This morning I caught a little preview of a programme that will be showing tonight. I think it's about how residents of Scotland have more per head spent on them by the government than English residents. In actual fact Northern Ireland residents get the most money spent on them but that wouldn't be as controversial a programme would it ?
It is relatively well known that a lot of Scots don't really care for the English but I think a lot of that is fairly tongue in cheek, I know that many Scots will always support the other team when there is a sporting event but do we Scots as a nation really hate the English ? I don't hate the English at all, I have some really lovely friends who are English but I feel very different to them.
My experiences of growing up in Thatcher's Britain have shaped me. I remember how strange and exciting it was to hear a Scottish accent on tv, we always had English voices and programming, there was a feeling that somehow our own voices were second best. Of course it's changed now and there are some fantstic Scottish programmes on now but I remember the excitement in school talking about the Peter McDougall play "Just a boy's Game" and if we had seen Billy Connolly on Parkinson. I also remember being governed by a Conservative government who had not 1 elected MP over on my side of the border. That kind of cemented the view that no matter what you voted in Scotland, it didn't matter as English opinions would always prevail due to the sheer numbers. I learned in school how much Scotland had given the world, we really did invent masses of really useful stuff and I learned how following the Jacobite rebellion that tartan, the kilt and Gaelic were banned. It does make you feel that as a union Scotland was definitely the weaker partner. I could say that Scotland took on the wife's role but that's a whole other post !
A really interesting book to read is " The Scottish Enlightenment - The Scots' Invention of the Modern World" by Arthur Herman. It makes you realise what my beautiful tiny nation contributed and incidentally, Arthur isn't Scottish.
I am a Scot living in England, my children are also Scottish and we really miss The Mother Country. I feel a profound ache living in exile. We share a border and some of us a common language but I feel as foreign here as I would living in America or in France. Every time I drive over the border into The Mother Country I play Runrig's "Coming Home" and we cheer and I often cry. I miss my country and my culture.
I know that due to my sheer incompetence in thinking ahead I will now have to live here until my children finish their education. I do not have a clear year where none of the children will not be doing exam coursework, the joy of having 3 children in 4 years !!! I would hate to move them when they are at a crucial stage of their education but if Scotland devolves, can I really still live here ? The thought of having to use a passport to go home just seems to press the point that I will be living in another country. At the moment I can still kid myself because we are still part of the UK but if devolution happens that notion goes.
I don't hate my life in England and I don't hate the English but I know that I will never be truly happy until I'm back where I belong. I have become more patriotic as I have got older and the longer I live away the more I miss it.
Being Scottish is not my defining characteristic but I do feel I would never chose to be anything other. The immense feeling of pride I have when I hear Flower of Scotland or when I see our beautiful rugby team lined up or when I hear the Murrayfield roar makes me well up. I feel immensly blessed that I had the good fortune to be born Scottish, how lucky am I ? My beautiful Scotland is my heart, Mo Chride
Monday, 18 February 2008
Friday, 15 February 2008
Three in a week
Go me, you can so tell I've got masses of free time.
I have run 3 times this week, which is unbelievable for me.
I have posted 3 blogs this week, also very unusual.
My house is clean.
My prep work is done.
All 3 of The Beautiful Children are with their dad.
Okay, I'm bored now, entertain me
I have run 3 times this week, which is unbelievable for me.
I have posted 3 blogs this week, also very unusual.
My house is clean.
My prep work is done.
All 3 of The Beautiful Children are with their dad.
Okay, I'm bored now, entertain me
Tuesday, 12 February 2008
Half Term Happy
Posting on consecutive days ! It can only mean it's half term. Normally I would drive up and visit The Beautiful Parents but Eldest Beautiful Daughter has revision sessions for GCSE's so here we stay. I have no marking to do, just prep and obviously a mountain of housework but time to do it in, God is good.
Today was a really beautiful day and I went out and ran, no prevaricating or procrastination, just put my trainers on, ipod in and ran, I'm so pleased with myself.
I've just finished a fabulous book by Charlotte Moore called George and Sam. She's a journalist and this is a very poignant and in no way self pitying account of her day to day life as a parent of 3 boys, the 2 oldest having Autism. It's incredibly well written and as soon as I finished it, I immediately started it again, I thought it was that good.
I must, in the interests of fairness tell you that she writes for The Guardian (which is 1 of my irrational pet hates) but recently I have been teaching a Mental Health module as part of the A level and have found The Guardian to be a tremendoulsy useful resource. So maybe I will have to change my room 101 to take out The Guardian and it's readers.
I got a really nice text today from someone who I'd thought had forgotten me.
I am very happy.
Today was a really beautiful day and I went out and ran, no prevaricating or procrastination, just put my trainers on, ipod in and ran, I'm so pleased with myself.
I've just finished a fabulous book by Charlotte Moore called George and Sam. She's a journalist and this is a very poignant and in no way self pitying account of her day to day life as a parent of 3 boys, the 2 oldest having Autism. It's incredibly well written and as soon as I finished it, I immediately started it again, I thought it was that good.
I must, in the interests of fairness tell you that she writes for The Guardian (which is 1 of my irrational pet hates) but recently I have been teaching a Mental Health module as part of the A level and have found The Guardian to be a tremendoulsy useful resource. So maybe I will have to change my room 101 to take out The Guardian and it's readers.
I got a really nice text today from someone who I'd thought had forgotten me.
I am very happy.
Monday, 11 February 2008
Makes you proud, doesn't it ?
A very big thank you to Ros for sending me this, it did raise a chuckle which is not mean feat when you think of the rugby, me sad, me very sad.
BEING BRITISH.
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!
Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.
NOT TO MENTION...
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E; in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.
and finally...In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.
BEING BRITISH.
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!
Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.
NOT TO MENTION...
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E; in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.
and finally...In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.
Monday, 4 February 2008
Randomness
There is no coherence to this post really, it's just a random piece about the things that have happened in the last few days.
The Beautiful Son has gone on a school trip, he's snowboarding in Switzerland, I miss him so much, I'm glad he goes and I'm glad he enjoys it but I just miss his physical presence as he is usually attached to me, it seems strange to not have his hugs. Roll on Saturday, when he's back
I was meant to go to the cinema to see The Kite Runner with the book group as we've just finished the book. I had to cancel as I had no babysitter. The irony of that is that 4 times per week after school I teach a total of 40 students to babysit !!!!!! Oh yes, how my friends laughed when I made my apologies.
I had no babysitter as Eldest Beautiful Daughter went to see her friends band perform. I was also asked to go by one of the students at school - go me ! He handed me the flier which offered " Free sex, if you come" I'm not even going to begin on that one, but as I was reading it, his little face got a bit panicked and he said " Miss, that bit's not for you" okay then...
My washing machine is officially dead, Comet are charging me a grand total of £40.45 to remove my old machine and plumb in the new one. I know it'll take them 10 minutes at best. I am not going to depress myself by working out what percentage of the washing machine price that is .
