Wednesday 26 December 2007

Happy Christmas

A very happy Christmas was had by all. I hope you had a good one too.
With lots of love from your auntiegwen and her emo kids.

Thursday 20 December 2007

I'm home

Drove home to The Mother Country today to stay with The Beautiful Parents. I do love my family, they're as mad as a box of frogs but I love them.

We had a very good journey home, the M6 was not a car park as is it's usual state. We had a very cheery Christmas CD on and there was minimal fighting, all good or as Eldest Beautiful Daughter says, it's all gravy.

The Beautiful Parents have excelled themselves on the spending money front once again, the lounge has been fully redecorated and furnished, just like last Christmas ! My gadget mad dad has invested in a nintendo ds, a wii and an all singing all dancing sky telly, phone and broadband package. Fully complemented by a very fancy new computer and wireless router (despite the fact they have no need of a router as they only have 1 computer) and I have tried to explain this but as I am extremely technophobic and they are pensioners with a penchant for gadgets they don't fully know how to operate, I just gave up.

Life is so good at home, awaiting my arrival was my choice of pornography, the GSPC ( this is a guide to houses for sale in Glasgow) I am an absolute property porn addict, a family size tin of roses and my beloved Empire Biscuits.
As my children have full access to all home technology comforts and then some ( plasma screen tellies and a full sky package, not to mention the brain training that has kept them quiet for the last hour) and a fridge full of crap that they love but don't get at home, I am asking myself...

Why don't I just stay ? Please Mum, this time I'll even keep my room tidy, and I'll always be in bed by 11, I promise !

Tuesday 18 December 2007

Spoke too feckin soon

I am so fed up and pissed off I am frightening people. You know that sign that says " I have pmt and a gun, any more questions ?" that pretty much sums up how I look at the moment.

Me and my big fat useless Scottish gob. I've brought it on myself. Remember that smug and happy tone of the last post ? Well, it's come back to bite me big time.

I have had to go back into work to do some cover.

My students have resubmitted their marked work for an upgrade therefore I have to remark.

My children are being truly and unbelievably horrible to each other and so so selfish, I am ashamed of them, where did I go wrong ? they were not brought up like that.

I have in no way, shape or form even made a dent in my xmas shopping. I had started but Amazon sent me the wrong stuff and now I have to go buy it and go to the post office to return the wrong stuff. I still have to do the big xmas food shop and that will have to be done on xmas eve and that just makes me want to cry.

I have no time between now and coming home to write and post cards so for the 2nd year running I am not sending any.

My long awaited night alone with himself so did not go to plan, it's fair to say that we both had a horrible weekend.

Christmas, you can keep it

Ho feckin ho

Friday 14 December 2007

Reasons to be cheerful part 1

I am now officially finished teaching for the Christmas Break

I am finished marking Glory Be To God

My Christmas tree is up and I have my Crabtree and Evelyn Noel Xmas candle, lamp oil and room spray in use, that smell means Xmas to me and mine

I am coming home to The Mother Country to see The Beautiful Parents

My Beautiful Children have taken a small break from the undercover work of Satan and have temporarily stopped trying to drive each other mental

I am going to see The Beautiful Man today

The Beautiful Man and I have no, I repeat, NO children to look after tonight and up until tea time tomorrow

The Beautiful Man and I will be in his house completely alone for the first time in 2 months

Again, The Beautiful Man and I will be completely alone tonight

My life is soooooooooooooooooo good

Wednesday 5 December 2007

Cynicism, thy name is Gwen

I've had a busy old week, what with work, weans and just general life really. And that's without mentioning the C word.

A few things have made me laugh this week, as follows

Seen written in dirt on the back of a transit van in Birmingham - " This van is called Mohammed"

Written in magnetic words on my kitchen door - " Teachers are pooey brown butt wipes " nice to be insulted in your own kitchen by your own offspring isn't it ?

and finally the pick of the bunch, taken from The Sunday Times

The Madness of King Alex

It has cost THOUSANDS of pounds and months of hard work, but at last Scotland's First Minister, Alex Salmond, has unveiled a new tourism slogan to replace the old "Best small country in the world" tag line.
The new catchphrase has been variously described as "stunning", "astonishing" and "showing what a modern, vibrant and successful country Scotland is". The slogan?
" Welcome to Scotland"

Well feck me, they obviously had the keenest minds and brightest talents on double time to produce that one, eh? How did they come up with that ? No wonder the English think we'll never manage without them in the glorious post Devolution Caledonia that has Salmon salivating.

Is it just me or does the Scottish "waste of tax payers feckin money" Parliament fiasco spring into anyone elses mind ?