Welcome to my world

I just could not resist this. It has to be the funniest thing I've seen for ages. Much kudos to The Beautiful Son for finding this. You know the drill, just click on the wee thingy.

The Killer's in Dublin

OH MY GOD

I love my readers, I really really love you

The Killers in Dublin, how good is that ?

I didn't even know that they were playing in Dublin, then God Bless Anonymous, I could kiss you.

I mean, Dublin, that's nearly as good as seeing them in The Mother Country.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you, one last little query, is there one site that's safer than another ? There are several that are selling tickets and I ve never bought from a ticket touty type thing before. Also is it worth spending an extra £15 per ticket on front standing or just go for general admission ?

The only little downer, the person I would like most to see them with won't be with me :(

So, I'm going to buy 2 tickets, would you like to come with me ? Please ? It'll be a birthday treat for me, go on, you know you want to....

Mission (please be) possible ?

Now who loves their auntie ? I hardly ever ask you for anything, really I don't but this time I am imploring you to help me.

I desperately, desperately need to see The Killers, I want this more than ANYTHING in my life. (Even more than what I was moaning about on Friday, Edge, and I wanted that a lot !!!)They are playing only at the Reading and Leeds Festival 22nd to 24th August. They are playing Reading on the Sat and Leeds on the Sunday, I don't care which one, I would just love to see them. I tried really really hard to get tickets but didn't manage it. I just cannot afford to pay more than £100 for a day ticket and I need at least 2 but pref 3. I can't afford the ebay route.

I can do trades or swapsies, I could live with 1 kidney but I really need to keep all 3 of the beautiful children. I have a gorgeous holiday villa in Turkey that I could let you have rent free as a swapsie, I would even consider sexual favours if you're handsome and 41 year old women float your boat. I will do your laundry, clean your house, sleep train your baby or toddler tame your child, if it's legal I ll give it a go !!!

If you know of anyone who has a spare ticket ( I know it's unlikely but I've got to explore every possibility) please think of me and the Beautiful Eldest Daughter and The Beautiful Son. They are poor wee deprived emo's. So if you're one of the chosen few, don't take your partner, take me, I'll be entertaining, do all the driving (you might have to navigate though !), do anything you want me to do.

Oh okay, I promise not to sing.

Ps - in a shameless plea for sympathy, Beautiful Baby Daughter has just started learning the trumpet, she's very keen, practices a lot and it's very very loud. Go on feel sorry for me, take me to see the pretty Brandon Flowers. Make me happy.

No Sex in Suburbia

Well, can you believe it ? I am sat here ala Carrie from Sex and The City, writing this very post on my laptop on my bed !!! Yes I now have wireless all sorted, to be fair I had to buy a new pc to support this, but hey I now have the joy of being able to ramble on whilst sat around in my bra. Incidentally, why did she always do that? it's a wee bit chilly for your auntie but hey if it's good enough for Carrie...

What a gas job that Carrie's must be, just writing about how weird men are, I mean how easy is that ? Never let it be said that I am an unfair woman, I will say now that there are at least 3 men that I like and I'm only related to 2 of them !I know it's a cheap shot to snipe at them but fairly safe to , on this blog as I think it is an overwhelmingly female readership.

Off I go now to see Christina so we can have a real old pop at the poor wee scones and as always update our celebrity shag list, mine is pitiful at the mo so feel free to drop me some suggestions.

Just to whet your appetite, click on the nice wee thingybob and have a sneaky peek at the movie that I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZ5UyFLJcCc

Want to come with me ?

The Mother Country

I wish I could do something clever and blast you out a bit of prime Scottish music to signify that I am in The Mother Country. Had a really good journey today and when I crossed the border into Gretna Green the sun was shining, always so good to be home.

My gadget mad dad has bought yet another wide screen tv and this one is ENORMOUS, he has also bought a laminator( porqoui ?) but the most bizarre purchase of all is ( in the interests of fairness I don't know who is responsible, it could be either one of my mad parents) they have bought a mirrored toilet seat !

No, I had no idea that such things existed either, is there a site called badtaste.com or moremoneythanyouknowwhattodowith.com or spenditbeforeyougo.com. ?

I did ask why (after being fairly startled on a visit to the loo) and I was told it was chrome and was to match the other accessories. well, fair enough.