Beautiful Baby Daughter got the most fantastic report card, she seems to be storming along academically and is still engaged in her learning. Again I am not going to depress myself by wondering when she will switch off. She will continue to be a teacher's dream.... (unlike her siblings)
I had a really sleepless night on Saturday as EBD and her friend failed to come home on time, not just a bit late, but hours late, allegedly they fell asleep at someone elses house (ok then) and neither had taken a phone. I really felt so alone, just sitting there worrying and crying, knowing that I can't go and look for her as she wouldn't have a key to get back in and having BBD alseep in bed, I can't remember when I felt I needed someone to help me so acutely, I just wanted someone there with me, to support me. So being the mean old bag that I am I phoned her dad and made him have a sleepless night worrying about her too. I found myself about to apologize for this but stopped myself, just because I have full time residency of them, it doesn't mean that they're not his kids and not his worries too, right ?
The 6 nations have started, Ireland won, England got beat and so did we, at Murrayfield as well. Never mind, there's always next week.
Every night before I go to sleep I try and think of 5 good things that have happened in the day. I am trying to focus on the positves in my life. I read somewhere that for happiness, you can actually " Fake it till you make it"
So, that's what I'm keeping doing, doing the things that make me content and counting my blessings, Pollyanna must be shitting herself !!!
The Beautiful Son has gone on a school trip, he's snowboarding in Switzerland, I miss him so much, I'm glad he goes and I'm glad he enjoys it but I just miss his physical presence as he is usually attached to me, it seems strange to not have his hugs. Roll on Saturday, when he's back
I was meant to go to the cinema to see The Kite Runner with the book group as we've just finished the book. I had to cancel as I had no babysitter. The irony of that is that 4 times per week after school I teach a total of 40 students to babysit !!!!!! Oh yes, how my friends laughed when I made my apologies.
I had no babysitter as Eldest Beautiful Daughter went to see her friends band perform. I was also asked to go by one of the students at school - go me ! He handed me the flier which offered " Free sex, if you come" I'm not even going to begin on that one, but as I was reading it, his little face got a bit panicked and he said " Miss, that bit's not for you" okay then...
My washing machine is officially dead, Comet are charging me a grand total of £40.45 to remove my old machine and plumb in the new one. I know it'll take them 10 minutes at best. I am not going to depress myself by working out what percentage of the washing machine price that is .
Beautiful Baby Daughter got the most fantastic report card, she seems to be storming along academically and is still engaged in her learning. Again I am not going to depress myself by wondering when she will switch off. She will continue to be a teacher's dream.... (unlike her siblings)
I had a really sleepless night on Saturday as EBD and her friend failed to come home on time, not just a bit late, but hours late, allegedly they fell asleep at someone elses house (ok then) and neither had taken a phone. I really felt so alone, just sitting there worrying and crying, knowing that I can't go and look for her as she wouldn't have a key to get back in and having BBD alseep in bed, I can't remember when I felt I needed someone to help me so acutely, I just wanted someone there with me, to support me. So being the mean old bag that I am I phoned her dad and made him have a sleepless night worrying about her too. I found myself about to apologize for this but stopped myself, just because I have full time residency of them, it doesn't mean that they're not his kids and not his worries too, right ?
The 6 nations have started, Ireland won, England got beat and so did we, at Murrayfield as well. Never mind, there's always next week.
Every night before I go to sleep I try and think of 5 good things that have happened in the day. I am trying to focus on the positves in my life. I read somewhere that for happiness, you can actually " Fake it till you make it"
So, that's what I'm keeping doing, doing the things that make me content and counting my blessings, Pollyanna must be shitting herself !!!
Wednesday, 30 January 2008
Tag, I'm it
Apologies to Tom Foolery and Poetess who both tagged me last week, just haven't been around blogland to do this, unlike some of my friends, I don't mind being tagged at all, so here we go
Okay, 6 non important habits or quirks about myself
1. I drink my coffee in the biggest mugs I can find, my very favourite is the venti Starbucks mugs, I have 2 venti size, 2 grande size and 1 tall size (the grande and tall size were bought for me, do these people not know me at all !)
2. I love getting text messages, it makes me so happy
3. I always have a scented candle burning somewhere in the house every day, winter it's Crabtree and Evelyn Noel, summer I like After the Rain by Arran Aromatics, Multiples by The Pier or Natural Cotton from M and S
4. I only like 1 colour of flowers in a vase, preference is always for white, if I'm bought flowers of different colours I will put them in different vases in different rooms.
5. I have worn the same 2 perfumes for years, I get disproportionately cross if my friends then wear them. DKNY woman and Jo Malone Lime, Basil and Mandarin cologne, people really do associate me with these 2 scents
6. My lip gloss addiction is sad and unbefitting a woman my age, day to day is Sexy Mother Pucker, shade nude by Hope and Glory, summer is the blue one from Benefit (makes your teeth very white when you're tanned) evening is Full Potential in Blackberry by Clinique.
Now I'm supposed to tag some others and do something clever and attach a link to other people s blogs. Now I am extremely technophobic, truly dreadful, I can't even begin to do this so I will ask very politely that if you would like to do this on your own blog or do this on the comments on mine, please be my guest, I'd love to hear your little quirks and foibles. As always, The Edge, you are exempt as you hate this.
Okay, 6 non important habits or quirks about myself
1. I drink my coffee in the biggest mugs I can find, my very favourite is the venti Starbucks mugs, I have 2 venti size, 2 grande size and 1 tall size (the grande and tall size were bought for me, do these people not know me at all !)
2. I love getting text messages, it makes me so happy
3. I always have a scented candle burning somewhere in the house every day, winter it's Crabtree and Evelyn Noel, summer I like After the Rain by Arran Aromatics, Multiples by The Pier or Natural Cotton from M and S
4. I only like 1 colour of flowers in a vase, preference is always for white, if I'm bought flowers of different colours I will put them in different vases in different rooms.
5. I have worn the same 2 perfumes for years, I get disproportionately cross if my friends then wear them. DKNY woman and Jo Malone Lime, Basil and Mandarin cologne, people really do associate me with these 2 scents
6. My lip gloss addiction is sad and unbefitting a woman my age, day to day is Sexy Mother Pucker, shade nude by Hope and Glory, summer is the blue one from Benefit (makes your teeth very white when you're tanned) evening is Full Potential in Blackberry by Clinique.
Now I'm supposed to tag some others and do something clever and attach a link to other people s blogs. Now I am extremely technophobic, truly dreadful, I can't even begin to do this so I will ask very politely that if you would like to do this on your own blog or do this on the comments on mine, please be my guest, I'd love to hear your little quirks and foibles. As always, The Edge, you are exempt as you hate this.
Monday, 21 January 2008
Contrary, who me ?
