Friday 7 October 2011

10 Worst Presents

Leopard print snood - birthday this year, I am not really an animal print kind of girl and I didn't even do snoods in the 80's

Black and white glass bowl - all fluted and swirly from the Colin and Justin range, Xmas present last year, I love my sis in law dearly but that was just hideous. It may have been an emergency present.

A ceramic lemon with a pot scourer inside - from my ex mother in law when I was still married as a birthday present, enough said.

A set of eyeshadows instead of an Easter Egg - I might have been 14 but c'mon, actually my mum still buys me an Easter egg now, she must be scared to stop in case I did another "you've really upset me" teenage strop.

Red lace g string and suspender belt - bought by my brother in law, the minister in an attempt to be "hey I might be a minister but I still know people have sex" It was the Christmas after I got married, I was only 22, and mortified.

Cream fake fur body warmer - the ex mr auntiegwen one Christmas, I looked like a small chubby polar bear

Candle shaped like a wedge of chocolate gateau - looked bad and smelled worse, from my sister

A trip to a Lake District hotel for my 29th birthday - the sentiment was great, the ex mr auntiegwen bought be a Joanna Trollope novel, a box of chocs and a night in a hotel by myself. Jack was 8 weeks old and as I couldn't leave my bosoms at home would have starved. The ex mr auntiegwen didn't think of that. Still I enjoyed the book and the chocolates.

The biggest box of chocolates Thornton's do - I could have had a frock and shoes for the money, (it cost £50 around 15 years ago) but oh no I had to eat them all and get fat (ter).

My 40th birthday trip to Barcelona - I love the city and had been before with friends but the ex mr ag took me and when I was there I/we realised that it was all over. I hope to go back under happier circumstances.


Jenny Woolf said...

I think one of my worst was a truly gigantic candle which someone lugged all the way from America. When you lit the wick it went out in about 2 minutes because it drowned in all that wax. WHat do you do with a 2 lb candle anyway?

auntiegwen said...

JW - you giftcycle it to someone you don't like - not me!

Andy said...

Anything even remotely affiliated to Colin and Justin should be outlawed immediately. Unless it's a book entitled 'Justin Emigrates Very Far Away and Stops Appearing On The TV'.

I suspect Colin on his own would be OK.

Stefanie said...

"Red lace g string and suspender belt - bought by my brother in law, the minister in an attempt to be "hey I might be a minister but I still know people have sex" It was the Christmas after I got married, I was only 22, and mortified."

I am having one of THOSE days where the baby would not sleep past 2 am, my Indian programmer has gone awol and my merchant account isn't working ... and its not even lunch.

So I came here for a laugh. Oh thank you. That is just a classic. My!

Nota Bene said...

Oh you could never live in Essex if you don't like animal print. I rather like the image of the polar second worst present was a rubber plant in a pot from my father. Hated it. Twenty years later the thing has grown into an absolute beauty. My worst - a ceramic pigeon ornament - also from my father. Fifteen years later The Boy won't let me throw it away even though it's still loathsome.

auntiegwen said...

Andy - how can you tell which one is which? it took me years to separate Ant and Dec

Stefanie - glad to be of service and sorry about the baby, programmer and merchant account, come round here and eat cake and drink gin with your auntie, you'll feel heaps better

NB - at least it's a nice plant now, is it the one in Brighton, if so I agree is a lovely plant, which has now reminded me to go and water mine as there are no children here and I can do so without fear of being mocked

Elderberry-Rob said...

Pair of tacky glitter infested jeans from best friend - bought for herself but don't fit - fit me fine so presented as an early Christmas present. The worst thing is I will be expected to wear them on Christmas day.

Penelope Grey said...

Sweater bought for me by an ex-boyfried years ago that even from a distance of two miles away looked like I had been projectile vomited on by a coachload of travel sick tourists!

auntiegwen said...

Betty - ooh glitter jeans would be a really good test of a friendship for me, not sure I could

P - ah yes bad knitwear, could be a category until itself

Trish said...

These are cracking examples! My favourites here are the g-string (what was he thinking!!) and candle.

My husband once bought me a deep fat fryer for Christmas (in the early days of our marriage) and I nearly didn't forgive him. But it's his parents who buy terrible gifts: a belt buckle with an enamel wolf on it and an ornament of a shepherd, complete with pantaloons (I accidently on purpose knocked it off the window-sill).

auntiegwen said...

Trish - I have it hand it to you, an enamel wolf on a belt????? in laws are tricky, you maybe can't say that you hate it and be expected to wear/use/be thankful for in a way you could tell your own family that they have no taste

Looking for Blue Sky said...

Clearly I don't read and remember stuff properly because I'm not sure if the minister we're talking about is a man of the cloth or the Westminster variety?

My bad memory has also blocked out most bad presents except for the most hurtful of all: a set of towels for my 21st birthday. And they were flowery towels. I don't do flowers, unless they're in the garden or a vase xx

auntiegwen said...

LFBS - of the religious variety and as for the towels yuck, yuck and yuck xx

libby said...

A little hoover for the my ma and pa still not know me??

AGuidingLife said...

I hate getting stuff I don't want, I have a cupboard full of it LOL. Hubby bought me candles for bloody years before I had the heart to tell him I hated them! The relief of getting rid of them all was wonderful. Barcelona, I'm in!!! Bloggette tour 2012! :)

Sandi said...

Hehe, so funny Auntie, I have been very lucky with gifts, nothing horrid. My Step grandma gave my uncle and his new bride huge tins of pineapple for a wedding present. My new auntie couldn't cook so she thought that at least they would have something to eat!!!! She gave everyone weird presents, I remember my mum saying 'Why would you give someone this' She did make us laugh and she used to laugh at her gifts too.
x Sandi

Curry Queen said...

A lime green Afro wig from the Shah one Christmas. I mean what the actual f....?

auntiegwen said...

Libs - bless them, it's because you are always so immaculate youreself xx

S - right, me and you Barcelona 2012, anyone else want in?

Samdi - tinned pineapple, I'd love to see the thank you letter for thatxx

CQ - you gotta love the Shah