Fifty - not out

Today I am fifty, I don't feel it at all,  in my head fifty is a lot older than me, which is clearly nonsense. It's been a strange birthday, I was looking forward to it, my 40th birthday was during the demise of my first marriage and it fairly put me off Barcelona I can tell you, a lot has changed in the decade and I was really hopeful that myself and my lovely new husband would enjoy our trip to India for my 50th
Sadly my lovely gadget mad dad, who some of you have been reading about for many years died on July 22nd. We have had a truly grim time over the last year or so and his end was in no way reflective of the man he was. As my mums dementia is so advanced I am the person who has to take care of it all. I didn't realise how grief and possibly guilt can make people behave in such a peculiar fashion and a dreadful time was made so much worse by this. At one point I thought I would never speak to my sister again and I am most definite that I will never be in the same room as my dads sister who was actually asked to leave the undertakers due to her behaviour. We ended up with a funeral that was  nothing like he was but his View always was when you're dead, you're dead and people were adamant on having their own way  and I just didn't have the fight in me.
Today I realised that neither of my parents would ever be able to wish me happy birthday again and I am sad. Of course I realise that I am 50 and lots of people lose their parents much before this and that I have a fabulous family of my own which just keeps growing and growing.
I think this holiday is a little hiatus after the shock and then the sorting out of the funeral but I know when I go back that I will have to clear their house which is choc full of things my dad thought of as treasures but in reality is just full of his personality and dreams. After that the house will be so.d to pay my mums £850 per week care home costs.

The last thing my dad ever said to me was that he loved me, we ended every conversation with those words, I am very happy we did. As always, deo gratias.

The 12 Days of Parents

I have wondered and wondered about posting stuff now about my mother as her dementia erodes her own self, I've been blogging a long time now and I always felt that is you were related to me it was fair game. Now I'm not so sure.
We had as reasonable a Christmas as we could have done under very trying circumstances, having lots of people fundamentally unsuited to being with other humans (me, mainly) and all being cooped up together don't make for peace and goodwill to either men nor aunties. Unfortunately as neither of my parents can now drive and my dad has COPD, it meant they spent a lot of time at home, with me, nae luck to anybody there. Himself worked all through the Christmas break. Eldest Beautiful Daughter had to fit in visits to her dad, brother, friends & boyfriends family. Beautiful Baby Daughter was around some but with coursework, boyfriend and mates. The girls were brilliant with their nana but she's not easy to be with for long periods of time.  I did try and get them out, my mum will walk for miles, she has slowed down ever such a lot but she still loves a walk but because of my dad's COPD we are limited as to how far we can go.
Eating out is a pleasure of the past as mum eats very little now and can't cope with any kind of flavour (food was a big issue this visit) I enjoy eating out with them so much less as mum removes her teeth ( she has a plate with her top 4 central teeth) to eat or now drink anything and them smiles at everyone, alarmingly showing them her fangs, so any reports of Dracula's granny sighted in Market Harborough were just of my mother. She gets hugely cross when asked to put her teeth back in, grabs her omnipresent handbag (more of which anon) and storms out to go home.
Shopping was good, she enjoys this and can still read the word sale, double win as she enjoys a bargain. Less happy was the fight she put up when my dad was trying to dissuade her from buying a purple teeny tiny mini skirt. Anything bright pink or bright purple will be a winner, double points if it's soft and warm. This year I bought her pink UGG slippers and a pink and purple striped fleecy jumper, she loved them, Lucy said it made her look like a marshmallow flump, to be fair it did but she was happy and that seems to be everyone's goal now.


Attired in fleecy pinks and purples, she is accompanied everywhere by a large brown PVC handbag, she has lots of really lovely handbags but this  (AWFUL fake Mulberry bought from the market in Turkey) seems to be her favourite, she meticulously takes everything out of it,  always has a purse which she will check for her money, her bank cards and her drivers license (which is a laminated photocopy as her psychiatrist wrote to the DVLA to remove her license), she will show you all of these things telling you she has them. Then will come her fan (think of Spanish holiday souvenir circa 1975, all back lace and dodgy flamenco dancers) I have no idea why she brought the fan in December, she is always freezing - even in the summer and her shoes most usually if she has slippers on or vice versa. If we lost anything over Christmas in invariably turned up in Nana's bag. The bag got checked constantly if she was unoccupied, everything out, shown to you and back in again. Tinky Winky eat your heart out.
She has taken to wearing every item of jewellery she possesses all together, we are talking at least 10 rings and maybe 6 or 7 bracelets, 2 necklaces and a watch, but she can't tell time any more. The sparklier  and more bling the better, such a change from how she was before. She also likes to tell you about her rings and you have to admire them. One of the few things she properly enjoyed over the break was Lucy painting her nails, bright purple of course. She would look and admire her fingernails and then you could admire both the nail varnish and the rings.