Today is meant to be the most depressing day of the year. That'll be why I'm feeling so chipper then. For no real reason I'm quite jolly today, a few things that have made me happy include
Being invited to a student's graduation ceremony - I was touched to be asked
Being offered a good job
Getting 2 bookings for my villa - I'm ever hopeful I'll eventually make a profit on it
White tulips - my favourite flower, I bought some today in Marks and Spencers
The upcoming Sex and the City movie - I am so looking forward to seeing that
and last but not least
I FINISHED AND SUBMITTED MY TAX RETURN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How good is that ? Come on, join in, be cheery today :)
Being invited to a student's graduation ceremony - I was touched to be asked
Being offered a good job
Getting 2 bookings for my villa - I'm ever hopeful I'll eventually make a profit on it
White tulips - my favourite flower, I bought some today in Marks and Spencers
The upcoming Sex and the City movie - I am so looking forward to seeing that
and last but not least
I FINISHED AND SUBMITTED MY TAX RETURN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How good is that ? Come on, join in, be cheery today :)
Friday, 18 January 2008
Decorative not Functional
The Eldest Beautiful Daughter is not the daftest of weans but this week she has surpassed herself in the stupidity of her comments.
" We watched The 2 Ronnies today in history " when I queried this I was told " Yeah, we were doing 1920 s America" okay, Mummy s still not convinced and explained who The 2 Ronnies are, then the killer " It was black and white and there were 2 men, 1 tall and skinny and a short fat 1 with a bowler hat and a moustache " ah, that'll be Laurel and Hardy then.
" Hollyoaks raises some serious issues"
and my very very favourite
" Could you put a baby on a motorbike ? " when met with my incredulous gaze ammended to " What even if it's in it's car seat ? "
Who says teenagers of today are stupid ?
Wednesday, 16 January 2008
Aawh the Glasgae banter
I very rarely delete emails or texts but I've been doing a mass clear out of both, hoping to be cathartic and all "out with the old type" stuff but I came across this and it just made me smile, I hope it does you.
U R A GLASWEGIAN If:
1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie ;-), Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall, St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie.
3. Ye get four seasons in wan day.
4. Ye canny pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert.
5. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.
6. Ye see people wear shell suits with Burberry accessories - pure class!
7. Ye measure distance in minutes.
8. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family.
9. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the ocean.
10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.
11. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
12. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day.
13. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.
14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, irn-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.
15. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.
16. A big flash car has a ned at the wheel.
17. Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.
18. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.
19. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.
20. Finally, you are understand Glaswegian if you have ever said/heard thesewords...
how's it hingin
clatty
boggin
cludgie
pished
get it up ye
wee beastie
amurny
away an bile yer heid
peely-wally
humphey backit
Ba'-heid
baw bag
Now I know there are non Scots who read this and it may not make a bit of sense to you, so apologies for the self indulgence. My disclaimer is that there are plenty of very sophisticated, charming, witty and erudite people from Glasgow but we also have our neds, and our comedy world would be lost without them. So enjoy, have a wee laugh and if you find it too offensive, here comes something I apparently say all the time....
would you give yourself peace !
U R A GLASWEGIAN If:
1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie ;-), Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall, St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie.
3. Ye get four seasons in wan day.
4. Ye canny pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert.
5. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.
6. Ye see people wear shell suits with Burberry accessories - pure class!
7. Ye measure distance in minutes.
8. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family.
9. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the ocean.
10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.
11. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
12. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day.
13. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.
14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, irn-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.
15. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.
16. A big flash car has a ned at the wheel.
17. Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.
18. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.
19. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.
20. Finally, you are understand Glaswegian if you have ever said/heard thesewords...
how's it hingin
clatty
boggin
cludgie
pished
get it up ye
wee beastie
amurny
away an bile yer heid
peely-wally
humphey backit
Ba'-heid
baw bag
Now I know there are non Scots who read this and it may not make a bit of sense to you, so apologies for the self indulgence. My disclaimer is that there are plenty of very sophisticated, charming, witty and erudite people from Glasgow but we also have our neds, and our comedy world would be lost without them. So enjoy, have a wee laugh and if you find it too offensive, here comes something I apparently say all the time....
would you give yourself peace !
Friday, 11 January 2008
Happy Birthday Blog
Can you believe it ? My blog is 1 year old today !!!! For the last year I have rambled on about my thoughts on everything. It's been an eclectic mix to say the least !!!
I'd like to say thank you to everyone who's visited and I hope you've enjoyed reading about my beautiful but sometimes dysfunctional life, as much as I've enjoyed all your blogs. The biggest thank you goes to The Edge, who is my original and best matey boy and if he hadn't encouraged me I would never have blogged and I would be so much the poorer for it. So thank you Neil, for everything, the encouragement, the texts, the virtual hugs and the copious ammounts of red wine when we do manage to meet up.
The last thank you goes to The Beautiful Children, for being mine, giving me a reason to get up in the mornings and providing me with so much blog fodder. Your mummy does wuvs yoo!!!!!
I'd like to say thank you to everyone who's visited and I hope you've enjoyed reading about my beautiful but sometimes dysfunctional life, as much as I've enjoyed all your blogs. The biggest thank you goes to The Edge, who is my original and best matey boy and if he hadn't encouraged me I would never have blogged and I would be so much the poorer for it. So thank you Neil, for everything, the encouragement, the texts, the virtual hugs and the copious ammounts of red wine when we do manage to meet up.
The last thank you goes to The Beautiful Children, for being mine, giving me a reason to get up in the mornings and providing me with so much blog fodder. Your mummy does wuvs yoo!!!!!
Wednesday, 9 January 2008
New Year New Me
Okay I have wallowed in my misery, gazed at my navel and had my pity party. Thank you for all your kind comments, emails and texts, I do appreciate it.
Time to move on. I never make New Year Resolutions, not sure why but these are not resolutions per se, this is me attempting to clarify what I want from life.
If I blog this, you can all help me, yes I know I'm lazy and I should do this all by my own self, but you're all such lovely people and you all have such different lives and experiences and viewpoints. Please join in and make suggestions, set me little challenges, open my eyes and make me think. I want you all to check in from time to time to see how I'm getting on with my plan
I want to decide what career I'm going to have - will I stay in teaching or retrain ? What other jobs can I do ?
I would like to be more patient with my own children as I seem to use it all up with other people's
I would like to be fitter, my running has all but stopped but I'd like to do more
I want to lose some of the weight I've put on - I will eat less and move around more
I want to be a better friend, I am getting shockingly bad at keeping in touch
I want to be more organised
I want my house to be cleaner and tidier ( no I can't lose the kids)
I want to stop depending on other people to make me happy - I need to learn to make myself happy
I want to stop feeling like a failure because I am single - a spouse or partner does not automatically make people happy and I must try to remember this
I want to have peace of mind
I want to feel truly happy again
Time to move on. I never make New Year Resolutions, not sure why but these are not resolutions per se, this is me attempting to clarify what I want from life.
If I blog this, you can all help me, yes I know I'm lazy and I should do this all by my own self, but you're all such lovely people and you all have such different lives and experiences and viewpoints. Please join in and make suggestions, set me little challenges, open my eyes and make me think. I want you all to check in from time to time to see how I'm getting on with my plan
I want to decide what career I'm going to have - will I stay in teaching or retrain ? What other jobs can I do ?