I am going to take a photo of this toilet seat and post it at a later date as I don't have a camera connection whojaflip with me at my mammy's.

Glasgow ex European city of culture, now home of the mirrored toilet seat, it's great to be home

Tech feckin ology

It is a well known fact that I struggle with technology. Last week I was slagging off my head of department Ricky for being on Facebook, asking him why when he's a grown up and he told my learners that Miss is 20th century and he's 21st... very true

The Beautiful Eldest Daughter was given a swanky new laptop for her birthday and waited at least 17 minutes before demanding that she be allowed internet access. It sounds quite simple, we have broadband, someone tried to set up a wireless router for me a few months ago when I got my laptop but it didn't work. Now I accepted that some technology just isn't for me, I only use my laptop for work stuff and I now have a wee stick thing I save stuff on and then if required, one of the Beautiful Children will email it from the main pc. So I have managed to not require this router thingy to work. I adapt to what I have available, very 20th century.

Will this be acceptable for herself, oh no. She got her dad to get a new router and he spent a huge ammount of time trying to get that to work. The problem appears to be that our pc is ancient, it is so slow, has no sound and has to have a wee rest after an hour or so (a bit like me really !!!) and does not have something that sounds like ethanet drivers, I neither know nor care.

The upshot of this is not only have I forked out for a new laptop for her and 2 routers I now have to buy a new pc to allow her to access myspace from her bed. The whole point of the laptop was for homework, which last time I checked didn't include myspace or msn as part of the gcse curriculum.

Tech feckin ology .. it's the future and it's expensive

Easter Joy

Oh yes, your auntie is happy again. I stopped work for the 2 week Easter holidays after work on Thursday. The nice thing about having so many teachers read your blog is that no one moans about the holidays the way that other people do.

I have only 2 x 2000 word assignments to mark for the nursery nurses. I have 7 x 50 mark questions to mark for the A level students and another 7 x 50 mark questions to internally moderate. Easy peasy.

The Beautiful Son has returned relatively undamaged from his rugby weekend, he played in a tournament and scored a try. He also saw the Tigers victory at The Millenium Stadium ( I am just about to check out how old Andy Goode is as I think he can replace Dimitri Szarzewski in my CSL )

The Beautiful Eldest Daughter is a mass of seething hormones and is best avoided at present but the omnipresent chocolate may help. I can but dream.

The Beautiful Baby Daughter is a mass of fizzing energy which was noticed more by me as it was just the 2 of us all weekend as the others were away. I am frankly exhausted, she never sits still, we shopped, played, danced, drew, make hama beads, Easter baskets and cards !! Before we had finidhed one thing she was asking what we were going to do next !!! I know why she has so much energy, it's because she has completely drained me of mine !

I am going home to The Mother Country this week. I like to take my children to The Beautiful Parents as it's the only time they get a home cooked meal. I also like to see what my gadget mad dad had been spending my inheritence on.

So if you're around Glasgow or Edinburgh this week and you fancy meeting up for coffee, lunch or just wine, let me know. If not I'll catch up with you in Blogland.

Them feckin Italians

I know I have irrational prejudices against the Italians and it's something I'm working on but what about that wee feckin italian with his drop goal 40 secs from time to win the match ? Feckers.

That seems like God just wants me to keep hating them.

No real connection except rugby, but I am pleased to announce I have found a new man to head my celebrity shag list. He is called Dimitri Szarzewski, he plays no 2 ( which is hooker, and that is a real rugby position, honest!) for France. His club is Staid Francais. He is sooooooooo beautiful, I have not even checked out how old he is (even in fantasy, I won't do it if they are more than 5 years younger than me). He reminds me of Prince Charming in Shrek.

Please click on the wee thingybob and you will see him ( I hope) What can I say gratuitous images of men, my mother will be shocked. Is this the first case of rugby porn ?http://www.weshow.com/uk/p/28599/dimitri_szarzewski_dieux_du_stade_2008

And no you can't have him, I saw him first.

PS - When trying to find a picture of him, I've been routing round in cyberspace and I've found out he's only 25, I ve now gone off him now, too young but I've left the thingy in case you're a - younger than me or b - not bothered

Eldest Beautiful Daughter

Tomorrow my beautiful girl will be 16. She has always been a delight to me and I cannot imagine life without her, way too boring. She is a gorgeous mixture of part adult part baby, she looks so grown up sometimes and at others I can still see her with pigtails and a lollipop.