She was much better in the morning but by late afternoon she was falling asleep on the sofa, her agitation was much higher then too. If my dad wasn't by her side she wanted to find him, waiting for him outside the loo several times a day, one comedy moment was her going out to the garden where he was having a  peaceful ciggy and a fly mug of tea to say "She says I have to leave you for 5 minutes to have your smoke"
 Her ability to converse has gone now, she can't follow the thread of any conversation, calls everyone sweetheart to avid using names and has several stock phrases which came in handy for nana drinking bingo.  She also thinks that what is on TV is real and quite often about her. She need regular updates on what we are doing/planning to do/when she is going home/that she can't go home today as the plane is booked for Saturday and it is far too far to walk etc.
Now she has declined so far, she is unable to do anything for herself unaided or unprompted, she has to be told to eat the food on her plate or drink her drink, she in not capable of choosing her food/drinks but can feed herself although my dad is now starting to cut some things up for her. She can't manage to wash or dress herself, she screamed the place down when she had her hair washed (and we HAD to wash it) she was furious with us but 10 minutes later all dry and fleeced up she was happy again.


So I had a glimpse into the groundhog day that is my dad's life, she needs him there constantly, even if she was with me for a few hours, she works herself up into a right old state about getting back to him and she only seems content if he is there beside her.
I feel awful that I can't really relieve him of the burden of caring for her, he doesn't see it as a burden, just as his life now, pragmatic chap that he is. I am trying to encourage him to take the befriender offer and use a day centre but he knows she only wants him, I try and say tactfully that he needs to look after himself as if he goes under, neither my sister or I would be in a position to offer full time care to her.


This is such a sad, sad story that I expect is very common as dementia seems to affect so many people. And sadder still that my mother will only get worse.

A year of adventures

2015 is going to be a year of awfully big adventures for myself and my beloved husband. We have spent the last few years juggling being a parent with looking after elderly parents, some of it has been easy peasy, some of it not so much. I am currently day 10 of my parents 12 days of Christmas visit.  The husband and I have survived by sheer blind determination and quite a lot of gin.
To compensate ourselves for all this duty (which, quite frankly is boring beyond belief) we have decided that 2015 will be the year where we do interesting stuff.
We have some fancy pants trips lined up, all booked and sorted, all we need now is some clean knickers and a toothbrush each. Fortunately Santa took care of that. Roll on 2015

And when you thought it couldn't get worse...

Take your pick, let me know what you think is the worst, answers or shares of your own in the comments please


A - Someone who I  met a few years ago said in a cheery tone "the last girl who did your job was Scottish too" and when I reassured them that it was actually me they were quite disbelieving and said "Oh no, she was a little slim thing, you're at least twice her size"
I am now on the 5 - 2 diet, I started today, it's a 500 calorie day and I am quite tetchy, I expect I will have to go to bed early, in the interests of family harmony.


B - My parents are coming for Christmas, they are staying for 12 days. I don't like anyone if I have to spend 12 days in close proximity to them whilst having to be a cheery hostess. I am also having to miss my wedding anniversary trip up North to stay at the hotel we got married in and am missing spending New Year with my friend Lou in Edinburgh. No one should visit you for 12 days when you have to look after them.  NO ONE (in capitals for emphasis)


C - The Beautiful Son is working in Edinburgh on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day, he will be getting squillions of cash for it but he won't be with me, I shall miss him muchly. I am also sad that he will be waking up on Christmas morning on his own, unless he gets lucky on Christmas Eve. I expect there are some girls left in Edinburgh who he hasn't met yet.


D - My job that I luff is going as part of a restructure, I will be able to apply for one of the new jobs but they aren't my job, that I luff. Did I mention that I luff my job?