I would like to be more patient with my own children as I seem to use it all up with other people's
I would like to be fitter, my running has all but stopped but I'd like to do more
I want to lose some of the weight I've put on - I will eat less and move around more
I want to be a better friend, I am getting shockingly bad at keeping in touch
I want to be more organised
I want my house to be cleaner and tidier ( no I can't lose the kids)
I want to stop depending on other people to make me happy - I need to learn to make myself happy
I want to stop feeling like a failure because I am single - a spouse or partner does not automatically make people happy and I must try to remember this
I want to have peace of mind
I want to feel truly happy again
Tuesday, 8 January 2008
New Year Blues
I'll keep it brief as I am like a bear with a sore arse at the moment and I don't want my misery to inflict the blogging public.
I am hoping this is a temporary situation and it's just the usual post xmas, post new year angst - I'm getting old, what have I done with my life, same old same old that we sometimes have.
I am truly grateful for the good things in my life but at the moment it's difficult to keep that in perspective whan contrasted to the complete and utter misery that I feel.
Again, I am truly grateful for the good things in my life. If I keep telling myself that maybe I'll feel better soon
I am hoping this is a temporary situation and it's just the usual post xmas, post new year angst - I'm getting old, what have I done with my life, same old same old that we sometimes have.
I am truly grateful for the good things in my life but at the moment it's difficult to keep that in perspective whan contrasted to the complete and utter misery that I feel.
Again, I am truly grateful for the good things in my life. If I keep telling myself that maybe I'll feel better soon
Wednesday, 26 December 2007
Happy Christmas
A very happy Christmas was had by all. I hope you had a good one too.With lots of love from your auntiegwen and her emo kids.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thursday, 20 December 2007
I'm home
Drove home to The Mother Country today to stay with The Beautiful Parents. I do love my family, they're as mad as a box of frogs but I love them.
We had a very good journey home, the M6 was not a car park as is it's usual state. We had a very cheery Christmas CD on and there was minimal fighting, all good or as Eldest Beautiful Daughter says, it's all gravy.
The Beautiful Parents have excelled themselves on the spending money front once again, the lounge has been fully redecorated and furnished, just like last Christmas ! My gadget mad dad has invested in a nintendo ds, a wii and an all singing all dancing sky telly, phone and broadband package. Fully complemented by a very fancy new computer and wireless router (despite the fact they have no need of a router as they only have 1 computer) and I have tried to explain this but as I am extremely technophobic and they are pensioners with a penchant for gadgets they don't fully know how to operate, I just gave up.
Life is so good at home, awaiting my arrival was my choice of pornography, the GSPC ( this is a guide to houses for sale in Glasgow) I am an absolute property porn addict, a family size tin of roses and my beloved Empire Biscuits.
As my children have full access to all home technology comforts and then some ( plasma screen tellies and a full sky package, not to mention the brain training that has kept them quiet for the last hour) and a fridge full of crap that they love but don't get at home, I am asking myself...
Why don't I just stay ? Please Mum, this time I'll even keep my room tidy, and I'll always be in bed by 11, I promise !
We had a very good journey home, the M6 was not a car park as is it's usual state. We had a very cheery Christmas CD on and there was minimal fighting, all good or as Eldest Beautiful Daughter says, it's all gravy.
The Beautiful Parents have excelled themselves on the spending money front once again, the lounge has been fully redecorated and furnished, just like last Christmas ! My gadget mad dad has invested in a nintendo ds, a wii and an all singing all dancing sky telly, phone and broadband package. Fully complemented by a very fancy new computer and wireless router (despite the fact they have no need of a router as they only have 1 computer) and I have tried to explain this but as I am extremely technophobic and they are pensioners with a penchant for gadgets they don't fully know how to operate, I just gave up.
Life is so good at home, awaiting my arrival was my choice of pornography, the GSPC ( this is a guide to houses for sale in Glasgow) I am an absolute property porn addict, a family size tin of roses and my beloved Empire Biscuits.
As my children have full access to all home technology comforts and then some ( plasma screen tellies and a full sky package, not to mention the brain training that has kept them quiet for the last hour) and a fridge full of crap that they love but don't get at home, I am asking myself...
Why don't I just stay ? Please Mum, this time I'll even keep my room tidy, and I'll always be in bed by 11, I promise !
Tuesday, 18 December 2007
Spoke too feckin soon
I am so fed up and pissed off I am frightening people. You know that sign that says " I have pmt and a gun, any more questions ?" that pretty much sums up how I look at the moment.
Me and my big fat useless Scottish gob. I've brought it on myself. Remember that smug and happy tone of the last post ? Well, it's come back to bite me big time.
I have had to go back into work to do some cover.
My students have resubmitted their marked work for an upgrade therefore I have to remark.
My children are being truly and unbelievably horrible to each other and so so selfish, I am ashamed of them, where did I go wrong ? they were not brought up like that.
I have in no way, shape or form even made a dent in my xmas shopping. I had started but Amazon sent me the wrong stuff and now I have to go buy it and go to the post office to return the wrong stuff. I still have to do the big xmas food shop and that will have to be done on xmas eve and that just makes me want to cry.
I have no time between now and coming home to write and post cards so for the 2nd year running I am not sending any.
My long awaited night alone with himself so did not go to plan, it's fair to say that we both had a horrible weekend.
Christmas, you can keep it
Ho feckin ho
Me and my big fat useless Scottish gob. I've brought it on myself. Remember that smug and happy tone of the last post ? Well, it's come back to bite me big time.
I have had to go back into work to do some cover.
My students have resubmitted their marked work for an upgrade therefore I have to remark.
My children are being truly and unbelievably horrible to each other and so so selfish, I am ashamed of them, where did I go wrong ? they were not brought up like that.
I have in no way, shape or form even made a dent in my xmas shopping. I had started but Amazon sent me the wrong stuff and now I have to go buy it and go to the post office to return the wrong stuff. I still have to do the big xmas food shop and that will have to be done on xmas eve and that just makes me want to cry.
I have no time between now and coming home to write and post cards so for the 2nd year running I am not sending any.
My long awaited night alone with himself so did not go to plan, it's fair to say that we both had a horrible weekend.
Christmas, you can keep it
Ho feckin ho
Friday, 14 December 2007
Reasons to be cheerful part 1
I am now officially finished teaching for the Christmas Break
I am finished marking Glory Be To God
My Christmas tree is up and I have my Crabtree and Evelyn Noel Xmas candle, lamp oil and room spray in use, that smell means Xmas to me and mine
I am coming home to The Mother Country to see The Beautiful Parents
My Beautiful Children have taken a small break from the undercover work of Satan and have temporarily stopped trying to drive each other mental
I am going to see The Beautiful Man today
The Beautiful Man and I have no, I repeat, NO children to look after tonight and up until tea time tomorrow
The Beautiful Man and I will be in his house completely alone for the first time in 2 months
Again, The Beautiful Man and I will be completely alone tonight
My life is soooooooooooooooooo good
I am finished marking Glory Be To God
My Christmas tree is up and I have my Crabtree and Evelyn Noel Xmas candle, lamp oil and room spray in use, that smell means Xmas to me and mine
I am coming home to The Mother Country to see The Beautiful Parents
My Beautiful Children have taken a small break from the undercover work of Satan and have temporarily stopped trying to drive each other mental
I am going to see The Beautiful Man today
The Beautiful Man and I have no, I repeat, NO children to look after tonight and up until tea time tomorrow
The Beautiful Man and I will be in his house completely alone for the first time in 2 months
Again, The Beautiful Man and I will be completely alone tonight
My life is soooooooooooooooooo good
Wednesday, 5 December 2007
Cynicism, thy name is Gwen
I've had a busy old week, what with work, weans and just general life really. And that's without mentioning the C word.