I really must fess up and say I haven't done her any favours in the growing up stakes. I have done everything for her and consequently she is not a fully functioning human yet. I shudder to think how she'll manage living independently. She doesn't know how to clean, use a washing machine or iron. She can only make toast, spaghetti hoops and tinned soup. She has never used a cash machine, paid a bill or made an appointment for the Dr's, dentist or optician. I do all of that for her, she can't even ask a sales assistant in a shop for anything, I have to ask if they've got it in a 6.

But she is kind, funny, smart and extremely beautiful and I have 2 years to teach her how to live. So join with me in wishing her the best year yet, she is my beloved first child, I cannot tell you how much I love her, she is my heart, Mo Chridhe

15-9

Oh tis a good day to be Scottish in England.
All hail the mighty Chris.
Dan Parks didn't look too shabby either

Johnny who ?

Technological assistance sought

Oh feckity feckity feck, I'm in trouble. Work had lent me a laptop as our PC is ancient and fairly crap. Being very foolish, I have allowed The Beautiful Children to use it. Now all the font has become absolutely massive, Eldest Beautiful Daughter has fiddled with it and put the font sizes setting to normal but it still remains massive.

Some of the little x s you click on to shut down (DO NOT FECKIN LAUGH AT MY TERMINOLOGY, I AM WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE LEARNED THIS) anyway, some of the little x's look like the colour has run on them like something has spilled on them.

If you can explain how to fix this in a way my addled brain can comprehend, please please help before I have to fess up to work.

PS
I have been chosen to receive a lovely Busy Bee award from Tom Foolery, many thanks to you sweetie, but due to my complete technological ineptitude I can't show it. It will join my Rockin Girl award from Lisa Q and my Courageous Blogger award from Newfie in my little cyber drawer of nice things. It's not that I don't appreciate it, honest !

Will you marry me ?

I was thinking that this was was a good time to have a wee bit of fun, after all, how many times does a girl get to propose ?

Now, I am a creature of habit and for many many years my celebrity shag list remained the same. The original line up was as follows

1 Billy Connolly
2 Robbie Coltrane
3 Craig Ferguson
4 Alan Cumming
5 Dougie Henshall

I amended it a few years ago, giving the matter quite considered care, to

1 Dougray Scott
2 Dougie Henshall
3 (I'm sorry to say I can't remember but it could've been Jack Davenport)
4 Sharleen Spiteri
5 Angelina Jolie

Now, I'm afraid to say that I'm going to have to amend it again as none of them seem to be doing it for me. What is wrong with me ? There are millions of people in this world, why can't I choose 5 ? It really is a puzzle, I've got no one to propose to and no one to proposition.

So, if you can think of anyone I can propose to, drop me a line please !

Ps, I have discounted Dan Parks as he is only 28 and Chris Patterson as he is a baby too

Hazardous Activities

At the moment I am teaching a module on Health and Safety, which I'm sure you will agree is just the topic to engage keen young minds ! They hang on my every word.

I went to collect some risk assessment forms that we use for trips, to show the students. We've got a rack of paperwork and a big notice board in the staff room. On the board there was a list of hazardous activities including stuff like canoeing, kayaking, pot holing etc. At the top some wag had written in big red writing.... TEACHING

Oh yes, who says teachers aren't funny ?

Scotland v England

This morning I caught a little preview of a programme that will be showing tonight. I think it's about how residents of Scotland have more per head spent on them by the government than English residents. In actual fact Northern Ireland residents get the most money spent on them but that wouldn't be as controversial a programme would it ?

It is relatively well known that a lot of Scots don't really care for the English but I think a lot of that is fairly tongue in cheek, I know that many Scots will always support the other team when there is a sporting event but do we Scots as a nation really hate the English ? I don't hate the English at all, I have some really lovely friends who are English but I feel very different to them.