That's plenty isn't it, there's more but who needs to read my whiney whiney poor me's.

In my mother's mind

It's not been easy dealing with my mum having no short term memory, I'm not as patient or as kind as I would be with your mother and it's hard to keep positive as it is progressive and it's not going to get better. But genuinely, today I had my first proper laugh about the whole thing.

I was speaking to her on the phone and I asked what she's been up to. I was hugely surprised when she told me she'd taken the bus and gone to visit my sister. My dad who's been with her 24 hours a day for months and knows she's not been on a bus since about 1975 gently tells her she's mistaken. She then takes the arse with him and starts telling him all about her bus pass and that he's forgotten and maybe he should get his memory checked. She then told him to go jump in the Clyde.

Still, it's nice that she had a wee bus trip, even if it was imaginary. And as my dad says, she'll have forgotten she's cross with him by the time the kettle's boiled.

10 quirks my family has

I have lived in England for the last 11 years and I don't see my family often as it's a 700 mile round trip. Having spent the last week on holiday with my parents I am slightly more aware of their little quirks than usual. You know the things your family does and some of it is quite endearing, some of it is puzzling and some of it makes you reach for the gin. I wouldn't say it was stressful or anything but my jaw is beginning to unclench now.

My dad prefers to keep his holiday money in a cushion cover, that's as safe as houses for him.

My dad doesn't think the evening has ended until he's bought some more hooky dvd's. He was buying 10 a night, he has more films than blockbusters.

They both seem to be ambrosia to mosquito's, their anti mosquito protection going to bed routine takes quite some time. They have the plug in deterrents, they spray the room, they wipe stuff they buy from the chemist on any exposed skin, they wear full length pyjamas, they both sleep inside a net they bought in Ikea and they tuck themselves oh so carefully in and still they are bitten to death. I did nothing, not a thing and I wasn't bitten at all. This made my mother a tad tetchy.

My mother looked like a mafia widow most evenings, she has a tiny bite on her face which meant huge black sunglasses had to be put on when we went out. She said she was scared someone would think my dad had hit her. In my head, every evening went the refrain of "only the lonely" but her glasses weren't as nice as Roy's.

When I was in a bikini, they were in jeans and jumpers, my mum even had her tights on under the jeans, she does wear her sunhat though, as it was in the 80's, that is her concession to the temperature.

My mother can't speak to waiters at all, she would tell us what she wanted and when the waiter asked her for her order, she would look frantically at us and mouth what she wanted.

My mother never, ever enjoys what she gets in restaurants. No matter how good the food is, there is always something not quite right with it, if she enjoyed the fish, the potatoes were not right, too lumpy, too seasoned, too hot, too cold, too something. She would always leave most of her dinner uneaten and then we would have to have the conversation with the waiter, obviously she wouldn't complain about anything but she would make us explain that the food was lovely but she's just not a big eater, that's what she likes us to say. I just wanted to say sorry, she's a bit mental and fussy and she hates seasoning and any kind of taste in food at all, she only wants things to taste like porridge.

Silence is a big no no for them, they like to have conversation at all times, especially if you're trying to watch a film, most especially then.

They do insist upon telling you everything 3 times over, it's difficult to appear interested when it actually didn't really matter in the first place

As they are both tee total, they just don't understand why anyone would want to drink, at all. This means my holiday becomes much more sober. At a time where I need alcohol just so much more.

Things I'd rather not hear

BBD - auntieangela and I saw who you used to babysit for. She's a granny now. That's just grand, thanks for that

EBD - your son does tricks for smarties, I made him pretend to be a dog, he rolled over, gave paws, the lot. Cheers. I'm so proud.

M6 info board - long delays between J23 and J20 (they are feckin liars it was J24 and 18, bastards that they are, I concur most heartily with my friend Edge about the M6)


TBS - that wee light showing on your dashboard means there's an engine malfunction. Feckity feckity feck.

Mad Mother - Could you go on the computer and get me and Gadget Mad Dad a flight to Turkey? Fuckity fuckity fuck.

The Beautiful Parents

My parents live in what my EBD calls "the place where technology comes to die" I might have mentioned before that I have a gadget mad dad. My dad has a penchant for buying the very latest in technology, I have no complaints that's how I got my very posh Tom Tom but it is guaranteed to annoy the EBD. In their house my parents have...