A few things have made me laugh this week, as follows
Seen written in dirt on the back of a transit van in Birmingham - " This van is called Mohammed"
Written in magnetic words on my kitchen door - " Teachers are pooey brown butt wipes " nice to be insulted in your own kitchen by your own offspring isn't it ?
and finally the pick of the bunch, taken from The Sunday Times
The Madness of King Alex
It has cost THOUSANDS of pounds and months of hard work, but at last Scotland's First Minister, Alex Salmond, has unveiled a new tourism slogan to replace the old "Best small country in the world" tag line.
The new catchphrase has been variously described as "stunning", "astonishing" and "showing what a modern, vibrant and successful country Scotland is". The slogan?
" Welcome to Scotland"
Well feck me, they obviously had the keenest minds and brightest talents on double time to produce that one, eh? How did they come up with that ? No wonder the English think we'll never manage without them in the glorious post Devolution Caledonia that has Salmon salivating.
Is it just me or does the Scottish "waste of tax payers feckin money" Parliament fiasco spring into anyone elses mind ?
A few things have made me laugh this week, as follows
Seen written in dirt on the back of a transit van in Birmingham - " This van is called Mohammed"
Written in magnetic words on my kitchen door - " Teachers are pooey brown butt wipes " nice to be insulted in your own kitchen by your own offspring isn't it ?
and finally the pick of the bunch, taken from The Sunday Times
The Madness of King Alex
It has cost THOUSANDS of pounds and months of hard work, but at last Scotland's First Minister, Alex Salmond, has unveiled a new tourism slogan to replace the old "Best small country in the world" tag line.
The new catchphrase has been variously described as "stunning", "astonishing" and "showing what a modern, vibrant and successful country Scotland is". The slogan?
" Welcome to Scotland"
Well feck me, they obviously had the keenest minds and brightest talents on double time to produce that one, eh? How did they come up with that ? No wonder the English think we'll never manage without them in the glorious post Devolution Caledonia that has Salmon salivating.
Is it just me or does the Scottish "waste of tax payers feckin money" Parliament fiasco spring into anyone elses mind ?
Monday, 26 November 2007
Five Glass Friday
On Friday night himself and I went to his triathlon club's annual black tie award dinner. This involved a dinner suit for him and 3 coats of mascara and a posh frock for me. It would be an understatement to say I wasn't looking forward to it.
There were more than a few reasons for this,
I don't like getting out of my jeans unless I'm getting into my jammies,
I hate being a plus 1, in the past this has meant me being left to fend for myself whilst the people who know each other have a great time,
I tend to be a bit nervous around people I don't know so I have a few glasses of the red stuff and then think I'm dead funny, everyone else just thinks I'm pissed and possibly obnoxious, not much chance of them being pissed and not noticing as they're all athletes
It being an athletic club, I thought I might be the lardiest one there
We were leaving 3 of the collective beautiful children together without us being there for the first time ( don't worry, the eldest is a very sensible 15 and the others 12) I really wasn't sure how they'd get on. So lots of little niggles before we even got there.
What was I worried about ? I don't think anyone was sober, I saw quite a lot of peoples pants, both himself and I were hit on, I didn't take the 2 kilted men to task for not having any right to wear a kilt ( both admitted they do it just to pull women!!!),and the kids got on brilliantly.
The Beautiful Man looked really yummy and looked after me like I've never been looked after before and he doesn't dance like a dad. Not too shabby is it ?
There were more than a few reasons for this,
I don't like getting out of my jeans unless I'm getting into my jammies,
I hate being a plus 1, in the past this has meant me being left to fend for myself whilst the people who know each other have a great time,
I tend to be a bit nervous around people I don't know so I have a few glasses of the red stuff and then think I'm dead funny, everyone else just thinks I'm pissed and possibly obnoxious, not much chance of them being pissed and not noticing as they're all athletes
It being an athletic club, I thought I might be the lardiest one there
We were leaving 3 of the collective beautiful children together without us being there for the first time ( don't worry, the eldest is a very sensible 15 and the others 12) I really wasn't sure how they'd get on. So lots of little niggles before we even got there.
What was I worried about ? I don't think anyone was sober, I saw quite a lot of peoples pants, both himself and I were hit on, I didn't take the 2 kilted men to task for not having any right to wear a kilt ( both admitted they do it just to pull women!!!),and the kids got on brilliantly.
The Beautiful Man looked really yummy and looked after me like I've never been looked after before and he doesn't dance like a dad. Not too shabby is it ?
Friday, 16 November 2007
Mr Angry of Leith
Himself sent me this funny email today and I had to share it. Coming from Glasgow, I always think that the West Coast humour is a wee bit funnier but I did live in Auld Reekie for 13 years, and I did love it there too, so here's a wee bit of East Coast humour for you.
Here's a thought for all the Edinburgh dwellers on the service your boys in blue / black / yellow provide. True email sent to the force, lengthy but absolutely brilliantly written....
Anonymous correspondence from a member of the public
Dear Sir/madam/automated telephone answering service.
Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Leith police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Leith by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or ouji board.
As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in West Cromwell Street which is just off Commercial Street in Leith. Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout the entire building.
This game is now in it's third week and as I am unsure how the scoring system works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon.The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed. I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of calor gas that is lying on it's side between the two bins. If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches. Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the kitchen.
What I suggest is this. after replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.I trust that when I take a clawhammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me.
I remain sir, your obedient servant?????????
Mr ??????,
I have read your e-mail and understand you frustration at the problems caused by youth playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police.As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you.Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.
RegardsPC ????????????????Community Beat Officer
Dear PC ?????First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my original e-mail. 16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for Leith Police station and rest assured that I will forward these details to Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next book.Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has it's own community beat officer. May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert skills. In the five or so years I have lived in West Cromwell Street, I have never seen you. Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and infiltrated the gang itself? Are you the one with the acne and the moustache on his forehead or the one with a chin like a wash hand basin? It's surely only a matter of time before you are headhunted by MI5.Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place in Leith such as smoking in a public place or being Muslim without due care and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using words of no more than two syllables at a time) to these twats that they might want to play their strange football game elsewhere. The pitch behind the Citadel or the one at DKs are both within spitting distance as is the bottom of the Albert Dock.Should you wish to discuss these matters further you should feel free to contact me on ??? ????. If after 25 minutes I have still failed to answer, I'll buy you a large one in the Compass Bar.
Regards???????
P.S If you think that this is sarcasm, think yourself lucky that you don't work for the cleansing department.