My experiences of growing up in Thatcher's Britain have shaped me. I remember how strange and exciting it was to hear a Scottish accent on tv, we always had English voices and programming, there was a feeling that somehow our own voices were second best. Of course it's changed now and there are some fantstic Scottish programmes on now but I remember the excitement in school talking about the Peter McDougall play "Just a boy's Game" and if we had seen Billy Connolly on Parkinson. I also remember being governed by a Conservative government who had not 1 elected MP over on my side of the border. That kind of cemented the view that no matter what you voted in Scotland, it didn't matter as English opinions would always prevail due to the sheer numbers. I learned in school how much Scotland had given the world, we really did invent masses of really useful stuff and I learned how following the Jacobite rebellion that tartan, the kilt and Gaelic were banned. It does make you feel that as a union Scotland was definitely the weaker partner. I could say that Scotland took on the wife's role but that's a whole other post !

A really interesting book to read is " The Scottish Enlightenment - The Scots' Invention of the Modern World" by Arthur Herman. It makes you realise what my beautiful tiny nation contributed and incidentally, Arthur isn't Scottish.

I am a Scot living in England, my children are also Scottish and we really miss The Mother Country. I feel a profound ache living in exile. We share a border and some of us a common language but I feel as foreign here as I would living in America or in France. Every time I drive over the border into The Mother Country I play Runrig's "Coming Home" and we cheer and I often cry. I miss my country and my culture.

I know that due to my sheer incompetence in thinking ahead I will now have to live here until my children finish their education. I do not have a clear year where none of the children will not be doing exam coursework, the joy of having 3 children in 4 years !!! I would hate to move them when they are at a crucial stage of their education but if Scotland devolves, can I really still live here ? The thought of having to use a passport to go home just seems to press the point that I will be living in another country. At the moment I can still kid myself because we are still part of the UK but if devolution happens that notion goes.

I don't hate my life in England and I don't hate the English but I know that I will never be truly happy until I'm back where I belong. I have become more patriotic as I have got older and the longer I live away the more I miss it.

Being Scottish is not my defining characteristic but I do feel I would never chose to be anything other. The immense feeling of pride I have when I hear Flower of Scotland or when I see our beautiful rugby team lined up or when I hear the Murrayfield roar makes me well up. I feel immensly blessed that I had the good fortune to be born Scottish, how lucky am I ? My beautiful Scotland is my heart, Mo Chride

Three in a week

Go me, you can so tell I've got masses of free time.

I have run 3 times this week, which is unbelievable for me.

I have posted 3 blogs this week, also very unusual.

My house is clean.

My prep work is done.

All 3 of The Beautiful Children are with their dad.

Okay, I'm bored now, entertain me

Half Term Happy

Posting on consecutive days ! It can only mean it's half term. Normally I would drive up and visit The Beautiful Parents but Eldest Beautiful Daughter has revision sessions for GCSE's so here we stay. I have no marking to do, just prep and obviously a mountain of housework but time to do it in, God is good.

Today was a really beautiful day and I went out and ran, no prevaricating or procrastination, just put my trainers on, ipod in and ran, I'm so pleased with myself.

I've just finished a fabulous book by Charlotte Moore called George and Sam. She's a journalist and this is a very poignant and in no way self pitying account of her day to day life as a parent of 3 boys, the 2 oldest having Autism. It's incredibly well written and as soon as I finished it, I immediately started it again, I thought it was that good.
I must, in the interests of fairness tell you that she writes for The Guardian (which is 1 of my irrational pet hates) but recently I have been teaching a Mental Health module as part of the A level and have found The Guardian to be a tremendoulsy useful resource. So maybe I will have to change my room 101 to take out The Guardian and it's readers.

I got a really nice text today from someone who I'd thought had forgotten me.

I am very happy.

Makes you proud, doesn't it ?

A very big thank you to Ros for sending me this, it did raise a chuckle which is not mean feat when you think of the rugby, me sad, me very sad.

BEING BRITISH.
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION...
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E; in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

and finally...In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

Randomness

There is no coherence to this post really, it's just a random piece about the things that have happened in the last few days.

The Beautiful Son has gone on a school trip, he's snowboarding in Switzerland, I miss him so much, I'm glad he goes and I'm glad he enjoys it but I just miss his physical presence as he is usually attached to me, it seems strange to not have his hugs. Roll on Saturday, when he's back

I was meant to go to the cinema to see The Kite Runner with the book group as we've just finished the book. I had to cancel as I had no babysitter. The irony of that is that 4 times per week after school I teach a total of 40 students to babysit !!!!!! Oh yes, how my friends laughed when I made my apologies.