A 50 inch TV with surround sound and the all singing all dancing every channel going Sky package in the 2nd lounge. In the main lounge they have the plasma one that hangs on the wall like a picture and ditto both the bedrooms.

An Xbox 360 and a Wii, not forgetting a Gameboy, a PSP and a Nintendo DS, my dad will always buy the new version so he can play his "Who wants to be a Millionaire" game on it.

There are 2 Ipod Nano's, an Ipod classic and at least 3 other MP3 players. Not forgetting 2 Ipod touches, my mother has yet to use hers.

There is a replaced every year computer and a laptop because I foolishly pointed out they didn't need the router they'd bought as they only had a main pc, so obviously they needed the laptop to go with the router.

An Iphone and another fancy Samsung touch screen phone which he bought for my mother. She has yet to take it out it's box as she still has £7 credit on her old phone and she wants to use it up first, that'll take her a decade or so. This is really ripping EBD's knitting as her phone is so old it doesn't even have a camera on it and it switches it's self off every hour or so when it's tired and needs a wee rest.

So you get the picture, their house is stuffed full of technology that they don't use to it's full potential. This pains my daughter muchly, she is so jealous of all the clicky finger gadgetry at their disposal that they don't use. Actually she is jealous of them being pensioners which she thinks would be a dream life, getting up and going to bed when you like, no work or studying and no one making derisory and smart arse comments when you want a wee afternoon nap.


Every year my parents spend 2 weeks in May at The Beautiful House in Turkey and every year I tell them to book flights online as it's cheaper. Last year we had the saga where I booked the flights for them online. This year as I'm with them I offer to book the flights on their computer while they're with me and I get a flat no, the last time was stressful enough and the company I used has since gone bust (way after they had flown home).

They will use a travel agent thank you very much, so I leave it and go back to my house and you know what's coming next, don't you? Cue my mother calling in a state of high agitation (my mum is getting extremely anxious as she gets older and me being a smart arse is a real trial for her) The travel agent can't get them on the Wednesday flight they want, can I?

Sure, I've now become God of all flights, I had left the flight details I found for them written down so they could tell the travel agent what they wanted and how much it cost online but she has to try and type in the site and find the same flights, I then spend an hour trying to talk my mother through the online booking process as I have no Internet access, so every screen has to be described and explained, we find flights, she's still agitated but by the time we get to the checkout someone else has bought the last 2 flights.

My mother just about explodes but has to leave as she has a dentist's appointment and she's trying to impress the new dentist (she has a new dentist because she got barred from her last one, yep, that's right Mrs Stresshead fell out with the hygienist over the hygienist's poor opinion of my mothers electric toothbrush which was, of course, a present from gadget mad dad and my mother refused to see the hygienist and this caused a bit of argy bargy so the dentists have asked her to leave) How can I have a mother who's been barred from a dentist? Who has ever been barred from a dentist? Ever, in the whole history of the world?

As soon as she's gone my dad rings and asks me to book the flights myself, I do, in 4 minutes and I send him the email confirmation. Of course their printer doesn't work, actually neither does mine, I know my mother will die unless she has those printed off tickets in her hand so I email EBD's boyfriend Hot Boy and he prints off a copy and posts to my mum, going for the belt and braces approach I ask the ex mr auntiegwen to do the same.

So by the time you read this my stress head of a mother will have 2 copies of her tickets and the next hurdle in this saga will be the inputting of the e border passport information, which will have to be saved for another day as I can't cope with her when she speaks in that tone only dogs can hear.

The Mother Country

Today I will drive 320 miles to go home. I love going back to The Mother Country not only because I get see my mother and of course gadget mad dad but because it will always be my home. Alba an Aigh.

I have the giddy delights of 3 teenagers squashed into my very small car and 1 of them will be hungover. 2 of them will bicker but with a bit of luck and plugged into their ipods, they will sleep.

But it will, as it always is, worth it.

All together now...

Well I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more.

Tis the season

Your auntie is very very cheerful and full of goodwill at the moment, suck it up please, it's unlikely that Pollyanna will prevail over the grumpy old woman and I'm sure the flying monkeys will be back shortly.