Now you see, if the police weren't so busy arresting and putting men on the sex offenders register for shagging their bikes they'd be there like a shot....
Here's a thought for all the Edinburgh dwellers on the service your boys in blue / black / yellow provide. True email sent to the force, lengthy but absolutely brilliantly written....
Anonymous correspondence from a member of the public
Dear Sir/madam/automated telephone answering service.
Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Leith police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Leith by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or ouji board.
As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in West Cromwell Street which is just off Commercial Street in Leith. Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout the entire building.
This game is now in it's third week and as I am unsure how the scoring system works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon.The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed. I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of calor gas that is lying on it's side between the two bins. If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches. Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the kitchen.
What I suggest is this. after replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.I trust that when I take a clawhammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me.
I remain sir, your obedient servant?????????
Mr ??????,
I have read your e-mail and understand you frustration at the problems caused by youth playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police.As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you.Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.
RegardsPC ????????????????Community Beat Officer
Dear PC ?????First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my original e-mail. 16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for Leith Police station and rest assured that I will forward these details to Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next book.Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has it's own community beat officer. May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert skills. In the five or so years I have lived in West Cromwell Street, I have never seen you. Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and infiltrated the gang itself? Are you the one with the acne and the moustache on his forehead or the one with a chin like a wash hand basin? It's surely only a matter of time before you are headhunted by MI5.Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place in Leith such as smoking in a public place or being Muslim without due care and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using words of no more than two syllables at a time) to these twats that they might want to play their strange football game elsewhere. The pitch behind the Citadel or the one at DKs are both within spitting distance as is the bottom of the Albert Dock.Should you wish to discuss these matters further you should feel free to contact me on ??? ????. If after 25 minutes I have still failed to answer, I'll buy you a large one in the Compass Bar.
Regards???????
P.S If you think that this is sarcasm, think yourself lucky that you don't work for the cleansing department.
Now you see, if the police weren't so busy arresting and putting men on the sex offenders register for shagging their bikes they'd be there like a shot....
Monday, 12 November 2007
My Mondays
Now some of you may know that I work from home on Mondays. This is the day when I attempt to clean my house, do shed loads of laundry, run ( ha ha ha, I put them in to save you the trouble of laughing for yourself), do a supermarket shop, plan lessons for the week, go to the bank, post office, dry cleaners etc etc etc. Monday is the day when I try and do a weeks worth of stuff in a day. This is what I plan to do, every Sunday night and every Monday morning, I tell myself that this will be the day I do it. In my head the plan sounds great, achievable even. This is the plan.
This is the actuality
Every Monday, I get up, go straight to Beautiful Baby Daughters room and get into her bed for 10 minutes where I kiss and cuddle her, then I go to The Beautiful Son's bedroom where I get into his bed and kiss and cuddle him for precisely 10 minutes, they actually time it to ensure neither of them gets a peko second more of my attention. I then knock on the door of the Bride of Darkness aka Eldest Beautiful Daughter and get a grunt in return from under the duvet, I would be happy to kiss and cuddle her to but I am more likely to get a belt in the mouth for my trouble, like me, she's not a morning person.
I then proceed downstairs to the kitchen, I put on my first load of laundry for the day, empty the dishwasher, make packed lunches, call the beautiful children at least 4 times to come and eat the feckin breakfast, dispense money, find lost kit, homework, school books etc etc.
I then return to my bed with the first of several large mugs of coffee, I watch channel 4 on the telly whilst eating my lightly toasted cinnamon and raisin bagel, occasionally I can persuade EBD to make me another coffee and I stay there contentedly till I've seen Will and Grace.
I then get up and empty the washing machine and put on yet another load of laundry. I sit at the pc and log on, I read my horoscopes, handbag.com forums and anything that catches my eye on the home page, I then go to blogger and read all my lovely regular round of blogs and then I think I should blog myself.
So it is now 11 am, I am still not showered or dressed, the washing is still not pegged out and I have achieved nothing of my plan but before you deride me for wasting my time, have a little look at what I've found out, today I give you something I found on the tiscali home page, it is a list of laws that have never been repealled, and I 've included the foreign ones so you can see that people really are nuts the world over.
Strange but True Laws
1. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.
2. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside-down.
3. In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless except as a clerk in a tropical fish shop.
4. Mince pies cannot be eaten on Christmas Day.
5. In Scotland, if someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter.
6. In the UK, a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including a policeman's helmet.
7. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the King and the tail goes to the Queen.
8. It's illegal not to tell a tax official anything you don't want them to know but legal not to tell them information you don't mind them knowing.
9. It's illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in a suit of armour.
10. In the city of York it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the city walls but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.
And for our fruit loops abroad...
1. In Ohio it is illegal to get a fish drunk.
2. In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation.
3. In Bahrain, a male doctor can only examine the genitals of a woman in the reflection of a mirror.
4. In Switzerland a man cannot relieve himself standing up after 10pm.
5. In Alabama it's illegal to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle.
6. In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on a Sunday could be jailed.
7. In Vermont, women must get written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.
8. In Milan it's a legal requirement to smile at all times except at funerals or hospital visits.
9. In Japan, there is no age of consent.
10. In France, it's illegal to name a pig Napoleon.
Time well spent, I'm sure you'll agree
This is the actuality
Every Monday, I get up, go straight to Beautiful Baby Daughters room and get into her bed for 10 minutes where I kiss and cuddle her, then I go to The Beautiful Son's bedroom where I get into his bed and kiss and cuddle him for precisely 10 minutes, they actually time it to ensure neither of them gets a peko second more of my attention. I then knock on the door of the Bride of Darkness aka Eldest Beautiful Daughter and get a grunt in return from under the duvet, I would be happy to kiss and cuddle her to but I am more likely to get a belt in the mouth for my trouble, like me, she's not a morning person.
I then proceed downstairs to the kitchen, I put on my first load of laundry for the day, empty the dishwasher, make packed lunches, call the beautiful children at least 4 times to come and eat the feckin breakfast, dispense money, find lost kit, homework, school books etc etc.
I then return to my bed with the first of several large mugs of coffee, I watch channel 4 on the telly whilst eating my lightly toasted cinnamon and raisin bagel, occasionally I can persuade EBD to make me another coffee and I stay there contentedly till I've seen Will and Grace.
I then get up and empty the washing machine and put on yet another load of laundry. I sit at the pc and log on, I read my horoscopes, handbag.com forums and anything that catches my eye on the home page, I then go to blogger and read all my lovely regular round of blogs and then I think I should blog myself.
So it is now 11 am, I am still not showered or dressed, the washing is still not pegged out and I have achieved nothing of my plan but before you deride me for wasting my time, have a little look at what I've found out, today I give you something I found on the tiscali home page, it is a list of laws that have never been repealled, and I 've included the foreign ones so you can see that people really are nuts the world over.
Strange but True Laws
1. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.
2. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside-down.
3. In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless except as a clerk in a tropical fish shop.
4. Mince pies cannot be eaten on Christmas Day.
5. In Scotland, if someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter.
6. In the UK, a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including a policeman's helmet.
7. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the King and the tail goes to the Queen.