I had no babysitter as Eldest Beautiful Daughter went to see her friends band perform. I was also asked to go by one of the students at school - go me ! He handed me the flier which offered " Free sex, if you come" I'm not even going to begin on that one, but as I was reading it, his little face got a bit panicked and he said " Miss, that bit's not for you" okay then...

My washing machine is officially dead, Comet are charging me a grand total of £40.45 to remove my old machine and plumb in the new one. I know it'll take them 10 minutes at best. I am not going to depress myself by working out what percentage of the washing machine price that is .

Beautiful Baby Daughter got the most fantastic report card, she seems to be storming along academically and is still engaged in her learning. Again I am not going to depress myself by wondering when she will switch off. She will continue to be a teacher's dream.... (unlike her siblings)

I had a really sleepless night on Saturday as EBD and her friend failed to come home on time, not just a bit late, but hours late, allegedly they fell asleep at someone elses house (ok then) and neither had taken a phone. I really felt so alone, just sitting there worrying and crying, knowing that I can't go and look for her as she wouldn't have a key to get back in and having BBD alseep in bed, I can't remember when I felt I needed someone to help me so acutely, I just wanted someone there with me, to support me. So being the mean old bag that I am I phoned her dad and made him have a sleepless night worrying about her too. I found myself about to apologize for this but stopped myself, just because I have full time residency of them, it doesn't mean that they're not his kids and not his worries too, right ?

The 6 nations have started, Ireland won, England got beat and so did we, at Murrayfield as well. Never mind, there's always next week.

Every night before I go to sleep I try and think of 5 good things that have happened in the day. I am trying to focus on the positves in my life. I read somewhere that for happiness, you can actually " Fake it till you make it"

So, that's what I'm keeping doing, doing the things that make me content and counting my blessings, Pollyanna must be shitting herself !!!

Tag, I'm it

Apologies to Tom Foolery and Poetess who both tagged me last week, just haven't been around blogland to do this, unlike some of my friends, I don't mind being tagged at all, so here we go

Okay, 6 non important habits or quirks about myself

1. I drink my coffee in the biggest mugs I can find, my very favourite is the venti Starbucks mugs, I have 2 venti size, 2 grande size and 1 tall size (the grande and tall size were bought for me, do these people not know me at all !)

2. I love getting text messages, it makes me so happy

3. I always have a scented candle burning somewhere in the house every day, winter it's Crabtree and Evelyn Noel, summer I like After the Rain by Arran Aromatics, Multiples by The Pier or Natural Cotton from M and S

4. I only like 1 colour of flowers in a vase, preference is always for white, if I'm bought flowers of different colours I will put them in different vases in different rooms.

5. I have worn the same 2 perfumes for years, I get disproportionately cross if my friends then wear them. DKNY woman and Jo Malone Lime, Basil and Mandarin cologne, people really do associate me with these 2 scents

6. My lip gloss addiction is sad and unbefitting a woman my age, day to day is Sexy Mother Pucker, shade nude by Hope and Glory, summer is the blue one from Benefit (makes your teeth very white when you're tanned) evening is Full Potential in Blackberry by Clinique.

Now I'm supposed to tag some others and do something clever and attach a link to other people s blogs. Now I am extremely technophobic, truly dreadful, I can't even begin to do this so I will ask very politely that if you would like to do this on your own blog or do this on the comments on mine, please be my guest, I'd love to hear your little quirks and foibles. As always, The Edge, you are exempt as you hate this.

Contrary, who me ?

Today is meant to be the most depressing day of the year. That'll be why I'm feeling so chipper then. For no real reason I'm quite jolly today, a few things that have made me happy include

Being invited to a student's graduation ceremony - I was touched to be asked

Being offered a good job

Getting 2 bookings for my villa - I'm ever hopeful I'll eventually make a profit on it

White tulips - my favourite flower, I bought some today in Marks and Spencers

The upcoming Sex and the City movie - I am so looking forward to seeing that

and last but not least

I FINISHED AND SUBMITTED MY TAX RETURN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How good is that ? Come on, join in, be cheery today :)

Decorative not Functional

The Eldest Beautiful Daughter is not the daftest of weans but this week she has surpassed herself in the stupidity of her comments.