I love love love Christmas and as it's the 1st of December I feel I can let rip and go with the festive flow. I can scoff mince pies and fruit and nut toblerones to my hearts content, put Baileys in my coffee, light my Crabtree and Evelyn Noel candles (when I smell them I know it's Christmas) and get as excited as a 4 year old.

For the first time in 22 years I will be spending Christmas Day with my parents, my children and my sister and her family and I am so excited and also very grateful to my children's dad for his generosity in letting the children be with me.

So I will be in The Mother Country from the 23rd onwards, and my mammy will be minding me, and I don't have to be the Mummy, I get to be the child again, it really will be a fab Christmas.

Have a drink, you'll need it !

I had a very stressful 53 minutes on the phone with my mother today, she is cross with my Dad getting under her feet and this is officially day 4 of his retirement. The reason for the call is that my parents want to go and stay in my house in Turkey, they go for 2 weeks every May, no problem, except this time they want to go when I'll be going at the end of May, God alone knows why they would want to inflict my grumpy self and my grumpy weans on themselves when they could have the peace and quiet,it is beyond me. I say book your flights independently online, much cheaper.

They won't be able to do it themselves so I tell my mum I'll look around for flights for her and I'll sort it out, but she wants it doing now, so as we talk I go online and find flights going from Glasgow and I ask her if they're OK, she agrees so I start to book them, as I'm doing this she starts to get anxious. She's never booked flights before like this, she goes into the travel agent and they sort it all out for her, charge her a fortune for the privilege but that's what she's used to. She's worried about how she'll get her tickets because she won't be able to go into the travel agent to pick them up, she won't rest until she's got those tickets in her hand. I tell her it's a ticketless airline, that they'll email to confirm and you print it out and show the lady at check in. I try and reassure her I book my flights like this all the time and it's fine, they really do let you on the plane. She doesn't really trust me to do this, she thinks I'll do it wrong, she doesn't say so but I can feel it.

Now she's more worried, her voice has gone up an octave and I can feel the tension coming down the phone, I say I'll use my email address and I'll print it off and post it to her, she's still not happy, so whilst I'm still on the phone to her, I get the confirmation email and forward it to my dad. I was only there 2 weeks ago so he's not had time to delete his account or forget his password (I set him up a brand new email account every visit and he still manages not to get into yahoo) but he has surpassed himself and has an invalid password. Now my mum is yelling and she's panicking her pants off she won't be able to get on the plane.

Don't worry, says I, I'll open Mum up an email account and forward the confirmation to her, so I'm still on the phone and I open up my mum an email account and make her write down the email address and the password, at this point we had to have a wee wait as she wasn't wearing the right glasses and it took a while to find the reading glasses. Eventually, after a few false starts she gets into this brand new account and the stress levels are now at breaking point. I know she's thinking that it's easier to go into a travel agent but it's much more expensive too and most people can actually book things online, not my parents obviously, but most people.

My mother does nothing to the computer except dust it and my dad is enthusiastic about it but has no clue, as I've said before, he loves gadgets but he doesn't always fully understand how they work.

So I'm trying to explain to them how to print but there is no ink in the printer (get out ! why would that be straightforward ?) so my dad says he'll change the cartridge and ring me back.

40 minutes later my mum rings me, they have managed to print off 7 copies of their confirmation, yes that's right 7.

And she's worried because the confirmation has printed in black and white but the email confirmation had red on it, will that matter ???? I repress my inner smart arse (at some cost) from telling her that they won't let her on the plane unless it's the right colour because she will believe me and she might cry.

I know she will never let me book her flights again, she won't care how much extra it costs, the stress of doing it again might kill her.

My Mother says no

I've just got back from The Mother Country, as I keep telling NB I have to get back regularly to top up the accent. We met up and went for a pizza last week and he told me my voice was wrong ! When he reads me, in his head, I sound like a Surrey housewife, I ask you? A Surrey housewife ! would you give yourself peace !!!!

Anyhoo, I've been hame tae my mammies for a feed and a spoiling. The Beautiful Parents are very well and my gadget mad Dad is counting the days till he retires on April 16th. My dad has counted down since Easter last year and has masses of ideas of what he would want to do with his time. My parents have always said they would move when my dad retires and he would very much like to live in a traditional red sandstone tenement flat, so would I actually, the rooms are enormous and if you get one with a view of a park, it's just heaven.