8. It's illegal not to tell a tax official anything you don't want them to know but legal not to tell them information you don't mind them knowing.
9. It's illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in a suit of armour.
10. In the city of York it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the city walls but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.
And for our fruit loops abroad...
1. In Ohio it is illegal to get a fish drunk.
2. In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation.
3. In Bahrain, a male doctor can only examine the genitals of a woman in the reflection of a mirror.
4. In Switzerland a man cannot relieve himself standing up after 10pm.
5. In Alabama it's illegal to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle.
6. In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on a Sunday could be jailed.
7. In Vermont, women must get written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.
8. In Milan it's a legal requirement to smile at all times except at funerals or hospital visits.
9. In Japan, there is no age of consent.
10. In France, it's illegal to name a pig Napoleon.
Time well spent, I'm sure you'll agree
Wednesday, 7 November 2007
I want to ride my bicycle
This is a word for word quote from November 4th s edition of The Sunday Times
Cyclist of the week
A hotel guest has been put on the sex offenders register after attempting intercourse with his bicycle. Two cleaners interrupted the man at a hotel in Ayr after they knocked on the door and heard no reply.
" The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to stimulate sex" Ayr sherrif court heard. He will be sentenced later this month after admitting a sexual breach of the peace.
Well, lordy, lordy it takes all sorts doesn't it ? What a shocking waste of tax payers money to prosecute him. I do feel slightly sorry for this man though, I personally wouldn't get my jollies with a bike but I do know grown men who get excited on buses. I kinda feel that if it's an inanimate object and it's in private then it's no bother to your auntie, whatever lights your candle.
Does the hotel have to take some kind of responsibility for this? I mean, why did they decide to call the police ? Hotels make shed loads of money from showing adult movies to lonely sales reps. I mean, if it's a rainy Tuesday night in Ayr and they're showing the Porn De France on pay per view, what do they expect?
Cyclist of the week
A hotel guest has been put on the sex offenders register after attempting intercourse with his bicycle. Two cleaners interrupted the man at a hotel in Ayr after they knocked on the door and heard no reply.
" The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to stimulate sex" Ayr sherrif court heard. He will be sentenced later this month after admitting a sexual breach of the peace.
Well, lordy, lordy it takes all sorts doesn't it ? What a shocking waste of tax payers money to prosecute him. I do feel slightly sorry for this man though, I personally wouldn't get my jollies with a bike but I do know grown men who get excited on buses. I kinda feel that if it's an inanimate object and it's in private then it's no bother to your auntie, whatever lights your candle.
Does the hotel have to take some kind of responsibility for this? I mean, why did they decide to call the police ? Hotels make shed loads of money from showing adult movies to lonely sales reps. I mean, if it's a rainy Tuesday night in Ayr and they're showing the Porn De France on pay per view, what do they expect?
Saturday, 3 November 2007
All you need to know
On Thursday, as I was teaching my trainee nursery nurses, I was giving them the statistics around just how much learning takes place in the child's early years. Which incidentally is a lot. Last night I came across this poem and I think it summed it up beautifully. The foreword was
All I needed to know about how to live and what to do and how to be wasn't learned in Graduate school but in Kindergarten
The Lessons of Kindergarten
Share everything
Play fair
Don't hit people
Put things back where you found them
Clean up your own mess
Don't take things that aren't yours
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody
Wash your hands before you eat
Flush
Warm cookies and milk are good for you
Live a balanced life - learn some, think some, and draw, paint, sing and dance, play and work some every day
Take a nap every afternoon
When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together
Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the styrofoam cup, the roots go down and the plant goes up, we are all like that
And remember the Dick and Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.
Robert Fulghum - All I really needed to know I learned in Kindergarten
So there you are, all you need to know about life, simple really isn't it ?
All I needed to know about how to live and what to do and how to be wasn't learned in Graduate school but in Kindergarten
The Lessons of Kindergarten
Share everything
Play fair
Don't hit people
Put things back where you found them
Clean up your own mess
Don't take things that aren't yours
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody
Wash your hands before you eat
Flush
Warm cookies and milk are good for you
Live a balanced life - learn some, think some, and draw, paint, sing and dance, play and work some every day
Take a nap every afternoon
When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together
Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the styrofoam cup, the roots go down and the plant goes up, we are all like that
And remember the Dick and Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.
Robert Fulghum - All I really needed to know I learned in Kindergarten
So there you are, all you need to know about life, simple really isn't it ?
Tuesday, 23 October 2007
Never again
It has taken me longer to recover from the Beautiful Baby Daughters birthday sleepover than it did to recover from the 4 glass Friday escapade of Jo's birthday !!
I met one of my students the day after and she was extremely puzzled as to why I looked so different - this is what a night of no sleep and 5 little girls intermittently fighting and crying does for you. Touche eclat and Beauty Flash Balm don't even make a feckin dent in it.
We had the full gamut of emotions, missing mummies, so and so doesn't like me, I want my own way itis, scary storytelling followed by a severe dose of the frights, 2 headaches needing calpol and a nose bleed !!! helped along by fizzy pop, truckloads of e numbers disguised as sweeties and a slight sprinkling of mischief as they weren't in their own houses.
Eldest Beautiful Daughter disappeared at the crack of sparrows in case she was asked to help in any way, shape or form, The Beautiful Son hightailed it to his mates to watch the Rugby Cup Final where he endeared himself to the parents by cheering on the Springboks (you can take the boy out of Scotland but you can't take Scotland out of the boy) and this left me...ALL ON MY OWN
Pre pubescent girls can be feral like creatures and this lot weren't too far off the spitting and snarling at each other. There's always 1 wee scone who is liked less than the others and there's nothing like a group of girls to find your achilles heel and put the boot in.
As a mummy who has already had birthday sleepovers for her other daughter I knew this would happen and I kept telling BBD that these sleepovers were better in the planning and the anticipation than in the actuality, that they would all fall out and somebody would want their mum and it really would be a disappointment. She was having none of it, her friends were different, they were all really nice to each other and way more mature the EBD s mates were at that age. As I've blogged before the BBD is always right, top barristers have to practice their debating skills with her, it's an integral part of their training. So the damn thing was arranged for the night of her birthday or Black Saturday as it's now known.
It really was hellish, and I'm an old hand at this and it was still hellish. I had to take 5 little girls out in their pyjamas and dressing gowns to collect TBS after the rugby as they were too scared to be left alone for 5 mins, I had to phone 3 separate mummies for permission for calpol, a reassuring chat with their daughter and to tell them of the fairly spectacular nose bleed repectively. 1 girl was sick and we had another who locked themselves in the loo. All this in between eating, drinking fizzy pop, singing very loudly to that feckin awful umberella song which has wedged itself into my addled brain. At no point was there much of the sleeping.