" We watched The 2 Ronnies today in history " when I queried this I was told " Yeah, we were doing 1920 s America" okay, Mummy s still not convinced and explained who The 2 Ronnies are, then the killer " It was black and white and there were 2 men, 1 tall and skinny and a short fat 1 with a bowler hat and a moustache " ah, that'll be Laurel and Hardy then.

" Hollyoaks raises some serious issues"

and my very very favourite

" Could you put a baby on a motorbike ? " when met with my incredulous gaze ammended to " What even if it's in it's car seat ? "

Who says teenagers of today are stupid ?

Aawh the Glasgae banter

I very rarely delete emails or texts but I've been doing a mass clear out of both, hoping to be cathartic and all "out with the old type" stuff but I came across this and it just made me smile, I hope it does you.

U R A GLASWEGIAN If:
1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie ;-), Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall, St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie.
3. Ye get four seasons in wan day.
4. Ye canny pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert.
5. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.
6. Ye see people wear shell suits with Burberry accessories - pure class!
7. Ye measure distance in minutes.
8. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family.
9. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the ocean.
10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.
11. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
12. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day.
13. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.
14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, irn-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.
15. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.
16. A big flash car has a ned at the wheel.
17. Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.
18. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.
19. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.
20. Finally, you are understand Glaswegian if you have ever said/heard thesewords...
how's it hingin
clatty
boggin
cludgie
pished
get it up ye
wee beastie
amurny
away an bile yer heid
peely-wally
humphey backit
Ba'-heid
baw bag


Now I know there are non Scots who read this and it may not make a bit of sense to you, so apologies for the self indulgence. My disclaimer is that there are plenty of very sophisticated, charming, witty and erudite people from Glasgow but we also have our neds, and our comedy world would be lost without them. So enjoy, have a wee laugh and if you find it too offensive, here comes something I apparently say all the time....

would you give yourself peace !

Happy Birthday Blog

Can you believe it ? My blog is 1 year old today !!!! For the last year I have rambled on about my thoughts on everything. It's been an eclectic mix to say the least !!!

I'd like to say thank you to everyone who's visited and I hope you've enjoyed reading about my beautiful but sometimes dysfunctional life, as much as I've enjoyed all your blogs. The biggest thank you goes to The Edge, who is my original and best matey boy and if he hadn't encouraged me I would never have blogged and I would be so much the poorer for it. So thank you Neil, for everything, the encouragement, the texts, the virtual hugs and the copious ammounts of red wine when we do manage to meet up.

The last thank you goes to The Beautiful Children, for being mine, giving me a reason to get up in the mornings and providing me with so much blog fodder. Your mummy does wuvs yoo!!!!!

New Year New Me

Okay I have wallowed in my misery, gazed at my navel and had my pity party. Thank you for all your kind comments, emails and texts, I do appreciate it.

Time to move on. I never make New Year Resolutions, not sure why but these are not resolutions per se, this is me attempting to clarify what I want from life.

If I blog this, you can all help me, yes I know I'm lazy and I should do this all by my own self, but you're all such lovely people and you all have such different lives and experiences and viewpoints. Please join in and make suggestions, set me little challenges, open my eyes and make me think. I want you all to check in from time to time to see how I'm getting on with my plan

I want to decide what career I'm going to have - will I stay in teaching or retrain ? What other jobs can I do ?

I would like to be more patient with my own children as I seem to use it all up with other people's

I would like to be fitter, my running has all but stopped but I'd like to do more

I want to lose some of the weight I've put on - I will eat less and move around more

I want to be a better friend, I am getting shockingly bad at keeping in touch

I want to be more organised

I want my house to be cleaner and tidier ( no I can't lose the kids)

I want to stop depending on other people to make me happy - I need to learn to make myself happy

I want to stop feeling like a failure because I am single - a spouse or partner does not automatically make people happy and I must try to remember this

I want to have peace of mind

I want to feel truly happy again

New Year Blues

I'll keep it brief as I am like a bear with a sore arse at the moment and I don't want my misery to inflict the blogging public.

I am hoping this is a temporary situation and it's just the usual post xmas, post new year angst - I'm getting old, what have I done with my life, same old same old that we sometimes have.

I am truly grateful for the good things in my life but at the moment it's difficult to keep that in perspective whan contrasted to the complete and utter misery that I feel.

Again, I am truly grateful for the good things in my life. If I keep telling myself that maybe I'll feel better soon