My mother says no, she doesn't want neighbours above, below or sharing a wall with her.

My dad would adore a trip to Hong Kong and to travel around the far East, he loves the culture and the art and literature and is itching to explore there.

My mother says no, 4 hours is her maximum flying time and she has no notion to go anywhere so foreign.

My dad would like to get a dog, he fancies a wee westie, he always had one before he met my mother.

My mother says no, she doesn't want the responsibility of one.

My dad would like to buy a new car, the one they have is fairly old.

My mother says no, she likes it, she's used to the cd controls !!! and there's nothing wrong with it.

The strange thing about this is, if you met my mum bossy and assertive are the last things you would call her, she's so keen to please and would do anything for you. I am stunned that she's being so dogmatic about this. It was a very surreal visit, they usually just rub along together, he works and buys gadgets and she gently moans about it. I am certain that the thought of them being together 24 hours a day is preying on both their minds, I'm sure they're both trying to mark out territory and I'd lay money on my dad finding himself a part time job by October.

Musings from my Mammies

Well, I've crossed the border once again and am at home, at my mammies in The Mother Country.

All's well here, I've been visiting family and eating my body weight in Empire Biscuits, which, truth be told, I'm getting a wee bit sick of now.

The Beautiful Mother aka my mammie continues to try and over please at every turn. She waits on us hand and foot and has a fridge and cupboards full of all kinds of goodies. If she offers you something and you accept, she then tries to give you something else as well, a bit like " Would you like a biscuit with your coffee ?", "You would, lovely, well, could you go a wee Danish pastry with it as well ?" she offered me chips with my soup yesterday, I wondered if she was going to float them in my bowl ! If you enjoy something she immediately offers to make it again for you, " Oh I'm glad you enjoyed that darling, would you like another one ?" it's just as well I don't live here, I'd be twice the size.

My gadget mad dad continues to be gadget mad, he has bought another computer and to keep his Ipod Nano company, he had bought an Ipod touch, as you do !

I was shopping today in Buchanan Galleries with Eldest Beautiful Daughter and I met a fellow blogger for the first time, the lovely Laura, fellow Sharleen aficionado, it was brilliant to see you Laura, I was hoping you'd be at work and I hope the next time, we'll go for a wee refreshment to match our blether. I now know what you mean about John Lewis customers though. Just after that EBD and I were looking at clothes when this nice lady started chatting with us, this happens a lot in Glasgow, never where I now live in middle England, but at home people just chat with you. This was a nice lady and we chatted for a few minutes and she said " can I ask you something?" , " Sure" says us, " Do you know that Jesus loves you ?" says the wee lady, she them proceeds to tell us about Jesus before giving us a hug and a kiss each and sends us on our way.

I just love this kind of randomness, never happens anywhere else, just at home.

We then go into Boots and are approached by another lady who says " Excuse me, can I ask you something? " well, me and EBD are on the floor laughing and we fair confused the woman who wanted our opinion on what sunglasses suited her face best, so we spent 10 minutes helping her choose her sunglasses and off she went all happy. God I love this country.

Eldest Beautiful Daughter has gone off to Edinburgh to stay her friend and I'm off to eat at least 42 different offerings from my mammie.

It's soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo great to be home, even if it hasn't stopped feckin raining.

ps I can't take the credit for this bit of graffiti or even the photo. IT God assures me he drove (in his BMW) to a really dodgy area, risking life and limb to capture this for me. He also says he was asked by a passing policeman if everything was ok !

The Mother Country

I wish I could do something clever and blast you out a bit of prime Scottish music to signify that I am in The Mother Country. Had a really good journey today and when I crossed the border into Gretna Green the sun was shining, always so good to be home.

My gadget mad dad has bought yet another wide screen tv and this one is ENORMOUS, he has also bought a laminator( porqoui ?) but the most bizarre purchase of all is ( in the interests of fairness I don't know who is responsible, it could be either one of my mad parents) they have bought a mirrored toilet seat !

No, I had no idea that such things existed either, is there a site called badtaste.com or moremoneythanyouknowwhattodowith.com or spenditbeforeyougo.com. ?