The next day when they's all gone home I asked BBD if she'd really enjoyed it and as she can never ever be wrong, she was very enthusiaistic about how it had been great. As I can be the bigger person, at no point did I let dab about the text she'd sent to The Beautiful Man which he then forwarded to me
Sleepover not going 2 well but i an co ping
I met one of my students the day after and she was extremely puzzled as to why I looked so different - this is what a night of no sleep and 5 little girls intermittently fighting and crying does for you. Touche eclat and Beauty Flash Balm don't even make a feckin dent in it.
We had the full gamut of emotions, missing mummies, so and so doesn't like me, I want my own way itis, scary storytelling followed by a severe dose of the frights, 2 headaches needing calpol and a nose bleed !!! helped along by fizzy pop, truckloads of e numbers disguised as sweeties and a slight sprinkling of mischief as they weren't in their own houses.
Eldest Beautiful Daughter disappeared at the crack of sparrows in case she was asked to help in any way, shape or form, The Beautiful Son hightailed it to his mates to watch the Rugby Cup Final where he endeared himself to the parents by cheering on the Springboks (you can take the boy out of Scotland but you can't take Scotland out of the boy) and this left me...ALL ON MY OWN
Pre pubescent girls can be feral like creatures and this lot weren't too far off the spitting and snarling at each other. There's always 1 wee scone who is liked less than the others and there's nothing like a group of girls to find your achilles heel and put the boot in.
As a mummy who has already had birthday sleepovers for her other daughter I knew this would happen and I kept telling BBD that these sleepovers were better in the planning and the anticipation than in the actuality, that they would all fall out and somebody would want their mum and it really would be a disappointment. She was having none of it, her friends were different, they were all really nice to each other and way more mature the EBD s mates were at that age. As I've blogged before the BBD is always right, top barristers have to practice their debating skills with her, it's an integral part of their training. So the damn thing was arranged for the night of her birthday or Black Saturday as it's now known.
It really was hellish, and I'm an old hand at this and it was still hellish. I had to take 5 little girls out in their pyjamas and dressing gowns to collect TBS after the rugby as they were too scared to be left alone for 5 mins, I had to phone 3 separate mummies for permission for calpol, a reassuring chat with their daughter and to tell them of the fairly spectacular nose bleed repectively. 1 girl was sick and we had another who locked themselves in the loo. All this in between eating, drinking fizzy pop, singing very loudly to that feckin awful umberella song which has wedged itself into my addled brain. At no point was there much of the sleeping.
The next day when they's all gone home I asked BBD if she'd really enjoyed it and as she can never ever be wrong, she was very enthusiaistic about how it had been great. As I can be the bigger person, at no point did I let dab about the text she'd sent to The Beautiful Man which he then forwarded to me
Sleepover not going 2 well but i an co ping
Sunday, 21 October 2007
Mo Chridhe
Yesterday was Beautiful Baby Daughters 11th birthday. As I held her in my arms for the first time I loved her so intently and with a tiny tinge of sadness, knowing that she was the last baby I would ever have.
She has grown into the most complex of my children, a creature of extremes - at times as wild as the heather mixed with the most gentle and tender of hearts. Sometimes seemingly so grown up but remaining as much of a baby as she ever was. I feel she is the most like me, both physically and emotionally. I see all my faults glaring back at me and this can make for fireworks between us but it in no way diminishes the deep and profound love I have for her.
She is incredibly enthusiastic about things and has the biggest heart. She is always telling people how much she loves them and will often write little love letters to us or give us certificates praising us for our good points. Her generosity of spirit is fabulous. She is definitely the most creative of us all and life with her in it is never boring.
I still sneak in and look at her when she is sleeping and as I see the glorious mop of titian curls slightly damp from the bath covering the still babyish curve of her cheek and the thumb remaining very firmly in her mouth, I can still see the baby in the cot.
I love her so very much and she is still now, and always will be, her mummys darling baby girl, and my heart, mo chridhe
Monday, 15 October 2007
Procrastination, thy name is Gwen
As I sit here, fiddling away at the computer and eating hobnobs (which incidentally aren't as nice as I thought) I know I really should be running. It's really cold outside though and I have to catch up on all my lovely bloggy friends weekends etc, etc.
I know I should be running, when I get out I do really enjoy it but it's just the getting out that's the problem, I am becoming shockingly lazy and consequently lardy. I am really content at the moment so I'm not off my food, I have started eating chocolate again, which I had given up for nearly 2 years. On Saturday I ate a whole portion of profiteroles, a whole portion, me who hasn't cleaned her plate in years - ask the Edge ( my best male matey boy) he only eats with me because he gets to eat all his pizza and then at least half of mine. I am just completely unmotivated to run.
I thought that being with The Beautiful Man would make me more inclined to exercise as he is very sporty and competes in triathalons. Himself is incredibly focused and trains as much as time allows him to and there's nothing like having to get your kit off for a man who has not 1 spare ounce of flesh on him to make the vain part of me want to stay in reasonable shape.
But still I procrastinate, I have a gym membership and like all normal people I never go. I was bought a little pink ipod for my birthday so I can be entertained, still can't be arsed. I have now bought good proper running shoes, they're not even dirty. I didn't run at all last week and as I sit here on the only day of the week that I don't have to officially go to work ( I am meant to be working from home, which really means sitting here in my jammies eating hobnobs and messing about on the computer) and I don't have to take care of any children I am still not out there running.
I started off with, I'll just check my emails till the washings done and I can peg it out, then I read my regular round of blogs, then the washing still wasn't done, so I did this and now the washing's finished so I have to peg it out and then go.
Glory be, there is a God, it's just starting to rain and everyone knows I wouldn't lace my trainers up if there's a spit of rain around, aw well back to the hobnobs.
I know I should be running, when I get out I do really enjoy it but it's just the getting out that's the problem, I am becoming shockingly lazy and consequently lardy. I am really content at the moment so I'm not off my food, I have started eating chocolate again, which I had given up for nearly 2 years. On Saturday I ate a whole portion of profiteroles, a whole portion, me who hasn't cleaned her plate in years - ask the Edge ( my best male matey boy) he only eats with me because he gets to eat all his pizza and then at least half of mine. I am just completely unmotivated to run.
I thought that being with The Beautiful Man would make me more inclined to exercise as he is very sporty and competes in triathalons. Himself is incredibly focused and trains as much as time allows him to and there's nothing like having to get your kit off for a man who has not 1 spare ounce of flesh on him to make the vain part of me want to stay in reasonable shape.
But still I procrastinate, I have a gym membership and like all normal people I never go. I was bought a little pink ipod for my birthday so I can be entertained, still can't be arsed. I have now bought good proper running shoes, they're not even dirty. I didn't run at all last week and as I sit here on the only day of the week that I don't have to officially go to work ( I am meant to be working from home, which really means sitting here in my jammies eating hobnobs and messing about on the computer) and I don't have to take care of any children I am still not out there running.
I started off with, I'll just check my emails till the washings done and I can peg it out, then I read my regular round of blogs, then the washing still wasn't done, so I did this and now the washing's finished so I have to peg it out and then go.
Glory be, there is a God, it's just starting to rain and everyone knows I wouldn't lace my trainers up if there's a spit of rain around, aw well back to the hobnobs.
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