too much as they can see I'm fragile

I know I will be able to cope again

I am going to drastically cut down on my work load

No one expects me to be superwoman/supermum/superworker except me, I am going to cut myself some slack

I am going to go and see my GP, I think there is an underlying reason for how I am feeling

This week is halfway over

I fly out to The Beautiful House on Friday for a week of rest

My parents will be joining me and I will actually be able to rest, that rest will help me carry on

The support and love that my nearest and dearest and colleagues have given me has been immense. The fact that they all have their own stuff to deal with but still have found space to help me has been hugely appreciated, again I am so incredibly grateful that I am so lucky. Please say a good thing to someone you know today, the world can only be a better place if we are kind to each other.


Nota Bene said...

...and there's lots of supportive hugs coming from here as well. Shit happens, but I'm sure all will be well, whatever is wrong...xx

auntiegwen said...

NB - thanks, hope your bike gets fixed xx

AGuidingLife said...

I went into nervous breakdown mess Friday last. Now despite having partly 'fixed' most route causes I'm still struggling to be a nice happy person. I'm still a 'donkey on the edge'. You know the broken stuff will resolve and good on you that you will make an effort to fix you too, that is the important bit. Can't make up my mind whether rolling from screw up to screw up and stress to stress is a state of mind or just part and parcel of the type of world we live in. I do know that if all my mistakes had to consume all my waking time I would never find time to sleep and you've got the loveliest bed! Have a restful break and switch off the worrity gland for a while. Xxx

Mrs Worthington said...

big hugs Auntie G. We live the life we are living and sometimes it good and sometimes its crappy.Sounds like you are surrounded by a whole lot of love and that has to be a good remedy. Enjoy your rest and deepen the tan

auntiegwen said...

S - ta lovey, like you say I think we just have a mad busy world xxx

Mrs W - I know, I will rest and return refreshed

Mac n' Janet said...

Take a deep breath, you know it will get better, and we need you to get better because your blog brightens our day! Enjoy your vacation.

Rarelesserspotted said...

With your premission only, I would like to do some Reiki distance healing for you Auntiegwen. It cannot do anything but good, will take around 15 minutes at a time when you are able to sit uninterrupted and all you have to do is soak it in.
Let me know on Facebook if this is something you would like to try...
With all the support you have and rest (you are going to get) things will start to look brighter. No-one was ever destroyed for a genuine mistake made in good faith. Lesson learned - move on. Thinking of you.

auntiegwen said...

M &J - thanks, it's very kind of you to say so, sorry it's been a bit grim today

S - thank you, I think that would be a lovely thing for you to do and when I am in Turkey I can definitely find 15 minutes to relax, really appreciate that Steve xx

libby said...

Oh Sweetheart I am so sorry you are feeling this way at the moment..if I can help AT ALL please let me know. Remember you are a clever kind lady who is facing life head on and doing a sterling job...looking forward to seeing you again... hugs from your friend xxx

Anonymous said...

Hi, just a quick online hug, whatever it is it can be fixed and that's all that matters. You cope with everything so well. I understand the stress of having to do everything yourself - I too have this since my lovely husband passed away five years ago. I struggle with depression and try to keep anxiety at bay - its hard. Don't be too hard on yourself, everyone makes mistakes and think of all the good things you have done - reading your blog helps me for one! Hope you have a wonderful time in your holiday house, take care, Chris x

Lesley said...

...... and breathe. Deeply.

Gigi said...

Lots of hugs coming from "across the Pond" too.

Go. Enjoy your vacation. You deserve it and you need it.

Gigi said...

Oh, and just to give you a smile, let me tell you about what I just discovered that I've done.

I sent out a letter - with my bosses name on it - it started like this:

"Dear Mr. Lame...."

His name is Lamb and he had sent in a product idea that we were declining.

And yes, I've been beating myself up over this. *sigh*

Looking for Blue Sky said...

You ARE a superwoman xx

Sandi said...

A kind word can do wonders, I have just started a new job and learning a whole new system on the computer, I have had nothing but kind words of encouragement as I learn this new program, it makes the world of difference. I hope everything settles and you come back rested and revived, having worked a 12 hour day I understand your need for rest.
xx Sandi

Anonymous said...

Big hugs. Been there too....and felt just like you do now. It gets better. We are hardest upon ourselves - what would you have done/said if someone else had made the mistake you did? Been a lot more forgiving I'd say. Mae xxx

Sueann said...

And I have discovered it is all how you look at something. All on how you see it!! Can change the whole day!!
Hugging you

auntiegwen said...

Libs - lets sort out a date for when we get back from Turkey

Chris - it must be hard to be without your husband, like you say anxiety is hard to keep at bay. Thanks for your kind words about reading the blog, much appreciated xx

Leslay - indeed, I am now just beginning to feel my neck and shoulders unclench

Gigi - ooh that's a Freudian slip - Mr lame :)

LFBs - nah, but you are xxx

Sandi - it must be stressful learning a new job never mind adding technology into it xxx

Mae - yep, life is a bugger sometimes but hey ho, on we go xx

SueAnn - indeed, hope you are well on the road to recovery xxx

Helena said...

I'm glad the mistake is being rectified Gwen, and I know that same, guilty, 'my fault' feeling, despite reassurance from everyone.

You seem to have a strategy for the future worked out, so that sounds encouraging. Chin up, and enjoy the family break. A holiday and so much support will help you through this big time.....*hugs*

Anonymous said...

You will probably have gone by now (I am a tad behind with my blog reading) so I hope you have a good rest and are fit and ready for the fray when you get back. At least you sound as if you have got things in perspective.

Muddling Along said...

Oh AG - I'm sorry, and I hope you are away and having some space and peace

I don't know what happened but from what you say that is being sorted, now to you, look after yourself please now and if there are other reasons you are feeling worse than you should please get some help