I did ask why (after being fairly startled on a visit to the loo) and I was told it was chrome and was to match the other accessories. well, fair enough.

I am going to take a photo of this toilet seat and post it at a later date as I don't have a camera connection whojaflip with me at my mammy's.

Glasgow ex European city of culture, now home of the mirrored toilet seat, it's great to be home

Easter Joy

Oh yes, your auntie is happy again. I stopped work for the 2 week Easter holidays after work on Thursday. The nice thing about having so many teachers read your blog is that no one moans about the holidays the way that other people do.

I have only 2 x 2000 word assignments to mark for the nursery nurses. I have 7 x 50 mark questions to mark for the A level students and another 7 x 50 mark questions to internally moderate. Easy peasy.

The Beautiful Son has returned relatively undamaged from his rugby weekend, he played in a tournament and scored a try. He also saw the Tigers victory at The Millenium Stadium ( I am just about to check out how old Andy Goode is as I think he can replace Dimitri Szarzewski in my CSL )

The Beautiful Eldest Daughter is a mass of seething hormones and is best avoided at present but the omnipresent chocolate may help. I can but dream.

The Beautiful Baby Daughter is a mass of fizzing energy which was noticed more by me as it was just the 2 of us all weekend as the others were away. I am frankly exhausted, she never sits still, we shopped, played, danced, drew, make hama beads, Easter baskets and cards !! Before we had finidhed one thing she was asking what we were going to do next !!! I know why she has so much energy, it's because she has completely drained me of mine !

I am going home to The Mother Country this week. I like to take my children to The Beautiful Parents as it's the only time they get a home cooked meal. I also like to see what my gadget mad dad had been spending my inheritence on.

So if you're around Glasgow or Edinburgh this week and you fancy meeting up for coffee, lunch or just wine, let me know. If not I'll catch up with you in Blogland.

Half Term Happy

Posting on consecutive days ! It can only mean it's half term. Normally I would drive up and visit The Beautiful Parents but Eldest Beautiful Daughter has revision sessions for GCSE's so here we stay. I have no marking to do, just prep and obviously a mountain of housework but time to do it in, God is good.

Today was a really beautiful day and I went out and ran, no prevaricating or procrastination, just put my trainers on, ipod in and ran, I'm so pleased with myself.

I've just finished a fabulous book by Charlotte Moore called George and Sam. She's a journalist and this is a very poignant and in no way self pitying account of her day to day life as a parent of 3 boys, the 2 oldest having Autism. It's incredibly well written and as soon as I finished it, I immediately started it again, I thought it was that good.
I must, in the interests of fairness tell you that she writes for The Guardian (which is 1 of my irrational pet hates) but recently I have been teaching a Mental Health module as part of the A level and have found The Guardian to be a tremendoulsy useful resource. So maybe I will have to change my room 101 to take out The Guardian and it's readers.

I got a really nice text today from someone who I'd thought had forgotten me.

I am very happy.

I'm home

Drove home to The Mother Country today to stay with The Beautiful Parents. I do love my family, they're as mad as a box of frogs but I love them.

We had a very good journey home, the M6 was not a car park as is it's usual state. We had a very cheery Christmas CD on and there was minimal fighting, all good or as Eldest Beautiful Daughter says, it's all gravy.

The Beautiful Parents have excelled themselves on the spending money front once again, the lounge has been fully redecorated and furnished, just like last Christmas ! My gadget mad dad has invested in a nintendo ds, a wii and an all singing all dancing sky telly, phone and broadband package. Fully complemented by a very fancy new computer and wireless router (despite the fact they have no need of a router as they only have 1 computer) and I have tried to explain this but as I am extremely technophobic and they are pensioners with a penchant for gadgets they don't fully know how to operate, I just gave up.

Life is so good at home, awaiting my arrival was my choice of pornography, the GSPC ( this is a guide to houses for sale in Glasgow) I am an absolute property porn addict, a family size tin of roses and my beloved Empire Biscuits.
As my children have full access to all home technology comforts and then some ( plasma screen tellies and a full sky package, not to mention the brain training that has kept them quiet for the last hour) and a fridge full of crap that they love but don't get at home, I am asking myself...

Why don't I just stay ? Please Mum, this time I'll even keep my room tidy, and I'll always be in bed by 11, I promise !